The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

[Hitting both lists this was posted to at once cuz I'm lazy]

Then I shall do the same.

"I'm thinking maybe she had a whole lot of beans yesterday, and
doesn't want to smell the results," Tomo guessed.

The scary thing is, this IS something Yukari would probably do.

Yep, although I don't think gas humor was part of AD. Of course, neither was
BR, so...

"Told you. it. was. beanssss." Tomo's eyes closed and she slumped in
her seat, unconscious.

Reminds me of that day a few weeks ago.

I'd rather not be reminded of it. :)

And these were ellipses when I posted them to the list. I think something
got lost in the translation.

They looked around, students searching for those they knew best and
quickly joined their sides.

Somewhat awkward phrasing there.

Will completely redo it, as it was just awful.

was dressed in her class uniform as well. They also noticed that

School uniform maybe?

Much better.

necks. They items were clasped at the back with a complex electronic

Needless to say, "they items" is wrong. Suggest "These" as replacement.

And will rephrase that as well

She continued on in a boastful voice. "I had to really pitch a hard
case to get you guys included this year. The powers that be didn't
think you were appropriate. But after countless hours of closed room
discussions, I convinced them you were the right class to be
represented this year."

Boy, they must have been REALLY hard up for pu...*cough* Right.

Heh. Yukari might have exaggerated things a bit, as she is wont to do.

"You !#$% idiot, you didn't even know what you were volunteering us
for!" Yomi shouted.

Battle Royale just became Yukari Hunt.

That would be the sequal. And if you thought the odds of Tomo winning were
bad....

Kimura suddenly sat up, shouting, "No, you can never have Kaorin-
chan!"

The forbidden lust of a dirty old man surpasses death itself.

At least for a moment. This was one of the easier parts of BR to parody.

"Geez!" Yukari holstered her gun. "Anyway, as I was saying, this is
the fate that will befall-"

Kimura shot back up again into a sitting position. "She's mine!"

Talk about being cursed by the undead...

Kaorin would agree.

"Some people just can't take a hint." Yukari tossed the smoking
firearm aside. "Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, this is the
fate that will befal-"

"K.Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms began to rise.

Damn, that Vigra is potent stuff.

Adrian had the best response to that one.

"DIIIIIIIEEEE!" Kaorin shouted and began stabbing the motionless
Kimura again.

Trauma does ugly things to a person. *nods sagely*

What would you do if Kimura came on to you?

"You'd blow me up? Ha! You don't have the guts to do that!" Tomo said
smugly.

Never say "guts" around someone who has the detonator to your explosive
collar.

At least it was around her neck, rather than her chest.

Yukari frowned in their general direction, muttering about their
impatience and not labeling the control more clearly.

Never trust a complete idiot with explosives. XD

Some of the most sage advice ever spoken.

Yukari explained, "It is now. I might want to go out for a walk
later, and I don't want to trip over a bunch of corpses."

*sweatdrop*

Yukari has her priorities, everyone else has theirs.

"Pretend to buddy up and then stab them in the back. Sounds good to
me, my best buddy in the whole world." Yomi gave Tomo a smile, one so
large it nearly reached back to her ears. She removed her glasses,
adjusting them slightly before putting them back on her face. They
gleamed maniacally as she stared directly at Tomo.

Ut-oh.

You had to see that one coming.

Tomo felt uneasy under that gaze. "Umm, Yomi, are you all right? You
look a little. tense."

Awkward punctuation there.

more ellipses that met a bitter end.

*snip rest of Tomo/Yomi bit* The scary thing is, Yomi's the one girl in

the

cast I've always pegged as a potential serial killer...

Tomo does push her, though I think everyone but Kagura could go rabid at any
time. And maybe not Tomo, since she holds nothing back already.

Yomi began a slow walk toward the exit, calling out, "Tomo-chan, my
best buddy in the whole world, wait for me so we can `team up'. I'll
introduce you to my new friend, Mr. Spiky Bat. He's been wanting to
meet you for a real long time. I think you're going to become real
close."

O_o;;

Scary! *hides*

I think Brian Randall might have given me the 'Mr. Spiky Bat' concept. HArd
to remember.

The one with the stun-gun asked, "Will you have sex with us?"

"Please, do I look that desperate to you?" Tomo scoffed.

This whole exchange was played out in reverse. XD

Tomo does everything ass backwards. :)

"Silly me. Did I say painlessly? I meant as *painfully* as possible."
Yomi lunged for Tomo, but the shorter girl was quicker as she ran for
it once again.

And the body count continued to rise...

Hey, it's BR. It does it without people even realizing it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The boy took a half step back, then laughed at the way the gun
quivered in Chiyo's hands. She'd be lucky to hit the broadside of a
barn at ten feet with the way it was shaking.

Dude. It's a .357 Magnum. You don't NEED to hit the broad side of the

barn.

You just need to hit the cow standing beside it and the whole thing will
come down. XD

Heh

*queues up Rammstein's "ich will" for the next scene*

Heard some Rammstein music. It's got a definite beat to it.

Chiyo dusted off some of the dirt on her skirt and continued walking
around, a confidence now added to her gait.

Oh hell...she's become the Chiyonator.

I figured since Yukari nearly became the Taxinator the last time I did
AD....

"No! With all of them dead, I'm going to have to learn a whole new
seating plan!" Yukari buried her head in her hands and sobbed into
the desk once again.

*facefault*

She does state this as why she tends to keep her class the same year after
year.

Perhaps a stuffed cat wasn't the best thing to kill a fellow student
after all.

Somehow, I saw that coming.

It's Sakaki. What else would she ask for?

Then his eyes exploded as a sledgehammer caved in his skull.

Raging Kaorin!

Yep.

Xxxxxxxxx

Ten seconds later.

*snip*

O_O Wow. Kaorin set the land-speed record for sledgehammer slaughter.

When she's in a right proper anger, she's a sight to behold. :)

Un.grate.ful, bitch." Kaorin rasped out, making an obscene gesture in
Sakaki's direction before expiring.

And the world breathed a sigh of relief as it became one psycho stalker
lesbian schoolgirl poorer...

Kimura is enough to give anyone a complex, though.

[As a sidenote, Rammstein makes a great soundtrack to this fic XD]

Heh

Although ideally Sakaki hoped she'd run
into Tomo first. She'd feel the least amount of guilt at killing her.

XD

Everyone would. I thought it was a nice running gag. And IC too.

"Because when I first came to the class, he made fun of me because of
my height. Everyone did. Well, I might be small, but I have a big
gun, and in the end, isn't that what really matters?

Can't argue with logic like that! Oh, and you missed a quote mark.

Got it

"Um, isn't betting on which of yours students is going to die next
kind of sick?" one of the soldiers asked.

Yukari looked upon the soldier in contempt. "You sir, have obviously
never been a high-school teacher. Trust me, after five years of it,
you'll come to the realization that all teenagers need to die. Now
place your bets!"

Heheheh.

This is closer to the truth that you realize, and why I didn't feel bad for
a lot of the BR particpants that got whacked. BR made enough of an
impression I had Kasumi watch it in a fic once and remark she thought she
could have won it.

"Of course I am. Goodbye, Chiyo-chan." Osaka brought her hands
forward, and held the  weapon Yukari had given her high. Using all of
her might, she brought it down hard right on top of Chiyo's skull.

[Female Student #1: Chiyo Mihama: Sore head]

XD

And it works in another way besides commenting on the faceless nature of
everyone in the class that wasn't a primary cast member.

Osaka reexamined the item that had been in her backpack. "Darn. I
guess a paper fan isn't a good weapon to kill a student with, like I
thought it would."

*snicker*

That's Osaka for you

Osaka struck Chiyo in the head again, eliciting another yelp. Osaka
sighed. "Hold still, this might take a while."

"No way!" Chiyo ran for it, with Osaka hot on her heels.

XD

It's something of an almost even match between the two of them.

the communiqu� to the colonel. The man in charge nodded, then wasted
in time in heading toward Yukari.

Shouldn't that be a "no" after wasted? :P

Yep. Will change.

"There's one thing you're forgetting: setting off a device like that
is suicidal. Now who would be stupid enough to do that?"

I can think of at least three people... XD

Hmm. Tomo. Osaka. Who else?

Tomo

That being chief among them.

Of that there is no doubt.

"If my good friend Koyomi Mizuhara wants be dead, then I have nothing
to live for," Tomo said, her voice full of conviction.

*sniffle*

The sentimentality isn't going to last.

The words cut Yomi to the core. Her eyes teared up as she saw Tomo in
a new light. "Oh my god, I had no idea you cared so much for me,
Tomo. You really are my best friend in the world." Yomi tossed Mr.
Spiky Bat aside, the purpose behind its existence forgotten.

For now, anyway.

Yeah. You know Tomo will blow it at some point.

"Okay!" Tomo said enthusiastically. She picked the device back up and
drew back with it, as though to hurl it into the ocean. She paused
for a moment, looking at it curiously. Then, to Yomi's horror, she
pushed the red button.

Saw that coming.

Hmm. Didn't think I telegraphed it that bad. I still like Tomo's line about
'having to run across the yard with the Beware of Dog' sign.

"Of course not! Only a brainless moron would do something as stupid
as that!"

Exactly.

Yep.

"Say, do you think I'm going to win this thing since I killed
everyone else?" Tomo asked.

"Shut up, Tomo."

Heh.

Tomo had to have the last line in there somewhere.

"My god! You're Ayumu `Nail File' Kasuga .You won last year's Battle
Royale and earned your nickname by dispatching all of the opposition
with a nail file.

XD

Osaka's hidden talent: Dealer of Death

"You really liked the people?"

"Actually, it was because I had to kill them with this." She waved
the crimson paper fan in front of the camera. "It's much harder to
kill people with a paper fan than it is to kill them with a nail
file."

XD XD

Well, it is.

"You mean I don't have to use the weapon I was given?"

"Of course not. You can use any weapon you get your hands on."

Osaka stared at her fan in betrayal. "Darn."

*sweatdrop* Typical Osaka.

Yep. She got very little air time in this. Another reason I posted the
Director's Cut as well.

In any case, she'd have to transfer again, and hopefully this time
she could avoid killing everyone she knew. It was tiring. Especially
for her arms. Although if she did, she'd think she'd try killing
everyone with a rubber band. That would probably be a lot better
weapon that a paper fan.

*facefault*

That was hilarious. Disturbing, but hilarious. Nice work. :)

Thanks. As diverse as the ideas behind the series are, the basics mesh well.
I thought it was obvious to merge the two, and best to make it a a parody of
a movie that was filled with gratuity and excessiveness. Now no one can say
it hasn't been done before. :)

Thanks for the comments. As always they were greatly appreciated.

DB Sommer



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