On Saturday, July 17, 2004, at 10:29 AM, Skyrocket wrote:

Hey,

Well, it's been forever but here's the new chapter.
Any comments are welcome. As is the pointing out of
any grammar mistakes.

A nice piece of writing you got there =) . Erm one request - is it just 
me or is there no quotation marks in this ficcy ? ie when someones 
talking "some speech"  instead of some speech . When someones thinking 
'some thoughts' . Having a system to seperate thoughts , speechs and 
actions from prose related to describing the scene or expanding the 
plost would be a great helper to your reader . i.e.

"____" = talking
'____' = thinking
<____> = another effective way of denoting what someone is thinking

PS Oh hang on there are quotation  marks - there are 6 of them ! Also 
some punctation marks in various wouldn't go astray IE find and replace 
youve with you've

===============================
-  Hone Melgren , about to be shot for extreme verbosity
10.2.6 Graphite iMac 600
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