I'm combining the final two parts.


Alfred J Correira wrote:

The Palace News station showed the footage of the enemy
android fragments raining down from the sky over and over
again. They ended the segment with a shot of the little
"ritual" that the government began holding each time she
returns from a mission: Prince Ruritan stands next to some
private citizen who "winds her up." Supposedly, this is
supposed to dramatize the link between Ifurita and the
people she is fighting for. She doesn't need power ups that
frequently: it's just another part of the Palace campaign
to paint her as the "people's weapon." She IS very
photogenic after all, so it didn't surprise me that the
Palace's public relations department decided to capitalize
on it.

True.

This same factory is also the selected manufacturing site
for the Ifurita model. They're going to make them look like
her, not like the standard Omegas.

Makes sense. Continuity for the people

We laid out the analysis for Hamadiah and Stellnor (who
appears now to be joined at the hip with Hamadiah). We
lobbied hard to have her brought to the Lab for a full
diagnosis on her nano-tech and to give us the opportunity
to install the rest of her monitoring circuitry. I couldn't
read Stellnor's face to see if we convinced him, but he did
agree to relay our recommendations to Prince Ruritan along
with our analysis.

That is odd. Something else must be going on.

The other project is code-named "Eye of God"; fortunately,
no one in the room laughed. The Prince was not exactly
forthcoming on any details for the project, but the
implication of why he had revealed even this much
information to us was very clear: we were being told that
we'd better find the problem with Ifurita and fix it
quickly or risk becoming a "prototype only" project.

Hmm

Personal Log, Day 1049: I was called in for a private
audience with Prince Ruritan today. Apparently, the little
"wind up" rituals over which he presides has given him the
idea to formalize the control arrangement with Ifurita. She
already has a lock switch in her Obedience circuitry that
is currently not active. He wants it activated and have
bio-scanners added to her staff to read data from whoever
holds the staff. Upon a successful match, an unlock code
will be sent to the lock switch circuitry, enabling that
person to issue her direct orders. The sensors will be
programmed with DNA data from specific residents in the
Palace and certain other trusted individuals. The Prince
will supply the data when I am ready for it.

Heh. Makes sense.

Personal Log, Day 1061: We arrived today at the island. We
were permitted a brief view of our destination from the
periscope monitor in the stateroom. I've never seen such a
dismal piece of real estate in my life. Gloomy and
mountainous, and there was a storm rumbling overhead as we
approached. One of the crew mentioned that this is typical
weather for this area and that we should get used to it. I
wish that he had not smiled so much as he said that.

Heh. Nice touch.

Andal cut right to the point: work on the Eye has
progressed to the point of construction: once construction
has begun, it will simply be impossible to hide the Eye
forever from the enemy (I was right -- it IS big). Our
primary task is to do whatever it takes to address
Ifurita's power problem, but within the constraints of her
new mission: she will be used to defend the Eye from attack
once the enemy discovers that it exists.

Hmm. Interesting that they are more concerned about the Eye, than Ifuritas

As I suspected, she already knows that something is wrong
with her technology. And she shows no interest in the
efforts we are making to resolve the issue. Her eyes are a
cipher: I can't read anything in them at all. If I had to
guess, I'd say she is acting as if failure on our part will
be a perfectly acceptable outcome to her. I can't help but
think back to her test days and the feeling that I had back
then that what she was being made to do horrified her. Is
her attitude a reflection of those feelings?

I'd say... yes.

I don't believe that they would have made this decision
unless they still don't fully trust that the Eye is going
to work, and they are hedging their bets again by
preserving as much of Ifurita offensive capabilities as
they can.

Which makes sense, though you'd think they'd want one or two extras, just in
case. She is quite devastating initially, after all.

This is a poor plan. They really ought to push ahead and
build the new model anyway. Even with the power function
problem, a sufficient number of Ifuritas can win this war

Just like I thought. :)

Personal Log, Day 1091: The enemy must have thrown
everything they could spare at us today, including a dozen
of their newest androids. The weather was awful and you
could hardly see any of the action except for flashes of
light that were not lightning and explosions that were not
thunder. I think that played in our favor, especially for
Ifurita. We lost a lot of aircraft but the other side lost
everything, including all their androids. And, this time,
she managed to keep her clothing intact (grin).

Heh

The Eye came through it all unscathed.

The Palace News did a special broadcast about it this
evening, although they had to use footage from her first
encounter with the new enemy androids due to the poor
visibility of today's battle. They described the engagement
as occurring over the "Forbidden Island"

Cute. I like the way you tie everything in to the future.

An interesting fact I learned at lunch today: the Eye has
an Obedience Circuit of its own: this one only responds to
biological imprints from the Royal Family. That doesn't
surprise me -- who else would the Royals trust with this
power?

Also helps against ursurpers. Actually, though, they also made it so no one
member of the family can use it. Two was the minumum. And I wonder how the
priestesses fit in.

Note:
A little side excursion from working on Alchemy; a
short story to try my hand at dialog.

Will keep that in mind:

Anniversary

~~~~~

It had been an entire year. Ten thousand years of
nothingness -- and then, reunion and happiness -- so much
happiness. One year ago, tomorrow. She had been aware of
the fast-approaching date for weeks and wondered what she
would do to make him understand what this date meant to
her, what HE meant to her. What would she give him? What do
you give to the man who had rescued you from seemingly
endless suffering not just once, but twice?

Sex. Lots and lots of sex. :)

~~~~~

It had been an entire year. Three years of anguish and
doubt, frustration and despair. And then, victory, reunion
and happiness -- so much happiness. One year ago, tomorrow.
He had been aware of the fast-approaching day for weeks and
wondered at what he would do to make her understand what
this date meant to him, what SHE meant to him. What would
he give her? What do you give to such an immensely old,
immensely powerful being?

Mutsumi: A Liddo-kun doll.

Ifurita stood before the mirror and examined her image
carefully. The long flowing robe and matching headdress
were the brightest white that she could find. They worked
well together to mask the paleness of her skin. And, with
her platinum locks tucked neatly out of sight under the
headdress, she did not look the part of a demon goddess,

She never looked much like a demon in any case. :)

"Ah," he said, stroking his chin again, "she is mortal and
he is a god. So of course, in the end, she dies and there
is an end to their adventures. It is sad, but it is the way
of these things."

Hhe. I think she might avoid that one.

After nudging the removed slippers under the chair with one
foot, she stood up, staff back in hand, and turned to face
him with a smile. He smiled as well as he rose from the
bed, crossed the distance between them, and embraced her.
He was careful to use the 'safe embrace' which, like their
other safe forms of physical contact, did not establish a
link. They had discovered long ago that there are charms as
well in simple physical contact and had perfected these
little physical gestures to accommodate. Ifurita, in her
turn, had done the same.

Heh, this things doesn't have that much dialogue.

In fact, even after all the time he had spent thinking
about it, Makoto still didn't know what he was looking for.
He had bought Ifurita any number of little presents over
the past year to commemorate one thing or another, and
sometimes just because. But Ifurita was almost totally
lacking in acquisitiveness and, although she genuinely
enjoyed the things he had presented to her, he couldn't say
that he had bought any of them because she had given any
indication that she wanted to possess them.

She might not. She doesn't think the same way people do. And perspective is
everything when it comes to desires.

as she slowly turned. He imagined it dropping down in loose
folds both in back and again in front as she completed her
turn. And then he was beside her, mimicing in his mind the
motion of his hand that he was still making there in the
shop. On the next upstroke, his hand continued up to her
neck and then outwards, catching the fabric of the gown in
two fingers and gently sliding it off her shoulder. His
other hand moved to her other shoulder and repeated the
motion. The gown slowly slid from view ...

Heh. Sounds like a winner

interested in this material?"

Makoto sighed slowly and opened his eyes. *A fine present
indeed. But for some other occasion.*

Maybe not, then

   Ifurita frowned slightly. "But the gift is FOR Makoto: are

you suggesting that I ask him what he wants and give him
that?"

Rune; Hell no. Then he would ask you waht you want, and that would be too
easy.If a man loves you, he should know what you want without you having to
tell him.

In truth, Ifurita had been so preoccupied with the question
of Makoto's gift that she had not considered at all the
Fujisawa's

Fujisawas' (I think)

"Well, for our first anniversary, I gave her a timepiece.
Perhaps you could do the same?"

Makoto knew the watch. He had seen Miz wear it on many
occasions, a lovely slim piece in gold and small,
glittering diamonds. She was very proud of it. Perhaps ...
then again, perhaps not. Ifurita had a built-in
chronometer, it kept better time than any timepiece on
El-Hazard, and it didn't need winding (although Ifurita
did, of course: he smiled at the little joke).

Heh. Cute.

"That's a

possibility," he said. "What did you give her for your
second anniversary?"

Fujisawa: A daughter.

Nanami paused for a long moment before speaking. "I can't
tell you what to give him. What you are trying to express
with this gift goes beyond my experiences as well. But you
two share a unique bond, and only you truly know what's in
his heart. So, my advice to you is to look into your
heart."

This sounds way too stilted for Nanami. I'd loosen the dialogue a bit

She could see something click behind Makoto's eyes. He
smiled and stroked the back of his head with his hand.
"Yes, it is. I guess it's pretty obvious since she isn't
here with me." He paused for a moment before continuing. "I
need some advice, Nanami. I want to give her an anniversary
gift. I've tried shopping on my own and I've asked for
advice as well. But nothing I've seen or heard yet sounds
right for her."

his voice sounds stilted to me as well

"I can't tell you what to give her, Makoto-chan. What you
are trying to express with this gift can only come from
you. The two of you share a unique bond, and only you truly
know what's in her heart. So, my advice to you is to look
into your heart."

Heh. at least the stock answer applies.

They were quiet for a while longer. Then, she stretched out
one hand to him. Their fingertips touched lightly, then
their fingers slid together and their hands locked. And he
understood.

Nice touch

They were quiet for a while longer. Then, he reached up to
her as her hand extended down to meet his. Their fingertips
touched lightly, then their fingers slid together and their
hands locked. In that instant their minds linked ... and
they understood. Each had wanted to give something special
to the other to symbolize the joy of this moment, of this
day. Of being in this place above all other places, of
being with this soul above all other souls. And each had
given the perfect gift.

Very nice touch, though it might have gone on a little bit too long for this
payoff. Not sure what you would trim though. The dialogue didn't flow great,
but it wasn't bad. You might have to loosen it up a bit. Say some of it out
loud and I think you'll see what I mean.

DB Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'