Subject: [FFML] Re: [fusion][Azumanga/BR] Azumanga Royale
From: Jorge Pratt Blanno
Date: 6/24/2004, 3:06 AM
To: DB Sommer , ffml@anifics.com


Commenting as I read, and without having read the other replies, since I
don't want to let another day pass before C&C'ing :P

Azumanga Royale


Aaaaigh! Well, I guess that's what I get for taking so long with my own
version. XO

(OTOH, mine had only Gotcha-style paintball battles, so I guess it
doesn't apply XD)

(Both the Original Version and Director's Cut)

Oh, I have *got* to get my hands on the Director's Cut. Do you know if
Tartan's version is R0, or at least NTSC-compatible?


[Forward: Come on, you know someone had to mix the two. This is a
parody, so
don't think for one second I'm taking a serious look at a merging of
the
two. As in the tradition of much Japanese cinema, there will be huge
amounts
of blood and gratuitous violence.]

XO

Much of it committed by Tomo as soon as she gets her hands on Kiriyama's
Ingram, I wager.


"No, I'm just excited we get to go there. Yukari-sensei said we'd get
a lot
of time to be outdoors."

Heh! Well, only if this is a traditional Program, unless Nanahara has
already done his thing with downtown Tokyo.

Yomi interrupted the conversation. "It is kind of funny how
Yukari-sensei
suddenly mentioned we'd be going on this thing today. You think she'd
have
brought it up before."

"She did seem unnaturally happy," Kagura added.

That's... unusually cruel of Yukari :P I can easily see her dancing and
skipping in the halls, but it's cruel of her nonetheless.

"It's because she doesn't have to teach class," Tomo explained.

"And gets to wear a gas mask," Osaka added.

XD

All of the girls turned to Osaka, mystified.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kagura asked.

"Look." Osaka pointed to the front of the bus, where Yukari was
sitting
placidly, gas mask over her face.

And metal nightstick in her hand, to deal with any light sleepers...


Yukari felt her face with her hands. "Umm, it's an... inhaler. I'm
having
problems breathing. Asthma, don't you know."

"Why is the bus driver wearing one, too?"

"He caught a case of asthma from me."

Heh. Nice segue.

"I'm thinking maybe she had a whole lot of beans yesterday, and
doesn't want
to smell the results," Tomo guessed.

After all, they had already witnessed Yukari finally being taken out to
Korean BBQ, and they could attest to the horrid aftermath.

The clamor of a hammer hitting an empty metal pot rang through the
air. The
noise roused the sleeping class, and they groggily began to rise.
Blinking
the sleep from their eyes, they found themselves no longer riding on a
bus,
but instead laying all about the floor of an unfamiliar classroom. It
appeared old and run down, with garbage strewn everywhere and chairs
and
desks tossed in a heap against one wall. Several of the windows were
broken,
and it was dark outside.

Aa, a difference. IIRC, the windows in the movie were boarded up, and
the novel had them sealed with metal sheeting, in order to confuse the
students. It's just a minor comment that will prolly have no bearing on
the story, but I found it interesting.

"Attention, Class!"

All eyes turned to the front of the classroom. Yukari stood there,
beaming
at them. Rather than the blouse, skirt, and gas mask she wore on the
bus,
she now wore combat fatigues and metal helmet.

She didn't really have to wear the fatigues, but when the alternative
was a raggedy set of sweatpants...

There was even an automatic
in the holster on her hip. The teacher was surrounded by a dozen men
also
garbed in fatigues. All of them had rough faces and wielded automatic
rifles
as though they were as much a part of them as their limbs and would
use them
without a second thought.

Is that a miffed and dejected Kitano I see among them...?

Tomo said, "Wow, Yukari-sensei, you sure can cut one."

"That was sleep gas, you little ingrate!" Yukari snapped.

XD

She continued on in a boastful voice. "I had to really pitch a hard
case to
get you guys included this year. The powers that be didn't think you
were
appropriate. But after countless hours of closed room discussions, I
convinced them you were the right class to be represented this year."

They continued staring silently at her.

Soldiers: ............

Soldier1: [aside] She *volunteered* them?

Soldier2: It's worse. The BR Program officially ended two years ago.

That snapped Kaorin out of her stupor. "Are you insane?! I don't want
to be
in the Battle Royale!"

o_O Kaorin knows about the Program?

She let the class absorb that. "Now, as I was saying, here's how we
work it.
You'll each be given a backpack that contains three days of rations, a
canteen, a map of the island, and a weapon in it, which you will use
to kill
other students."

"What sort of weapons?" Osaka asked.

Notice that she didn't react to the last sentence :P

(Then again, nor did any of the other students, either.)

Kagura leveled an accusatory finger at her "So this is why you
included that
question 'What weapon would you use to kill a fellow student?' on our
history quiz last week, isn't it?"

*facefault*

"It was the only question I got right," Osaka said sadly.

Awww... ;_;

One of the soldiers spoke up. "Ma'am, there is no other class. Your
students
are supposed to kill one another."

Yukari's laughter stopped. "What?"

*facefault through the floor* Oy...


Yukari snapped her fingers. In response, two soldiers wheeled in a
gurney.
There was a white shroud on the top, a red substance that could only
be
blood soaked through. It was clear from the size of the lump
underneath
there was something fairly large concealed underneath.

"Behold!" Yukari ripped the cover off.

Mr. Hayashida, NOO!

Stretched out prone on the gurney was Kimura.

Oh, wait, it's this guy. Nevermind, then.


Kimura suddenly sat up, shouting, "No, you can never have
Kaorin-chan!"

8O It LIVES! Kill it! Kill it with fire!


"K...Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms began to rise.

XD OK, Mr. Hayashida never had THAT kind of endurance.


After twenty seconds, Kaorin stopped, gasping for air and staring at
the
motionless remains with a wild-eyed glaze in her eyes.

Yukari was the first to recover. She slapped Kaorin on the back.
"That's the
spirit! I want all of you to go out there and grease each other with
all the
enthusiasm that Kaorin just demon-"

"DIIIIIIIEEEE!" Kaorin shouted and began stabbing the motionless
Kimura
again.

*laughs himself silly* That's three years of pent-up disgust, I can see.

Yukari nodded. "They also register your vital signs and where you are,
so we
can keep track of you." Yukari pulled a small control pad, about the
size of
a television remote, from one of the pockets on her uniform. "This is
the
remote detonator. If any of you get out of line, or try to flee the
island,
I'll blow you up."

*snap-click*

Osaka: [with the collar harmlessly in her hands] Aa, it came off...

Yukari: 8O

Soldiers: 8O

Osaka: Does this mean I win?

Yukari: How... Why did it... How did you...

Osaka: Oh, there's this little latch here that twists and...

*snap-click-snap-click-snap-click*

Students: [all without collars] ........

Yukari: Uh... This was a joke, guys. Just testing your reactions to
unfavorable situations! Yeah, that's it! [to the soldiers] Right guys?

Soldiers: .... [flee]

Yukari: XO

There was the sound of a loud crack as the device exploded, destroying
the
carotid artery of the student, sending a spray of blood across the
floor
before he collapsed to the ground, unmoving.

[Nameless Male Student #21: Dead]

Nobu-- er, Ohyama, NOO!


Another girl's collar beeped. She threw herself out a window rather
than
suffer the same indignity the others had.

[Nameless Female Student #17: Dead]

"Stop her before she kills them all herself!" one of the soldiers
shouted.

XD I can SO see her doing this!

You'll then have two minutes to high tail it out of here. Now, there
will be
no killing right around the school. You have to kill each other away
from
here."

A soldier spoke up. "That isn't one of the rules."

Yukari explained, "It is now. I might want to go out for a walk later,
and I
don't want to trip over a bunch of corpses."

Oh? No Forbidden Zones in this Program? As I recall, the purpose of the
Zones was to keep shrinking the territory that the students could roam
freely, thus forcing them into confronting one another. While you still
have the three-day limit, it's still conceivable for one or two students
to hide away for the duration of the game.

The reality of the situation began to seep in for the students, who
began
separating from one another, either as individuals or in small groups.
Everyone stared warily at those not around them, regarding the others
as
though they were starving animals and the rest of the class was
slathered in
bacon grease.

Or as though they were eggplants and the rest of the class were dipped
in melon jam, but that's because Osaka had skipped breakfast that
morning.

Kagura went up to Sakaki. "Well, we don't have any choice, so I guess
we'll
have to participate. Since you and me are clearly the best, and evenly
matched, we'll make it a contest between us. We'll kill everyone else
until
it's just us two, and the one who has the highest body count gets to
kill
the other."

That's... an interesting way to look at things. o_O

"Nah, it'll be fun and keep things interesting. 'Sides, I want to
prove once
and for all I'm better than you. Good luck." Kagura's name was called.
She
slapped Sakaki on the back and headed off to grab her pack.

So, "machine-gun" and "shotgun," are they?

Tomo whispered. "Why don't we sucker them by pretending to buddy up
with
them? Then, when their backs are turned, we'll whack them. We'll start
with
Chiyo first. She'll be easy to kill."

A phrase that will come back to haunt her when all her bullets sail
harmlessly above Chiyo's head.

"Pretend to buddy up and then stab them in the back. Sounds good to
me, my
best buddy in the whole world." Yomi gave Tomo a smile, one so large
it
nearly reached back to her ears.

8O

XD


"It's what friends call each other, right, Tomo-chan?" Impossibly, her
smile
widened.

"Teach! Yukari-chan! Yomi's giving me the creeps!"

"I kind of like the idea of us being alone and trying to kill one
another."

"Teach! Yomi's cornering me with logic again!"

Yomi's smile became more blood chilling. That was the weapon she had
written
down on the quiz when the Battle Royale question had come up. She had
been
envisioning it for a number of years, coincidentally in conjunction
with
killing a classmate. One in particular.

Heh! Coincidentally, I had pegged her as coming up with the RG86 grenade
launcher to use on Tomo :P

Yomi began a slow walk toward the exit, calling out, "Tomo-chan, my
best
buddy in the whole world, wait for me so we can 'team up'. I'll
introduce
you to my new friend, Mr. Spiky Bat. He's been wanting to meet you for
a
real long time. I think you're going to become real close."

*shudder*

The one with the knife spoke to his partner. "Hey, it's Tomo."

"Good. I've always wanted to kill her," The second said.

Well, that oughta teach Tomo to curb her berserker tendencies when among
her classmates.

Before the first boy could react, Yomi swung, cracking open his skull
and
driving the nails into his brain, killing him instantly. The bat was
so
firmly embedded, Yomi had to step on the head and brace herself before
managing to pry it out of the corpse.

Aaaaand zoom in with the TMI Cam! *takes notes for CSO*

The second youth had remained standing where he was, transfixed by the
savagery. Once Yomi's maniacal glare turned his was way, the spell was
broken. He turned and ran, but Yomi reacted with the quickness of a
cobra
and brought Mr. Spiky Bat down on his neck, breaking vertebrae and
killing
him instantly.

I can see Yomi as a pitch-black silhouette, only her glasses and manic
grin visible throughout this scene. Scary. o.o

Tomo backed away as quickly as Yomi moved forward. "I don't think you
can
break limbs painlessly."

"Silly me. Did I say painlessly? I meant as *painfully* as possible."
Yomi
lunged for Tomo, but the shorter girl was quicker as she ran for it
once
again.

Run, Tomo, run!

But I have the feeling these two will go the double-suicide route,
anyway :P

Chiyo trembled in fright as she found herself alone in the woods. She
had
been one of the first to be sent out by Yukari, and had made the best
use
she could with her head start by running for it.

I half-expected her to pull a Shuya and try to make peace with everyone,
but then again, she's so much younger and smaller. Running was probably
the best bet.

Chiyo gave a terrified squeal and ran away from the tree, turning to
see who
had spoken. She saw it was one of the guys in class. She didn't know
his
name. It was hard to remember the names of anyone other than her
friends.

*somewhere, someplace, Kiyohiko Azuma and a Media Works director sneeze
simultaneously*

Next to him was a girl whom Chiyo identified as his girlfriend. At
least she
assumed the girl was. They had exchanged spit frequently enough.

Which they carried around in little vials in their pockets. It was
gross, really.


"Or I'll... I'll..." Chiyo pulled her weapon from her backpack. Her
hand was
barely able to support the massive weight of the .357 Magnum .

8O

Suddenly Chiyo brought the gun back up, held it steady in front of
her, and
pulled the trigger. The recoil was so great it sent the tiny girl
flying ten
feet backward.

"Chiyo-chan, why are you flying?"

"I'm ten years old and I just fired a Magnum! Aaaaaah!"

that the top of her boyfriend's skull was missing and the former
contents
within it were now decorating the tree Chiyo had been resting against
not a
minute earlier.

Deleted scenes from Trading Spaces, I assume.

Chiyo yelped as she once again went flying through the air and landed
hard
on her bottom. She rested on her sore posterior for a few moments,
rubbing
it gingerly. It was a lucky thing for her her father had insisted she
learn
how to shoot a gun for self-defense.

Chiyo-chichi: Chiiiyoooooo..... Do you like pistoooools?

Chiyo: Yay! Yay! I get to practice with guns!

Chiyo-chichi: You can use me for target practice. I'm bulletproof!

Chiyo: Whee!

Chiyo had always thought he was being
paranoid, but obeyed. It turned out she was a natural shot, though she
had
never fired anything more powerful than a .22.

She would have called herself Derringer Chiyo, but then a short-haired
woman with a long white cape came by and slapped a copyright lawsuit on
her.


"I'll give this to the teacher." The first one printed a copy of the
results. Grabbing the sheet, he walked back to the classroom that
served as
the starting line for the participants in the Battle Royale and to the
teacher's desk Yukari sat at.

He handed her the paper. "The latest casualties, Ma'am."

Yukari: Hey, what gives? That Kitano guy last year had computer displays
and radar screens and everything!


"No! With all of them dead, I'm going to have to learn a whole new
seating
plan!" Yukari buried her head in her hands and sobbed into the desk
once
again.

...........................rrrrright. So, what's with 'em Yankees?

Sakaki looked around her, taciturn and calm as always despite being
surrounded by a half-dozen of her classmates. They were an even mix:
three
boys and three girls. The bore a host of deadly weapons, from basic
things,
like knives and sickles, to more modern weapons, like a pistol and
even a
sub-machinegun.

Nice to see the someone taking the place of the Kiriyama Family ^_^

Sakaki was left to defend herself with the very item she had
mentioned on the test.

Perhaps a stuffed cat wasn't the best thing to kill a fellow student
after
all.

......no, I don't think it's actually possible to kill with cuteness.
Unless she were to smother them with it, I guess.

"Noooo!" Came a cry from above. The ringleader looked up to see a
small
figure dart out from its place on a lower branch of a nearby tree. He
saw a
flash of pink, identifying it as a girl's school uniform.

Then his eyes exploded as a sledgehammer caved in his skull.

Awww... I was kinda hoping to see them all kill each other through a
series of improbably slip-ups, leaving Sakaki unharmed :P

Ten seconds later.

[Nameless Male Student #26: Dead]

[Nameless Female Student #33: Dead]

[Nameless Male Student #32: Dead]

[Nameless Female Student #13: Dead]

[Nameless Female Student #14: Dead]

[Nameless Male Student #7: Dead.]

[Mitsuko: Dead?]

(Sorry, little injoke ^_-)

All the anger and pain in the world disappeared for Kaorin. Sakaki was
not
only acknowledging her existence, but was actually concerned about
her.

And was giving her quite a show with that ripped skirt. Whoa!

"Wh... Why, Chiyo?" Kaorin gasped.

"She's too cute to die."

Unless she faced off with Yotsuba. Then it would get messy.

Un...grate...ful, bitch..." Kaorin rasped out, making an obscene
gesture in
Sakaki's direction before expiring.

Missing opening quotes, but I'm skipping the rest of such commens since
some of the previous C&Cs probably got to them first.

Now it came time to hunt down the others. As much as Sakaki didn't
want to
kill anyone, she resigned herself to the idea that it had to be this
way to
protect Chiyo. Although ideally Sakaki hoped she'd run into Tomo
first.
She'd feel the least amount of guilt at killing her.

Why does *everyone* feel that way about poor Tomo? ;_;

Chiyo brought her hand up and put a round through his chest.

[Nameless Male Student #16: Dead]

Well, there goes Nanahara, I guess.

"Because when I first came to the class, he made fun of me because of
my
height. Everyone did. Well, I might be small, but I have a big gun,
and in
the end, isn't that what really matters? Chiyo pulled the trigger
again.

[Nameless Female Student #3: Dead.]

And lo, Noriko died because of a grade-high-schooler with a Napoleon
complex. Such is life. *plays Amazing Grace in the background*

"Wow! This is actually kind of fun!" Payback was a bitch, and so was
she.
Being naughty felt pretty darn good. She wondered if she could find
Tomo.

*facefault*

Chiyo Mihama, as Mitsuko Souma ver. 2.0? Gah...

"Good-bye," Chiyo said, and pulled the trigger.

The gun simply clicked.

As most things in the world, the gun simply can't understand the
Escher-designed brain, much less try to pierce it.

"Of course I am. Goodbye, Chiyo-chan." Osaka brought her hands
forward, and
held the  weapon Yukari had given her high. Using all of her might,
she
brought it down hard right on top of Chiyo's skull.

[Female Student #1: Chiyo Mihama: Sore head]

"Ow!" Chiyo cried out. "That hurt."

*laughs himself into a well-endured stomachache*

Osaka reexamined the item that had been in her backpack. "Darn. I
guess a
paper fan isn't a good weapon to kill a student with, like I thought
it
would."

Oh, I dunno, the last student to get a harisen pretty much cleaned house
:P

Osaka struck Chiyo in the head again, eliciting another yelp. Osaka
sighed.
"Hold still, this might take a while."

*laughs himself into another stomachache*

"Of course I did. I put it in one of the backpacks myself. That's why
I told
you not to worry about it. Now you know where it is."

8O

"Hey, I was given carte blanche on what to take from the base, and
that was
one of the weapons that was on the list."

Chihiro: Hey, what's this? [takes out a full-size Positron Rifle from
her day pack] Woohoo! Score!

"Shoot, wrong turn." Tomo's lament doubled when she saw Yomi emerge
from the
forest and into view, bat held at the ready

I'm still seeing her as a grinning, bespectacled silhouette, by the by
^_^

"If my good friend Koyomi Mizuhara wants be dead, then I have nothing
to
live for," Tomo said, her voice full of conviction.

;_; *sniff* That's beautiful, man... *sniff*

"Well, I would." Tomo said proudly. "When I see a button that says
'Warning:
Will set off nuclear device' I just have to push it."

Rumor had it that one of those buttons was a self-destruct! And it
really was, this time!

Television reporter Akemi Shutaro cleared her voice as she looked into
the
camera and prepared to reveal to the world the winner of this year's
Battle
Royale. A veteran of covering the last three Battle Royales, she
always
waited until the very last minute to reveal the survivor to the
television
audience. She would pretend to be surprised, despite already knowing
the
name of the winner, as forwarded to her by the military.

Heh! Same reporter from the opening to the movie?

Akemi turned on her charm and the smile that had won her several
prestigious
news awards. "It is now my duty, honor, and privilege to present to
you the
winner of this year's Battle Royale, Female Student #37: Osaka... um,
just
Osaka."

;_; Even national TV fails to award her a full name recognition.

Osaka walked up to the camera, blood staining her uniform in a variety
of
places. There was blood on her face as well, one patch in particular
resembling a handprint. She waved to the camera with a paper fan, also
soaked with blood.

Damn, that was SOME paper Yukari used. O.o

"My god! You're Ayumu 'Nail File' Kasuga .You won last year's Battle
Royale
and earned your nickname by dispatching all of the opposition with a
nail
file.

XD

Akemi was in shock. "You mean to tell me you actually killed people
with a
paper fan? I find that hard to believe."

"I can show the audience at home by killing you with it." Osaka drew
the fan
back.

Woohoo! Go, Osaka! I never liked that reporter anyway!


"You mean I don't have to use the weapon I was given?"

"Of course not. You can use any weapon you get your hands on."

Osaka stared at her fan in betrayal. "Darn."

*facefault*

In any case, she'd have to transfer again, and hopefully this time she
could
avoid killing everyone she knew. It was tiring. Especially for her
arms.
Although if she did, she'd think she'd try killing everyone with a
rubber
band. That would probably be a lot better weapon that a paper fan.

You know, the thought of Kiriyama or Kawada gasping their last breaths
to a rubber band is so surreal, so stupefying, so hilarious... that it
is perfectly believable. o.O

You must write it! BRII awaits!

In retrospect, I see that adding the concept of the Forbidden Zones
would have been totally unnecessary, so never mind my previous comment.
On the other hand, can't say I'm wasn't surprised by the sudden
ending --I was really looking forward to Sakaki vs. Kagura, and perhaps
a parallel to the movie in which a survivor or two finally got even with
Yukari.

Alas! that is what sequels and alternate storylines are for.
*nudge-nudge*

Funny thing, though... of all the Azugirls, only Kaorin got killed
on-screen :P


Jorge A. Pratt
jorgepratt@prodigy.net.mx
terbril@rocketmail.com




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'