Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma][Spammish] The Island of Death's Doctor
From: hkmiller
Date: 6/26/2004, 2:00 PM
To: Elisteran N/A
CC: ffml@anifics.com


I just HAVE to comment on a fic with such a Lupinesque title...

Elisteran N/A wrote:

"Ranma! Wake up!" The man slapped him several times; the boy's skin
looked a little gray in the early light, and felt a bit chill from the
spray of water lapping against the beach.

Uh-oh.  Actually, this is kind of like Wolfe, at least occasionally:  
understating a point
so subtlely that it takes you by surprise when you realize it later.  I 
note at this point that
the man was earlier described as unconscious, but no such adjective was 
applied to the boy.

The man felt a bit panicked,
but his hard-earned survival skills came to the fore. "All right,
Ranma, I'll just move you over here underneath the shade, and you can
sleep for a while longer." 

This strikes me as so unlike Genma that I suspect that, on some level, 
he knows what's
happened to Ranma.

The man's voice had softened as he spoke;
he was gentle moving his sleeping son off the coral sanded beach, and
into a forested area some yards away. He arranged some branches over
his son's body as shelter, before returning to the beach to survey
where they were and what the next goal was.
 

"The" next goal, not "their" next goal.  Again, a subtle word choice 
reminiscient of Wolfe.


"Ah, right, sir.  I froze them here in this freezing chamber as they
 

"as they happened"?  Suspect you want "chamber, as it happened,"

in the depths. "But what do *I* care for a flower? What have you done
with animals?"

Dr. Tofu gulped. "Sir, I... I ... no." His voice was weak and
tremulous by comparison. "I can reverse the final transition, but
animals are affected by some different mechanism. I'm close, though, I
 

On second reading, I'm getting more here than I did the first, but I'm 
not sure that's good.
Suspect you want to be a bit plainer here:  "the death of animals", perhaps.

tune that had been very popular with the Emperor when he was at
court. 

Hmmm... Immortal Tofu's back.  Seems like it's been a while since I've 
seen that one.


OK, this is a somewhat spamficcish introduction to a lighthearted
story

Didn't read very lighthearted to me.  Ranma dying at the age of 6 may 
have had
something to do with that.

recently; I started wondering about a chibi-zombie Ranma.

I don't think a series starting with the Tendo girls being introduced to 
a six-year-old
Frankenstein version of Ranma would work all that well, to tell you the 
truth.
Where would it go?

This fic is an attempt at integrating scenes into the prose (without
explicit scene demarcation), and I'd particularly like to know
peoples' opinions of that. Comments on anything else are also welcome.
I'd like to know what works *and* what *doesn't* work.
 

Well, I thought the descriptive prose was good.  You sneak some twists 
into what
appears to be straightforward exposition.

The title is a play on Gene Wolfe's collection _The Island of Dr Death
and Other Stories and Other Stories_, which contains, among other
things, the stories "The Island of Dr Death and Other Stories", "The
Death of Dr. Island", and the "The Doctor of Death Island".
 

His collection "The Wolfe Archipelago" also contains "Death of the 
Island Doctor", by the
way.




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