Aishuu Shadowweaver <mbsilvana@yahoo.com> writes:
When Shindou Hikaru passed me by, I knew it was time
to quit.
What a lovely story. The smart quotes issue that Troy mentioned bugged
me, but the story was sufficient to make me forget that. The text also
seemed a little narrow -- 60 columns?
I'm not familiar with the series other than hearsay, so I was reading
it entirely a blank slate.
I began playing I was six. It wasn't particularly
because I enjoyed the game, but because my father
adored it. My father had been an insei in his day, but
he had never quite been good enough. There is a
difference between someone who is �quite good� and
the 'never quite been good enough' and 'quite good' in such close
proximity is a little bad.
I pointed out that the brightest stars often fall,
burning out from blazing too brightly too soon. I
thought he was finally self-destructing, but he
managed to come through.
Pointed out to whom? Might be better to indicate
I looked at Shinoda, and spoke frankly, hoping that if
I got the words out quickly, it wouldn�t hurt. �When
you filled positions at the insei test, you�ll have to
fill
I couldn�t believe it when she led me to an adult
playground.
Hmm. What's that? I have visions of something like a pub, but an image
of a for-larger-people McDonalds playhouse keeps intruding. You might
want to describe it a bit more, for ignorant people like me :-)
It wasn�t a declaration of love, but of potential. I
squeezed her hand in return, and we held hands for the
ride home.
This was a very touching scene.
Why would that concern him? �Yes.�
The smoke from his cigar, a intoxicating and fragrant
mix of unusual herbs, wrapped around us. My nose
twitched in irritation, but the manners which my
parents had spent so long drilling into me kept me
from dismissing him as rudely as I would have liked. I
was bleeding, ripped opened from having to bid
farewell to my unreachable dream, and not in any mood
to deal with him. "I'll walk you to your station.
There's something I want to talk to you about."
I liked how you contrasted the man's rudeness and the prickly
situation, with the ending.
�Have you ever considered a career in journalism?�
Nice ending to a *very* nice fic.