Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org> writes:
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Diamonds in the Rough -- Chapter Eleven -- Wrap Party
Disclaimer: Paints in this story are from Rumiko Takahashi,
Viz (Ranma 1/2), TV Tokyo and Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina), and Tatsuya
Egawa (Goldenboy). The easel is mine. That's all.
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Others have already done line-by-lines, so I'll try to avoid repeating
anything.
Ranma looked between Kintaro and Seta curiously, but Kintaro
merely shook his head. "How old were they?" the elder Oe asked.
"Well, she was sixteen, or so, and he wouldn't have been
more than five or six at the most," Seta answered after a pause. He
chuckled dryly, and shook his head. "It seems to be a tradition in
my family to have children unusually far apart in age. Ah, it's
While perhaps plausible for a conversation piece, this seems to be an
irrelevant detail that could be cut. When I first read this, my eyes
glazed over and I skipped the conversation completely.
Everyone chuckled at that, chattering in small groups, until
They chuckled while chattering? perhaps 'chuckled at that, and broke
up into small chattering groups' or something.
Naru and Keitaro choked on their drinks in tandem, then
stared at Kintaro fixedly. "Finally get around..." Keitaro began.
"... to picking up that law degree?" Naru completed.
"Why?" Keitaro and Naru asked together, the pair of them
seeming to think the idea a blasphemy.
"Well, something more important came up," Kintaro said
dismissively. "It was only a few months of classes anyway."
His entire time at Todai was only a few months of classes, or he
skipped out on a few months of classes? That seems a little
confusing.
"I think you should," Ranma advised, frowning.
"Which one is Narusegawa?" Kintaro asked, glancing between
the two.
"Hmm? Oh, the uh ... medium-height violent one with
glasses, and light-brown hair," Ranma offered.
Violent seems an odd adjective to describe someone, particularly
coming from Ranma.
Ranma's eyebrows rose, and he shook his head quickly.
"Aniki," he protested, flushing slightly. "It's not like that --
I'm interested in someone el-- Um...." He coughed. "I'm not
interested in anyone right now."
Kintaro smirked, nodding knowingly, while Keitaro blinked in
surprise. Ranma didn't like Narusegawa? Keitaro couldn't be
certain, but he doubted that Ranma would lie to his older brother.
Despite the fact he either began a lie and aborted, or began the truth
and aborted into a lie? Hmm.
Was it ... somehow a misunderstanding? Were Narusegawa and Ranma
_not_ seeing one-another?
Is a hyphen appropriate here?
The man, much like Keitaro's goal of reaching Todai, began
to recede before him, shrinking, and moving further away, though the
intensity of his gaze hadn't faded one whit. It was only when the
nearly numbed reverberations through his head jarred his glasses off
that Keitaro realized he had fallen backwards.
Very nice scene.
"It's a possibility, I suppose," Kintaro mused, rubbing his
chin thoughtfully. "But not the bicycle."
Doesn't Keitaro already have a bicycle? I seem to recall some
pell-mell rides down the inn steps. But it's been a while.
"Okay, Aniki. Take care."
"You too," Kintaro called back, smiling, then walking to the
bicycle in the courtyard. Ranma sighed, not looking back at his
brother, and walked down the stairs.
As DB said, I was surprised that he appeared and vanished so
quickly. He's been a figure of speculation for so long. I think it was
very productive, though.
During a break from studying, Naru sat atop the roof,
leaning against the peak. Keitaro, Shinobu, and Suu were nearby,
admiring the view of the city. It had rained much of the day, so
once the clouds had gone away, the air was clean, and smelled fresh,
presenting a clear view to the beach, and beyond. "It's nice," Naru
finally said, drawing her knees up to her chest, and wrapping her
arms around them.
Suu lounged across the peak of the roof like a sunning cat,
already wearing her winter school uniform. To Naru's left, hands on
I don't get that sentence. This is in the evening, so it's not that
Suu is already wearing her winter uniform for school... so maybe you
mean Suu is wearing it even though it isn't the day to switch
uniforms? (Otherwise, Shinobu should have had to
switch also).
"Or maybe she did, and tried anyway," Mutsumi suggested.
"Love isn't something to be good at, Shinobu-chan. It's just
something you do." She offered an enigmatic smile then, shaking her
head. "But, worry about that later."
Wise Mutsumi.
The girl giggled in embarrassment, hiding the hammer behind
her back. "Hey, Keitaro," she said softly.
Dazed, confused, and having just been used as her impromptu
landing pad, Keitaro slowly smiled. "Hey ... Naru."
Nice.
A quite good chapter.