----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary Kleppe" <gary@garykleppe.org>
To: "JM Reverie" <jmreverie01@hotmail.com>
Cc: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Friday, June 18, 2004 8:37 PM
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Spamfic][Ranma 1/2] Daughter of Laverna
"JM Reverie" <jmreverie01@hotmail.com> wrote:
Chortles of strong, boudy laughter resounded along the open field,
turning
bowdy (?)
yep.
many students heads. Ryoga wiped the tears from his eyes, and fell
silent
students'
under Ranma-chan's unwavering glare of disapproval.
As I understand it, only Happosai uses that name to refer to female
Ranma.
Yeah, you're right. (Ick! Gag!) I think that came from all the Ranma
fanfic reading I did once upon a time, back in '98, '99... I remember
people would use that in narration for female Ranma in some fics, I think.
"So, tell me Ranma... If that's who you really are... Just *what* was
an
tell me, Ranma...
When identifying who is being spoken to, the identification must be set
off with a comma. "Tell me Ranma" does not mean that Ranma should tell
him. It means that whomever is being spoken to should tell him Ranma.
RANMA: Okay, if you insist. Ranma. I repeat, Ranma. There, I've told you
Ranma.
RYOGA: Now tell me where babies come from.
LOL. Ok.
*Italian* peasant girl doing wandering around in China?"
One comment which may or may not have any relevance for your fic: Every
now and then you see fanfics that describe female Ranma as looking
European. I don't know where this came from, but at least in canon,
'tain't so -- as evidenced by Ranma's ability to consistently pass for a
normal young Japanese lady, and even to make minor changes in his
appearance and have people who know him not recognize him.
Maybe the red hair in the anime is responsible?? Dunno there. No, that
doesn't have anything to do with it.
"I don't know, Ryoga! How did *you* ever find yourself in *America*!"
The latter accused bit his lip and shrugged. "Point taken." Ranma
smiled,
satisfied for the moment, watching as Ryoga's expression turned to
bewilderment. "Hey, I haven't seen you in years! How did you know I
wound
up in New York the last time I tried to visit aunt Sakuya?"
Since Ryoga speaks here, I'd make Ranma's action a separate paragraph,
to avoid confusion.
This is also where you're supposed to tell me that it's "my aunt Sakuya"
unless Ranma and Ryoga are related. But so far, you haven't missed a beat,
yet, Mr. Kleppe, sir.
Ranma shook her head. "Ryoga, you're wandering again... The point is,
it
really did happen. And, I'm going to undo it somehow. Until then..."
She
let out a deep breath, heaving her ample bosom.
"Hey, Ranma, at least you *scored*! Man, if she was half as hot as you
are,
you were one very lucky guy!"
Not a comment I'd expect from Ryoga, unless his personality here is
radically different from the manga.
LOL. You're right. He's the sweetie-pie-shy type when it comes to the
ladies, isn't he? I wrote this off the cuff before bed, afraid I'd forget
that weird idea I had before drifting off to sleep, then hit send, figuring
if I didn't, I'd lose my nerve. So many Ranma experts on the list, and I'm
so out of practice w/ Ranma, it's more than a little intimidating...
When it comes to women, he's much
more uptight than this. The line'd be perfect for Hiroshi and/or
Daisuke; where are they when you need them?
Yeah, it would. Now I'm begining to recall how they went gagga over female
Ranma. Hm.. (And it's a good way to give milage to those characters.
Well, at least Takahashi actually gave Ranma's school chums names...
Kagome's school friends don't even have names...)
Ranma grinned, ruefully. "I was a lucky guy. Yeah... I told that babe
I
wanted her body more than anything else in this world and... She sure
did
*give* it to me, didn't she?"
Likewise, this is a pretty un-Ranma-ish thing to say, assuming this one
is intended to be anything like the canon version, which may not be the
case.
Like I said, I'm out of practice. I should either unearth my manga volumes
from my mother's basement or stake out a comfy chair at good old Barnes and
Noble for a few hours...
While he may have been attracted to Laverna
She's not Laverna. She's someone who prays to Laverna, the Roman goddess of
thieves, knave, conartists, etc. The girl is an Italian witch. (Not that
all Italian witches follow Laverna. I think the majority of them follow
Diana and Araidia.)
(I assume that's who
he's talking about), I think his reaction would be to avoid her, rather
than make moves on her. Note his extreme nervousness at being in a crowd
of naked women in the Happodaikarin story (vol. 11 by original Japanese
numbering).
Not if he was bewitched. I really don't think Ranma would be the type to
just sleep with someone, no matter how attracted he was to her, either.
But, is he attracted to pretty girls? Yeah--even if he is scared of them.
This fic is just too short to really show any of what I was thinking there,
before I went back to bed again.
Overall, I think this leaves me more confused than anything else. Does
Ranma's acquisition of Laverna's body replace his curse, or is it an
alternate explanation for the curse?
Ok, this is spoiling some of it if I do write this thing, but if I'm going
to attempt to keep my characters in character, I'm gonna need some help,
anyway, so... Ranma didn't acquire Laverna's body. (The girl isn't even
Laverna, anyway.) Really, it's more like she took his maleness and swapped
it with her femaleness. (is that even a word?) Maybe I'd write about it in
terms of ying and yang, but I think you can get my meaning. Basically, from
the shoulders down, it would appear like they swapped bodies. Kapiche?
If the former, it's not clear what
difference it'll make for him, considering that he'd already had an
attractive female alternate form.
Gary! Shame on you! It means no hot and cold water fun... ^_^ It also
means that Akane and pretty much everyone else in the fic might not even
believe he ever was a male or that he's Ranma. It means that Shampoo would
only think of him as the girl she gave the kiss of death to. It means Ukyou
would probably give up on her claim as his fiance and just be his best bud.
It means Kodachi wouldn't fall for him. And, most importantly of all, it
means things with Akane wouldn't get started off on the wrong foot.
Basically, it solves all his fiance problems, save maybe Kuno^^.
Remember how the series starts out a little less "wacky" and a bit more
serious? That's the tone I'd take with this. More like the first 3
american Viz volumes. In fact, this story line would give me license to cut
out a bunch of stuff I've already 1/2 forgotten anyway. LOL. Basically, I
think I found an idea that hasn't been done yet, (Well, hopefully...
There's tons of Ranma fiction out there.) and it plays better off my
older/more serious natural writer's voice. (But, it's still going to be a
challenge.)
Either way, I don't understand how the
Italian peasant girl fits into it. (And how does he know she was a
peasant?)
He doesn't. She's just dressed (at the time) in the stero-typical raiment
that comes to mind when someone says peasant.
Since I'm not sure where you were trying to go with this, I can't really
offer much in the way of useful advice. Maybe it'd help if you showed
some of the action that's only alluded to here (like Laverna giving
Ranma her body, or what led up to it).
Yeah, when I write this idea for real I'd definately start earlier on than
when Ranma and Ryoga meet up at Furikan High.
As always, take this as one reader's opinion only, and the best of luck
with your fanfics.
Thanks. Nah, I'm not discouraged. Actually, I'm kinda flattered. The
Great Gary Kleppe C&C-ed my shotty spamfic. :p (I remember reading your
stuff back in like '98, '99... That's like ancient history... I was still
in college.) But, in all seriousness, thanks. Even your confusion was a
good help with highlighting areas that could have been possible pitfalls.
Jane
Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html
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