On Jun 16, 2004, at 10:41 AM, Bert Miller wrote:

Nice to see another chapter of this.  It's an
interesting concept for a story, and there aren't
enough Moldiver fics out there.

To be honest, that's one of the reasons I'm doing this.

Of course, the story was the hard part. I once took a scriptwriting 
class and the teacher told us repeatedly that the hero of the story 
must have a challenge eqaul to their ability.

Not to mention I didn't want to rehash the usual of Moldiver beats down 
the Superdolls.

So . . ..

"THAT'S NOT GOOD!" Jun shouted, coming to her
feet. "We are a society, a society has laws and
people to enforce the laws. They are police
officers and hold that right because that is what
they are the best at.  Mirai is a Chemist. That is
her gift, and her destiny. She is not a
vigilante! She breaks the law every time she puts
that . . . that thing on!"

Moldiver is hardly Batman; Superman is a much closer
comparison; Moldiver presumably spends as much time
fighting natural disasters as criminals.  And doing
so is hardly against the law.  It's ALSO not against
the law (at least in the U.S.) for ordinary citizens
to apprehend criminals if caught in the act; it's
called a "citizen's arrest".

Granted, you make a point that Jun is not being
reasonable here, but I think you ought to stick with
Jun arguing that Mirai is the wrong person to do this.
It's less distracting, for one thing:  it keeps my
mind on the Jun-Mirai relationship, rather than on
abstract moralizing.

Technically, both Superman and Batman break the law. Vigilantisim is a 
no no. Superman just has an easier time getting away with it then Bats 
does. Citizens arrest or no. Besides, this is mid 21st century Tokyo in 
one of the most repressed nations on Earth and Jun does have a stick up 
her  . . . er, posterior.

But she doesn't look like a famous 20th century
actress!  She can't be a Superdoll!  ;)

The superdolls were modeled after 20th century actresses? I did not 
know this.

Plausibility problem, for looking out the window:  the
two ships would have to be REALLY close, by space
standards, for him to be able to make them out.  Not to
mention the problem of illumination.  Suggest instead
that he sees all this through magnifying instruments.

In Farscape, Chriton drifts through a space battle and we see it quite 
clearly through the window of the cockpit.

Farscape rocks. Of course, I'm a Muppet nut, so I could be biased.

There was something to their features, body language
and movements that was definitively alien.

This is consistent with Kiyone's attitude, but not, IMO,
really consistent with the source material.  Nobody in
Tenchi Muyo ever looks at the girls and says "You're an
alien!".  But, as they say, it's your story.

How many outsiders see the girls? I've seen the animes. Few outsiders 
get close enough to the girls, who, I think, would be striving hard to 
pass as human. But here, away from Earth . . .

"Yer the Terran are yeh?" It asked gruffly. "Well get
yerself out of that getup."

Heh.  I love the Scottish accent in the mouth of an
intelligent frog.

I was actually attempting to duplicate Hagrid from Harry Potter.

"Curious," Ayeka said. "Tenchi had that same reaction
the first time he encountered the bath beast. How
odd."

Now, this part is just inspired!  The "bath beast"
fits perfectly into a Tenchi background.  I think I'd
have had it genetically engineered by Washuu, rather
than a trained, naturally occurring beast, but it
works either way.  Kudos for this!

I didn't think of Washuu, actually. I just thought it would be funny to 
have a tentacle monster type bathe somebody rather then . . .  you 
know.

Though now that you mention it, I can easily see Washuu making a 
tentacle monster that bathes people. She'd probably find it funny.

This seems a strange thought.  If he's educated in
cultural anthropology or history, this shouldn't be
that odd to him; if he's not, why wouldn't he attribute
it to Aeka's and Tenchi's personality, rather than to
their culture?

I don't believe Misaki ever studied either. Going by the anime, he 
trained to be a pilot so he could see the stars. I don't think he would 
have studied other cultures or history as a whole.

The history of flight, though. He has that memorized. :)

Misaki stared. He knew this man. He had seen him in
the pictures his Grandfather had ---

Keeping this idea that they're related, hmm?  Hardly
seems necessary for plot reasons to this point.
Presumably it will become so, then:  Ah!  You're
planning to kill Tenchi off so that Misaki becomes
Emperor!

Yes and no. It's not really relavant to the plot as a whole, but it 
makes for a nice bit of color.

Anyway, the overall plot doesn't seem to have been
advanced very much; although we did get an idea of what
Amagi's planning, we still have no more idea than we
did before as to who the Juraians are fighting, or why.

Actually, its spelled out in Chapter 3. The Juraians are at war with 
the Thaniens who are using the Killthain to conquer the Galaxy. The 
Killthain . . . well, there's more to them then I've revealed so far, 
but those are the bad guys.

-Steve "Komodo" T.
http://www.geocities.com/studio_pc_hub/



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