[Hitting both lists this was posted to at once cuz I'm lazy]

"What's the gas mask about?" Kagura asked.

"I'm thinking maybe she had a whole lot of beans yesterday, and
doesn't want to smell the results," Tomo guessed.

The scary thing is, this IS something Yukari would probably do.

"Told you. it. was. beanssss." Tomo's eyes closed and she slumped in
her seat, unconscious.

Reminds me of that day a few weeks ago.

They looked around, students searching for those they knew best and
quickly joined their sides.

Somewhat awkward phrasing there.

was dressed in her class uniform as well. They also noticed that

School uniform maybe?

necks. They items were clasped at the back with a complex electronic

Needless to say, "they items" is wrong. Suggest "These" as replacement.

She continued on in a boastful voice. "I had to really pitch a hard
case to get you guys included this year. The powers that be didn't
think you were appropriate. But after countless hours of closed room
discussions, I convinced them you were the right class to be
represented this year."

Boy, they must have been REALLY hard up for pu...*cough* Right.

"You !#$% idiot, you didn't even know what you were volunteering us
for!" Yomi shouted.

Battle Royale just became Yukari Hunt.

Dramatically, Yukari waved her hand above him. "See what happens to
those that would try to stand in the way of progress?"

Kimura suddenly sat up, shouting, "No, you can never have Kaorin-
chan!"

The forbidden lust of a dirty old man surpasses death itself.

"Geez!" Yukari holstered her gun. "Anyway, as I was saying, this is
the fate that will befall-"

Kimura shot back up again into a sitting position. "She's mine!"

Talk about being cursed by the undead...

"Some people just can't take a hint." Yukari tossed the smoking
firearm aside. "Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, this is the
fate that will befal-"

"K.Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms began to rise.

Damn, that Viagra is potent stuff.

"DIIIIIIIEEEE!" Kaorin shouted and began stabbing the motionless
Kimura again.

Trauma does ugly things to a person. *nods sagely*

"You'd blow me up? Ha! You don't have the guts to do that!" Tomo said
smugly.

Never say "guts" around someone who has the detonator to your explosive
collar.

Yukari frowned in their general direction, muttering about their
impatience and not labeling the control more clearly.

Never trust a complete idiot with explosives. XD

minutes to high tail it out of here. Now, there will be no killing
right around the school. You have to kill each other away from here."

A soldier spoke up. "That isn't one of the rules."

Yukari explained, "It is now. I might want to go out for a walk
later, and I don't want to trip over a bunch of corpses."

*sweatdrop*

"Pretend to buddy up and then stab them in the back. Sounds good to
me, my best buddy in the whole world." Yomi gave Tomo a smile, one so
large it nearly reached back to her ears. She removed her glasses,
adjusting them slightly before putting them back on her face. They
gleamed maniacally as she stared directly at Tomo.

Ut-oh.

Tomo felt uneasy under that gaze. "Umm, Yomi, are you all right? You
look a little. tense."

Awkward punctuation there.

*snip rest of Tomo/Yomi bit* The scary thing is, Yomi's the one girl in the
cast I've always pegged as a potential serial killer...

Yomi began a slow walk toward the exit, calling out, "Tomo-chan, my
best buddy in the whole world, wait for me so we can `team up'. I'll
introduce you to my new friend, Mr. Spiky Bat. He's been wanting to
meet you for a real long time. I think you're going to become real
close."

O_o;;

Scary! *hides*

The one with the stun-gun asked, "Will you have sex with us?"

"Please, do I look that desperate to you?" Tomo scoffed.

This whole exchange was played out in reverse. XD

"Silly me. Did I say painlessly? I meant as *painfully* as possible."
Yomi lunged for Tomo, but the shorter girl was quicker as she ran for
it once again.

And the body count continued to rise...

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Or I'll. I'll." Chiyo pulled her weapon from her backpack. Her hand
was barely able to support the massive weight of the .357 Magnum .

The boy took a half step back, then laughed at the way the gun
quivered in Chiyo's hands. She'd be lucky to hit the broadside of a
barn at ten feet with the way it was shaking.

Dude. It's a .357 Magnum. You don't NEED to hit the broad side of the barn.
You just need to hit the cow standing beside it and the whole thing will
come down. XD

*queues up Rammstein's "ich will" for the next scene*

Chiyo dusted off some of the dirt on her skirt and continued walking
around, a confidence now added to her gait.

Oh hell...she's become the Chiyonator.

"No! With all of them dead, I'm going to have to learn a whole new
seating plan!" Yukari buried her head in her hands and sobbed into
the desk once again.

*facefault*

Perhaps a stuffed cat wasn't the best thing to kill a fellow student
after all.

Somehow, I saw that coming.

"Noooo!" Came a cry from above. The ringleader looked up to see a
small figure dart out from its place on a lower branch of a nearby
tree. He saw a flash of pink, identifying it as a girl's school
uniform.

Then his eyes exploded as a sledgehammer caved in his skull.

Raging Kaorin!

Xxxxxxxxx

Ten seconds later.

*snip*

O_O Wow. Kaorin set the land-speed record for sledgehammer slaughter.

Bloody sickle in hand, Sakaki stared down at Kaorin, her eyes
emotionless lumps of coal. "You said you'd kill everyone, and that
would include Chiyo-chan. I won't let anyone harm her, not even you."

"Wh. Why, Chiyo?" Kaorin gasped.

"She's too cute to die."

Un.grate.ful, bitch." Kaorin rasped out, making an obscene gesture in
Sakaki's direction before expiring.

And the world breathed a sigh of relief as it became one psycho stalker
lesbian schoolgirl poorer...

[As a sidenote, Rammstein makes a great soundtrack to this fic XD]

Although ideally Sakaki hoped she'd run
into Tomo first. She'd feel the least amount of guilt at killing her.

XD

"Because when I first came to the class, he made fun of me because of
my height. Everyone did. Well, I might be small, but I have a big
gun, and in the end, isn't that what really matters?

Can't argue with logic like that! Oh, and you missed a quote mark.

"Um, isn't betting on which of yours students is going to die next
kind of sick?" one of the soldiers asked.

Yukari looked upon the soldier in contempt. "You sir, have obviously
never been a high-school teacher. Trust me, after five years of it,
you'll come to the realization that all teenagers need to die. Now
place your bets!"

Heheheh.

"Of course I am. Goodbye, Chiyo-chan." Osaka brought her hands
forward, and held the  weapon Yukari had given her high. Using all of
her might, she brought it down hard right on top of Chiyo's skull.

[Female Student #1: Chiyo Mihama: Sore head]

XD

Osaka reexamined the item that had been in her backpack. "Darn. I
guess a paper fan isn't a good weapon to kill a student with, like I
thought it would."

*snicker*

Osaka struck Chiyo in the head again, eliciting another yelp. Osaka
sighed. "Hold still, this might take a while."

"No way!" Chiyo ran for it, with Osaka hot on her heels.

XD

the communiqu� to the colonel. The man in charge nodded, then wasted
in time in heading toward Yukari.

Shouldn't that be a "no" after wasted? :P

"There's one thing you're forgetting: setting off a device like that
is suicidal. Now who would be stupid enough to do that?"

I can think of at least three people... XD

Tomo

That being chief among them.

"If my good friend Koyomi Mizuhara wants be dead, then I have nothing
to live for," Tomo said, her voice full of conviction.

*sniffle*

The words cut Yomi to the core. Her eyes teared up as she saw Tomo in
a new light. "Oh my god, I had no idea you cared so much for me,
Tomo. You really are my best friend in the world." Yomi tossed Mr.
Spiky Bat aside, the purpose behind its existence forgotten.

For now, anyway.

"Okay!" Tomo said enthusiastically. She picked the device back up and
drew back with it, as though to hurl it into the ocean. She paused
for a moment, looking at it curiously. Then, to Yomi's horror, she
pushed the red button.

Saw that coming.

"Of course not! Only a brainless moron would do something as stupid
as that!"

Exactly.

"Say, do you think I'm going to win this thing since I killed
everyone else?" Tomo asked.

"Shut up, Tomo."

Heh.

"My god! You're Ayumu `Nail File' Kasuga .You won last year's Battle
Royale and earned your nickname by dispatching all of the opposition
with a nail file.

XD

"You really liked the people?"

"Actually, it was because I had to kill them with this." She waved
the crimson paper fan in front of the camera. "It's much harder to
kill people with a paper fan than it is to kill them with a nail
file."

XD XD

"You mean I don't have to use the weapon I was given?"

"Of course not. You can use any weapon you get your hands on."

Osaka stared at her fan in betrayal. "Darn."

*sweatdrop* Typical Osaka.

In any case, she'd have to transfer again, and hopefully this time
she could avoid killing everyone she knew. It was tiring. Especially
for her arms. Although if she did, she'd think she'd try killing
everyone with a rubber band. That would probably be a lot better
weapon that a paper fan.

*facefault*

That was hilarious. Disturbing, but hilarious. Nice work. :)

--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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