*snip*

I am using a convention in which you do not designate a specific but

use

parentheses to indicate a synonym  or equivalent term. In this case I

am

hinting she went to a good place but not using the term Heaven or

Asgard

or equivalent.

Yes, but you're writing _dialogue_-- no one talks like that!  Much of

your dialogue is stilted and unnatural sounding, as well as OOC.  Try
reading what you write out loud, and ask yourself if these characters
would really talk that way.

I've seen a similar convention, using [brackets] instead of (parenthesis),
but never in narrative; only in news reports or interviews.


-Theryk


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