----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Chris McFadden" <nightwindssong@adelphia.net>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>; <SnakeWhoLived@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, June 27, 2004 2:50 AM
Subject: [FFML] Hikari no Daija (The Serpent of Light)

Hello, all. Andrew Norris, myself and the crew of #Akane are

working on a

new story that will turn Hogwart's upside down as new students

are arriving

during Harry Potter's second year. The Prologue, "Revelation in

Nerima" is

now posted on my site, HYPERLINK

"http://nightwindssong.anifics.com/"http://nightwindssong.anifics
.com, as

well as a picture of one of the new students in their Hogwart's

robes on the

fan art page.

Pretty good and easy to read, but there seem to be logical
plot-holes (cliches) of fandom.

While I'm not totally adverse to non-cannon pairings, they need
to be fairly carefully set up. This one isn't. Yes, Akane *can*
be a bitch at points, but she does show she cares about Ranma. To
have her *totally* ignore Ranma's plight and being stuck as a
child isn't just contrary to the series as a whole, it's totally
against that particular story *arc*.

Nabiki, likewise, is about as OOC as you can have and still be
vaguely recognizable.

Most of the rest sounds quite neat. I had never thought to see
Ranma de-aged by the mushrooms and then sent to Hogwarts. A cool,
new plot twist.

The Happosai thing seems very forced as it is presented. Perhaps
too neatly tied up would be a better description. Really, I can't
see him giving the school's mastery like that. Heck, I'd say that
it would almost have to be gotten by the cliched "beaten by the
student fairly" plot.

Had to LOL the Amazon thing. And really, that seems
counter-intuitive. Not only is Cologne pretty much a lore-master
sort, but Shampoo and herself have been shown to brew potions.
Maybe it would be more appropriate to show her as nearly a squib,
and that Shampoo reasons for messing up potions is that she
doesn't have any real magical ability.

Happosai would have to have some minor magical talent. Perhaps in
the Orient it isn't *strictly* squib-muggle/Wizard and there are
intermidiate steps.

Be warned: Hogwart's is never going to be the same as chaos

fills the

school's halls, alliances are formed and sanity is rent

asunder.

Miriani

Hope that helps. Please do keep the FFML updated on this story.
I'd like to see it succeed as a good story!

Arthur Hansen


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