Let's see, whom do I owe C&C to...Chris Angel...he probably thinks I forgot about
him, and I really REALLY need to pay him back for the kindness he showed me when I
was starting out, heh. Hmm...Angus McSpoon needs some. And of course, DB
Sommer...definately DB for all the entertaining ficcage that's come from him.
*looks at the title of this one.*
Oh, this cannot end well. ^_^
The first version of this seems to have been lost in the ether. So I'm
resending it
Come on, you know someone had to do it.
I've actually got a doujinshi cover that has this idea on it.
Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Azumanga Daioh characters. They
are owned by Kiyohiko Azuma, Genco, J.C. Staff, and ADV Films.
[Forward: Come on, you know someone had to mix the two. This is a parody, so
don't think for one second I'm taking a serious look at a merging of the
two. As in the tradition of much Japanese cinema, there will be huge amounts
of blood and gratuitous violence.]
The first Battle Royale was pretty good. The second one...eh, it couldn't decide
what movie it wanted to be and couldn't keep some of the characterisations straight.
Overall, I don't really recommend BR 2, but the first one is pretty good; though the
novel is far more explanatory.
Xxxxxxxx
"Yay! I still can't believe we get to take a field trip to Yasuroka Island!"
Chiyo was practically hopping up and down on her seat in anticipation.
Chiyo looked at the other occupants on the bus as it drove along the
highway, heading toward a tunnel. Everyone in class was there. Sakaki sat
next to her, while Yomi and Tomo sat together behind them. Osaka and Kagura
sat across from them, making the close circle of friends an 'L' shape,
rather than an actual circle.
Yeah, kinda hard to do a circle in a square shaped bus, all things considered.
"Have you been there before?" Sakaki asked.
"No, I'm just excited we get to go there. Yukari-sensei said we'd get a lot
of time to be outdoors."
Tomo poked her head above the seat to look down at Chiyo. "I thought you
liked classwork, since you're so smart."
"I like taking a break, too," Chiyo said. "I just wouldn't want to be away
from my books too long."
"I'd like to burn mine," Tomo said.
Yomi interrupted the conversation. "It is kind of funny how Yukari-sensei
suddenly mentioned we'd be going on this thing today. You think she'd have
brought it up before."
"She did seem unnaturally happy," Kagura added.
BWAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!! Oddly, this fits Yukari's personality. I could see
her actually doing something like this if she could get away with it.
"It's because she doesn't have to teach class," Tomo explained.
"And gets to wear a gas mask," Osaka added.
Ever notice how Osaka's observations are accurate, but something most people wouldn't
be able to consider? Or that what she pays attention to, most wouldn't? She'd make
a fantastic detective...she doesn't just think outside the box, she done lost her way
from that years ago.
All of the girls turned to Osaka, mystified.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kagura asked.
"Look." Osaka pointed to the front of the bus, where Yukari was sitting
placidly, gas mask over her face.
Tomo couldn't resist the invitation. "Yukari-sensei, why are you wearing a
gas mask?"
Someone had to ask the question.
Yukari jerked, as though shot. She turned around, and in a muffled voice
said, "What gas mask? I'm not wearing a gas mask. Quit being paranoid."
"What's that on your face?"
Yukari felt her face with her hands. "Umm, it's an... inhaler. I'm having
problems breathing. Asthma, don't you know."
You capture Yukari being a patholgical liar pretty well too.
"Why is the bus driver wearing one, too?"
"He caught a case of asthma from me."
"Asthma isn't contagious," Chiyo pointed out.
"Quit being such a know-it-all!" Yukari shouted back.
That quieted the girls down and persuaded them to leave their teacher alone.
Instead they huddle together and spoke in low whispers so no one outside
their circle could hear.
"Something funny is going on," Yomi said softly.
"What's the gas mask about?" Kagura asked.
"I'm thinking maybe she had a whole lot of beans yesterday, and doesn't want
to smell the results," Tomo guessed.
Too bad about the rest of you, heh.
Osaka scratched her head curiously. "Aren't teachers supposed to wear gas
masks on field trips?"
.........oh this is gonna be bad. Done this before, has she? ^_^ Guess that
explains the transfer.
Everyone stared at Osaka, mystified once again.
"No," Chiyo answered.
"Oh." Osaka became quiet again.
"Anyway, I want to know what she's... up... to," Yomi tried to stifle a
yawn, but failed.
"I think... I... smell some... thing." Sakaki began to sway in her seat.
"Told you... it... was... beanssss." Tomo's eyes closed and she slumped in
her seat, unconscious.
I'd almost expect Osaka to state something about getting sleepy on these things too.
But then Osaka and sleepy are kinda like Penutbutter and Jelly. They tend to go
together. Perhaps something about it being a good idea to take a nap?
Xxxxxxxxxx
"Wake up, everybody!"
The clamor of a hammer hitting an empty metal pot rang through the air. The
noise roused the sleeping class, and they groggily began to rise. Blinking
the sleep from their eyes, they found themselves no longer riding on a bus,
While Tomo had to kick Osaka awake.
All eyes turned to the front of the classroom. Yukari stood there, beaming
at them. Rather than the blouse, skirt, and gas mask she wore on the bus,
she now wore combat fatigues and metal helmet. There was even an automatic
What sort of automatic? .45? .44 Desert Eagle? Or a real auto, like an Uzi or
whatnot? It's not really pertinent to the story, but I'm kinda curious as to your
vision of what this teacher would choose to carry?
in the holster on her hip. The teacher was surrounded by a dozen men also
garbed in fatigues. All of them had rough faces and wielded automatic rifles
as though they were as much a part of them as their limbs and would use them
without a second thought.
Tomo said, "Wow, Yukari-sensei, you sure can cut one."
*SNERK*
"That was sleep gas, you little ingrate!" Yukari snapped.
<Tomo> I'm sure that's what YOU call it.
"What are we doing here?" Yomi asked, mirroring the confusion everyone but
Tomo and Osaka (who took everything in stride, as usual) were demonstrating.
"Good question," Yukari answered. "I am proud to announce that you have been
selected for this year's Battle Royale."
<Yomi> Well, that figures.
Everyone in the room stared at Yukari in wide-eyed silence.
She continued on in a boastful voice. "I had to really pitch a hard case to
get you guys included this year. The powers that be didn't think you were
appropriate. But after countless hours of closed room discussions, I
convinced them you were the right class to be represented this year."
She wouldn't shut up would she?
They continued staring silently at her.
"No need to thank me. I'd do anything for you guys," she bragged. "I even
requested your old classmate, Kaorin, join in the fun."
You know, aside from probably Tomo who has even less a chance for continued
existence, the odds of Yukari surviving this are nil to zip. I can see several
coalitions of students getting together just for the purpose of taking her out.
That snapped Kaorin out of her stupor. "Are you insane?! I don't want to be
in the Battle Royale!"
"Quit whining. If you weren't such a slacker, I wouldn't have ditched you in
favor of Kagura in the first place," Yukari scolded. "Anyway, I'm going to
go over the rules with you concerning Battle Royale."
"I thought you said we were going to Yasuroka Island, and we would get to be
outside a lot," Chiyo babbled through her tears of disbelief.
Well, she didn't lie about that one.
Yukari smiled. "Well, this is Yasuroka Island and you will be spending all
of your time outdoors. And this is going to be a very educational trip:
you're going to have to learn to survive."
She let the class absorb that. "Now, as I was saying, here's how we work it.
You'll each be given a backpack that contains three days of rations, a
canteen, a map of the island, and a weapon in it, which you will use to kill
other students."
"What sort of weapons?" Osaka asked.
"There are a wide assortment of them. I picked them out myself," Yukari
explained.
Kagura leveled an accusatory finger at her "So this is why you included that
question 'What weapon would you use to kill a fellow student?' on our
history quiz last week, isn't it?"
Yukari couldn't even be bothered to do something even this simple?! DAMN!
"It was the only question I got right," Osaka said sadly.
NIIICCCEEE!!!
Yukari froze on the spot.
"Geez, you really are lazy," Tomo said.
Heh, trust Tomo to point out the obvious. Often. And to everyone's everlasting
regret.
Yukari cleared her throat. "Anyway, you have three days to kill the
opposition, or else you'll be killed. Aside from that, anything goes. Now,
in regards to the opposition, I'm hoping they picked Nyamo's class. Nothing
would please me more than to beat her at this and rub her face in it. I'll
even bet her a week's worth of dinners that you guys will come out on top."
Yukari laughed long and hard.
One of the soldiers spoke up. "Ma'am, there is no other class. Your students
are supposed to kill one another."
THAT would have been an interesting concept for a future Battle Royale story. Though
it would have been against what they were trying to accomplish in the book. But for
experimental purposes, I could see them trying something like pitting two classes
against each other. Or even perhaps dropping two seperate classes on the island with
the current BR rules and seeing what happens.
Yukari's laughter stopped. "What?"
"It's true," he insisted.
"Umm, I knew that," Yukari said quickly.
"You !#$% idiot, you didn't even know what you were volunteering us for!"
Yomi shouted.
I'm going to be very surprised if Yukari makes it out of this alive. If one of the
students don't do it, I'm thinking one of the soldiers will.
"Ah well, that's all water under the bridge. We'll just have to carry onward
as best we can," Yukari said whimsically.
"But you can't get away with this!" Kaorin protested.
Yukari shot her a sly look. "Funny you of all people should say that. There
was someone else that said the same thing. In fact, he resisted my wanting
you in this class so much, that we had to make an example out of him."
Oh dear God, you didn't...
Yukari snapped her fingers. In response, two soldiers wheeled in a gurney.
There was a white shroud on the top, a red substance that could only be
blood soaked through. It was clear from the size of the lump underneath
there was something fairly large concealed underneath.
"Behold!" Yukari ripped the cover off.
Stretched out prone on the gurney was Kimura. His blood spattered glasses
Oh you did! ^_^
were still affixed to the bridge of his nose and his mouth was wide open, as
though the jaw had become permanently unhinged. His body bore wounds that
indicated he had been shot several times.
Dramatically, Yukari waved her hand above him. "See what happens to those
that would try to stand in the way of progress?"
Kimura suddenly sat up, shouting, "No, you can never have Kaorin-chan!"
heheheeheheheh
Yukari leaped back, crying out fearfully. She quickly pulled out her gun and
snapped off a round into his chest. Blood flew up as Kimura's body flopped
backward, a marionette whose strings had been cut.
"Geez!" Yukari holstered her gun. "Anyway, as I was saying, this is the fate
that will befall-"
Kimura shot back up again into a sitting position. "She's mine!"
DAMN!!! ^_^
"Ah!" This time Yukari emptied her gun into Kimura. He jerked as each round
impacted with his body, and more blood flew up in the air in a fountain of
gore. Eventually his body stopped spasming as Yukari's gun clicked
uselessly, its magazine having been spent.
"Some people just can't take a hint." Yukari tossed the smoking firearm
aside. "Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, this is the fate that will
befal-"
"K...Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms began to rise.
*collapses on the floor* Help...heh...help me...bwahahah
Kaorin was across the room in an instant, grabbing a knife from a soldier's
belt before he could react. She brought the blade up above Kimura and
screeched out, "DIIIIIIIEEEE!" and began stabbing the blade into him
repeatedly. Her hand was like a blur as it descended again and again,
help...can't breath....help...
turning his chest into something reminiscent of a cow after a trip to the
slaughterhouse. Kaorin was quickly covered in a sheen of sweat and blood,
and still she continued plunging the knife up to the hilt in his body.
After twenty seconds, Kaorin stopped, gasping for air and staring at the
motionless remains with a wild-eyed glaze in her eyes.
*pulls myself up into my chair...*
This was not an exageration, I really laughed that hard. Oh man, I haven't laughed
that hard since I was at tsunamichan and read the one about Chobits, Chi, and the
other hole. Thanks you. I needed that after the week I've had.
Yukari was the first to recover. She slapped Kaorin on the back. "That's the
spirit! I want all of you to go out there and grease each other with all the
enthusiasm that Kaorin just demon-"
"DIIIIIIIEEEE!" Kaorin shouted and began stabbing the motionless Kimura
again.
....pain...help....help....oh shit man...best part of the whole fic right here. ^_^
Yukari backed away uneasily as Kaorin's hand blurred even faster. The
stabbing lasted twice as long this time, and the remains on the table only
vaguely resembled something human by the end of it.
"Ah, nice job, Kaorin," Yukari said as two soldiers removed the knife from
her and helped usher the girl back to her original spot in the room. She
muttered about, "Stabbing him another hundred times, just to make sure," but
the soldiers forced her to return to the others.
I dunno man, I'd think they'd be kinda scared to try that. That's some serious hate
right there.
Yukari cleared her throat. "Anyway, I want all of you to go out there and-"
"What's up with these things around out necks?" Tomo asked, fingering the
collar.
"Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Those are explosive collars, which I feel are a
must for any class, and not just the ones that participate in Battle
Royale."
She would.
"Explosive collars?" Kagura gasped, hands reflexively clutching at the
device.
Yukari nodded. "They also register your vital signs and where you are, so we
can keep track of you." Yukari pulled a small control pad, about the size of
a television remote, from one of the pockets on her uniform. "This is the
remote detonator. If any of you get out of line, or try to flee the island,
I'll blow you up."
You should also mention something about if you try to take it off it'll blow up. It
might be a bit complicated, but if you can work it, it'd be something that Tomo would
try on another student just to see if it would happen.
"You'd blow me up? Ha! You don't have the guts to do that!" Tomo said
smugly.
Yukari's eyebrow twitched. "You'd better watch it, loudmouth, or you'll be
eliminated before the game starts."
Tomo crossed her arms defiantly. "I'd like to see you try it."
"You asked for it! Goodbye, you annoying brat." Yukari pointed the control
at Tomo,
and hit a button on the pad.
I'm kinda conflicted about this scene. On one hand, Yukari likes to hear the sound
of her own voice sometimes. On the other hand, I can also see her just smirking and
pressing the button too. I'm not really sure which she would do to any definite
degree, but I figured it might be worth noting.
The collar of one of the male students on the opposite side of the room
began to emit a slow beeping. A tiny red light flashed in synchronicity with
<Male Student> Awe fuck. Don't that just figure. I finally get a cameo in this
story, and it's just to die!
the sound. He looked at the others, panicked as the beeping became louder
and the flashing quicker.
The others understood what was happening and backed away. He tried to remain
close to them, begging for help. The other students avoided him, intent on
only keeping away as his impending death drew closer. As the beeping reached
a crescendo, one of the others shoved him into the middle of the room.
There was the sound of a loud crack as the device exploded, destroying the
carotid artery of the student, sending a spray of blood across the floor
before he collapsed to the ground, unmoving.
[Nameless Male Student #21: Dead]
Yeah, that's about right.
"Crap! That was the wrong one." Yukari stared at the control in her hand.
"Nyaa! I told you you didn't have the nerve to go through with it," Tomo
taunted.
Yukari turned on her in anger. "Oh yeah? Try this!" She pointed the control
at Tomo again and pushed a different button.
Is it wrong to want to go bang one's head in frustration when watching something so
macrabe?
Across the room, one of the female student's collars began to beep. She
turned in panic to her friends, who moved away from her, as though she were
a leper. She tried moving toward them, but one of the larger male students
grabbed her and hurled her halfway across the room where she collided with
one of the disused desks and bumped her head. She tried rising groggily as
the beeping became a seamless wail.
Once again there was a loud crack and a spray of blood.
[Nameless Female Student #12: Dead]
Tomo laughed.
That girl has issues piled on issues.
"How about this?!" Yukari pointed at Tomo and hit another button.
Another male student's collar began to beep. "Why me?" he cried out,
remaining where he was.
There was another explosion.
[Nameless Male Student #8: Dead]
This just isn't right man. Fun, but not right. ^_^
"Just give it up." Tomo smirked.
"Now I've got it!"
Another girl's collar beeped. She threw herself out a window rather than
suffer the same indignity the others had.
[Nameless Female Student #17: Dead]
I could see one of them doing that. This is just getting ridiculous. ^_^
"Stop her before she kills them all herself!" one of the soldiers shouted.
And note just how not broken up she is about the whole thing.
The soldiers gang tackled Yukari, wresting the control away from her before
she could hit another button.
If it's not one of the students that takes her out it's gotta be one of them, I'm
tellin' ya.
Yukari frowned in their general direction, muttering about their impatience
and not labeling the control more clearly.
I'd have one of the soldiers pull out a really big easy to understand key to the
controls that was out in plain sight at this point.
After regaining her composure, Yukari said, "Now that we have demonstrated
my willingness to blow you all to pieces." She glared at Tomo. "You see you
Just to get to one of them...
have no choice but to do as I say and try your best to kill the other
class... I mean, one another. Last one standing wins. Everyone else has to
die. If by the end of three days more than one person is alive, I blow all
the survivors up, so you'll have to work fast. I'm going to start calling
Hell, this classes time is measured in minutes rather than days.
out names. You'll come up front where a soldier will throw you your pack.
You'll then have two minutes to high tail it out of here. Now, there will be
no killing right around the school. You have to kill each other away from
here."
A soldier spoke up. "That isn't one of the rules."
Yukari explained, "It is now. I might want to go out for a walk later, and I
don't want to trip over a bunch of corpses."
How does she plan to enforce it though?
The reality of the situation began to seep in for the students, who began
separating from one another, either as individuals or in small groups.
Everyone stared warily at those not around them, regarding the others as
though they were starving animals and the rest of the class was slathered in
bacon grease.
Kagura went up to Sakaki. "Well, we don't have any choice, so I guess we'll
have to participate. Since you and me are clearly the best, and evenly
matched, we'll make it a contest between us. We'll kill everyone else until
it's just us two, and the one who has the highest body count gets to kill
the other."
Did she really think that was going to work? Besides, unless they're together, how
did she expect to prove either one got the highest body count?
And why am I asking these questions? This is the Azumanga Daioh cast! ^_^
"I don't think we should really be competing in that sort of way," Sakaki
said quietly.
"Nah, it'll be fun and keep things interesting. 'Sides, I want to prove once
and for all I'm better than you. Good luck." Kagura's name was called. She
slapped Sakaki on the back and headed off to grab her pack.
Shit, she might as well have said, "One shall stand, one shall fall." right there.
Away from the pair, Tomo inched closer to Yomi, who was simply staring off
into space. Tomo whispered in a conspiratorially voice, "Psst, Yomi, we
should team up."
"Team up?" Yomi's voice was distant, as though she wasn't really there.
They just gave her license to kill Tomo. Tomo needs to start running. Now. If she
starts now she MIGHT get away...oh who am I kidding. ^_^
"Yeah, since we've been best friends our entire lives, we'll watch out for
one another while killing everyone else."
Yomi's head turned slightly toward Tomo. "Best friends?"
"Yeah, between the two of us we'll kill everyone." Tomo rubbed her hands in
anticipation. "Actually, I'm kind of looking forward to this. There are a
lot of people in class that have pissed me off, and I'm looking forward to
killing them."
"Kill them." Now Yomi sounded all there.
*%And you've woken up the demon...in me! Get up c'mon get down with the sickness!*%
Tomo whispered. "Why don't we sucker them by pretending to buddy up with
them? Then, when their backs are turned, we'll whack them. We'll start with
Chiyo first. She'll be easy to kill."
"Pretend to buddy up and then stab them in the back. Sounds good to me, my
best buddy in the whole world." Yomi gave Tomo a smile, one so large it
While I saw this coming from a mile away, the execution is still well worth the
reading. ^_^
nearly reached back to her ears. She removed her glasses, adjusting them
slightly before putting them back on her face. They gleamed maniacally as
she stared directly at Tomo.
Tomo felt uneasy under that gaze. "Umm, Yomi, are you all right? You look a
little... tense."
The bad thing is, Tomo would really be wondering what she did to Yomi to deserve
this, you know.
"I'm just thinking about the one good thing to come from this whole mess,
Tomo-chan."
"Why did you call me Tomo-chan? You never call me Tomo-chan."
"It's what friends call each other, right, Tomo-chan?" Impossibly, her smile
widened.
Her eyes should start glowing too.
Tomo began backing away, "Maybe we shouldn't team up. Every woman for
themselves and whatnot. It'll cut down on the odds it'll be us alone at the
end and we'll have to try kill one another."
"I kind of like the idea of us being alone and trying to kill one another."
<Yomi> Time...to play.
"Tomo!" Yukari called out.
"Thatsmegottarun!" Tomo said as she raced to the waiting pack and ran out of
the room at top speed.
"Yomi!" Yukari cried out.
Slowly, Yomi went forward, each step methodical and stalking. She accepted
her pack. Placing it on the ground, she rummaged around in it until she
located her weapon: a wooden baseball bat with a number of rusty nails
sticking out of it.
<Moe> There we go! Nice and dull!
Yomi's smile became more blood chilling. That was the weapon she had written
down on the quiz when the Battle Royale question had come up. She had been
envisioning it for a number of years, coincidentally in conjunction with
killing a classmate. One in particular.
<Yomi> I will enjoy tearing the flesh from your bones...and I will enjoy making you
enjoy it.
Yomi began a slow walk toward the exit, calling out, "Tomo-chan, my best
buddy in the whole world, wait for me so we can 'team up'. I'll introduce
you to my new friend, Mr. Spiky Bat. He's been wanting to meet you for a
real long time. I think you're going to become real close."
*wipes a tear from my eye* T'was beautiful man. ^_^
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tomo raced through the jungle, trying to stick to the old, but still
functional, footpaths so she could make good time as she headed away from
the school. She was so preoccupied looking over her shoulder that she didn't
notice the two boys ahead of her until she nearly collided with them. She
stopped just in time and regarded them warily. They were staring eagerly at
her. One of them was armed with a wicked-looking knife, while the other bore
a stun gun. Both appeared eager to use their toys.
A stun gun? How are you going to kill someone with a stun gun? Lame!
The one with the knife spoke to his partner. "Hey, it's Tomo."
"Good. I've always wanted to kill her," The second said.
She's going to get that a lot before this is over, isn't she?
Rather than being frightened by the nature of the conversation taking place
in front of her, Tomo kept peering fearfully over her shoulder. "You guys
have to help me. For some strange reason, Yomi's gone nuts and is trying to
kill me."
Yup. Figured as much. She can't even understand why Yomi would want her dead, heh.
The boys stared at each other in wonderment. The one with the knife said to
Tomo, "Some strange reason? Hell, if I was her, I'd have tried to kill you
long before now."
I wouldn't be at all surprised if she hadn't.
Tomo pleaded, "I need you to protect me. I'll do whatever you want."
The pair looked at each other again, this time with leering gazes rather
than wonder.
The one with the stun-gun asked, "Will you have sex with us?"
"Please, do I look that desperate to you?" Tomo scoffed.
...yup, that was certainly a typical Tomo response.
"Right. You're dead for that one," the boy with the knife swore.
That doesn't quit jive with the flow of the narrative I'm thinking. That sounds too
thuggish or villainish. Not Azumangaish if that makes any sense. It'd be more like:
"Oh. Killing you it is then," the boy with the knife noted in the same manner one
notes they need to do the laundry or take the trash out.
The pair only took a single step toward Tomo when a roar came from the path
she had just fled down. Yomi leapt above Tomo, like a pouncing hunting cat,
Mr. Spiky Bat drawn back. "No! You can't kill her!"
There's only one reason that Yomi would save her...
<snip>
Tomo jumped up in joy. She said to Yomi, "I knew if you saw my life in
peril, you would come to your senses and rescue me. Hey, I got an idea. Why
don't we do the same thing to the next guys we come across? I'll be happy to
be the bait."
Yomi's gleaming glasses pointed in her direction once again. In a honeyed
voice, she said, "Of course I saved you from them. I would never let idiots
like this kill you."
"That's a relief."
"Because after all you've done to me, I'm the only one that has the right to
do that." The taller girl began stalking forward, waving her weapon around
effortlessly. "Now hold still. I'll try to break your limbs as painlessly as
possible."
<Cyclonus> Thank you, my lord. That Autobot was about to...Mighty Galvatron?
<Galvatron> You, a being forged in the fires of Unicron himself, allowed yourself to
be bested by a mere Autobot? I only saved you...so I COULD KILL YOU MYSELF!
*vaporises Cyclonus' head*
Yup, bout what I figured. ^_^
On a side note, we were discussing Yomi one day on one of the chat channels I
frequent. Given her overall build, it was thought that Yomi, unless she had internal
problems, was quite well designed for having children, and would likely be very
fertile. However, with Tomo hanging on her all the time, the odds of her actually
getting into a position whereby she would risk putting that to the test were close to
nonexistent. Good thing Yomi is going to a different college than Tomo...otherwise
she would wind up going postal due to frustration, heh.
Tomo...better than a condom or birthcontrol.
Tomo backed away as quickly as Yomi moved forward. "I don't think you can
break limbs painlessly."
"Silly me. Did I say painlessly? I meant as *painfully* as possible." Yomi
lunged for Tomo, but the shorter girl was quicker as she ran for it once
again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Chiyo trembled in fright as she found herself alone in the woods. She had
been one of the first to be sent out by Yukari, and had made the best use
she could with her head start by running for it. She had lost her perception
of how long she ran. It could have been minutes or hours. Her endurance
wasn't the best, but she had never been as terrified as this in her life
either. Except for the time in Yukari's car. Her little legs felt like lead
Course, in comparison to that, this was NOTHING! Which is what allowed her to
actually continue rather than freezing in fear once outside the school grounds, heh.
weights, and she could run no further. She rested against a tree, gasping
for breath and wondering what to do next.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Came a taunting voice a short
distance behind the tree.
Chiyo gave a terrified squeal and ran away from the tree, turning to see who
had spoken. She saw it was one of the guys in class. She didn't know his
name. It was hard to remember the names of anyone other than her friends.
There are other people in that class? They actually have a male gender in that world
who is not Kimura? ^_^
Next to him was a girl whom Chiyo identified as his girlfriend. At least she
assumed the girl was. They had exchanged spit frequently enough.
Wow! And there are girls who actually have boyfriends in that school? Shocking!
The two stared at Chiyo as though they were cats that had cornered a canary
with a pair of broken wings. The boy had a machete, and the girl a baton,
the kind the police used on jaywalkers and litterbugs.
The boy needs a hockey mask too.
"Looks like we got ourselves an easy kill," the boy bragged.
"Real easy," the girl agreed. Both advanced on Chiyo, weapons held at the
ready.
"D... Don't come any closer!" Chiyo warned as she backed away in fright.
"Or you'll do what?" the boy taunted.
"Or I'll... I'll..." Chiyo pulled her weapon from her backpack. Her hand was
barely able to support the massive weight of the .357 Magnum .
The boy took a half step back, then laughed at the way the gun quivered in
Chiyo's hands. She'd be lucky to hit the broadside of a barn at ten feet
with the way it was shaking.
*sigh* Everyone always underestimates the little ones. And then when you least
expect it...boom...you're dead.
"Weapon upgrade," the girl said.
The boy held out his hand, keeping his machete behind him. "Tell you what,
Chiyo, why don't you just hand over the gun and I'll let you go. I don't
really want to kill you. I'd much rather have your weapon."
Chiyo looked at him in wide-eyed wonderment. She lowered the gun, pointing
the barrel toward the ground. "You will?"
"Sure," he said smoothly and reached out with his hand.
He has no idea how dead he really is right now, does he?
Suddenly Chiyo brought the gun back up, held it steady in front of her, and
pulled the trigger. The recoil was so great it sent the tiny girl flying ten
feet backward. She squealed in fright as she landed with a hard thud on her
bottom.
I'd love to see this animated, heh.
The other girl stared in shock at Chiyo actually managing to fire the thing.
She snickered in amusement at the comical way the prodigy had flown
backward. She turned her attention to her boyfriend. "Hey, honey, was that
funny or what?" She started to laugh, then stopped abruptly as she noted
Shit, I thought it was hillarious. ^_^
that the top of her boyfriend's skull was missing and the former contents
within it were now decorating the tree Chiyo had been resting against not a
minute earlier.
The lifeless body finally teetered too far to one side, and fell limply to
the ground.
[Nameless Male Student #10: Dead.]
The girl's eyes filled with tears. Enraged, she turned to Chiyo. "You little
bitch!" she screeched, intent on bashing Chiyo's brains out. At least until
the Magnum was pointed in her direction.
Typical Darwin award winners. I swear. ^_^
"Hey, Chiyo, I was just kidding. I would never hurt you. See?" the girl let
the baton fall to the ground.
The hammer on the pistol clicked.
The girl turned to flee. She didn't make it three steps before the shot
caught her in the back of the head. She was dead before the sound of the
gunfire caught up to the bullet.
[Nameless Female Student #29: Dead.]
And Natural selection is vindicated!
Chiyo yelped as she once again went flying through the air and landed hard
on her bottom. She rested on her sore posterior for a few moments, rubbing
it gingerly. It was a lucky thing for her her father had insisted she learn
how to shoot a gun for self-defense. Chiyo had always thought he was being
Her father's name isn't Hero Yui is it? ^_-
paranoid, but obeyed. It turned out she was a natural shot, though she had
never fired anything more powerful than a .22. She had always been
fascinated by the .357, which was why she had chosen that as the weapon she
would use to kill someone. Not that she had believed she would actually end
Makes sense. Though perhaps she should have tried for a 9mm? Something with a
little less kick for such a tiny frame?
up doing such. But now she had been forced to. Chiyo accepted the fact it
was now kill or be killed, and she knew which she wanted to be.
Chiyo dusted off some of the dirt on her skirt and continued walking around,
a confidence now added to her gait.
Just the way she casually accepts it gives me chills. ^_^
Xxxxxxxxxxxx
"That's another two down." A soldier marked down the names of two of the
most recent fallen.
"They're working fast this year. At this rate there won't be anyone left by
tomorrow," another commented.
Hmm...I wonder what other anime classes would go through the game this quickly?
"I'll give this to the teacher." The first one printed a copy of the
results. Grabbing the sheet, he walked back to the classroom that served as
the starting line for the participants in the Battle Royale and to the
teacher's desk Yukari sat at.
He handed her the paper. "The latest casualties, Ma'am."
Yukari accepted the paper, took one look at the list of names, and began
crying.
The soldier, a veteran of three previous Battle Royales, wasn't surprised by
the reaction. Two of the former teachers also had shed a few tears over some
of the fallen, once the full gravity of the situation hit them. One of them
had even killed herself in guilt. He wondered if Yukari would do the same.
Nah, she's nothing if not completely unsympathetic to any cause other than her own.
The teacher turned to the man, tears flowing down her face. She waved the
paper in front of him. "This is terrible! Just terrible!"
"Did someone you want to win just die?"
"No," she sobbed. "Looking at the names of all of these student that are
dead now, I realize what this really means to me."
"You cared about them more than you realized?" he asked.
"No! With all of them dead, I'm going to have to learn a whole new seating
plan!" Yukari buried her head in her hands and sobbed into the desk once
again.
BWAHAHAHAHAAH!!! Yup, figured on that one. ^_^
Seeing the woman's reaction, the soldier had a feeling that had there been a
Battle Royale for teachers, Yukari would have been at the top of the list.
Oh I expect her days are numbered after this game is up. Hell, during the game,
someone should be trying to take her out.
Xxxxxxxx
Sakaki looked around her, taciturn and calm as always despite being
surrounded by a half-dozen of her classmates. They were an even mix: three
boys and three girls. The bore a host of deadly weapons, from basic things,
like knives and sickles, to more modern weapons, like a pistol and even a
sub-machinegun. Sakaki was left to defend herself with the very item she had
mentioned on the test.
Sakaki has the most awesome poker face, I must admit.
Perhaps a stuffed cat wasn't the best thing to kill a fellow student after
all.
Depends on what it's stuffed with.
One of boys acted as spokesman for the group. "All right! I can't believe
how lucky we were in getting Sakaki alone right off the bat."
"Yeah, she's tough enough to kill anyone else with her bare hands," one of
the girls said.
"Right, so let's finish her off fast, then find some others to kill. I'm
hoping for Tomo, myself. I wouldn't feel guilty about killing her."
"No one would feel guilty about that."
I almost feel sorry for Tomo. She really has no idea how badly she's bringing this
on herself.
"Let's do it!" the ringleader shouted.
"Noooo!" Came a cry from above. The ringleader looked up to see a small
figure dart out from its place on a lower branch of a nearby tree. He saw a
flash of pink, identifying it as a girl's school uniform.
Attack of the psychotic stalker lesbian!
Then his eyes exploded as a sledgehammer caved in his skull.
Though I do wonder about her choice of weapon. Is that really a Kaorin weapon?
Xxxxxxxxx
Ten seconds later.
[Nameless Male Student #26: Dead]
[Nameless Female Student #33: Dead]
[Nameless Male Student #32: Dead]
[Nameless Female Student #13: Dead]
[Nameless Female Student #14: Dead]
[Nameless Male Student #7: Dead.]
The girl works quick. O_o
Kaorin huffed and gasped, her already blood-sodden garments awash with a new
coating of gore. She limped slightly as blood poured from the wound on her
extra space between 'wound' and 'on'
leg. One of Sakaki's attackers snapped off a round that had taken her in the
calf. It wasn't life threatening, and she was barely aware of it through
her adrenaline high.
same thing up ther between 'it' and 'through'
"Are you all right?" Sakaki asked, tearing off part of her skirt to bind the
wound.
All the anger and pain in the world disappeared for Kaorin. Sakaki was not
only acknowledging her existence, but was actually concerned about her. In
And binding her wound...trying to take care of her. She should be going off into
dream land about now, heh.
five seconds she had more of Sakaki's attention than in their entire year
together in the same class. Now she could die happy, her life complete.
Ah, there she goes. I'm reminded of the sports festival ep of the anime.
As Sakaki bound the wound, Kaorin knew what she had to do. She boldly
stated," Don't worry, Sakaki-chan, I'll protect you from all of those
animals, just like I did now. I'll hunt them down and kill every last one of
them until only you and I remain."
Sakaki stopped tying the cloth. "Kill everyone?"
And the bad thing is, with her monotone voice, it'd be near impossible to hear a
warning in her voice, heh.
Kaorin was completely lost in her fantasy. "Yes, everyone. I won't let them
harm a hair on your head. And when I've killed them all, and it's only you
and I remaining, I'll kill myself. I love you so much, I'd be willing to do
that for you. I've always lovURK!" she gurgled, as a sickle embedded itself
in her back.
Too bad Kaorin never thought to find out if A: Sakaki was into girls, and B: If
Sakaki would have appreciated the offer she was now making. Ah well.
The sledgehammer slipped from Kaorin's hand as she fell to the ground, face
first. She was barely able to summon the strength to turn and see the face
of her killer. "Why? I would have died for you."
extra space between 'died' and 'for.'
Bloody sickle in hand, Sakaki stared down at Kaorin, her eyes emotionless
lumps of coal. "You said you'd kill everyone, and that would include
Chiyo-chan. I won't let anyone harm her, not even you."
"Wh... Why, Chiyo?" Kaorin gasped.
"She's too cute to die."
For some reason this seems a bit too talkitive for Sakaki. Also, while she mentions
it a bit in the anime, in the manga her references to cute things are nonexistent as
in stating they are cute. It's more her reaction to them that gives one the clues
that she has something of a cute obsession.
Un...grate...ful, bitch..." Kaorin rasped out, making an obscene gesture in
Sakaki's direction before expiring.
Hehehehahahaahahaahah...oh man...heh.
[Female student # 35 Kaori Aida: Dead]
With Kaorin dead, Sakaki began collecting the weapons that had been lying
around. She would need them to sweep the island clean of all the Battle
Royale participants, all save Chiyo. Kaorin had a good idea; it just needed
the cast altered slightly. It would be Sakaki acting as protector for Chiyo.
And if either of them had thought of it, Kaorin could have easily been pursuaded to
help Sakaki in this endevor. Then at the last, both could have commited a lover's
suiicide. It would have appealed to Kaorin, I'm sure. Sakaki's not that devious
though, and Karoin would have never thought of it.
And when it was down to the two of them, Sakaki would kill herself, thus
ensuring Chiyo got out alive. Of all the people in the class, she was the
one that deserved to live the most.
With the shear number of misunderstandings and psychotic classmates, I'm taking bets
no one is getting out of this one alive.
Cept Osaka. She's got a strange karma about her.
Now it came time to hunt down the others. As much as Sakaki didn't want to
kill anyone, she resigned herself to the idea that it had to be this way to
protect Chiyo. Although ideally Sakaki hoped she'd run into Tomo first.
She'd feel the least amount of guilt at killing her.
What gets me is just how calmly and rationally everyone is taking this. For some
reason I can see a lot of this being in character. Aside from the crack they all
must be smoking, these girls are nuts, heh.
xxxxxxxxx
Chiyo walked through the woods cautiously, keeping her gun pointed low to
prevent her arms from growing tired. She only wished she could put it back
in her pack, but she didn't dare, not with all the people out there ready to
kill her on sight.
At least someone is thinking...for the most part.
<snip two three...>
"Because when I first came to the class, he made fun of me because of my
height. Everyone did. Well, I might be small, but I have a big gun, and in
the end, isn't that what really matters? Chiyo pulled the trigger again.
[Nameless Female Student #3: Dead.]
And who says Chiyo is above being petty? But then, she's never had this kind of
power before either.
"Wow! This is actually kind of fun!" Payback was a bitch, and so was she.
Now anyway. ^_^
Being naughty felt pretty darn good. She wondered if she could find Tomo. Of
all the people in class that had mocked her for her height, she deserved to
<Elmer Fudd> It's Tomo season! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuu
die the most. Sakaki was second on the list, not because she had made fun of
Chiyo, but because she was so tall. Chiyo was pretty sure Sakaki was
stealing her height somehow. Probably through osmosis.
That meeting is going to be comical. And tragic, definately tragic.
Chiyo was fantasizing about shooting Sakaki in the kneecaps, so she could
finally look at the taller girl eye-to-eye, or as close to eye-to-eye as
possible, when a familiar face popped out of the bushes next to Chiyo. The
smaller girl was so startled, she nearly dropped her gun.
And Sakaki would let her too. ^^
"Oh, hey, Chiyo-chan," Osaka said dreamily.
I almost pegged her as one that would have fallen asleep somewhere, woken up, and
everyone else would have been dead.
Chiyo brought her gun up and aimed at the face. "Of all the people in my
class, you deserve to die the least. Right after me," Chiyo qualified.
Osaka thought about that for a moment. "Well, you are pretty smart, so I
guess you might be right."
"Good-bye," Chiyo said, and pulled the trigger.
The gun simply clicked.
I saw that one coming. Still pretty funny though. ^_^
Chiyo stared at her weapon, horrified. A misfire. She took aim again and
pulled the trigger once more.
Another hollow click.
"Ah! I know I only fired four rounds!" Chiyo popped open the cylinder and
looked at the chambers.
Two of them were empty.
She forgot to check how much ammo she had? That's one of the first things you check!
It's basic firearm safety! Poor girl is slippin', heh.
Xxxxxxx
"I hope you guys appreciate how much money I saved you by not loading any of
the guns with all the bullets they could hold," Yukari told the squad that
had gathered around her. "Now, who wants to place bets on who's going to win
this thing? Sakaki currently has the best odds, with even money, followed by
Kagura at four to three. Tomo's the longshot at twenty-five to one, simply
because everyone in class wants to kill her."
And then they're coming for you, Yukari.
"Um, isn't betting on which of yours students is going to die next kind of
sick?" one of the soldiers asked.
Actually they did this in the Battle Royale novel.
Yukari looked upon the soldier in contempt. "You sir, have obviously never
been a high-school teacher. Trust me, after five years of it, you'll come to
the realization that all teenagers need to die. Now place your bets!"
Shit, I was a student an I thought that. Come to think of it, I don't know of too
many people now adays who have any good things to say about the place where they
received their education. Sad reflection of our society.
xxxxxxxxxx
Chiyo laughed nervously as Osaka emerged from the bushes, hands behind her
back. The class prodigy tossed the Magnum aside. "I was just joking. I
wouldn't shoot you."
Little late for that one.
Osaka looked at her quizzically. "You really should shoot me. That is the
objective of the lesson, after all. And they'll kill us if we don't kill
each other. So feel free to shoot me."
Osaka is the one who told the story about being a serial killer at the Beach House.
Chiyo should probably be very afraid at this point. Especially with the logic she
had just been presented with.
"Um, no way! You're too good a friend," Chiyo insisted.
"And you're a good friend, too," Osaka assured her.
"So you're not going to kill me?"
"Of course I am. Goodbye, Chiyo-chan." Osaka brought her hands forward, and
held the weapon Yukari had given her high. Using all of her might, she
brought it down hard right on top of Chiyo's skull.
Heh, Osaka's world view is OUT there. I can certainly see how, in the appropriate
circumstances she could love you to death, but would gladly kill you and not feel too
terribly bad about it...or even think twice about the necessity.
[Female Student #1: Chiyo Mihama: Sore head]
"Ow!" Chiyo cried out. "That hurt."
Osaka reexamined the item that had been in her backpack. "Darn. I guess a
paper fan isn't a good weapon to kill a student with, like I thought it
would."
*SNERK*
Osaka struck Chiyo in the head again, eliciting another yelp. Osaka sighed.
"Hold still, this might take a while."
You are a bad bad man, Mr. Sommer. ^_^ Good job!
"No way!" Chiyo ran for it, with Osaka hot on her heels.
xxxxxxxxx
The soldier manning the radio suddenly jerked to life as an incoming
transmission caught his attention. He listened to the message intently, then
acknowledged receiving it. Within seconds he left his post and located the
colonel in charge of the operation. He passed the communiqu� to the colonel.
The man in charge nodded, then wasted in time in heading toward Yukari.
"I need to ask you something," the colonel said.
"What?" Yukari asked irritably. She had been enjoying herself immensely as
the little lights indicating which of her students were still alive
disappeared one by one.
<Chuck Norris> And when your time comes you're going to be crying like a little baby.
"Evidently there's a low yield thermonuclear bomb missing from our
inventory. The base commander can't seem to find it anywhere."
Slight correction. Thermonuclear would indicate a hydrogen fusion type if I'm not
mistaken. Extremely large explosion. What you're wanting is a Tactical (TAC)
Nuke...again if I'm not mistaken.
<snippage!>
"Of course I did. I put it in one of the backpacks myself. That's why I told
you not to worry about it. Now you know where it is."
"What?!" the colonel bellowed. "How could you take one of those?!"
Yeah, I'm kinda wondering about that one myself, heh.
"Hey, I was given carte blanche on what to take from the base, and that was
one of the weapons that was on the list." Yukari said defensively. "By the
I don't even know how many people would have had to have signed off on the removal of
such a device. How did she manage this? Then again...maybe I don't want to know.
way, you have a shitty armory. I couldn't find a paper fan there and had to
make it up myself."
"You idiot, how could you have been so stupid as to bring a thermonuclear
device here?"
"Hey, it was low yield!" Yukari shouted back.
"That's still enough to take everyone on the island out, including us!"
"Bah!" Yukari waved her hand dismissively. "We don't have anything to worry
about."
"Why is that?"
"There's one thing you're forgetting: setting off a device like that is
suicidal. Now who would be stupid enough to do that?"
She really doesn't think too many things through, does she?
xxxxxxxxxx
Tomo found herself backed to the edge of a cliff on the outer fringe of the
island. The projection jutted away from the island proper, leaving water
surrounding her on three sides. A glance down below revealed dozens of
breakers and white foam as the ocean crashed into the jagged rocks below.
Well...stuck between a rock and a hard place. Wonder how she'll get out of this one.
Too bad she's got the nuke. This is about to end badly.
"Shoot, wrong turn." Tomo's lament doubled when she saw Yomi emerge from the
forest and into view, bat held at the ready
"Nowhere left to go, Tomo-chan." A small trail of drool dribbled from Yomi's
mouth.
Oddly, I expected her to have a more beautific expression rather than a drooling
maniac type.
Tomo held her hands up in a warding gesture. "Now, Yomi, don't do anything
you might regret later."
"Like forgive you?"
"I could live with that."
*rimshot!
<Yomi> *thinks* No you won't.
"I couldn't." Yomi took another step forward, inhaling deeply as her revenge
was nearly at hand.
"Fine, you leave me no choice." Tomo reached into her backpack and pulled
out a large device with a red button displayed prominently on the front.
The insane gleam in Yomi's eyes disappeared as she saw the radiation symbol
on the side of the weapon. It took her only a moment to divine the purpose
of it. "That's a bomb of some kind. A radioactive one. If you set that off,
it'll kill everyone on the island."
"If my good friend Koyomi Mizuhara wants be dead, then I have nothing to
live for," Tomo said, her voice full of conviction.
By that logic she's probably never had anything to live for then.
The words cut Yomi to the core. Her eyes teared up as she saw Tomo in a new
light. "Oh my god, I had no idea you cared so much for me, Tomo. You really
are my best friend in the world." Yomi tossed Mr. Spiky Bat aside, the
purpose behind its existence forgotten.
"It's nice to have you back, Yomi," Tomo said sincerely, she set the bomb on
the ground.
Yomi ran forward and the two shared an embrace. The remained that way for a
few moments, then stood back from one another.
*%So now I come to you...with open arms...*%
"It's nice to be back," Yomi said in just as much earnest. "Now let's get
rid of the bomb, and figure out how to get out of this mess."
This is far too upbeat. Something is going to happen.
"Okay!" Tomo said enthusiastically. She picked the device back up and drew
back with it, as though to hurl it into the ocean. She paused for a moment,
looking at it curiously. Then, to Yomi's horror, she pushed the red button.
Immediately a timer came on, its display showing fifteen seconds until
detonation.
She did push the button that would kill Chiyo, didn't she?
Yomi's jaw dropped as low as Kimura's ever had. "You've killed both of us,
and after we patched things up. Why Tomo? Why did you do it?"
Tomo considered the matter with what little time remained. "Well, you know
how if you see a yard with a 'Beware of Dog' sign on it, and you feel
compelled to run across the yard as fast as you can to see if they were
telling the truth or if they're full of crap?"
"Of course not! Only a brainless moron would do something as stupid as
that!"
And there you go. ^_^
"Well, I would." Tomo said proudly. "When I see a button that says 'Warning:
Will set off nuclear device' I just have to push it."
Mental note: Do not let her next to the self destruct button.
Yomi was sorry. Sorry for ending up on the island. Sorry for trusting Tomo.
And most importantly, sorry she had thrown Mr. Spiky Bat away, since she
would have had just enough time to use it on Tomo.
If it's any cosolation, she might just have a brief flash of Tomo dying before her.
"Say, do you think I'm going to win this thing since I killed everyone
else?" Tomo asked.
"Shut up, Tomo."
Since she's on a cliff, why didn't Yomi just push her off?
Xxxxxxxxx
And then there was a flash of light.
There's a certain degree of justice in that ending, you know.
Xxxxxxxxx
[ENDING ONE]
Now this was the 'Politically Correct' version of the story, which producers
thought needed to happen, since it did so well with test audiences. However,
there is an unofficial 'Director's Cut', which does exist. All you have to
do is send $5.00 to me, and I'll send you a copy.
In the alternative, you can simply hit the 'page down' key, and scroll
downward and read it. Personally, I'd rather you did the former, though.
And if I were Osaka, I'd probably do it.
<snip>
Akemi turned on her charm and the smile that had won her several prestigious
news awards. "It is now my duty, honor, and privilege to present to you the
winner of this year's Battle Royale, Female Student #37: Osaka... um, just
Osaka."
Yeah, I figured she'd be the one to get out of this one alive.
Osaka walked up to the camera, blood staining her uniform in a variety of
places. There was blood on her face as well, one patch in particular
resembling a handprint. She waved to the camera with a paper fan, also
soaked with blood.
I wonder how long it takes to beat someone to death with one of those.
Akemi leaned closer to the girl, placing the microphone before her. "So,
Miss Osaka, do you have any..." Akemi trailed off as a sense of deja-vu
overwhelmed her. There was something about the vacant stare that seemed
familiar. It took her a second to place it.
"My god! You're Ayumu 'Nail File' Kasuga .You won last year's Battle Royale
extra space between the 'Kasuga' and the '.'
Heheheheeheheheheheeheheh, nail file. Right. ^_^ Guess that's more interesting that
butcher knife she was going to use on Yukari one time.
and earned your nickname by dispatching all of the opposition with a nail
file. They didn't mention you returning this year. Obviously you wanted to
give the others a false sense of security by pretending not to be the
extra space between 'of' and 'security.' This a problem with your mail program?
returning champion and used an assumed name."
Osaka shook her head. "No, they just called me Osaka. I don't think
Yukari-sensei knew my real name by the second day I was in her class. As to
how I ended up here, after I killed everyone last year, I ended up getting
held back a grade and was transferred to another school. Then I was sent on
another of these field trips and had to kill all of my classmates. Again.
This year was much harder than last year, though."
"You really liked the people?"
"Actually, it was because I had to kill them with this." She waved the
crimson paper fan in front of the camera. "It's much harder to kill people
with a paper fan than it is to kill them with a nail file."
Akemi was in shock. "You mean to tell me you actually killed people with a
paper fan? I find that hard to believe."
"I can show the audience at home by killing you with it." Osaka drew the fan
back.
*maniacal cackle*
"I believe you! I believe you!" Akemi insisted. "I guess you used a paper
fan because you like a challenge, eh?"
Nice backtrack. Though I'd almost expect Osaka to go, "No...I don't think you do. I
really have to show you. It'll only take a minute...well, not really, it actually
takes awhile."
"What do you mean?" Osaka asked.
"Well, you could have grabbed a sword or a gun from some of the others you
killed, and gotten rid of the rest more efficiently. But being the veteran
you are, you evened things up by using one of the most difficult weapons out
there."
"You mean I don't have to use the weapon I was given?"
"Of course not. You can use any weapon you get your hands on."
Osaka stared at her fan in betrayal. "Darn."
But it was the weapon she asked for and was given. I honestly wonder if she'd have
thought it was right to take another one even if that was an option for her.
Akemi just smiled for the audience's benefit. "In any case, since you're
She gonna need a drink after this one. Osaka is going to get recruited as a hitman.
the first two-time winner we've had, are you going to come back next year
and try to threepeat?"
Osaka shook her head. "I think next year I'd like to go somewhere that I
didn't have to kill all my friends. It's kind of depressing " Well, killing
missing the '.' after 'depressing'
Tomo had been sort of fun, but she was kind of down about the others. Even
if they had been a little weird.
Heh, I'm surprised she got to Tomo to be honest.
In any case, she'd have to transfer again, and hopefully this time she could
avoid killing everyone she knew. It was tiring. Especially for her arms.
Although if she did, she'd think she'd try killing everyone with a rubber
band. That would probably be a lot better weapon that a paper fan.
I'm reminded of the scene in "Chronicals of Riddick" where Riddick killed a guy with
his tea cup, after he said he was going to kill the guy with the tea cup mind you,
then picked up a very tiny key, set it on the rock next to him, and looked at the
guys in front of him HIGHLY amused.
I don't know about the rest of your audience, but I'm sure freaked. ^_^
xxxxxxx
[Final ending]
And thus the fic ends. Hope you enjoyed it, in a macabre sort of way.
Oh yeah. This was great. ^_^ I recall on #TenchiFF on Aniverse we were discussing
the idea of this sort of fusion after seeing that doujinshi cover, but no one had the
balls or the inclination to try and write the fic. Heh, this was beyond anything
that I could have hoped for, and I was very entertained. It had a bit of the of the
flavor of the Scary Movie spoofs, but far more intelligent I must say. Yeah, it was
a bit macabre, but for some reason that just made it funnier. Then again, I also
thought several of the Nightmare on Elm Streets were more funny than scarry.
Thanks for writing this. I'll have to forward it on to a few people that aren't on
the list. I'm sure they'd enjoy this too.
K'thardin
"One shall stand, one shall fall."
-Optimus Prime
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