[Hitting both lists this was posted to at once cuz
I'm lazy]
[Ditto.]
I agree with and echo most of Lurker-san's comments.
Just a few notes:
"Told you. it. was. beanssss."
This is the kind of situation ellipses were made for.
"K.Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms began
to rise.
Damn, that Viagra is potent stuff.
*nods* It does help get one up.
"You'd blow me up? Ha! You don't have the guts to
do that!" Tomo said
smugly.
Never say "guts" around someone who has the
detonator to your explosive
collar.
Unless you've disarmed it, or are reasonably certain
they won't press your button. I'd almost wonder if
Tomo planned it, if she was Chiyo or Osaka.
Tomo felt uneasy under that gaze. "Umm, Yomi, are
you all right? You
look a little. tense."
Awkward punctuation there.
Again, ellipses.
As to the dual endings: I know what they're poking fun
at, but I could see them both happening - Osaka being
lucky enough to have Chiyo in position to take enough
of the blast for her to survive. (Which explains the
bloody handprint, especially if Osaka had to get ecchi
to crouch behind Chiyo at the appropriate moment.)
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'