Kenji Murasaki wrote:

The peninsula was a quiet affair.

Landmasses usually are, unless there's an earthquake going on.

Even worse, that elemental menace, Saint Evans, could have placed
them all in the corner and bade them be silent.  It was a disciplinary
option not quite beneath his morals.

Heh. Sounds like a more forceful version of a Geomancer

Whatever the motive, it made the fish sullen and inactive, and that
meant a sullen and inactive Ryu Bateson.

And it was a state he desired the least.  He and his non-nature
companions were in something of a limbo, not knowing where they could
venture next.  This, in turn, lead to a spirited bickering on where they
should next travel.  However, each participant was proved spirited

as spirited as

Everyone had their off days.

Nina was watching Ryu have his, not that he knew she was there.  And
the black winged girl was fine with that stalking realization.  It made
her feel slightly better to watch over him, as he often did for her in
times of trouble.

Of course she'd much rather comfort him in his face

'comfort him to his face' would  be better, IMO.

Ryu grumbled in annoyance.  The fish all appeared to be wallflowers.
They didn't even go for the Lambada!

Well, perhaps the fish further out to sea knew a Jitterbug step or two.

Course mapped, he snapped his line out of the water and further behind
him, ready to perform his fly-fishing fling.  The young dragon clansman
hurled the line forward--

And caught something.

Oops.

Ryu smiled, and then realized that his line was not in the water, so
it had to have been caught in the background flora and fauna.

Well, it wasn't much of a problem.  The new rod and line were
tested, and strong enough to pull boulders.  Why, a few jiggles

Since this is a lemon, I'm assuming there will be a few jiggles.

Nina looked at the soggy dragonboy, and shook her head.  "Don't worry
about it much.  I'm just surprised my dress held instead of ripping."

So am I. Some lemon. :)

Setting the fire wasn't laborious.  They'd chosen a spot where the amorous
cliff whittled away the already quiet affairs of the wind, and there were
a surprising number of branches to be had.

Nice way of giving the elements characteristics. It adds a certain style to
things.

"My satchel and rod's

rod

 >

"Okay, I guess," Ryu sighed, relenting.  "But won't it--"

Nina tooke

took

Then again, it was an understandable oversight.  She was in a rush to
help the dragonboy, in

drop the comma

"It wasn't any trouble, really!"  She waved her hands as if to ward off
his suddenly somber expression.

Still, Ryu was unconvinced.  "Why don't you go ahead and warm up by
the fire?  I'll finish that line, and see what I can coup up

coup up? Not familiar with the term

 for

"Eh?  You think I'm sad?"

"Well, yes."  The mage motioned helplessly with her hands, summoning
a spirit of benevolence.  "I mean, we won our bid against the church of
Evans,

Church of

"Nina," the dragonboy started.  "Have you ever just wanted away?

wanted to go away (sounds better to me)

"Didn't mean it like that.  It's just..." He scratched his head,
uncertain.  "Do you realize we have to kill a god?"

Nina: Gods are made for killing. Why do you think there's more than one of
them?

The temperature of Nina's cheeks increased fifteen degrees, despite
her clothing's cold, clamy

clammy (I think)

His male brain was far too busy processing other details.  Nina's back
was exposed, though it was evident she had some sort of leotard
covering the rest of her torso and abdomen, leaving her legs deliciously
bare.  Her fine skin tone, much like the outside of an apricot fruit,

Not a good comparison. Bad for the mood you're trying to set.

"It should be almost dry by dusk, don't you think?"  She asked,

she

"Just site here

sir

And she meant it.  She would stick by him, even into certain death.
The mage owed him that much.  She'd also be doing so without regret,
which made the weight easier to carry.  Awkward, yes, since he did
not return her feelings, but easier all the same--

Wait, something was happening that she should be paying attention to.

Oh, lovely, he was kissing her.

Heh

Nice fic. It worked well. Glad I finally got to it.

DB Sommer



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