Title: Family Drift
Author: Rann Aridorn
Comments: Idea I had while trying to sleep, and wouldn't go away. x.x
So, here it is, written up quickly to get it out of my head and done so
I could go back to bed.
Lupin the 3rd strutted up to his longtime on-again, off-again
girlfriend, Fujiko, a large grin on his face. Flanking him were his
friends, Goemon and Jigen, both of them with somewhat less ecstatic
looks on their face.
"So, must've gotten tired of that last old fart you were milking for
his money, eh, Fujicakes?" Lupin crowed, baring his teeth in a wide grin
and waggling his eyebrows, leaning in closer to his beloved.
"More like he got tired of life," Fujiko answered blandly, putting her
hand on Lupin's face as he attempted to come in for a kiss.
"Killed another one with kindness, eh, Fujiko?" Jigen commented,
puffing on his cigarette.
"..." Fujiko glanced off to the side, attempting to look innocent. All
three men did a slight doubletake.
"... Holy shit, you actually did one in with pleasure?" Jigen took off
his fedora and rested it over his heart in mourning.
"But man, what a way to go," Lupin murmured, almost dreamily.
"Look, I've got a problem!" Fujiko snapped, glowering at all three.
"The old fart didn't leave you anything?" Jigen snorted.
"No, his will left me everything," the full-breasted seductress
muttered, though with little happiness.
"He has children or grandchildren that are contesting the will,
perhaps?" Goemon piped up.
"No, not that either!" Fujiko grumbled.
"Then what?" both of Lupin's companions chorused.
"Yeah, what's the problem, Fujiko-baby?" Lupin queried, scratching his
head.
"... Well..." Fujiko looked down, tapping her index fingertips
together. "... Before he went off to his big death, he sort of... had
his little death."
"Oh." Lupin blinked, obviously not quite understanding how this was a
problem, other than that some dirty old coot had had the pleasures of
his object of desire's body. Then, slowly, the little Zinigata inside
his head began to chase the little Lupin, both of them turning the wheel
they were inside, setting the machinery in motion, and revving it up to
high speed. "GUHWHAAAA?!" Lupin flung both arms up and to one side, jaw
dropping, eyes going wide.
"Am I to understand that you are with child, then?" Goemon asked,
narrowing his eyes as if contemplating the birthing of some supernatural
horror from the pits of Hell.
"Oh, Lupin, my love!" Fujiko opined, suddenly a damsel in distress. "Oh
please, won't you save me from dishonor by marrying me?!" ... "Lupin?"
... "Lupin, dammit!" Fujiko rose to her feet, stomping one delicate
heel, as the famous catburglar refused to move from his pose of shock.
"I believe what Lupin means to say is that the marriage will have
conditions," Goemon inserted, folding his arms over his chest.
"Yeah, like when your next kid comes out, there's a paternity test
right off, and if THAT one ain't Lupin's, he gets everything," Jigen
continued for his friend, lighting a new cigarette and tossing the old
one away.
"Oh, fine," grumbled Fujiko. "Let's go inside and we'll hammer out a
prenup." She turned and walked through the large glass doors that
flanked the deck they stood on, the gunman and the samurai following
along in a nice, orderly file.
Behind them, Lupin remained as still as a statue, not so much as
twitching as a cold wind gusted across him.
-------
Lupin the 4th sighed as he contemplated the many difficulties he faced
in life. For one thing, his name. He intended to take his girlfriend's
last name when he married, but he really had to pick a more sensible
first name than "Lupin". Luckily, his parents had always encouraged him
to take aliases, so he could just use one of those. Not really a problem
there.
Then, there was his brother... well, half brother, really. Lupin was
fully aware of the story of his elder brother's conception, and just
couldn't shake the suspicion that the old man his mother had loved to
death had been too aged to contribute a full set of chromosomes. His
brother simply wasn't very bright, and would make a mess of best man
duties. He'd probably be better off picking one of his father's friends,
even if they were criminals. Goemon would at least bring dignity to the
role.
He was also struggling to get his first book published. He had a wealth
of crime stories and tales of intrigue, gathered from at least four
sources of varying reliability. A bit from one, a bit from another, and
they made quite excellent mysteries, in bits and pieces if not in whole.
Still, he was quite sure it would all work out. But for now, he had a
challenge in his more immediate future. Taking a deep breath, he slid
open the door and stepped inside, moving to kneel across the table from
an older man.
"Kudou-san, I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage..."
-------
"C'mon, kiddo... listen up, and I'll tell you about the time that I
broke into Interpol itself and-"
Shinichi Kudou sighed, shaking his head and looking up at the
grey-haired old fellow in whose lap he sat. "Grampa Lupin, do I HAVE to
listen to any more of your stories? I always figure out how you did it
before you tell me..."
-End
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