"Kasumi, Can you call yours sisters into the living room. I have an
important announcement to make to the three of you"

Standard opening line, bad punctuation...oy vey, haven't we seen this enough
already?

" Of course" Kasumi goes to Nabiki's room and wakes her up. "Nabiki meet
us in the living room, please. There is going to be an important
announcement. Kasumi leaves and goes to the dojo looking for Akane.

Missing period in the first sentence; missing quote mark before the second
'Kasumi'.

" Hmm I wonder who is going to make the announcement and what it is
about" wonders Nabiki. She gets up but is still not quite awake.

Missing period at the end of the first sentence, again.

In the dojo, Kasumi asks Akane to join Nabiki and her for the

announcement.

Wow, this is really exciting.

Kasumi looks at her and suddenly stands perfectly straight and faints.

Well, that was unexpected. (Yeah, right.)

Nabiki looks at Kasumi and over at the girl, then she looks at the wall
paintings and faints.

Not made of very stern stuff, is she?

Akane panics and starts to yell at Ranma and to grab her sisters at the
same time. Then she stops and looks at the girl and asks "MOM?"

Oh wonderful, now you're not only ripping off Bad Fanfic Cliches, you're
ripping off plot points from GOOD fanfics.

"Well that went better than I had feared but I did think Akane would
take it the shock better. I mean she died and I was able to fix her. So
I don't see why she would be so shocked that I could fix you. I mean I
heard her wish for this the other day, So I went and found your spirit
and used my Ki to restore you.

............................................................................
.............................

Authors note: this is a rough draft of an idea. Basically Ranma is doing
impossible things, for his friends and loved ones. Who are all shocked
and he can't understand why.

You're right in that this is a rough draft, and that it's an idea.

A very, very bad one.

And frankly, the very dry, ho-hum way you chose to write this short
piece...well...

It sucks horrendously and does absolutely nothing to inspire anyone to read
it, because there is absolutely no perk to the narrative. It reads like a
book report.

Written by a third grader.

Who hates school.

Given ten minutes, I could come up with a much, MUCH better treatment of
this exact same idea, that might actually fool people into thinking it'd be
worth reading.

Not that it would, because the idea itself is lame and senseless.

It is now 4:00 am Central time.

--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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