[Razza-frazza, hate my web browser for replying. Doesn't quote properly. Gah!]
--- "Arthur Hansen" <arthur@kindred.net> wrote:
Got that?
As I'm part writer... :D
----- Original Message -----
From: "Arthur Hansen" <arthur@kindred.net>
To: "Chris McFadden" <nightwindssong@adelphia.net>; <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Sunday, June 27, 2004 8:24 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: Hikari no Daija (The Serpent of Light)
----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris McFadden" <nightwindssong@adelphia.net>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>; <SnakeWhoLived@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, June 27, 2004 2:50 AM
Subject: [FFML] Hikari no Daija (The Serpent of Light)
Hello, all. Andrew Norris, myself and the crew of #Akane are
working on a
new story that will turn Hogwart's upside down as new students
are arriving
during Harry Potter's second year. The Prologue, "Revelation in
Nerima" is
now posted on my site, HYPERLINK
"http://nightwindssong.anifics.com/"http://nightwindssong.anifics
.com, as
well as a picture of one of the new students in their Hogwart's
robes on the
fan art page.
Pretty good and easy to read, but there seem to be logical
plot-holes (cliches) of fandom.
While I'm not totally adverse to non-cannon pairings, they need
to be fairly carefully set up. This one isn't. Yes, Akane *can*
be a bitch at points, but she does show she cares about Ranma. To
have her *totally* ignore Ranma's plight and being stuck as a
child isn't just contrary to the series as a whole, it's totally
against that particular story *arc*.
First: Akane _has_ a HISTORY of being stuck in a route. She's just
found
out her pet pig is Ryouga.... She's _not_ thinking clearly. Give her
time.
You'll see her general feelings, in ... Year 2.
[A *whole* year? That seems quite excessive. I'm not sure that I can see (as portrayed) Akane being "stuck in a rut" because of Ryoga's betrayal here. Irrational and angry, but stuck in a rut?]
[IMO, Akane's pretty OOC. Not as bad as Nabiki, but till fairly OOC.]
Nabiki, likewise, is about as OOC as you can have and still be
vaguely recognizable.
*shrugs* It's quite possible that she's playing a game. I'd say that
while you have a point, espically at the timing of the Manga, in question...
it's a toss up. (Post 38? Not a chance, I can't see it. she's TOO much into the money)
(BTW: This isn't my idea... I'm not _pro_ later Nabiki.)
[I just reread it. This Nabiki is about 50% cannon Nabiki with the rest as 50% the caring side of Akane. There's not build up of the drastic changes that happens to these two sisters.]
Most of the rest sounds quite neat. I had never thought to see
Ranma de-aged by the mushrooms and then sent to Hogwarts. A cool,
new plot twist.
To quote a _good_ HP writer (Akuma sama) "Not enough anime/HP Xovers!"
Well, Akuma sama! here you go! (and others!)
Truth is, I've always had a hankering to do something along these lines,
but never quite got all my ducks in a row, until MiriOhki came up with this idea... so I decided to help.
[I'm actually seeing quite a few more issues on it after a second perusing of it. If Kasumi, Ranma and Nabiki were all 'Magi' there should have been a *lot* of accidental magic while they were growing up.]
[And Dumbledore is a very "good" wizard, but was more than willing (and seemed to get official backing) to kidnap Harry Potter to make sure he went to school. Merely ripping up their letters seems far too small an impediment.]
[It would have to do with the International Confederation that basically hides magic from the muggle world. That must be ignored in Nerima. But untrained wizards/magi are too dangerous.]
The Happosai thing seems very forced as it is presented. Perhaps
too neatly tied up would be a better description. Really, I can't
see him giving the school's mastery like that. Heck, I'd say that
it would almost have to be gotten by the cliched "beaten by the
student fairly" plot.
Happosai's been shown to be weird, on occasion. He _knows_ He won't
have much, if any contact wtih Ranma... and Ranma -has- beaten him, several times. (Fairly? This _IS_ anything goes, old bean... as long as it works, you use it) He's also aware that his life's at a end. I can see him deciding to go ahead and end the games... after all, the games are fading, he's not a peodphile, so any fun he could draw from Ranma-chan is gone... After a certain point... toss up. Mabye the best way, is a letter later on in Year one, showing him passing away?
[That seems more likely.]
Had to LOL the Amazon thing. And really, that seems
counter-intuitive. Not only is Cologne pretty much a lore-master
sort, but Shampoo and herself have been shown to brew potions.
Maybe it would be more appropriate to show her as nearly a squib,
and that Shampoo reasons for messing up potions is that she
doesn't have any real magical ability.
One thing I've noted in the HP books, the really confiendent SOBS
(Voldermort, Albus) save their magic. When it's possible, why waste it.
Quite possibly... Also, it's NOT shown if magical ability goes down
with Age. Perhaps why Ablus is unsure that he can't defeat Voldermort, is simply becasue, even without the propechy, he's just too weak? (Hell, _I_ see a easy way. Beat the ever living hell out of Voldermort, break all his bones, snap his wand, cut his throat, THEN let Harry stake his ass. Then again, _I_ don't fight fair. :D)
[I think Dumbledore is quite *magically* capable of fighting Voldemort, but I don't think he is as physically capable. He's about 150 now? A significant part of dueling is footwork and dodging.]
[Voldemort is very powerful and basically at his peak of physical and magical abilities. Very dangerous.]
Happosai would have to have some minor magical talent. Perhaps in
the Orient it isn't *strictly* squib-muggle/Wizard and there are
intermidiate steps.
Actually, you're going to learn in _our_ setting, that the Europeans are utter idiots across the board. UNLIKE the Japanese and American boys and girls. (Chi/Ki masters, Grandmasters in arts, are ranked equal to magi (US term for witches and wizards) in Japan and China for example.)
One point, and something that someone caught, is... the Amazon law
comment.
[I assume you mean the Pure Bloods issue? Britain Wizarding law doesn't preclude muggle-wizard marriages. So that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.]
[Obviously, HP doesn't have a framework for super-powered-martial-artists. Making the entire wizarding world 'utter idiots' because that wasn't part of its world seems wrong (unless it's satire.)]
While _intended to_ maximize magical offspring... inbreeding is _bad_. (and that's why Shampoo is magi-blood, not magi)
[This is counter-intiutive to what you are accusing the wizarding society of. Maybe the Pure-Bloods, as they are into that. But that is only a portion of Wizarding society (and only a portion for 1600 years.]
Be warned: Hogwart's is never going to be the same as chaos
fills the
school's halls, alliances are formed and sanity is rent
asunder.
Miriani
Hope that helps. Please do keep the FFML updated on this story.
I'd like to see it succeed as a good story!
Arthur Hansen
[Biggest thing I'd work out is who Nabiki/Ranma haven't been lashing out with accidental magic, even though Ranma has been getting into very intense (emotional) situations. Obviously this is a Nabiki/Ranma pairing, but it's pretty much been shoe-horned in at this point.]
[Since you don't have Happosai as the bad guy, I'd suggest that an enemy of the school (or Genma/Soun) used a magic item/potion to 'kill' their magic so the schools would be joined. Gemna/Soun seem to be villianified already, so it wouldn't be a stretch in this story.]
We'll try.
Andrew Norris
MageOhki
[Glad to see that you guys are working on it. Because of the pairing, I'll probably only have a modest interest in it, even though I'm a huge HP fan these days.]
[Arthur Hansen]
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