Jiraiya produced a pipe and began to stuff the bowl, raising his eyebrows at
her in a questioning glance. “You don’t mind, do you?” As she shook her
head, he continued speaking. “We’re here because this fool.” He indicated
Naruto, who was busily eating a bowl of ramen he’d requested. “Is in dire
need of a proper education.”

This doesn't read well, and I'm not a great grammar C&C'er. Particular the
line about Naruto eating the bowl of Ramen.  Just making a note to check the
flow of speech into your descriptions...



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'