Adrian Tymes wrote:

[Hitting both lists this was posted to at once cuz
I'm lazy]

[Ditto.]

And I'll make it a threepeat as well

I agree with and echo most of Lurker-san's comments.
Just a few notes:

"Told you. it. was. beanssss."

This is the kind of situation ellipses were made for.

They were there. It's a computer reading thing that got lost somehow.

"K.Kaorin-chan!" Kimura gurgled as his arms began

to rise.

Damn, that Vigra is potent stuff.

*nods*  It does help get one up.

Heh. Very nice.

"You'd blow me up? Ha! You don't have the guts to

do that!" Tomo said

smugly.

Never say "guts" around someone who has the
detonator to your explosive
collar.

Unless you've disarmed it, or are reasonably certain
they won't press your button.  I'd almost wonder if
Tomo planned it, if she was Chiyo or Osaka.

Osaka: Evil Mastermind. I guess it could work.

Tomo felt uneasy under that gaze. "Umm, Yomi, are

you all right? You

look a little. tense."

Awkward punctuation there.

Again, ellipses.

They're there.

As to the dual endings: I know what they're poking fun
at, but I could see them both happening - Osaka being
lucky enough to have Chiyo in position to take enough
of the blast for her to survive.  (Which explains the
bloody handprint, especially if Osaka had to get ecchi
to crouch behind Chiyo at the appropriate moment.)

Yeah, but they work better seperate with the idea in the Director's Cut that
Osaka killed multiple people with her paper fan. It's her secret talent,
don't you know? :)

Thanks for the comments.

DB Sommer

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