"DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> writes:
I'll skip ahead to this before tackling something longer and earlier:
The Island of Death's Doctor
The name sounds... intruiging. I should probably pick up on the reference,
but don't off the top of my head.
But of course,
I'd drop the 'but of course'. Too cliche.
Hmm... I can see that it flows a bit better without the 'but of
course', but I'm not sure I see why that's a cliche.
Some hours later, the waves pushed the two ashore a beach on a small
island. The rosy-fingered dawn breaking over the ocean illuminated the
scene, showing a wide expanse of sea and no other land in sight. On
the beach, a stout man lay unconscious next to a small boy, about 6
years old. Their clothing, tattered and soaked as it was, was
nonetheless recognizable as martial arts uniforms.
Hmm. Awful young for Ranma to be traversing an ocean.
Yep. Genma's got some 'splaining to do.
"Ranma! Wake up!" The man slapped him several times; the boy's skin
looked a little gray in the early light, and felt a bit chill from the
spray of water lapping against the beach. The man felt a bit panicked,
two 'felt a bit' close together. Change one
Changed to 'Panic threatened to overwhelm the man, but his hard-earned
survival skills came to the fore.' which has a nice (non-sexual)
double entendre.
But when he made his way back to his sleeping son, Genma found that
the meal might have to wait. The only sign of the sleeping body were
some bent grasses, and the occasional footprint on the forest
floor. "I'll save you, Ranma -- nobody's taking you from me that
easily!"
Hmm.
Genma's a bad bargainer, but not *that* bad.
"A distant acquaintance had sent me some flowers last year to mark the
beginning of spring. They were your... less beneficial influences?"
Not parsing what he's trying to say there
Overly-quick edit cycle. Changed to
They wilted, under your... less beneficial influences?"
OK, this is a somewhat spamficcish introduction to a lighthearted
story which I probably won't get around to finishing in the short-term
future. Blame this, if you want, on watching too much Detective Conan
Fine. I blame you.
*sniff*
The title is a play on Gene Wolfe's collection _The Island of Dr Death
and Other Stories and Other Stories_, which contains, among other
things, the stories "The Island of Dr Death and Other Stories", "The
Death of Dr. Island", and the "The Doctor of Death Island".
I see a pattern there. but I'm not sure what it is. :)
Someone just needs to write The Doctor of Island Death ,and the cycle
will be complete.
Amusing little thing.
Thanks. Your comments are much appreciated.