"Dro'gan, called NiteFlier" <drogan_niteflier@earthlink.net> writes:
The brownie that woke me was talking with another. Their chirps and
trills were unintelligible to my ears. The two creatures concluded
their conversation, and hopped back to me. They both started
chittering at me, but I still could not understand them.
I'd suggest some sort of sequencing there, as in "They both then
started" or some such.
I decided that I could trust these brownies for now, and followed them
deeper into the forest.
could? or would?
They were both Giants, one standing eleven or twelve feet, and clothed
in robes, and the other standing perhaps thirteen or fourteen feet,
and clad in a simple jerkin and pants. The robed Giant had an air of
magic around him and carried a staff near as tall as himself. His
magic was different from what I was used to, not holding the vibrancy
of energy, but instead lending itself to the changing currents of the
storms.
Not sure this contrast works.
He was quite astonished that I was magically active, for even though
Does she use protection? Did her mother ever sit her down and explain
the birds and the bees?
Mochal almost fell on his face at this.
An anime convention that seems at odds with the tone of the fic. I'd
suggest dropping.
It was at this point that I was entertained by Mochal *quite*
forcefully explaining to Talapin that if he were to teach me he would
need the permission of the Council of Sorcerers at the Tower of Air,
and he doubted very much that the Storm Giants that made up the
Council would let an Elf, no matter that I had been adopted by a Storm
Warrior, learn the Way of Air. He proceeded to tell Talapin that if he
were to even suggest such to the Council, he might be thrown out of
the Tower, and forbidden to practice the very magic that Talapin
wished for me to learn.
So she speaks Air at this time?
By this time, my legs were whole enough that I could get around
Talapin s home with the aid of crutches, and I had a room of my
Talapin's
"Waht?" I croak.
Intentional? Or should that be "What?"
"Shhh." Talapin leans over me, and whispers. "You've got some talent,
Krystal! Mochal told me that you worked your way through to a spell
that he had not taught you yet! But..." he became even
quieter. "You've also got one of the High Sorcerers from the Tower
here because of it. Talapin s trying to worm responsibility off of
Mochal, I think
Mochal is
That day old Cirrus taught me three mid level spells, and many more
low level ones. By the time I went to bed that night, my blood was
singing with magic from the mana potions that I had taken, but I could
tell quite easily that my reserve of magic had nearly doubled in size
over the course of a single day!
Lord Cirrus had also let me drink a single potion of heath, obtained
health
I explained what had happened that day, and found that most of the
council members features were growing dark. Several of them, Sandoval,
members'
Lord Cirrus, and surprisingly, the unnamed chairman watched me with
quite interesting expressions.
At the end of my tale, the same Council member who berated Talapin
jumped up. "I vote that we dismiss this matter and this girl
immediately! It has no bearing on the Tower or the Way!" Several of
the others with dark faces agreed with him.
Depending on the formality, I'd expect to see a distinction between a
proposal or motion and a vote (that is, something which outlines a course of
action, and an actual voting for it).
Also interesting. I fear that she may become too powerful to be
interesting, if she goes along learning all of the magic, and is so
much better at it than anybody else; but right now it's still flowing
nicely and entertainingly.