----- Original Message -----
From: "Cute Neko Kaydee" <banksw@bellsouth.net>
To: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Sunday, July 04, 2004 4:01 AM
Subject: [FFML] The Big Choice

Enjoy the fic.^_^



-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: The Big Choice_revised_spellchecked(2).txt


Disclaimer : They're not mine.

The Big Choice

by

Cute Neko Kaydee


Ranma stood silently in the empty lot next door to the Tendo Dojo, if

anyone would show up.

We've gotten arieal views of the Tendo Dojo a couple of time and I don't
think there are any empty lots immedieatly adjacent to hosehold, though
there are supposed to be several nearby.

He had invited all those who felt or had decided they  had the right to

marry him.

He looked up and saw someone and said "Enter." in a frigid tone.

If its an empty lot, there aren't any boundaries so there's no reason for
Ranma to have to say "Enter." And if you're continuing a scentence beyond
the speech, its a comma in the quotation marks, not a full stop.

"Ranma..."

"Akane. Make yourself comfortable." he said indicating the lawn chairs

he

had set up.

Akane shrugged and sat in a lawn chair.

Ranma being rude to her without Akane giving some sort of reaction? Highly
unlikely.

Ranma watched as Akane sat in the lawn chair looking at him now. 'What

did

I ever see in

her?' he thought.

Ranma continued to wait. 'Man, they're late.'

As earlier noted, concerning the engagements the odds of any of the

fiancee

brigade being late is highly unusual, even considering their resteraunt

work

as both Mousse and Konatsu (depending on how late in series this is) can
cover for them.

Ranma glanced towards the street as he heard a "Ra-...Ran-chan".

Why the hesitation in greeting him? It needs explanation

'About time Ukyo.' he thought.

"Come on in and have a seat." said Ranma.

Ukyo walked onto the lot and blinked at all the lawn chairs and then sat

uncomfortably next to

Akane. 'I wonder what Ranma meant when he said he had "made the big

choice"?' thought

Ukyo as she watched Ranma.

Considering the main feature in Ranma's life, it would seem pretty

obvious.

Obvious enough for Ukyo to jump to conclusions anyway (all the fiancees

are

quite good at that)

"Nihao, Arien!" Shampoo called as she bounded onto the lot moments

behind

Ukyo. "You

choose me?!"

Ranma laughed. "Sit down Shan Pu, now!"

Further characterisation issues. Ranma has never found Shampoo constant
glomp and etc to be anything other than annoying or embarrasing. And for

the

Amazon's names, either use the English word (Shampoo, Mousse, Cologne) or
the pinyin (romanised Chinese), don't switch between the two without some
reason.

Shampoo blinked, and quickly sat in a lawn chair.

The three "true" fiancees were here, but Ranma would wait.

The girls sat there and Ukyo and Shan, getting somewhat bored, pulled

out

their pokeballs

and started a pokemon battle.

Okay, first big issue with this fic. This pokemon crossover comes

compltely

out of nowhere, does nothing to progress the story, is utterly pointless

and

drags through most of the rest of the fic, so why include it?

'Sheesh.' thought Ranma. 'Is fighting all they can do?'

That's rather rich coming from someone who will accept any challenge and
whose personal motto is, 'Saotome Ranma don't lose!'

"Wait a minute." he mumbled to himself. "Where the Heck did they get

Pokemon?"

Very good question. Care to try and take a stab at answering it?

Slowly other people showed up.

Genma and Soun were drunk and laughing. They expected an Akane choice

right  now.

Okay, that is in character for those two.

The Kunos were there too. Ukyo and Shan ignored them and concentrated on

their pokebattle.

Okay, Shampoo's name is sometimes given with Sham-chan as a diminutive
(frequently when in her cat form), but her name is never abbreviated to

just

Sham, or Shan, without some sort of suffix, uusually -chan, being

attached.

Some of the other guests were blink blinking at this. They wondered when

Ukyo and Shan had

become Pokemon Trainers.

Ranma had not spoken a word to anyone since Ukyo and Shan had started

their Pokemon

Battle. He looked over at them and saw Shan's Vulpix breathe out fire

attacks in the shape of

mini bonbari and Ukyo's Pikachu retaliated with an attack of mini

spatulas

made out of

electricity.

Again, this does absolutely nothing for the story, so why include this
scene.

The guests also began to wonder why Ranma appeared to be so calm when

they

all

knew that he could be causing allot of trouble with what he had to say

today. Ranma knew

there would be trouble, several people would be hurt and others were

going

to be confused.

'Man will they.' , he thought.

'Hmmm, I'm already confused. Where the Hell did Ukyo and Shan get

Pokemon?'

Stop asking that question if you're not going to answer it.

Ranma glanced around the lot one last time as he prepared to speak. "I

am

glad to see that all

who received my letter showed up. I would also like to thank you for

being

patient, civilized,

while you waited. Well except for Ukyo and Shan who are currently using

what should be

anime characters to battle each other. Where the hell did they get those

things?! Anyway as I

said in my letter I have made my big choice. And by that I mean that I

have decided to whom I

will formally propose to, after that I am no longer an eligible

bachelor.

This means that

anyone else who felt that they could claim me without my consent will be

beaten to within an

inch of life.

It's a well documented fact that Ranma has issues with hitting girls, even
in his female form and since most of the people being addressed would be
female, it would be highly unlikely for him to say something like that.

And

it still doesn't address others like Genma and Soun, who make no claim on
him, but still try and assert pressure.

I am not joking, I am not trying a new technique, this is real and this

is

final. And

... oh my god! Would you look at that!"

The reason for Ranma's last sentence was plain to see. Ukyo and Shan had

started their

pokemon to attacking each other and both of Ukyo's and Shan's shirts

were

now ripped

completely apart. Their 'assets' were now plainly visible.

This officially takes it out of the realms of pointless into silly, and

not

in a good way either.

Ryoga took one look and got a goofy
look on his face, made weird noises, and passed out with a nosebleed.

"Hey mate, what's all the ruckus?" said/asked a voice in a shadowy area.

Ranma looked

over and saw a blonde guy in jeans and a leather jacket.

"Hiya Spike." he said. "What are you doing here?"

Assuming from the way of talking this is supposed to be Spike from Buffy

the

Vampire Slayer and Angel, so even if he is hiding in shadows, how did he

get

there in the first place, since an empty lot wouldn't exactly provide a

lot

of cover and I'm sure everyone would have noticed someone running in with

a

jacket over his head. That's odd, even for Nerima.

"Oh I've got something important to tell you and ... hey are those

pokemon?" Spike said

pointing to the pokemon battle and Ukyo and Shan who were now wrestling

each other.

"Wow!" said Spike who drifted off toward the battle to watch the pokemon

and also Ukyo's and

Shan's naked breasts.

So why did he show up in the first place? If a character says they have
something important to say, make sure they get a chance to say it,

otherwise

it can't be that important.

The lot was utterly silent as all this went on and then Ranma stepped

towards the crowd. He

reached behind his back and pulled out a small black box. Finding his

beloved he bowed on

one knee and opened the box. He then poured cold water on his head. He

became Ranma-chan

for this.

"Will you marry me, Kaiou Michiru?"

Michiru looked startled. Then she blushed. And finally accepted.

And where exactly is Haruka, her lover as has been stated in an interview
Takeuchi Naoko-sensei? You do not break up cannon pairings in any series
without some sort of explanation, or at least an AU warning.

The women fiancees just stared at her, at the cute green-haired

violinist,

and then figured out

what they had done. Then all Hell broke loose. Literally. Spike had

gotten

distracted by Ukyo

and Shan and had forgotten to warn Ranma that the Hellmouth under Nerima

was about to

open.

Spike isn't that easily distracted, even by half naked females.

Everybody was shocked to see the demons. Well except for Ryoga who was

still

passed out , Ukyo and Shan who had went from wrestling to 'other

activities' and Spike who

was watching their 'activities' and grinning , staring , and drooling.

Okay, now we go into the realms of silly to just plain bad. The odds of

Ukyo

and Shampoo doing that in public while a Hellmouth is erupting around them
is less than infitesimal, even applying lemon logic. And Spike isn't so
lechorous that two women going at it would override his instincts for
self-preservation.


And this is hardly what could be called an appropriate end for a fic. It
doesn't even come across as a cliff hanger and more like the story being
abandoned halfway through.

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