Apologies for replying so late. Life happens, I guess. ^^;
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> >To: "Kenji Murasaki"
<nexuspost@hotmail.com>,<ffml@anifics.com> >Subject: [FFML] Re:
[Lemon][Breath of Fire][Catch of the Day] >Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 12:30:50
-0400 >>>>Kenji Murasaki wrote: >>>>>The peninsula was a quiet affair.
Landmasses usually are, unless there's an earthquake going on.
Good thing I didn't film this in Cali or the like, then. ^^ >>>>Even worse,
that elemental menace, Saint Evans, could have placed >>them all in the
corner and bade them be silent. It was a disciplinary >>option not quite
beneath his morals. >>Heh. Sounds like a more forceful version of a
Geomancer
Heh >>meant a sullen and inactive Ryu Bateson. >>>>And it was a state he
desired the least. He and his non-nature >>companions were in something of
alimbo, not knowing where they could >>venture next. This, in turn, lead to
a spirited bickering on where they >>should next travel. However, each
participant was proved spirited >>as spirited as
Fixed.> >Everyone had their off days. >>>>Nina was watching Ryu have his,
notthat he knew she was there. And >>the black winged girl was fine with
that stalking realization. It made >>her feel slightly better to watch over
him, as he often did for her in >>times of trouble. >>>>Of course she'd much
rather comfort him in his face >>>'comfort him to his face' would be
better,IMO.
Noted, fixed. >>Well, perhaps the fish further out to sea knew a Jitterbug
step or two. >>>>Course mapped, he snapped his line out of the water and
further behind >>him, ready to perform his fly-fishing fling. The young
dragon clansman >>hurled the line forward-- >>>>And caught something.
Oops.>>>>>Ryu smiled, and then realized that his line was not in the
water,so >>it had to have been caught in the background flora and fauna.
Well, it wasn't much of a problem. The new rod and line were >>tested,
and strong enough to pull boulders. Why, a few jiggles >>Since this is a
lemon, I'm assuming there will be a few jiggles.
Quite so.> >>>Nina looked at the soggy dragonboy, and shook her head.
"Don'tworry >>about it much. I'm just surprised my dress held instead of
ripping." >>So am I. Some lemon. :) >
I blame my age. Been three years since I've done plotless smut. Need to
correct that in the future. ^_^ >>cliff whittled away the already quiet
affairs of the wind, and there were >>a surprising number of branches to be
had. >>Nice way of giving the elements characteristics. It adds a certain
style to >things.
Appreciated. It was a lot of fun to work with a personification theme.
I'llsee if it mends with any other ideas later. >>>>"My satchel and rod's
rod
Fixed. > > >>"Okay, I guess," Ryu sighed, relenting. "But won't it--"
Nina tooke >>took >
Fixed, and happy to say not quite as many grammar/usage errors as usual.
Must be getting better*knock on wood*> >"It wasn't any trouble, really!"
Shewaved her hands as if to ward off >>his suddenly somber expression.
Still, Ryu was unconvinced. "Why don't you go ahead and warm up by
thefire? I'll finish that line, and see what I can coup up >>coup up? Not
familiar with the term
Could count as dialect, same as whippin' up some grub, an' whatnot. Think I
will change it, htough. >>>>"Eh? You think I'm sad?" >>>>"Well, yes." The
mage motioned helplessly with her hands, summoning >>a spirit of
benevolence. "I mean, we won our bid against the church of >>Evans, >>
Church of
Fixed
"Nina," the dragonboy started. "Have you ever just wanted away? >>wanted
to go away (sounds better to me) >
I see your point, but I want to stick with the original. It's debatable; I
see the short version as giving a usually rough character a poetic voice.
>>"Didn't mean it like that. It's just..." He scratched his head,
uncertain. "Do you realize we have to kill a god?" >>Nina: Gods are made
for killing. Why do you think there's more than one of >them? >
Ryu: Because the sun was a tricky bulb to screw in place? >>her clothing's
cold, clamy >>clammy (I think)
Correct. Fixed.
His male brain was far too busy processing other details. Nina's back
was exposed, though it was evident she had some sort of leotard >>covering
the rest of her torso and abdomen, leaving her legs deliciously >>bare. Her
fine skin tone, much like the outside of an apricot fruit, >>Not a good
comparison. Bad for the mood you're trying to set. >
I have to think on it. It seemed that she would be semi-flushed at that
point from the weather, so I thought I could get away with it. That, and I
thought peach would have been a little too cliche. >>"It should be almost
dryby dusk, don't you think?" She asked, >>she
Fixed. >>>>"Just site here >>sir
I think we both meant 'sit'. ^^;
>>And she meant it. She would stick by him, even into certain death.
Themage owed him that much. She'd also be doing so without regret,
whichmade the weight easier to carry. Awkward, yes, since he did >>not
return her feelings, but easier all the same-- >>>>Wait, something was
happening that she should be paying attention to. >>>>Oh, lovely, he was
kissing her. >>Heh >>Nice fic. It worked well. Glad I finally got to it.
DBSommer > Makes me happy people enjoyed it. Thanks for the C&C. -
Kenji M.
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