Nice to see another chapter of this.  It's an
interesting concept for a story, and there aren't
enough Moldiver fics out there.

Quoting "Steve T." <mixednutspress@earthlink.net>:

He had long known that Moldiver had been using his
pusedo-molecule

(sp) "pseudo"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD!" Jun shouted, coming to her
feet. "We are a society, a society has laws and
people to enforce the laws. They are police
officers and hold that right because that is what
they are the best at.  Mirai is a Chemist. That is
her gift, and her destiny. She is not a
vigilante! She breaks the law every time she puts
that . . . that thing on!"

Moldiver is hardly Batman; Superman is a much closer
comparison; Moldiver presumably spends as much time
fighting natural disasters as criminals.  And doing
so is hardly against the law.  It's ALSO not against
the law (at least in the U.S.) for ordinary citizens
to apprehend criminals if caught in the act; it's
called a "citizen's arrest".

Granted, you make a point that Jun is not being
reasonable here, but I think you ought to stick with
Jun arguing that Mirai is the wrong person to do this.
It's less distracting, for one thing:  it keeps my
mind on the Jun-Mirai relationship, rather than on
abstract moralizing.

Lazy . . . can't handle her money . . . ungrateful..."

Much better, IMO.

Reaching across the desk, Amagi touched a button and
almost immeditly,

(sp) "immediately"

"Isabelle, Jun here has agreed to become the seventh
Superdoll.

But she doesn't look like a famous 20th century
actress!  She can't be a Superdoll!  ;)

Mirai slid off of Karou to nestle in the crook of his

You consistently spell Misaki's given name as "Karou",
when it's "Kaoru" in the original.

until finally, Mirai's stomach made it's needs known.

(sp) "its" (no apostrophe; you're using the possessive)

Not too far away, two ships were exchanging fire.

Plausibility problem, for looking out the window:  the
two ships would have to be REALLY close, by space 
standards, for him to be able to make them out.  Not to 
mention the problem of illumination.  Suggest instead 
that he sees all this through magnifying instruments.

There was something to their features, body language
and movements that was definitively alien.

This is consistent with Kiyone's attitude, but not, IMO,
really consistent with the source material.  Nobody in
Tenchi Muyo ever looks at the girls and says "You're an 
alien!".  But, as they say, it's your story.

"Yer the Terran are yeh?" It asked gruffly. "Well get
yerself out of that getup."

Heh.  I love the Scottish accent in the mouth of an
intelligent frog.

It did leave his mouth with a minty fresh taste that
wasn't altogether unpleasant and--
he stiffened as something brushed his leg.

In front of him, the water rippled and he watched as
a tentacle, it's tip shaped like a-

"Oh, God," he whispered as it sprayed him with a
foamy white stuff.

"I . . . thing . . . bath . . . clean . . ."

"Curious," Ayeka said. "Tenchi had that same reaction
the first time he encountered the bath beast. How
odd."

Now, this part is just inspired!  The "bath beast"
fits perfectly into a Tenchi background.  I think I'd
have had it genetically engineered by Washuu, rather
than a trained, naturally occurring beast, but it
works either way.  Kudos for this!

Misaki wondered what sort of  society made a woman
beg leave to see her own husband.

This seems a strange thought.  If he's educated in
cultural anthropology or history, this shouldn't be
that odd to him; if he's not, why wouldn't he attribute
it to Aeka's and Tenchi's personality, rather than to
their culture?

Misaki stared. He knew this man. He had seen him in
the pictures his Grandfather had ---

Keeping this idea that they're related, hmm?  Hardly
seems necessary for plot reasons to this point.
Presumably it will become so, then:  Ah!  You're
planning to kill Tenchi off so that Misaki becomes
Emperor!


Anyway, the overall plot doesn't seem to have been
advanced very much; although we did get an idea of what
Amagi's planning, we still have no more idea than we
did before as to who the Juraians are fighting, or why.


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