Sorry for the odd format on this. Had to pull it from the archive:
% K'thardin wrote:
Let's see, whom do I owe C&C to...Chris Angel...he
probably thinks I forgot about
him, and I really REALLY need to pay him back for
the
kindness he showed me when I
was starting out, heh. Hmm...Angus McSpoon needs
some.
And of course, DB
Sommer...definately DB
% Yes. Always definitely C+C DB. :)
*looks at the title of this one.*
Oh, this cannot end well. ^_^
% Depends on how you define 'end well' ^_^
>
> Come on, you know someone had to do it.
I've actually got a doujinshi cover that has this
idea
on it.
% I find that easy to believe. It's an obvious idea.
> two. As in the tradition of much Japanese cinema,
there will be huge amounts
> of blood and gratuitous violence.]
The first Battle Royale was pretty good. The second
one...eh, it couldn't decide
what movie it wanted to be
% It wanted to be the 'Sucky Needless Sequal Made to Make Money Rather Than
Any Sense' type of movie.
> sat across from them, making the close circle of
friends an 'L' shape,
> rather than an actual circle.
Yeah, kinda hard to do a circle in a square shaped
bus,
all things considered.
% Yep. Thought it an amusing observation.
>
funny how Yukari-sensei
> suddenly mentioned we'd be going on this thing
today.
You think she'd have
> brought it up before."
>
> "She did seem unnaturally happy," Kagura added.
BWAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!! Oddly, this fits
Yukari's
personality. I could see
her actually doing something like this if she could
get
away with it.
% And here she does. Though it does stem from her misunderstanding how BR
works.
> "It's because she doesn't have to teach class,"
Tomo
explained.
>
> "And gets to wear a gas mask," Osaka added.
Ever notice how Osaka's observations are accurate,
but
something most people wouldn't
be able to consider? Or that what she pays attention
to,
most wouldn't? She'd make
a fantastic detective...she doesn't just think
outside
the box, she done lost her way
from that years ago.
% Heh .Yep. Another reason Blanno should do more of CSOsaka.
> Yukari felt her face with her hands. "Umm, it's
an...
inhaler. I'm having
> problems breathing. Asthma, don't you know."
You capture Yukari being a patholgical liar pretty
well
too.
% She lies when it suits her. It suits her frequently.
>
> Osaka scratched her head curiously. "Aren't
teachers
supposed to wear gas
> masks on field trips?"
..........oh this is gonna be bad. Done this before,
has
she? ^_^ Guess that
explains the transfer.
% It is foreshadowing, but given this is Osaka, it might not stand out too
badly.
> "Told you... it... was... beanssss." Tomo's eyes
closed and she slumped in
> her seat, unconscious.
I'd almost expect Osaka to state something about
getting
sleepy on these things too.
But then Osaka and sleepy are kinda like Penutbutter
and
Jelly. They tend to go
together. Perhaps something about it being a good
idea
to take a nap?
% Heh. It is a bit obligatory, though.
>
> The clamor of a hammer hitting an empty metal pot
rang
through the air. The
> noise roused the sleeping class, and they groggily
began to rise. Blinking
> the sleep from their eyes, they found themselves
no
longer riding on a bus,
While Tomo had to kick Osaka awake.
% Heh
> All eyes turned to the front of the classroom.
Yukari
stood there, beaming
> at them. Rather than the blouse, skirt, and gas
mask
she wore on the bus,
> she now wore combat fatigues and metal helmet.
There
was even an automatic
What sort of automatic? .45?
% .45. I didn't think it really needed the detail of what type of pistol,
though.
>
> Tomo said, "Wow, Yukari-sensei, you sure can cut
one."
*SNERK*
> "That was sleep gas, you little ingrate!" Yukari
snapped.
<Tomo> I'm sure that's what YOU call it.
% Heh.
> get you guys included this year. The powers that
be
didn't think you were
> appropriate. But after countless hours of closed
room
discussions, I
> convinced them you were the right class to be
represented this year."
She wouldn't shut up would she?
% You have no idea. :)
>
> "No need to thank me. I'd do anything for you
guys,"
she bragged. "I even
> requested your old classmate, Kaorin, join in the
fun."
You know, aside from probably Tomo who has even less
a
chance for continued
existence, the odds of Yukari surviving this are nil
to
zip. I can see several
coalitions of students getting together just for the
purpose of taking her out.
% But there are the army guys with the machineguns to keep the kiddies at
bay. Protecting Yukari from them is part of the job.
> "I thought you said we were going to Yasuroka
Island,
and we would get to be
> outside a lot," Chiyo babbled through her tears of
disbelief.
Well, she didn't lie about that one.
% Yep.
> Kagura leveled an accusatory finger at her "So
this is
why you included that
> question 'What weapon would you use to kill a
fellow
student?' on our
> history quiz last week, isn't it?"
Yukari couldn't even be bothered to do something
even
this simple?! DAMN!
% She always takes the easy way out whrn then opportunity presents itself.
> "It was the only question I got right," Osaka said
sadly.
NIIICCCEEE!!!
% Thanks.
> Yukari froze on the spot.
>
> "Geez, you really are lazy," Tomo said.
Heh, trust Tomo to point out the obvious. Often. And
to
everyone's everlasting
regret.
% Yep. She doesn't have the 'stop' button connecting her mouth to her brain.
She blurts out nearly everything that comes to mind.
>
> One of the soldiers spoke up. "Ma'am, there is no
other class. Your students
> are supposed to kill one another."
THAT would have been an interesting concept for a
future
Battle Royale story. Though
it would have been against what they were trying to
accomplish in the book. But for
experimental purposes, I could see them trying
something
like pitting two classes
against each other. Or even perhaps dropping two
seperate classes on the island with
the current BR rules and seeing what happens.
% Perhaps that will be the premise of the third movie. :)
> "You !#$% idiot, you didn't even know what you
were
volunteering us for!"
> Yomi shouted.
I'm going to be very surprised if Yukari makes it
out of
this alive. If one of the
students don't do it, I'm thinking one of the
soldiers
will.
% Heh. She does get taken out by a student inadvertantly.
>
> Yukari shot her a sly look. "Funny you of all
people
should say that. There
> was someone else that said the same thing. In
fact, he
resisted my wanting
> you in this class so much, that we had to make an
example out of him."
Oh dear God, you didn't...
% Of course I did. He was the obvious choice for the role.
> Kimura suddenly sat up, shouting, "No, you can
never
have Kaorin-chan!"
heheheeheheheh
% Ole Kimura is as persistant as ever.
>
> "Some people just can't take a hint." Yukari
tossed
the smoking firearm
> aside. "Now, before I was so rudely interrupted,
this
is the fate that will
> befal-"
>
> "K...Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms
began to
rise.
*collapses on the floor* Help...heh...help
me...bwahahah
% Don't worry. The end is near.
> Kaorin was across the room in an instant, grabbing
a
knife from a soldier's
> belt before he could react. She brought the blade
up
above Kimura and
> screeched out, "DIIIIIIIEEEE!" and began stabbing
the
blade into him
> repeatedly. Her hand was like a blur as it
descended
again and again,
help...can't breath....help...
% This whole scene was easy for me to visualize.
> After twenty seconds, Kaorin stopped, gasping for
air
and staring at the
> motionless remains with a wild-eyed glaze in her
eyes.
*pulls myself up into my chair...*
This was not an exageration, I really laughed that
hard.
Oh man, I haven't laughed
that hard since I was at tsunamichan and read the
one
about Chobits, Chi, and the
other hole. Thanks you. I needed that after the week
I've had.
% You're welcome. I certainly know the feeling. The last few weeks have been
an exhuasting hell for me that won't end until I get to go to Otakon. Can't
wait for it.
> Yukari was the first to recover. She slapped
Kaorin on
> "DIIIIIIIEEEE!" Kaorin shouted and began stabbing
the
motionless Kimura
> again.
.....pain...help....help....oh shit man...best part
of
the whole fic right here. ^_^
% Kaorin's Revenge. It had to happen at some point.
>
>
> "Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Those are explosive
collars, which I feel are a
> must for any class, and not just the ones that
participate in Battle
> Royale."
She would.
% So would I. You need to hang out in classrooms more often. :)
uniform. "This is the
> remote detonator. If any of you get out of line,
or
try to flee the island,
> I'll blow you up."
You should also mention something about if you try
to
take it off it'll blow up. It
might be a bit complicated, but if you can work it,
it'd
be something that Tomo would
try on another student just to see if it would
happen.
% I can see her doing it, but don't think I could work the scene in. It
would have been nice if I hadn't gone with Yukari taking them out.
>
> "You asked for it! Goodbye, you annoying brat."
Yukari
pointed the control
> at Tomo,
> and hit a button on the pad.
I'm kinda conflicted about this scene. On one hand,
Yukari likes to hear the sound
of her own voice sometimes. On the other hand, I can
also see her just smirking and
pressing the button too. I'm not really sure which
she
would do to any definite
degree, but I figured it might be worth noting.
% Loudly declaring it for the class' benefit is needed so they know what's
to come. She just uses short sentences with the rest of the soon to be
departed courtesy of her control.
> The collar of one of the male students on the
opposite
side of the room
> began to emit a slow beeping. A tiny red light
flashed
in synchronicity with
<Male Student> Awe fuck. Don't that just figure. I
finally get a cameo in this
story, and it's just to die!
% Nameless, as they all are. :)
>
> Yukari turned on her in anger. "Oh yeah? Try
this!"
She pointed the control
> at Tomo again and pushed a different button.
Is it wrong to want to go bang one's head in
frustration
when watching something so
macrabe?
% It's fun. Go ahead and do it. I do it from time to time.
>
> There was another explosion.
>
> [Nameless Male Student #8: Dead]
This just isn't right man. Fun, but not right. ^_^
% Yep. Lot's of fun things are not right, at least that's what experience
tells me.
window rather than
> suffer the same indignity the others had.
>
> [Nameless Female Student #17: Dead]
I could see one of them doing that. This is just
getting
ridiculous. ^_^
% and it's about to end.
> "Stop her before she kills them all herself!" one
of
the soldiers shouted.
And note just how not broken up she is about the
whole
thing.
% Nah. This is not an angstfest by any stretch of the imagination.
> The soldiers gang tackled Yukari, wresting the
control
away from her before
> she could hit another button.
If it's not one of the students that takes her out
it's
gotta be one of them, I'm
tellin' ya.
% Tomo will get credit for the kill.
is alive, I blow all
> the survivors up, so you'll have to work fast. I'm
going to start calling
Hell, this classes time is measured in minutes
rather
than days.
% Heh. Just about.
> A soldier spoke up. "That isn't one of the
rules."
>
> Yukari explained, "It is now. I might want to go
out
for a walk later, and I
> don't want to trip over a bunch of corpses."
How does she plan to enforce it though?
% Yukari: I'll blow you up if you do.
% Tomo: But then are dead bodies would be there anyway.
% Yukari: Shoot.
>
> Kagura went up to Sakaki. "Well, we don't have any
choice, so I guess we'll
> have to participate. Since you and me are clearly
the
best, and evenly
> matched, we'll make it a contest between us. We'll
kill everyone else until
> it's just us two, and the one who has the highest
body
count gets to kill
> the other."
Did she really think that was going to work?
Besides,
unless they're together, how
did she expect to prove either one got the highest
body
count?
And why am I asking these questions? This is the
Azumanga Daioh cast! ^_^
% Yeah. Kagura was the hardest to do in this. This was the only thing I
could come up with that was trademark her in playing up her 'rivalry' with
Sakaki.
>
> "Nah, it'll be fun and keep things interesting.
'Sides, I want to prove once
> and for all I'm better than you. Good luck."
Kagura's
name was called. She
> slapped Sakaki on the back and headed off to grab
her
pack.
Shit, she might as well have said, "One shall stand,
one
shall fall." right there.
% True.
>
> "Team up?" Yomi's voice was distant, as though she
wasn't really there.
They just gave her license to kill Tomo. Tomo needs
to
start running. Now. If she
starts now she MIGHT get away...oh who am I kidding.
^_^
% This was one of the first things that had to pop into people's heads when
reading the fusion idea.
>
> "Pretend to buddy up and then stab them in the
back.
Sounds good to me, my
> best buddy in the whole world." Yomi gave Tomo a
smile, one so large it
While I saw this coming from a mile away, the
execution
is still well worth the
reading. ^_^
% Thanks. That was the only hope to carry the joke until the end.
> Tomo felt uneasy under that gaze. "Umm, Yomi, are
you
all right? You look a
> little... tense."
The bad thing is, Tomo would really be wondering
what
she did to Yomi to deserve
this, you know.
% Of course. Tomo can justify anything she does, like Yukari can. The two
are peas in a pod. So are Nyamo and Yomi, mostly because of their
relationships to Yukari and Tomo respectively.
>
> "It's what friends call each other, right,
Tomo-chan?"
Impossibly, her smile
> widened.
Her eyes should start glowing too.
% Nah. 'Shiny glasses' are a standard psychotic look for anyone wearing
glasses.
"Tomo-chan, my best
> buddy in the whole world, wait for me so we can
'team
up'. I'll introduce
> you to my new friend, Mr. Spiky Bat. He's been
wanting
to meet you for a
> real long time. I think you're going to become
real
close."
*wipes a tear from my eye* T'was beautiful man. ^_^
% thanks. Glad it met with your approval.
> Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> stopped just in time and regarded them warily.
They
were staring eagerly at
> her. One of them was armed with a wicked-looking
knife, while the other bore
> a stun gun. Both appeared eager to use their toys.
A stun gun? How are you going to kill someone with a
stun gun? Lame!
% Nameless Boy 22: I like doing things with the stunned bodies before
breaking their necks. Every see 'The Gimp' scene in Pulp Fiction?
^_^
> The one with the knife spoke to his partner. "Hey,
it's Tomo."
>
> "Good. I've always wanted to kill her," The second
said.
She's going to get that a lot before this is over,
isn't
she?
% A running gag. Yep.
>
> The one with the stun-gun asked, "Will you have
sex
with us?"
>
> "Please, do I look that desperate to you?" Tomo
scoffed.
....yup, that was certainly a typical Tomo response.
% Yep.
> "Right. You're dead for that one," the boy with
the
knife swore.
That doesn't quit jive with the flow of the
narrative
I'm thinking. That sounds too
thuggish or villainish. Not Azumangaish if that
makes
any sense. It'd be more like:
"Oh. Killing you it is then," the boy with the knife
noted in the same manner one
notes they need to do the laundry or take the trash
out.
% You're probably right. upon reflection I don't like the original line
either.
> The pair only took a single step toward Tomo when
a
roar came from the path
> she had just fled down. Yomi leapt above Tomo,
like a
pouncing hunting cat,
> Mr. Spiky Bat drawn back. "No! You can't kill
her!"
There's only one reason that Yomi would save her...
% Yep.
Yup, bout what I figured. ^_^
On a side note, we were discussing Yomi one day on
one
of the chat channels I
frequent. Given her overall build, it was thought
that
Yomi, unless she had internal
problems, was quite well designed for having
children,
and would likely be very
fertile. However, with Tomo hanging on her all the
time,
the odds of her actually
getting into a position whereby she would risk
putting
that to the test were close to
nonexistent. Good thing Yomi is going to a different
college than Tomo...otherwise
she would wind up going postal due to frustration,
heh.
% probably.
> wasn't the best, but she had never been as
terrified
as this in her life
> either. Except for the time in Yukari's car. Her
little legs felt like lead
Course, in comparison to that, this was NOTHING!
Which
is what allowed her to
actually continue rather than freezing in fear once
outside the school grounds, heh.
% Yeah. It has sort of desensitized her.
> Chiyo gave a terrified squeal and ran away from
the
tree, turning to see who
> had spoken. She saw it was one of the guys in
class.
She didn't know his
> name. It was hard to remember the names of anyone
other than her friends.
There are other people in that class? They actually
have
a male gender in that world
who is not Kimura? ^_^
% Yep. One or two guys are given names in the early parts. They disappear
just as early as well.
> Next to him was a girl whom Chiyo identified as
his
girlfriend. At least she
> assumed the girl was. They had exchanged spit
frequently enough.
Wow! And there are girls who actually have
boyfriends in
that school? Shocking!
% The concept of males and females in relationships exist. Kimura is
married, for instance. :)
> The boy took a half step back, then laughed at
the way
the gun quivered in
> Chiyo's hands. She'd be lucky to hit the broadside
of
a barn at ten feet
> with the way it was shaking.
*sigh* Everyone always underestimates the little
ones.
And then when you least
expect it...boom...you're dead.
% Yep.
> "Weapon upgrade," the girl said.
>
> Chiyo looked at him in wide-eyed wonderment. She
lowered the gun, pointing
> the barrel toward the ground. "You will?"
>
> "Sure," he said smoothly and reached out with his
hand.
He has no idea how dead he really is right now, does
he?
% He'll find out in a second.
> Suddenly Chiyo brought the gun back up, held it
steady
in front of her, and
> pulled the trigger. The recoil was so great it
sent
the tiny girl flying ten
> feet backward. She squealed in fright as she
landed
with a hard thud on her
> bottom.
I'd love to see this animated, heh.
% So would I. This was another part easy to visualize since Chiyo goes
flying several times in the series.
>
> The girl's eyes filled with tears. Enraged, she
turned
to Chiyo. "You little
> bitch!" she screeched, intent on bashing Chiyo's
brains out. At least until
> the Magnum was pointed in her direction.
Typical Darwin award winners. I swear. ^_^
% well, she is emotional with what Chiyo did to her man.
> Chiyo yelped as she once again went flying
through the
air and landed hard
> on her bottom. She rested on her sore posterior
for a
few moments, rubbing
> it gingerly. It was a lucky thing for her her
father
had insisted she learn
> how to shoot a gun for self-defense. Chiyo had
always
thought he was being
Her father's name isn't Hero Yui is it? ^_-
% No. That would be Selena Peacecraft. Heero would expect her not to just
win it with the highest body count, but would time her on how long it took.
^_^
that as the weapon she
> would use to kill someone. Not that she had
believed
she would actually end
Makes sense. Though perhaps she should have tried
for a
9mm? Something with a
little less kick for such a tiny frame?
% Nah. That would dull the concept of Chiyo trying to make like Dirty Harry.
:)
>
> Chiyo dusted off some of the dirt on her skirt and
continued walking around,
> a confidence now added to her gait.
Just the way she casually accepts it gives me
chills.
^_^
% Like I said, no angst here. It would bog down the parody.
>
> The soldier, a veteran of three previous Battle
Royales, wasn't surprised by
> the reaction. Two of the former teachers also had
shed
a few tears over some
> of the fallen, once the full gravity of the
situation
hit them. One of them
> had even killed herself in guilt. He wondered if
Yukari would do the same.
Nah, she's nothing if not completely unsympathetic
to
any cause other than her own.
% True
> "No! With all of them dead, I'm going to have to
learn
a whole new seating
> plan!" Yukari buried her head in her hands and
sobbed
into the desk once
> again.
BWAHAHAHAHAAH!!! Yup, figured on that one. ^_^
% As I said before, she mentions the seating chart thing in their second
year.
> Xxxxxxxx
a pistol and even a
> sub-machinegun. Sakaki was left to defend herself
with
the very item she had
> mentioned on the test.
Sakaki has the most awesome poker face, I must
admit.
% True,
> "Right, so let's finish her off fast, then find
some
others to kill. I'm
> hoping for Tomo, myself. I wouldn't feel guilty
about
killing her."
>
> "No one would feel guilty about that."
I almost feel sorry for Tomo. She really has no idea
how
badly she's bringing this
on herself.
% I note you qualify that with an 'almost' :)
> "Let's do it!" the ringleader shouted.
>
> "Noooo!" Came a cry from above. The ringleader
looked
up to see a small
> figure dart out from its place on a lower branch
of a
nearby tree. He saw a
> flash of pink, identifying it as a girl's school
uniform.
Attack of the psychotic stalker lesbian!
% Yep. Kaorin saves the day.
> Then his eyes exploded as a sledgehammer caved in
his
skull.
Though I do wonder about her choice of weapon. Is
that
really a Kaorin weapon?
% Probably not, but it's a fun to use the contrast and how quick she
finished the group off.
>
> [Nameless Male Student #7: Dead.]
The girl works quick. O_o
% Yep. PArt of the joke.
> five seconds she had more of Sakaki's
attention than
in their entire year
> together in the same class. Now she could die
happy,
her life complete.
Ah, there she goes. I'm reminded of the sports
festival
ep of the anime.
% Yep. Although it doesn't end the same way that one does. :)
>
> Sakaki stopped tying the cloth. "Kill everyone?"
And the bad thing is, with her monotone voice, it'd
be
near impossible to hear a
warning in her voice, heh.
% True. The VA was very monotone thoughout. I think she also did Madoka from
KOR.
> that for you. I've always lovURK!" she gurgled,
as a
sickle embedded itself
> in her back.
Too bad Kaorin never thought to find out if A:
Sakaki
was into girls, and B: If
Sakaki would have appreciated the offer she was now
making. Ah well.
% Yep. Part of the irony.
> "Wh... Why, Chiyo?" Kaorin gasped.
>
> "She's too cute to die."
For some reason this seems a bit too talkitive for
Sakaki. Also, while she mentions
it a bit in the anime, in the manga her references
to
cute things are nonexistent as
in stating they are cute. It's more her reaction to
them
that gives one the clues
that she has something of a cute obsession.
% It is, but I figured Kaorin had the right to know why, and so that she
could curse Sakaki before checking out. :)
of all the Battle
> Royale participants, all save Chiyo. Kaorin had a
good
idea; it just needed
> the cast altered slightly. It would be Sakaki
acting
as protector for Chiyo.
And if either of them had thought of it, Kaorin
could
have easily been pursuaded to
help Sakaki in this endevor. Then at the last, both
could have commited a lover's
suiicide. It would have appealed to Kaorin, I'm
sure.
Sakaki's not that devious
though, and Karoin would have never thought of it.
% Yep, they aren't that devious. It also makes Chiyo's thought about
kneecapping Sakaki all the more ironic.
> And when it was down to the two of them, Sakaki
would
kill herself, thus
> ensuring Chiyo got out alive. Of all the people in
the
class, she was the
> one that deserved to live the most.
With the shear number of misunderstandings and
psychotic
classmates, I'm taking bets
no one is getting out of this one alive.
Cept Osaka. She's got a strange karma about her.
% Yep. One of the reasons why there are two different endings is because he
winning this is kind of predictible.
> Now it came time to hunt down the others. As much
as
Sakaki didn't want to
> kill anyone, she resigned herself to the idea that
it
had to be this way to
> protect Chiyo. Although ideally Sakaki hoped she'd
run
into Tomo first.
> She'd feel the least amount of guilt at killing
her.
What gets me is just how calmly and rationally
everyone
is taking this. For some
reason I can see a lot of this being in character.
Aside
from the crack they all
must be smoking, these girls are nuts, heh.
% Yep. But fun nuts.
>
> [Nameless Female Student #3: Dead.]
And who says Chiyo is above being petty? But then,
she's
never had this kind of
power before either.
> "Wow! This is actually kind of fun!" Payback was a
bitch, and so was she.
Now anyway. ^_^
%Yep. It's about to change, though.
> Being naughty felt pretty darn good. She wondered
if
she could find Tomo. Of
> all the people in class that had mocked her for
her
height, she deserved to
<Elmer Fudd> It's Tomo season!
huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuu
% Hehe. yeah. Pretty much.
> "Oh, hey, Chiyo-chan," Osaka said
dreamily.
I almost pegged her as one that would have fallen
asleep
somewhere, woken up, and
everyone else would have been dead.
% Heh. That is conceivable as well.
> "Good-bye," Chiyo said, and pulled the trigger.
>
> The gun simply clicked.
I saw that one coming. Still pretty funny though.
^_^
% yeah, but as to *why* the gun is empty was hopefully humorous.
> "Ah! I know I only fired four rounds!" Chiyo
popped
open the cylinder and
> looked at the chambers.
>
> Two of them were empty.
She forgot to check how much ammo she had? That's
one of
the first things you check!
It's basic firearm safety! Poor girl is slippin',
heh.
% Given the conditions, I think its forgiveable.
And then they're coming for you, Yukari.
> "Um, isn't betting on which of yours students is
going
to die next kind of
> sick?" one of the soldiers asked.
Actually they did this in the Battle Royale novel.
% I see. I guess it is a pretty obvious idea to come up with.
> Yukari looked upon the soldier in contempt. "You
sir,
have obviously never
> been a high-school teacher. Trust me, after five
years
of it, you'll come to
> the realization that all teenagers need to die.
Now
place your bets!"
Shit, I was a student an I thought that. Come to
think
of it, I don't know of too
many people now adays who have any good things to
say
about the place where they
received their education. Sad reflection of our
society.
% more like sad reflection of how screwed up teenagers are. Luckily, some
tend to get better with the passage of time and the emergence into
twentyhood. :)
shoot me. That is the
> objective of the lesson, after all. And they'll
kill
us if we don't kill
> each other. So feel free to shoot me."
Osaka is the one who told the story about being a
serial
killer at the Beach House.
Chiyo should probably be very afraid at this point.
Especially with the logic she
had just been presented with.
% I forgot that. That's what happens when you watch something once a year
ago. I'm startting to slowly rewatch it, though.
>
> "Of course I am. Goodbye, Chiyo-chan." Osaka
brought
her hands forward, and
> held the weapon Yukari had given her high. Using
all
of her might, she
> brought it down hard right on top of Chiyo's
skull.
Heh, Osaka's world view is OUT there. I can
certainly
see how, in the appropriate
circumstances she could love you to death, but would
gladly kill you and not feel too
terribly bad about it...or even think twice about
the
necessity.
% Osaka is... unique. Which is why she's so fun. :)
> Osaka reexamined the item that had been in her
backpack. "Darn. I guess a
> paper fan isn't a good weapon to kill a student
with,
like I thought it
> would."
*SNERK*
% I thought it Osakalike. She is a unique girl. I think I mentioned that
before.
> Osaka struck Chiyo in the head again, eliciting
another yelp. Osaka sighed.
> "Hold still, this might take a while."
You are a bad bad man, Mr. Sommer. ^_^ Good job!
% Yes, I am. And thank you.
>
> "Evidently there's a low
yield thermonuclear bomb
missing from our
> inventory. The base commander can't seem to find
it
anywhere."
Slight correction. Thermonuclear would indicate a
hydrogen fusion type if I'm not
mistaken. Extremely large explosion. What you're
wanting
is a Tactical (TAC)
Nuke...again if I'm not mistaken.
% Adrian Tymes already addressed that.
<snippage!>
> "Of course I did. I put it in one of the backpacks
myself. That's why I told
> you not to worry about it. Now you know where it
is."
>
> "What?!" the colonel bellowed. "How could you take
one
of those?!"
Yeah, I'm kinda wondering about that one myself,
heh.
% It's an AD/BR fusion.
>
> "There's one thing you're forgetting: setting off
a
device like that is
> suicidal. Now who would be stupid enough to do
that?"
She really doesn't think too many things through,
does
she?
% Wouldn't be as much fun if she did.
> surrounding her on three sides. A glance down
below
revealed dozens of
> breakers and white foam as the ocean crashed into
the
jagged rocks below.
Well...stuck between a rock and a hard place. Wonder
how
she'll get out of this one.
Too bad she's got the nuke. This is about to end
badly.
% Yep.
> "Nowhere left to go, Tomo-chan." A small trail of
drool dribbled from Yomi's
> mouth.
Oddly, I expected her to have a more beautific
expression rather than a drooling
maniac type.
% What can I say? She's excited at finally seeing the culmination of a
lifelong dream. :)
>
> "Like forgive you?"
>
> "I could live with that."
*rimshot!
<Yomi> *thinks* No you won't.
% Heh.
>
> "If my good friend Koyomi Mizuhara wants be dead,
then
I have nothing to
> live for," Tomo said, her voice full of
conviction.
By that logic she's probably never had anything to
live
for then.
% Luckily she's never realized it until now.
>
> Yomi ran forward and the two shared an embrace.
The
remained that way for a
> few moments, then stood back from one another.
*%So now I come to you...with open arms...*%
% Ironically, I just watched Heavy Metal for the first time in nearly a
decade. Still holds up over time, too.
> "It's nice to be back," Yomi said in just as much
earnest. "Now let's get
> rid of the bomb, and figure out how to get out of
this
mess."
This is far too upbeat. Something is going to
happen.
% Of course. You know Tomo has to bungle things in some way.
> "Okay!" Tomo said enthusiastically. She picked the
device back up and drew
> back with it, as though to hurl it into the ocean.
She
paused for a moment,
> looking at it curiously. Then, to Yomi's horror,
she
pushed the red button.
> Immediately a timer came on, its display showing
fifteen seconds until
> detonation.
She did push the button that would kill Chiyo,
didn't
she?
% I forgot that one too. Really need to rewatch the series. We'll call it
'research'. Yeah. That's the ticket.
> "Of course not! Only a brainless moron would do
something as stupid as
> that!"
And there you go. ^_^
% It just proves Tomo's point.
> "Well, I would." Tomo said proudly. "When I see a
button that says 'Warning:
> Will set off nuclear device' I just have to push
it."
Mental note: Do not let her next to the self
destruct
button.
% She's the classic person that would push it.
> Yomi was sorry. Sorry for ending up on the island.
Sorry for trusting Tomo.
> And most importantly, sorry she had thrown Mr.
Spiky
Bat away, since she
> would have had just enough time to use it on Tomo.
If it's any cosolation, she might just have a brief
flash of Tomo dying before her.
% Heh. It probably would be, even if she isn't the instrument of death.
> "Say, do you think I'm going to win this thing
since I
killed everyone
> else?" Tomo asked.
>
> "Shut up, Tomo."
Since she's on a cliff, why didn't Yomi just push
her
off?
% Because the writer didn't think of it. :)
> Xxxxxxxxx
>
> And then there was a flash of light.
There's a certain degree of justice in that ending,
you
know.
% Heh. Yep. Everyone wanted to kill Tomo, but she got them all in the end.
> In the alternative, you can simply hit the 'page
down'
key, and scroll
> downward and read it. Personally, I'd rather you
did
the former, though.
And if I were Osaka, I'd probably do it.
% Darn.
to present to you the
> winner of this year's Battle Royale, Female
Student
#37: Osaka... um, just
> Osaka."
Yeah, I figured she'd be the one to get out of this
one
alive.
% Another reason this is the alt ending.
> Osaka walked up to the camera, blood staining her
uniform in a variety of
> places. There was blood on her face as well, one
patch
in particular
> resembling a handprint. She waved to the camera
with a
paper fan, also
> soaked with blood.
I wonder how long it takes to beat someone to death
with
one of those.
Osaka: Let's find out. (Raises hand)
> "My god! You're Ayumu 'Nail File' Kasuga .You won
last
year's Battle Royale
extra space between the 'Kasuga' and the '.'
Heheheheeheheheheheeheheh, nail file. Right. ^_^
Guess
that's more interesting that
butcher knife she was going to use on Yukari one
time.
% Now that I remember. Classic scene.
> and earned your nickname by dispatching all of the
opposition with a nail
> file. They didn't mention you returning this year.
Obviously you wanted to
> give the others a false sense of security by
pretending not to be the
extra space between 'of' and 'security.' This a
problem
with your mail program?
% Nope. It's just hard to see when using 'Word'. Especially as most of them
are at line carryovers on my files.
> Akemi was in shock. "You mean to tell me you
actually
killed people with a
> paper fan? I find that hard to believe."
>
> "I can show the audience at home by killing you
with
it." Osaka drew the fan
> back.
*maniacal cackle*
> "I believe you! I believe you!" Akemi insisted. "I
guess you used a paper
> fan because you like a challenge, eh?"
Nice backtrack. Though I'd almost expect Osaka to
go,
"No...I don't think you do. I
really have to show you. It'll only take a
minute...well, not really, it actually
takes awhile."
% Heh. And that would be what she says, too.
>
> "You mean I don't have to use the weapon I was
given?"
>
> "Of course not. You can use any weapon you get
your
hands on."
>
> Osaka stared at her fan in betrayal. "Darn."
But it was the weapon she asked for and was given. I
honestly wonder if she'd have
thought it was right to take another one even if
that
was an option for her.
% Perhaps. But her arms are tired and she would have liked to use something
less strenuous.
> band. That would probably be a lot better weapon
that
a paper fan.
I'm reminded of the scene in "Chronicals of Riddick"
% Vin Desel film. *Beep* I avoid at all costs. Sorry, the man has the
charima of a cardboard cut out. Or Kenou Reeves. :)
where Riddick killed a guy with
his tea cup, after he said he was going to kill the
guy
with the tea cup mind you,
then picked up a very tiny key, set it on the rock
next
to him, and looked at the
guys in front of him HIGHLY amused.
I don't know about the rest of your audience, but
I'm
sure freaked. ^_^
% But in a good way.
macabre sort of way.
>
Oh yeah. This was great. ^_^ I recall on #TenchiFF
on
Aniverse we were discussing
the idea of this sort of fusion after seeing that
doujinshi cover, but no one had the
balls or the inclination to try and write the fic.
Heh,
this was beyond anything
that I could have hoped for, and I was very
entertained.
% Good. Glad you liked it. Lord knows it has no other redeeming qualities.
It had a bit of the of the
flavor of the Scary Movie spoofs, but far more
intelligent I must say.
% Only saw the first one. It was a bit excessive, but not too bad.
Thanks for writing this. I'll have to forward it on
to a
few people that aren't on
the list. I'm sure they'd enjoy this too.
% Thanks for all the help. It's greatly appreciated. You took a lot of time
to look over it line by line, and it helps a lot.
DB Sommer
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