At the risk of sounding vaguely like ol' Gosunkugi (not that I've seen him
around here much lately), it has *not* been a particularly quiet week (or
month, or year, for that matter) at the Ucchan.  Kunou-kouchou, despite
being much mellower with age, has me so loaded up with work that I'm rarely
home before the dinner rush is well into its second phase.  Thank Kami-sama
Konatsu can cook fairly well these days.  Speaking of Whom, I've been tapped
to handle the finances at the local temple - on a volunteer basis, I should
point out, which is why Nabiki wouldn't touch the position with a ten foot
pole.  Lucky for them, she's not the only one with business acumen.

The upshot of all this is that I've been busier than a one-legged man in a
butt-kicking contest.  And I hardly need to tell you I'm getting my butt
kicked.

Still, it's not that I've been *neglecting* my anime.  I've found places
on-line selling box sets of entire anime series for really good prices, so
I've been making an honest otaku out of myself, replacing old fansubs that,
quite frankly, I couldn't show to some of my regulars, in any case.  Not
that I've had that much chance to show the commercial replacements; since my
best regular isn't an otaku, I only show an episode at a time, and given how
many episodes I've acquired, it means we're probably set for life already.

And yet there's so much out there coming out to acquire, too... when am I
gonna get the time to *watch* all this stuff?

***13.5.2004

As far as being busy, the Thursday before the convention is no exception. I
drag myself home from Furinkan through a pouring rainstorm, and arrive with
barely an hour to get to the temple and present my first report as
treasurer.  But first things first: Konatsu is anxious to stop by Mitsuwa
marketplace for all those foodstuff that you *know* they aren't going to be
able to sell at the con.  At the same time, we still have to sit and cool
our heels waiting for James-sempai to arrive.  Between the rain and the rush
hour he's driving through, by the time he shows up at the Ucchan, I've got
barely 40 minutes to spare.

When we get to Mitsuwa, the rain has let up, but the parking lot is already
a lake.  Still, we manage a spot on shore; it might be considered a long
walk on a better day, but today, the priority is a *dry* path to the door.
It doesn't take long to amass a quantity of shrimp chips, wasabi peas, Pretz
and yes, a case of Pocky, and we're on our way.  But not without warning the
cashier that it's gonna get busy here this weekend, so they'd better brace
themselves.

***

The presentation to the temple elders goes quite smoothly - personally, I
suspect that between being railroaded into the job less than a week ago, and
my father (and brother-in-law) being among the elders, they're going easy on
me.  Still, the financial situation is relatively rosy, so I luck out as far
as that goes, too.  Thirty minutes before them, and it's off to the hotel
and registration.

Last year, James-sempai took an extra trip to the Hyatt on the eve of the
con, got in, zip, zap, and was out with his badge and paraphernalia in some
fifteen minutes.  Considering we'd been in line for an hour on the opening
day (and missed out on opening ceremonies, I might add), we think this might
be a good idea.  And as long as we're out, and headed in that direction, why
not go all the way there?

Well, for one, there's the parking fees.  Even a fifteen-minute run-in would
be too long to just leave the car running in the circle drive in front of
the hotel.  So, we have to pay the $10 to get a place to park in the
meanwhile.  Secondly - and while I guess it makes the parking fees
worthwhile, it's not in a particularly good way - it's *not* a
fifteen-minute run-in at all (and it's not at the hotel, either - it's at
the convention center across the street).  We get in line at about 8 p.m.,
and it's nearly nine by the time we get out.  Not to say the line doesn't
move, but there's a *lot* of people that came to the same conclusion we did
regarding pre-registration check-in on Thursday.

Actually, that's not quite true.  Of the three lines eventually filtering
towards registration booths, we do manage our level best to pick the one
that moves the slowest.  Not deliberately, of course, but sometimes the luck
is just not with you.

While in line, Konatsu spots someone wearing a lovely pair of purple shoes
(Disregard the picture on the back of Ranma� volume 35, if you've ever seen
it - my kunoichi's color is *purple*, not red).  We find out their owner
picked them up in Chinatown recently.  Apparantly, there's a trip to
Chinatown of our own in the cards; I may not pay Konatsu much in the way of
*cash*, but such amenities are part and parcel of the whole salary package,
so it ain't like 'Natsu-chan is *destitute* or anything.

John-sempai meets us in line, having just gone through it himself.  Having
nothing better to do for now (it's one thing one can still say about
Thursday registration - you don't feel as if you're missing out on
anything), he joins us on our trip through.  Putting the situation is
perspective, he warns us that he took 45 minutes in line himself, and "it's
not as bad as another friend of mine.  He got here around five and spent two
hours in line!"

***

So, it could be worse.  Still, now that nine o'clock is passing us by, what
are we gonna do as far as eating goes?  Yes, I can cook, but at this hour,
and after all that waiting, I'd really rather *not*.  I'm sure you can
understand.

We had originally planned to eat at the food court at Mitsuwa, but we know
from experience that they close at the ridiculously early hour of eight.  So
that's a no-go.  However, there are a few good Japanese places within a
couple miles from the Ucchan (if not from the Hyatt).  We decide on the Bowl
House, and show up about fifteen minutes before closing.  Far from being
irritated at our late arrival, the staff is very cordial and can't do enough
to make sure we get what we want - although to be sure, the kitchen staff
packs up and leaves before we're finished eating, but we weren't planning on
ordering dessert in any case.  Between the five of us, we run up a tab of
just under $100: I'd say the staff has been well-compensated for their
patience.

Once home, Dan-chan wraps up his homework, while James-sempai commandeers
(with our compliments) our Internet computer.  He directs me to a Ranma
doujin site - wonder if there's anything involving me and Ran-chan (hey, a
girl's gotta have her dreams!) - while I point out my DVD supplier to him.
Between one thing and another, we don't get to bed until 1 a.m....

***14.5.2004

...which means it's REALLY difficult to wake up in the morning.  7:30 finds
me under the shower, trying to shake off my exhaustion.  Were it not for a
stiff back - another reason I'm just standing until the pouring water - I'd
still be in bed, like Konatsu-chan is.  Man, if I'm this exhausted *now*,
can you imagine how wiped I'll be by *Sunday*?

I'm getting old.

Actually, more to the point, *Konatsu* is the one getting old.  Or at least,
should be feeling it.  I have had my birthday on the first day of the
convention, back in ACen's inaugural year.  This time, it's Konatsu's turn
to have that celebration overshadowed by the beginning of the con.  I
consider waiting on the present until the fanfic dinner, but Konatsu's
having none of it: "Why lug it back and forth to the convention when you
*know* we're not going to use it?"

My kunoichi has a point.  But while I turn over the Indiana Jones box set
and the dark chocolates, I insist on holding off on the card, as I haven't
signed it.  It doesn't occur to me at the time, but when did I think I was
going to sign it and all?

***

In order to show up on time for the opening ceremonies this time, the plan
is to leave the house by 10.  James-sempai manages nicely, but then, he's
only got himself to get together.  Not that Dan-chan is any problem, this
time around.  For one thing, he has to be at school by nine o'clock or so,
so he's long gone by the time we want to go.  And then there's the fact that
L-chan, a friend of Konatsu's from the Sexy Ninja Teahouse days, has offered
to take care of him over the weekend, and he's *really* hyped up about it
(Dan-chan loves L-chan dearly; sometimes, it seems, more than either of us).
For that matter, L-chan is looking forward to spending the next couple of
nights with him, too.

No, our problem is just deciding what and how much to pack, where to put it,
and how to make it such that it'll only take one trip to the car to get
everything.  I can't bring *all* of my anime, for instance, but which
spindles to take and which to leave behind?  You just never know.  And
Konatsu is just *sure* we're going to have forgotten SOMEthing, and not
realize it until we're most of the way into the convention.  Well, that's as
may be, but we've got to live with it, otherwise we'll miss the whole thing
worrying.

For all our concern, and the fact that we miss our self-imposed deadline by
too large a margin, we still pull into the parking lot with a minute to
spare before 11.  While I fret over finding a space (the parking garage is
full, unless you count the top floor, and given the rain coming down at this
point, we'd really rather not) Konatsu attempts to soothe me by reminding me
to ask myself: "Since when does ANYthing start on time at a convention?"

Even conceding the point, there's no reason to keep driving around, waiting
for a sheltered spot to open up.  There's a space on the top floor that's
only about 15 feet from the walkway door - it'll do just fine.  We park,
grab only the bare essentials - backpack with plushies, bookbag with notes,
and the Daddy-Cat himself - and scramble for the main programming area.

Konatsu is quite right, of course, but after all, we'd relied on that last
year too, and gotten burned by the registration line.  Then again, that's no
longer our concern this year.  It occurs to us that - and you'll pardon a
little Schadenfreude on our part - after the ceremonies are over, we should
take a spin around the dealers' room, and while we're there, find out just
how bad the line is to register now!  Just to assure ourselves that we made
the right decision, you understand.

Konatsu is, in fact, a little *too* right about things starting late.  Had
we actually known, we *might* have been able to get ourselves checked in
before the house lights dim at 11:40.  Then again, that would be cutting it
somewhat close, and that's assuming you could predict it with that kind of
precision (in which case, I'd recommend putting that talent to better use
in, say, the stock market).  And all things considered, forty minutes late
isn't anywhere near extreme.

***

Carl Gustav Horn steps up to the mike.  He's not got the ascerbic wit of
AnimeIowa's Charles (uh... I don't think I ever caught his last name), but
he's got poise in front of such a crowd as this.  There are two rules for
the opening ceremonies, he states; one of which he can control, and the
other he can't.  The first - which he can't control - is that the event must
have more people every year.  We seem to have met that requirement, as he
thanks us, the audience.  The other rule is that he keep his remarks and
introductions as short as possible.  After all, there's a lot to do out
there - best to get on with it as soon as possible so as to better cram it
all in.

But before he gets on to the introductions, he has one thing to comment on
regarding manga.  In Japan, as we all know, manga is THE media; the original
source material for most anime, and a host of stand-alone projects that have
no need of animation.  By contrast, manga is regarded as the annoying little
brother to anime - you never have a convention called MangaCentral or some
such like that.  But after a visit to his local WaldenBooks, he's happy to
see that manga is now in the mainstream, to the tune of 160 feet of display
space, front and back!  And it doesn't seem like the market's saturated yet!
Naturally, this gets a big hand.

On to the introductions, leading off with 'the Yank who made good' in the
Japanese animation field, Jan Scott Frazier.  He tells the assembled crowd
he's glad to be back and he's ready to party: "Are you?!"  The crowd roars
its approval.  Konatsu leans over and asks if I remember when Mr. Frazier
used to be male, which seems an odd question, considering the source.

Bruce Lewis grins, and expresses his gratitude for the free vacation.  "I
never thought [anime] would get this big over here."  In conclusion, he
admonishes one and all to be nice to the artists, because creativity will be
needed more than ever in the future when the robots take over.

Kelli Cousins is not here yet, but is applauded in abstentia, while Brett
Weaver contradicts the usual line used by guests of honor: "I'm not gonna
say I'm glad to be here in Chicago.  I'm just glad to be HERE," referring to
the convention itself, "and to hell with Chicago!"  Hey, as a suburbanite, I
can go along with that.  Chris Patton does a quick ditto of Brett's
enthusiasm - although it hadn't occured to him to denigrate the city, he
admits the focus is right here at the hotel.  That's what matters for now.

The mere mention by Carl of the title 'MegaTokyo' sends the crowd into
paroxyms of screaming - all for naught, as Fred Gallagher hasn't arrived
yet.  Neither has Vic Mignogna, nor Bob DeJesus, although his wife, Emily,
goes onstage in his stead.  Hoosier Emily proceeds to pick a mock argument
with Texan Weaver (who's already on record about the superiority of Texas
vodka, and Carl has the bruises to prove it.  Personally, I'd like to know
which brand is the Texas one before passing judgement).

The "lovely, talented, and lovely" Monica Rial (Carl's words, not mine -
though I'm in no position to argue) takes the mike and gets it over with:
"Senior Excel, I don't feel so good.... BGLREAAAGGHHHLR!!"  If that was as
difficult for her to say as it was for me to figure out how to word it, it's
really no wonder she only wants to do it once.  Still, it's not nearly as
painful for her to walk onstage as it is for Greg Ayres, who is suddenly set
upon by the rest of the American guests, each brandishing their chair at
him.  There's a really funny story in this somewhere, but I have no idea
what's going on...

Another great roar greets the voice of Duo Maxwell, Scott McNeil, who bounds
out wearing what appears to be Sasshi's cowboy hat from Abenobashi, and
addresses the crowd in three very different voices in rapid succession
before admitting that "now you guys have turned me into a con 'ho."  With
Monica's leg propped up on a chair, blocking him from getting to his seat,
he glomps her calf (along with several other of the guests onstage):
"Glomping is not a bad word," he tells the audience.  Fangirls, brace
yourselves this weekend.

Carl launches into a fair Ed Sullivan impression, and a gaggle of girls
seated right behind us do a fair impression of screaming Beatles fans as he
introduces SID, this year's J-pop group (and as a sidelight, I should point
out that their advertising banners need work, professional as the artwork
may be.  I mistook the 'I' for a 'T', and while rock bands have always had
unsavory offstage reputations, there's something particularly creepy about a
group named 'STD'.  But I digress).  Each of the four band members yells
something in what's supposed to be English, but is in any case, drowned out
by the screaming.  Well, except for the fourth guy; he just stands there,
holding the mike and kinda staring at it (maybe he's the drummer, and not
used to holding a mike), as the laughter begins to build.  Finally, he hands
the mike back to Carl, and they walk offstage to a big hand.

The Japanese guests, in large part, are here because of Read or Die TV, and
Carl admits that "I love Yomiko Readman" as he introduces the show's
producer, Tomonori Ochikoshi.  All good and well, except that Yomiko isn't
*in* the TV series, is she?  Taku Iwasaki, the composer for RoD and Witch
Hunter Robin, brings a camera onstage and takes a picture of the audience
before addressing us briefly in English.  Noriyuki Zinguzi, the mecha
designer for RoD and Trigun, comments on the crowd's enthusiasm, and how it
seems to have affected the weather: "It's just pouring down on us like we
never expected - why, one of the others backstage looks like he was hit by
lightning!"  Taraku Uon, RoD's character designer, is just happy to see so
many folks together for this convention: "Let's enjoy this together."

With the next introduction, Carl warns the crowd that any pictures taken of
the next guest are for personal use only, not to be disseminated publicly
*anywhere.*  We don't paticularly care, but the rule strikes us as a bit
ridiculous - who'd go so far as (apparantly) to copyright their own
likeness?  Seiyuu Chiwa Saito, that's who.  She's cute and bubbly and all
that, but frankly, it's more fun seeing her interpreter (who is a male, I
might add) attempt to convey her words in that same cute and bubbly tone she
uses.  In fairness to him, it wasn't his idea - Carl and some of the
audiences (not necessarily in that order) goaded him into it.

"For some reason, they invited" Yasuhisa Kato, character designer for
Azumanga Daioh.  Actually, his presence makes more sense than the Read or
Die crew.  I mean no disrespect to them (although I will admit to being a
very big fan of Azumanga, as many of you know), but after all, there is the
commercial aspect to this convention, after all.  Shouldn't they emphasize
the series that are being released here in the States rather than the
pipeline series?  You get all hyped up about Read or Die TV, but you go to
the dealers' room and there's nothing there, obviously.  There are fansubs
out there, to be sure, but most of them have been pulled from torrent sites
for the obvious reason that the show's been licensed.  Now, this just seems
to make the wait *harder*.  A focus on Azumanga, on the other hand, could
cause ADV to sell out of their box sets on the spot.

Okay, that's it for that little rant, and Kato-san should stop belittling
himself.  On the other hand, Konatsu catches my rant, and cracks me up by
murmuring something about "Read or Daioh:" anyone think they can handle that
concept?  Is Osaka too ditzy for the Yomiko Readman role?  How about Tomo as
one of the Paper Sisters?  Think about it.

Now, a character designer's job isn't generally a dangerous one, but Satoshi
Ishino was working on Excel Saga, after all!  His greeting to the audience
is rather deadpan: "I don't know what I'm doing here - that was all five
years ago."  More current is Masashi Ishihama, designer for Tenamoya
Voyagers, Eiken, and (all together, now!) Read or Die TV.  He announces his
plans to squeeze as much fun into the next three days as is humanly
possible.  Personally, I wish him luck, but he's competing against some
7,500 of us, after all.  Hideyuki Kurata bridges the gap between the last
two guests, having served as scriptwriter for both Excel Saga *and* Read or
Die.  For all his writing skills, however (not to mention six years of
classes), he can't speak a word of English, and apologies profusely: "But
I'm willing to try!  Come up to me!  Talk to me!  Unless I'm buying hentai
stuff in the dealers' room."

Koji Masunari is introduced first as the creator of Risky/Safety before Read
or Die (gosh, even Carl's getting tired of dealing with so many RoD alumni!)
He tops (bottoms?) Kurata-san by admitting to no English skills, "and my
Japanese isn't too great either," which earns him a laugh.  Director Yuji
Moriyama expresses gratitude at being invited back after five years; with
Acen99 having been his first convention outside of Japan, this is his home
con: "Tadaima."

The final guest of honor was not supposed to be here; as recently as last
week, there was a notice on the ACen website stating that he was not
supposed to make it.  But!  "I heard your tears and cries, and I *crawled*
my way over here from Japan!"  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even Lord Il
Palazzo himself can't stop the one and only Shinichi Watanabe, a.k.a.
Nabeshin!  And believe it or not, the guy is even more energetic in person
than onscreen.

***

Our con chairman and vice chairman stride up to loud chants from the
audience.  In the convention program book, Chairman Frank Sanchez had
offered to show us "just how bad of a dancer I really am," and sure enough,
he does a little soft-shoe (and the ensuing cheer), he introduces the new
vice-chair, Locke Bekiaris.  Yes, that's Locke, as in Locke the Superman,
and he shows a parody dub of the series, purporting to be the preparations
for the convention, and what we, as congoers, can expect from him and the
staff.  It's quite amusing, down to the last frame that honors Locke for
"having gotten out of making a speech by doing a cheap-ass parody video."

Not having made it last year, we are introduced to an ACen opening
tradition.  Everyone looks under their chairs for a 'special' version of the
program guide.  For a couple of minutes, it appears that no one is sitting
in the special chair.  I'm not sure, but I think staffers had to go into the
audience to where the chair was supposed to be.  Fortunately, before they
can arrive, a guy comes up with it.  He is duly presented with a fully
autographed T-shirt, signed by every one of the guests of honor.  One
problem: the guy is in no shape to wear it, and I'll stop right there and
let you figure out what I mean.  Then again, who would *wear* such a
valuable thing, ne?

One last item, and on a more sober note: a regular con staffer had been
called up for active duty in Iraq about a year ago, and while his tour of
duty was supposed to end before the convention, it didn't work out that way,
as we all know.  He's still over there, missing out.  So the word is out, if
anyone would care to contribute to a fund to send an anime care package to
him and his platoon...

It's a really nice gesture (although I doubt I'll remember it even once I
leave the main programming room), and it conjures up a few humorous images
of his fellow soldiers wondering what the heck *is* that stuff.  It also
occurs to me that (assuming they get a substantial amount - a buck from
everyone in attendance would be pretty sizable, and no mistake) they're gonn
a have to be careful what they send.  Somehow I doubt that Muqtada al-Sodr
would be more favorably disposed toward Americans if he gets wind of such
stuff as, say, Bible Black or the like.

***

Brief shot on the way out: a staffer minding one of the cameras with a
T-shirt reading "See Dick.  Wrestle."  I file it away for reference for the
fanfic panel: there, but for a single period, is a completely different
meaning...

***

Also on our way out, we run into our old friend Tony, who feeds our
Schadenfreude by telling us that the line for pre-registration is now
snaking out the door of that large room it's being held in.  Don't feel too
badly for him, though: apparantly, they're handling things in alphabetical
order, and he arrived just a few minutes before his letter came up.  On the
other hand, the friend he's with has a different last name, and had to wait
quite a while for his turn.  So it's rather hit-or-miss down there.

I think we made the right decision.  Even more so when it's pointed out that
last night, registration closed at nine o'clock - just as we got out of
there (of course, I assume the folks already in line got processed, but that
would have taken 'til past ten in any case).  If we'd have gone at the time
that James did last year, we would have wasted a trip.

At least (once we're down there) they're playing anime music videos to while
away the time in line.  I don't know if it does anything for the staffers at
the booths, but at least it gives those in line something to focus on
besides the line itself.

Of course, there *are* other things to focus on.  Like the cosplayers.  A
burly fellow (not a Sailor Bubba, to be sure, but you get the idea.  At
least this fellow's *clean-shaven*) strides by dressed up as Kagome from
Inu-Yasha.  It takes guts for a guy to wear something like that, and he has
that in spades, I'll tell ya.  When he says 'sit,' it won't matter if you're
a dog demon or not, you sit.

***

As I've said before, we already have more than enough anime (most of which
we have yet to watch), so that rules out most of the reason for being in the
dealers' room.  That, and I'm willing to bet that even if I find something
here, I can locate it cheaper online.  Still, there are curiosities that
must be satisfied, and hey, if we can get our hands on some nice pins,
plushies or playing cards, I'm not gonna say no.

They *do* have Pocky this year, but only at the concession stand way in the
back and around the corner of the dealer's room.  And even then, it's just a
small basket by the cashier with a handful of bags which come two to the box
for a buck and a quarter.  It's not exorbitant, really - a little more than
25% more than we paid at Mitsuwa - but it's so half-hearted as to be
laughable.  No one's really buying either - after last year, people just
know not to bother looking.

We spot one thing of note: the genuine article Azumanga Daioh Daddy-Cat, the
one I modelled our huge plushie off of.  Turns out, the real thing is
shorter (about 3/4 the size of ours), flatter, with much smaller eyes and
straight orange, rather than the swirly yellow-orange pattern we have.
They're asking $300 for it.  Ye gads.

That aside, there's not much here that gets our attention.  And given that
the dealers' room is way off in the convention center like this, isolated
from the rest of the convention (not that it doesn't make sense to do so),
it is not generally a trip to be undertaken lightly.  Will we bother to come
back again, and will we buy anything?  I honestly don't know, but I do have
my doubts.

Part of the reason for taking the time to swing through the dealers' room is
to kill time waiting for the opportunity to check in to our room.  Coming
straight out of the opening ceremonies, we figured we'd be part of a very
long line trying to do the same, and so we were.  Unfortunately, as a
strategy, it seems to have failed.  The line has actually gotten slightly
*longer* in our absence.  Better to get it over with, then: we take turns
holding the spot in the line and getting our stuff out of the van.  By the
time both of us have made the run, we're just about at the check-in counter.

We've somehow gotten ourselves a room in the business class, which comes
with a complementary breakfast package.  Konatsu frets over the extra cost;
at $20 extra a night, it seems a bit pricey.  I can't do more than shrug; it
was the best I could do at the time.  All the cheaper rooms had been filled
by the time I put in our reservations.  The one *real* consolation is that
it's on the main atruim floor, and only a few steps out of the atrium,
rather than way out in bumble like last year.

That is, of course, assuming we can *get* there.  At the head of the
escalator, we turn toward the direction our room is, only to be blocked by a
couple of secuity staffers.  "Can't go this way," they tell us, "it's a
medical emergency."  Well, okay, but how are we gonna get to our room?  This
stuff is getting kinda heavy and awkward.  We circle the mezzanine, and
sneak over to the con suite - right on the other side of Caf� ACen is where
our room is... but it's also where another security guard (appropriately
dressed in police togs a la "You're Under Arrest") stops us yet again.  She
suggests we take a load off in the con suite while we wait, which would be
appealing if only we didn't have all this luggage to cart around.  But even
as we offer our mild protests, the door past the con suite opens, and a guy
is wheeled out on a gurney, tightly wrapped in hospital linen.  Holy cow...
I hope he's gonna be okay.  No IV drip or anything, so it may not be all
that bad, but still...

***

The room is relatively small - about the size of a large cruise ship
stateroom - but the one wall is a large curved window, which gives i a mor
spacious feel.  It's not a breathtaking view, either, but as this is
Rosemont, you can't do much better than overlooking the airport.

We drop off our stuff, and head out to main programming once again.  You all
know that Konatsu minds the Ucchan while I'm at Furinkan during the day.  In
that time, my kunoichi's managed to get hooked on daytime game shows.  And
since AnimeCentral has 4Randy Productions back yet again, this is where
we're going.  Which is fine with me; hey, it's just plain fun to watch.

The contestants introduce themselves, including a returning champion from
Anime weekend Atlanta, come to Press Her Luck yet again.  But it's the third
contestant that piques my interest; a diminuative girl dressed as Yui from
Fushigi Yuugi who introduces herself as Kim Hart or Hard or something like
that, from Cincinnati by way of New York, and it gets me to wondering...

A little bit of backstory, if y'all will indulge me for the moment.  Way
back in the day, when I first started out online, before I became a
fanfiction writer, I was... just myself.  Ukyou Kuonji, buddy chick.  I
would hang out in Ranmaversal chat rooms, basically serving as a
chef-cum-bartender-cum-confident for those that would wander in.  Of the
people online, there was one who called herself AkaneUsa, and later,
LadyYuisama.

Her real name, as it happened, was Kim Hard.  She would talk with me about
her life and the problems she was having with this and that, and I would
attempt to offer what advice I could.  We both shared some deep dark secrets
with each other, as girls are wont to do, and I did my best to be there for
her, especially after she lost her boyfriend under tragic circumstances.  I
knew she was a short girl, and a blonde, and that she hailed from upstate
New York.  What I didn't know was what had happened to her in the years
since I switched to DSL and unsubscribed from AOL and the chat rooms.  Where
she had gone to college.  If she had found herself a career.  If she ever
got herself a boyfriend again.  That sort of thing.

A lot of this girl onstage seems to match the profile of the girl I once
knew, but never actually met in person.  As silly as it seems to be, I
resolve to wait after the show and ask, and hope that it didn't seem strange
or sinister for me and my kunoichi to be standing around waiting like that.

It turns out we have a long wait.  For all the whammies on the board (and
they steal contestants' money in various anime ways - as Lupin III, as a
ninja, as a Card Captor, and even a variation on YMCA for some reason), not
a one manages to plague Kim, and she winds up winning all the marbles.  Now
it's gonna look that much weirder, like we're hanging around to get a piece
of her winnings or some such.

But eventually, the girl - and her boyfriend! - exit the curtained-off
backstage area.  Now to ask if she is...

"Uh... Kim?"

"Ucchan?!"  And the next thing I realize, I'm staring down the barrel of a
glomp.  Great Kami-sama, it IS her!  It turns out she was half-expecting me
to be here, but really had no idea how she was going to find me, especially
in this huge crowd.  And here I'm the one to find her; what *are* the odds?
The host watches our little reunion with bemusement, but manages to get off
one good line:  "This is wonderful.  My game shows bring people together."

Between her big win (she walks away with over �18,000 in prizes) and finding
Konatsu and me all in a matter of minutes, it looks as if Kim can't decide
whether to laugh or cry.  It's gotta be a bit surreal for her - it's
unbelievable to me, and I wasn't the one onstage.

We spend the next hour in the consuite, catching up on old times, and time
lost.  Since I left AOL, she'd gone off to college *and* graduated, gotten a
job in New York, found Mike here at another anime convenion (turns out, he's
as into Fushigi Yuugi as *she* is, no mean feat), and moved to Cincinnati in
part to be closer to him (still not all *that* close, as he lives in
Columbus).  As we part, I assure her that we *will* meet again this weekend.

***

I hate to leave Kim and Mike behind (granted, they're old enough to take
care of themselves, so it's not *that* sort of thing), but I do have to link
up with the rest of the fanfic writers for the annual dinner at Denny's.
Some traditions have to be maintained.

Not that it's always sweetness and light; Doc Pearson and Nidoking are
discussing Pok�mon yaoi goodness.  Ash and Gary?  That's just *wrong*.  At
least Ash and Brock are *friends* to begin with.

Now, while we had run across Paul Corrigan en route to the dealers' room
earlier in the day - and we had told him about the meeting time and place -
he doesn't manage to show up.  Meanwhile, A. Amishi (aka Jess Alvarado) has
to eat and get back in a hurry, since he's a con staffer.  So we can't stay
here for any length of time; we've gotta get going.  We can fit as many as
five others in the delivery van, but we wind up with only three.  Just as
well, though - apparantly Gary has to be elsewhere after dinner, so
whoever's riding with him will need another ride, so it's best to leave
options open.

***

Just as well we don't have too many riders.  When we arrive, there's only
contiguous table space for maybe eight of us.  Konatsu manages to talk one
fellow into sharing his table (actually, it's two tables together, so
appropriating one isn't that much of a hardship for him.  Still, it's a bit
invasive, but then, my kunoichi has the light touch), so we now have room
for ten.  It's not enough, though, as Paul does show up with Bert Van Vleit
and Todd Hill.  Unperturbed, they take up an adjacent booth.  Jeanne joins
them as Bert and Todd set up a laptop playing a scene from Diablo II.

Doc Mui complains about the prevalence of 'harem' anime: you know, one guy,
lotta girls, like Tenchi Muyo, Love Hina, and even (I hate to admit it)
Ranma�.  Not so much for the oversupply of such series, or the derivative
plots, or the excessive fanservice (then again, what male would complain
about that?), but rather for the general fact that the central male figure
tends to be so weak-willed.  It occurs to me as I'm transcribing this that a
male who *knew* the girl he wanted would pick her right away, and that would
be the end of the story.  And as long as I'm thinking about such stuff, does
anyone know of an anime series where the roles are reversed (female lead
with multiple male suitors) - outside of hentai, I mean?  Maison Ikkoku
comes to mind, but I'm not sure that's quite right.

Anyway, someone - and I forget who - mentions Ai Yori Aoishi as an exception
to that rule of weak-willed males.  Not having seen the series, I wonder if
I may take this as a recommendation.  Of course, my lack of familiarity with
the series doesn't stop me from raising at least one objection: isn't Aoi,
as the stereotypical submissive Japanese girl, rather weak-willed in her own
right, thus eliminating the need for Kaoru to be thus?  In many other
fandoms, I gather I might have been shouted down, but here, it is gently
explained to me that that Aoi, despite her traditionalism, is hardly
weak-willed.  The girl has always known who and what she's wanted, and is
determined to get it.  Oh.

The discussion moves to another variant on the harem anime, Ah My Goddess.
Similar to AYA insofar as the heroine is the submissive type, but no doormat
by any stretch of the imagination (and of course, Keiichi knows better than
to treat her - or any other woman - as such, anyway), someone observes how
perfectly Belldandy and Keiichi complement each other in personaility and
abilities.  I'd comment more, but that seems to be the extent of my notes.

(Incidentally, it's getting to be a bit of a joke whenever I start taking
notes at the table.  Someone inevitably says something they'd rather not see
in print later, and they turn to me with "you're not writing THAT down, are
you?"  Well, maybe I am, and maybe I'm not.  I take notes pretty quickly,
but not so fast that I can keep up with several converations at once.  Bert
and Todd get absolutely NO copy aside from their laptop, since I can't hear
anything they're saying over at their booth.  The same for the likes of
Gary, Jeanne and Paul, who are now seated at the main table - as other
patrons leave, we appropriate tables as necessary, thus confusing the hell
outta the waiter, poor guy - but at the opposite end, so I don't catch much,
if at all.  Pity, really - I'm probably missing something quite
interesting - but I get what I can.  It's not like my notebook is concealed
at all - people just have to get used to the possibility that what they say
might well get written down.)

One other comment about Aa Megamisama, though.  Nightman speaks of a cable
show that I've never heard of called "American Chopper:" would this be like
a reverse Iron Chef with the likes of Akane Tendo attacking the food?
Apparently not.  The folks on this show build customized motorcycles with a
certain theme to match the personality of the rider (some of the
descriptions he gives would make the local Hell's Angels absolutely livid at
the blasphemies committed on these poor Harleys - and you don't wanna see
livid Hell's Angels).  He envisions a version of the show with Belldandy and
Keiichi building motorcycles so unique that they could only be done by
divine intervention.  I suppose the concept has promise, but with such an
obscure show (I mean "American Chopper," not "Aa Megamisama," obviously), I
can't picture there being a big fanbase for it.

Back to the subject of harem anime (I don't know quite how this subject got
so big this evening); NidoKing offers the observation that, with a few
adjustments, Ranma and Love Hina could substitute perfectly for each other.
He certainly makes a case for Ran-chan being the indecisive (but driven to
be among the best, as symbolized by Toudai) Keitaro, and Akane as the
violently ambivalent Narusegawa.  I still think it's a gross
oversimplification - would that make me Kitsune, with our Kansai background
and dialect?  And who in the Ranmaverse counterparts to Motoko or Shinobu,
for that matter? - but there is a humorous grain of truth in the assertion
that "you take out the gender changing stuff, and add a bunch of gratuitous
shots..."

It's even funnier as Paul gets into the act: "'Gratuitous shots'?  Someone
talking about Love Hina?"  Okay, maybe you had to be there, but *I* was in
hysterics for a minute or two.

At about this time, CatWho shows up, with friend and fiancee in tow.  And
such timing, too, as another nearby table is vacated and appropriated.
Meanwhile, the conversation turns to reference material online, including
the online encyclopedia Wikipedia; they take submissions from anyone who'll
give 'em, and as a result, a lot of anime series are covered in detail.  In
too much detail, for some: apparantly, the Wikipedian community have
developed a phrase that they use as a symbol for fan overobsessiveness: "the
pregnant Ranma problem."  Okay, so maybe that *is* over-obsessive.
Certainly, Takahashi-megami-sensei condemned it with her famous quote: "I
don't think about it, and neither should you."  But without conundrums like
that, wouldn't Ranma fanfiction (and that of a number of other series) be
sorely lacking?

For the program guide I put together for the fanfic panel, NidoKing told
about how he can't bear to read his older works, and as currently in the
process of rewriting many of them.  Now he explains what precipitated such a
sea change.  All it took was an offhand comment by Gary some time ago to the
effect that a single line uttered by a certain character could be taken to
mean something completely different, since the tone of the character's
voice, so to speak, wasn't clear.  Upon rereading the passage, NidoKing
discovered that Gary was right, but to fix it would require a complete
rewrite.  He did the rewrite.

NidoKing is a veritable fount of ideas, most of them having to do with
magical girls, and the permutations of real-life issues that would affect
their performance.  Apparantly, one of the stories he's written for his
upcoming 'Magical Girl Theatre' series (I hope I got that title right)
involves a girl with, shall we say, sociopathic tendancies.  Given the
ability to produce ball bearings from this air, and throw them as fast as
bullets, she becomes (as you might expect) a menace every bit as bad as
whatever she's been so gifted to combat.  And what of magical girls as they
move from being girls to being women?  What happens to them then?  And why
have there never been any black magical girls, despite so many of
quasi-Caucasian appearance?  I point out that we *are* talking about Japan,
but admit it doesn't explain the likes of the Angloethnic Sailor Venus.  If
you're into magical girls, stay tuned to NidoKing's page for further
developments.

James-sempai observes that while fanfic writers need to research their
subject matter in order to get things right (and that too few - including
myself - remember to do so), the same care is not always exercised by
animators.  As proof, he offers Riding Bean up, which takes place in a
rather *mountainous* Chicago.  To be fair, Kenichi Sonoda never visted
Chicago until he was invited by AnimeCentral in either 1998 or 1999, and
that was long after Bean and the Gunsmith Cats made their mark.

I suspect I'm jumping into the middle of a conversation as Doc Mui delivers
a rant on Seinfeld: "What's the deal with this show?  It's about nothing?  I
can get that in my own life!"  I make an effort to defend it - and by
extension, Azumanga, the Seinfeld of anime - before Konatsu points out that
Doc was parodying Jerry's own style of delivery (Doc confirms Konatsu's
guess: "It's my attempt as cosplay").  Well, it's not like I watched the
show a lot or anything...

Doc is still on a roll as the bills come in: "They accept checks here... as
well as any other European nationalities."  For that joke, Pearson, you
should be beaten sadistically about the face and neck with Vaclav Havel's
autobiography.  Not that I have time for that; they aren't kidding when they
offered separate checks.  They even have to ring up mine and Konatsu's up
separately - it really confuses the cashier as I try to pay for two at once.

When I get back, Gary's fiancee (!!  okay, I apologize, Gary, for any
surprise on my part.  Congratulations, sugar, and the best of luck to both
of you) is talking with Konatsu about wedding and honeymoon plans.
Apparantly, they're taking a cruise to Alaska, and Gary hasn't gotten his
passport yet.  Yes, hon', you need one to go to Canada.  Not that they don't
trust ya or nothin', but they need to know who ya are, is all.  Anyway, I do
hope everything goes well.

I notice that there's no mention of a date (or if there was, it wasn't while
I was there).  I suspect Gary doesn't want us crazy otaku crashing the
party, and hey, who could blame him?

***

We drop the others off at the lobby, and turn around to head out.  Turns
out, while I'd brought a few cables to hook my laptop up to the television
in the room, I hadn't counted on the set being mono.  So it seems I need a
reverse splitter on my audio cables, which has us driving over to Target for
what we hope will be a quick run.  While it's Konatsu's birthday, my
kunoichi mentions family with similar upcoming celebrations - the long and
short of which being, if we don't get at least a card to Kenzan-otousan by
tomorrow's mail, it isn't gonna get there in time.  No problem, they've got
cards here, too.  So we pick up what we need and head back.

***

One of the drawbacks to leaving the convention for any reason is that you
never get your parking space back.  Even if it's lousy.  It takes us half as
long to get back from Traget as it does to circle the parking and garage and
determine that there is literally no place to park.  We inform the attendant
at the front, and she marks our validation card, and sends us to the lot
across the street; apparantly, it's all part of the system.  And so it is,
complete with tunnels connecting to the hotel and convention center -
perfect, given the weather we've been dealing with thus far.

***

We're a little late for when Anime Hell is scheduled, but quite frankly,
we're getting a little jaded about that.  It always seems to be the same old
stuff; a couple Corn Pone Flicks short subjects, several bad U.S. cartoons
from the sixties through the eighties (when we didn't realize how stupid
everything was), Robert Tilton the Farting Evangelist, maybe a few parody
public service announcement films (if we're lucky), and - Kami-sama save
us - Heino clips.  So, for once, we decide not to bother.  Konatsu heads off
to go swimming, while I make a go at hooking up the computer to the
television, now that we have everything we need.

Well, not necessary *everything*.  See, while I've been downloading fansubs
off of AnimeSuki for some time (and don't worry, they're pretty scrupulous
about removing stuff once it's licensed), I've recently encountered a few
files done by a group called Anime Skyscraper in .ogm format.  And while I'm
not one to complain about Micro$oft like some folks online, I have noticed
that Windows Media Player does not like .ogm files.  For this weekend, I've
gotten my hands on a few codecs that should allow me to play the files, at
least through either DivX or Zoom Player.

Unfortunately, I must be doing something wrong, because, just like with
Windows Media Player, every time I attempt to play one of these things, I
get a warning along the lines of "<X program> has encounted a problem and
needs to close.  We are sorry for the inconvenience."  Did I say every time?
That's not quite true; several files play just fine... sometimes.  Other
times they lock everything up, too.  There's no rhyme or reason to it, at
all, and that's the truly infuriating part of all this.  Also, a few other
.ogm files I have work just fine; it's only the stuff from Anime SkyScraper
that throws it in knots.  And now, it gets worse: when Windows Explorer
tries to show the details of the file, the attempt at thumbnailing it causes
*Explorer* to crash, too.  Does anyone have any ideas what I'm not doing
right, here?

Still I manage to watch a few things, despite my frustration, by the time
Konatsu returns from swimming and socializing (not necessarily in that
order - my kunoichi regrets the fact that the Hyatt, for all its amenities,
lacks a hot tub to accompany the pool) with a hankering for something sweet.
Not having had dessert at Denny's either, I wouldn't say no to a hot fudge
sundae, myself, but I dare say we're outta luck here at the hotel.  Still,
the con suite has these tasty, warm, chocolate - what are they, bagels? -
that make Karaoke Night almost bearable.

Almost.

Granted, there are a few standouts - one guy does a rap song with percussion
sound effects that would do a foley artist proud, but even that's
entertaining for maybe a minute and a half, not the three that he takes.
And some of these folks might make *me* sound good.  If they only had 'Treat
or Goblins' ("Shall we?" "Yeah..."), say, or "Raspberry Heaven," I might
actually be tempted.  Konatsu looks vaguely ill at the thought.

While Kim mentioned that Mike enjoyed karaoke, and would probably spend the
night there, we don't see either of them, and so, with few other available
options left, we head to Main Programming to wait for Midnight Madness.
It's not that we don't *like* Anime Hell anymore, it's just that we don't
think it's worth going out of our way for.

***

As it turns out, we haven't missed much.  The SID concert went long, so Hell
just got rolling in the last 30 minutes or so.  And this when it should be
wrapping up in less than an hour!  The news report we enter to, at least,
looks different, with the Kaiju Big Battle craze building in places like
Boston and New York.  Essentially, it's Godzilla meets WWF - cosplay
wrestling - and even the reporters for Fox and CNN seemed nonplussed by it
all.  I suppose that's the real payoff punchline to the whole thing.

The BBC Ultraman report, on the other hand, is a rerun, but the Japanese
commercial for a pen that writes in any circumstance is new, with a guy
haunted by nightmares of a girl pursuing him for his signature on a marriage
license.  This is followed by a PSA for cartoons -  'use them responsibly' -
and a half dozen commercials for old Activision cartridges for the Atari
2600.  One guy comments that Activision spent more on the ads than on
developing the games, which may be true, except for the Telstar (a Pong
clone console game) advert stating that it would be "the most fun you'll eve
r have with your T.V."  They really believed that about these games way back
then, remember?

This leads in to the Corn Pone Flicks trailer for a film about the most
addictive substance known to man in the 70s: Pong.  Despite being a rerun,
it's pretty funny nonetheless, especially the line about 'see... the entire
plot explained in a 3-minute trailer.'  It may not be the high point, but
given the next stuff - a 7up add showing Pac-Man quaffing the drink in order
to go after the ghosts, a shamefully vapid bicentennial cartoon with lots of
flashing red white and blue, and a movie concession stand ad with more
pointless visual imagery than Terry Gilliam's nightmares - it's the best
we'll be seeing for quite a while, and we may as well accept that.

It gets worse - well, they don't call it 'Hell' for nothing - with George
Bush the elder and Barbara introducing a cartoon (starring the likes of
Garfield and ALF, among others) presuming to warn kids of the evils (or at
least the dangers) of drugs and alcohol.  It's heavy-handed enough to make
Akane's mallet seem like a gentle tap in comparison.  All of which would be
funnier if it wasn't so stupid, and the subject matter so serious.  I wonder
how many others in the audience have children: we've had enough trouble with
Daniel taking the D.A.R.E. program this past year.

Still, in the interests of fairness, the guys playing Virgil at the A/V
consoles proceed to show that the pro-drug side isn't any better, with a
couple of Flintstones commercials for Winston cigarettes and I forget the
brand of beer.  Bad enough what they're doing, but in both commercials, Fred
and Barney sneak off to enjoy their vices, leaving their wives to do the
house and yard work!  What a couple of Neanderthals!

My need to take notes is the only thing keeping me awake at this point.
That, and the full-blast air-conditioning (and me in a T-shirt, no less!)
Konatsu's leaning against my shoulder, snoring gently.  I don't get much out
of a news report about eroticism in manga and anime, except for one manga-ka
who admits that "people from other countries must think we're horny all
day."  Anyone who's taken even the slightest bit of Freud *knows* the answer
to that.

The next segment is absolutely appalling: sex education for trainables.  And
before I get a chance to puzzle out what a 'trainable' is, it becomes all
too clear: this is a special-ed class.  The class, as shown, consists of an
instructor teaching all the slang synonyms for penis to a group of mildly
retarded (as opposed, thankfully, to profoundly retarded) individuals, and
having them recite each word back.  I suppose some people are reminded of
the "Son of bitch!  Shit!" routine from the opening of the movie 'Stripes,'
but this is just painful beyond words for me to watch.  Thank Kami-sama for
my notebook, so I don't have to.

The next few cuts are quick and completely out of left field, including
shots of the Brady Bunch singing, and introduction of some Reverend Dr.
Shine as "God's Top Gun."  During all this, there are folks literally
screaming for Heino clips.  I don't get it; if they're asking for it,
they're familiar with it, they've already seen it, and so why do they want
to bother seeing it again?  Give me something *new*; it may be just as, or
more, stupid, but at least I'll have the excuse of not having seen it
before.

Well, they're not showing the man yet, thank heavens.  First, they're gonna
get to the *real* depths of anime hell: live action.  Astro Boy is only a
still photograph, and he looks like George Takai with a bad haircut.
Gigantor looks like an ambulatory water heater, and Giant Robo is a cheap
knockoff of Ultraman.  A clip of the Devilman anime, with him fighting a
female harpy looks downright mysogynist, but it doesn't come across nearly
as idiotic as the live action version.  Lupin III actually makes out okay,
if a bit campy; frankly, the anime has its camp aspects, too, so it's really
not that bad.  As with Devilman, they show a clip of the Rose of Versailles
anime before showing a live action version of British actors playing French
characters from a Japanese anime.  Give the Brits credit; for a barroom
brawl, they can actually outdo the anime.  Golgo 13 has even the guys at the
boards commenting: "Why does he never miss?  'Cause he picks stupid people
to kill!"

We have been given warning that Heino is to be shown shortly (will these
people never learn? Maybe I'm just tired of waiting for Midnight Madness,
now that it's 1 am, but still...), but first, a German commercial for 'Mini
Vini.' featuring two little kids, a boy and a girl, sharing this little
sausages, Lady and the Tramp style.  Between their actions, and the fact
that sausages have this whole built-in phallicism to them, it's all very
disturbing.  Heino might actually be a relief.

At least, one clip of him is new; it's evidently shot at some kind of weird
rave or some such.  I can't tell if the guy realizes he's an object of
ridicule, or whether the teenage and twentysomething crowd on screen is
really digging the guy.  Either way, I believe Asuka Langley Soryu might be
embarrassed for her countrymen.

***

Mercifully, the next thing that goes up is an ad for Midnight Madness,
complete with the tag that yes, it starts at midnight.  If that's so,
they'll have to turn back time about 90 minutes.  Still, it's finally here,
if only in preview form.  We get trailers for the premiere of "Evangelion
ReDeath ReDux," Magnum Opus' ".cosp," and the group formerly known as
G.R.A.A.C. has created what amounts to a music video to serve as a trailer
to their new project, "Fisting the North Star."  Yaoi goodness oozing out
the... well, you know.

On to the actual shows, starting with "Nescaflown�."  This is why I wish
Studio Sokodei would allow freer distribution of their work; I missed some
damn good lines the first time I saw this at AnimeIowa ("Have you ever been
in love?"  "Yeah, about 137 times"), and I'll wager I still missed a few
good ones yet.  This is a work that does not suffer from multiple viewings.
And yet, and yet...

Maybe there'll be better luck from neobottlepeasant.com, a group that has
put out an Inu-Yasha parody in the style of the Lord of the Rings.  Of
particular note is the segment when the miko character (I forget her name,
sorry... I've not been following Ina-Yasha) breaks into a Gollumesque
schizoid dialog with herself.  They even use footage from the "Hobbit"
animated film; the hobbits consider the InuYashaverse, and dismiss it with
the not-so-unexpected "let's not go there, it is a silly place."

And now, on to the remix of Evangelion ReDeath.  It's a treat, seeing that
the ad stated that it wouldn't be released until May 30th.  But still, how
much different is it from the original?  Well, Misato doesn't sound like
she'd phoned in her lines, for one thing, and there's a couple of music
interludes that I don't recall - Shinji wandering around Tokyo-3 to the
strains of U2, the Bohemian Rhapsody during a battle, the Di$ney monoliths
meeting as Also Sprach Zarathustra (2001: A Space Odyssey for the rest of
you, and to extend the joke that is the premise of he film) plays, and the
First and Second Children getting into an elevator music rendition of
'Tequila.'  But the battle between Pikachu and Ryo-ohki is the same
(although later, Ryan Gavigan points out that this is one of the changes to
be redone for the final May 30th release).

It's pushing four a.m. by this time, and I'm debating whether to stay for
more - which is when it is announced that "That's the end of our program,
folks."  Oh.

A knot of people cluster around the consoles, partially blocking the way out
(I say partially because we certainly *could* get out if we wanted to, but
we're every bit as curious as everyone else), and grilling Ryan about how to
get copies, especially of Studio Sokodei's productions.  The five of you who
still read these convention reports know the drill: they won't release it
until they have it done perfectly, and until then, they don't want inferior
digitizations relased.  They will, curiously enough, allow convention
organizers VHS copies for showings like his one, and permit them to make
further copies at their discretion.  Hmm.  Ryan does, however, warn his
questioner not to bother putting in a request on the ACen forum right away,
as he'll be bombarded with requests, and unable to keep up for a little
while yet.

What with Sokodei's policies regarding distribution well-known to me, I
inquire as to what else they had *planned* to show.  Between 'This is
Otakudom,' 'Bad Scottish Dubbing' and 'Koko wa Otaku,' it's both
disheartening (there's not much new coming out these days, evidently) and
relieving (at least we haven't missed anything) to discover that we have at
least seen, and for the most part own copies, of everything that was
scratched from the schedule.  Meanwhile, I file the information about
possibly obtaining copies for future reference.  I've waited this long, a
little more can't hurt.  Besides, Ryan's one of the guys behind Magnum Opus;
let him get ".cosp" out of the way, first, why not?

***

As we head out of the main room, we notice a full complement of emergency
vehicles in the turnaround driveway.  Uh-oh.  At the same time (and
presumably on an unrelated note), Paul approaches from the lobby where he's
been doing - what? - until 4 a.m.?  Watching bad porn, he admits: Bible
Black.  Collector that I am, I can't stop myself from asking whether it was
the original series or the Gaiden prequel.  He and Konatsu just look at me,
before responding (quite reasonable, now that I think about it) "How d'ya
expect a man to pay attention to *that* at this hour of the night?"

In all fairness to Paul, it wasn't from *his* collection he was watching.
One of his friends from the MSU anime club - with whom he had arrived at
ACen - is a big yaoi fan, and she was showing some of that first - during
which he had nodded off.  Only when the straight hentai was being screened
did he wake up.

He relates that he's learned something about Japanese men and the fluids
they have under pressure, but at this point, I'm probably tuning in to the
eeeeasy sounds of WTMI (where you always hear way too much information).
Let's just say blood isn't the only thing that bursts forth from them.
There are comments to be made - and in the company I am, I feel free to
express them - but given the reaction to them, I shall leave them out of
this report.  If you're interested (and a pervert, but hey, I repeat
myself), contact me privately.

He's not the only one awake and ambulatory (well, sort of) at this goshawful
hour of the night.  The lobby is simply *crawling* with otaku.  It's as
crowded as, as... "It's like Anime Reactor at its busiest!" Konatsu opines.
Yeah, that's just about right.  Paul looks at us rather quizzically; you'd
think he didn't believe it.

Part of the reason for the crowd?  Well, you heard me say 'uh-oh' a few
paragraphs back, right?  About that emergency equipment?  Yup, another
medical emergency, which means that both stairs *and* escalator are blocked
off.  There are elevators in the middle of the atrium, yes, but they're
already beeping from exceeding their weight limits.  One is even broken,
having slip halfway into the basement from overwork.  And still the crowds
come, trying to pile inside - they're the only way up, at the moment.

But as with the last emergency, the moment does pass, even as we're hunting
for other options, and we eventually take the opportunity to ascend the
stairs and bundle ourselves off to bed.

Well, not just yet.

***

Six years ago, at AnimeCentral's inaugural, I spent my birthday at the
opening ceremonies.  Today, it has been my kunoichi's turn to live that
particular dream, and while I had gotten a card and gift together, finding
an opportune time to present the has posed problems.  Yes, the gift was
taken care of before leaving, but the card needed to be signed and
presented.  I hardly need to tell you, I haven't been thinking about that
card.  Even when Konatsu offers me some privacy (ostensibly to put it
together), at this hour of the night, I don't take the hint right away.  In
fact, I continue scribbling away in my notebook, catching up on this and
that.  So you people had better appreciate this thing - it's getting me in
dutch with my spouse!

***15.5.2004

7:30 a.m., and I'm nowhere near as chipper as advertised.  I'm hoping that a
nice, long, hot shower (say what you will about the difficulty of adjusting
an unfamiliar temperature control: at least hotel showers *never* run out of
hot water) will bring me back to reality.

I'm putting on a brave face, but three hours is just not enough sleep to put
me at my best.  Walking into the bathroom, I stumble acrossliterally stumble
across the wastebasket, which makes a resounding clatter that under other
circumstances might be considered quite satisfying.

"What was THAT?!" Konatsu calls out from the bed.

Groggy though I am, I can't resist.  "I, uh... kicked the bucket."

But my kunoichi actually tops me.  "Well, we can't have *that*.  The last
thing this convention needs are more ambulances causing delays."  Damn.
'Natsu-chan's more awake than I am.

***

Which is just as well, since the game show lover in the family wants to make
it to the cattle call for Anime Price is Right.  Maybe we'll even get called
onstage to play!  According to Greggo, they'll be taking names starting at
ten, but if there's enough people there, they might start at nine.  And we
might as well eat breakfast first.

It may have distressed Konatsu to find out how much extra we were paying for
this room, but with the continental breakfast listed as $10.50 each, it's a
little easier to take.  Not that we would have spent that much on breakfast
otherwise (or anything, for that matter - the consuite has enough to live
on, for the most part), but it is nice to have milk and juice with
everything.  The only weird thing is that there is a second buffet listing
that includes the hot stuff - eggs, bacon, pancakes - that we're not allowed
on our meal plan, despite the picture of eggs and bacon on the ticket.
That, and everything's spread out for the taking, right next to the cereal
and pastries.  I doubt anyone would necessarily stop us, but still... we
stick to what we're supposed to have.

Roehl Sybing spots us as we're rather hurriedly chowing down (waking up took
longer than we expected, and nine o'clock is fast approaching), and we wave
him over.  Turns out, he'd spent too much of yesterday sitting on the tarmac
at Newark, waitng for our downpour to let up.  He's a bit miffed that CatWho
got in with enough time to make the fanfic dinner (sort of), despite setting
out from the east coast herself (albeit from Atlanta).  But hey, the gang's
all here now, and it's all good.  He'll be doing a dramatic reading for the
panel, based on a Ai Yori Aoishi shortfic of his, and we relate last night's
conversation regarding harem anime to him.

Kim and Mike show up for breakfast, and after greeting them (they've just
gotten *back* from the cattle call; they actually started *earlier* than
nine, due to the demand!  But they assure us there aren't that many folks
down there yet), we briefly explain our connection to Kim to Roehl, who
seems quite impressed.  But we don't wish to do all the talking (besides, we
need to finish eating), so we ask him about his experiences last year, as he
set aside fanfiction for a time to run for the office of alderman in Staten
Island.  He admits it was a bit of a lark - as the suburban section of New
York City, Staten Island evidently is *not* a Democratic stronghold - but it
proved to be quite an education.

As a rule, I'm not particularly fond of politicians (although Roehl is
obviously not a career politician), and he and I are on opposite sides of
the political fence in any case, but I admire his willingness to stand as a
candidate.  Of course, the job of alderman would have paid very well, but he
does have other plans he would have had to scrub.

***

If we had known, we would have headed to the main programming area first,
like Kim and Mike did, before heading off to breakfast.  It's a really quick
deal; give the guy at the door your name, he informs you of the rules (not
that we aren't quite familiar with most of them).  One thing to consider,
though - all prices are going to be in *yen*.  That'll throw some folks.
Fortunately, I keep up with the exchange rates.  Now, to head to the
dealers' room to bone up on actual prices.

We encounter James-sempai, and tell him about the cattle call; he'd been
planning on it, too, but is floored to find out that they've started
collecting names early.  He heads over there in a hurry, as we wend our way
through the tunnels to the convention center.

Oh boy, but the line by the registration area is huge today!  It's gotta be
ten times longer than the one from yesterday!  That's when Konatsu points
out to me that, "hey, these people all have badges already... this is the
line to get into the dealers' room!"

Ohhh.... never mind.

We decide we'll just *guess* the prices, should we be called on.

***

Out of curiosity, we stop by the consuite en route to our room (and yes,
it's *right* on the way back from the tunnel system); as expected, they have
donuts and bagels (and a toasting apparatus, too), but no beverages other
that the soda fountain that's basically going all weekend.  Just a tip:
pouring root beer on granola just doesn't work, people.

What they *do* have going on is a couple of girls on the stage portion of
the room practicing shiatsu massage.  What the heck, I need to get a few
stiff joints worked out after such a short night.  I climb onstage and
settle in.  They aren't chiropractors, to be sure, but it is refreshing,
nevertheless.  Konatsu, watching from a nearby table, tells me that girl was
leaning on me with her full weight to get the knots out of my shoulders.
Wow... guess it was worse than I thought.

***

We spend a few minutes in the room, freshening up and whatnot while we wait
for eleven to roll around.  I spend a bit of time playing an arcade version
of Sailor Moon - hey, I figure it's appropriate, given where we are.

I forget if it's en route to the cattle call or the actual game, but
somewhere along the line, we run into Greggo, the host of all these anime
game shows.  He recognizes us from yesterday, and inquires about Kim:
evidently, there were some prizes he needs to send to her later, or maybe he
needs to contact her to have her compete as 'returning champion' somewhere
else.  As it so happens, we exchanged addresses and other relevant
information, so I hope you don't mind, Kim-chan, but we gave him some of
that info.  Although by now, he's probably contacted you already, so you
know that.

Guest Vic Mignogna plays the part of Johnny Olson (hoo boy, I'll bet *that*
name dates me!) introducing the contestants, or rather, telling them to
"come on down!"  No, neither Konatsu nor I nor my sempais are ever chosen:
there's a couple hundred people here, the chances were always pretty slim,
now, weren't they?  Still, better to hope you get chosen, than know that you
won't.

I should take a moment and confess that, as the prizes being bid on are
introduced, I'm not particularly impressed.  Not that they aren't good
prizes - they are, and worth every yen - but for the most part, they don't
*really* interest me, if I stop and think about it.  Granted, it sounds like
sour grapes, I suppose.  The fact of the matter is, I *do* regret not being
able to play and hopefully win stuff, but not for the sake of the stuff.
It's the actual playing - and of course, the winning - that really would be
worth getting in on.

Especially considering the games involved.  Most game (such as yesterday's
Press Your Luck) shows have a round for amassing points, and one for
(essentially) using those points to try to gain prizes.  Pretty cut and
dried.  For the Anime Price is Right, there's a different game for each
contestant that makes it onstage with a winning bid, so this was
particularly complex to put together.

It's fun to watch people put together bidding strategies.  One fellow thinks
the two people before him bid too high on an item, so he offers a single
yen.  Not uncommon on the real show, but strange coming from the *third*
contestant bidding.  Sure enough, the last guy bids two yen, and winds up
onstage.  Konatsu leans over to me and whispers about game strategies with
each onstage game (with the Range Game, for instance, the rangefinder
usually should be between the "G's in the title); obviously, mu kunoichi has
spent WAY too much time analyzing this game.  Still, it's a credit to Greggo
that there is so much authenticity, even down to the wheel spun to determine
which contestants go to the Showcase Showdown.  It's all computerized, so it
must feel odd to not actually have a physical wheel to push, just something
that turns when you wave your hand in front of the screen.

The showcases even have themes, in keeping with the original show's flavor.
The handy stuff for surviving the registration line include books and a
Gameboy, while the anime workouts include an Xbox and a DDR pad, among other
things.  The latter, being considerably more expensive, is harder to guess,
and so the winning contestant takes home the Gameboy.  And as a finishing
touch (and I remember this from Ohayocon's Match Game - yeah, I've been
following these shows for some time, haven't I?), Greggo signs off by
parodying Bob Barker's exit line about pet control: "Help control the fanboy
population; have your fanboy shaved and showered."

***

Outside of main programming, we find ourselves fighting upstream against
*two* lines on our way to where the fanfic panel is to be held - one line
for Kato-san's and Nabeshin's autograph, and the other for the MegaTokyo
panel.  Boy, that strip still draws the crowds in droves, I tell ya.

Speaking of online comic strips, once we arrive at the room, NidoKing is
among the others standing around, waiting to get in.  He's wearing a T-shirt
with a scene from something called Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki which
looks kinda cute and funny.  Basically, it's about a guy given the
opportunity (and I suppose that's putting it charitably) to become a magical
girl - the joke of the particular comic he's wearing being what I suppose
any guy would do when it dawns on him that he's been changed into a girl,
and the Kubler-Ross stages he goes through in understanding that *he* is no
more.  Granted, it goes a bit beyond the 'acceptance' stage, to the point
that it annoys the obligatory magical familiar...

Y'all may be getting tired of my constant asides (then again, for those five
or six of you that actually look forward to these reports, maybe that's just
what you *like* about 'em - Kami-sama have mercy on ya), but I need to
mention at this point that magical girls don't really do anything for me.  I
can't really tell if they're supposed to be role models for younger girls
(one, I ain't that young anymore, and two, being magical, they aren't really
something that's even possible to aspire to) or fetishes for older male
otaku (and while that makes sense *now* - however worrisome that may or may
not be - that couldn't have been the audience they were aiming for when they
first devised the genre).  Either way, I don't exactly see myself as the
target audience.  Now, if the thing's good for a few really good laughs,
then I might reconsider.  Certainly NidoKing's shirt is pretty funny...

What are we waiting for, anyway?  Oh, the ADV industry panel.  Well, it
isn't like we can ask them to speed things up.  So while we're waiting, I
take a quick jog over to Artists' Alley, to see if I can't find Erika Door.
It was last year that I ordered a PeroPero plushie from her, and between a
shipment lost in the mail and a few other things, it still hasn't shown up.
Neither, as it so happens, has she.  A fellow artist informs me that she'll
be here at her table tomorrow.  Thus assured, I head back to the fanfic
panel room to wait for the ADV industry panel to wrap up.

***

It's a quarter after by the time we're let in; all things considered, that's
not too bad.  It's a much bigger room than last year's, so there'll be no
issue of overcrowding like there were then.  On the other hand, it means a l
ot of empty seats yet (and more than likely, still.  It'd take a good
250-300 people to fill the room, and that'd be an *extremely* good day for
fanfiction).

Jeanne begins the introductions while Konatsu and I pass out the handouts
with brief bios of our panellists.  In turn, A.Amishi, NidoKing, Gary
Kleppe, and CatWho introduce themselves and talk about what they're best
known for and what they consider their best work.  I mentioned that the room
is large; Jeanne waves a few seated well back in the room to come in closer:
the table has microphones, but "don't make us use 'em," Gary pipes up.

And with a brief word of thanks to the assembled group for being willing to
ditch the MegaTokyo panel, we begin.

The first question is a pretty basic one, perfect for starting out: why
write something that's already been done?  The questioner acknowledges that
certain canons have plot holes that invite a fledgling writer to drive
through, but why stay with it (an especial question for those who've been
writing fanfiction for a long period of time)?  Gary talks about taking the
characters somewhere they hadn't been in the original canon, and mentions
the ready-made fanbase - fanfics have a built-in audience *waiting* for your
prose that an original story wouldn't necessarily have.  NidoKing, I'm sure,
means no disrespect to the original manga-kas when he insists that any story
has room for improvement, and that's what he strives for in his work.
Amishi concurs with NidoKing, expressing particular dissatisfaction with the
conclusion of Escaflowne; his efforts to acheive a greater sense of closure
have resulted in an 81+ chapter epic, and it's still growing.
Symmetrically, CatWho reiterates Gary's comments by expounding on the
challenge of 'what if thus-and-such happened in that anime world?' and
fitting such a possibility into canon.

Gary is asked directly whether the FanFiction Mailing List (which he
moderates, along with several others) is dying, to be replaced with the
likes of fanfiction.net.  He admits that the activity on the FFML has been
steadily declining (and while he doesn't have a concrete explanation as to
why, he offers the conjecture that the older, more seasoned writers are
slowly getting caught up in their own real life, and the FFML isn't
attracting the newer writers as much), but doesn't see fanfiction.net as a
comparable replacement to the FFML.  It's a question of what kind and how
much C&C you want.  FFMLers can't be brutally honest, and in the best-case
scenarios, quite thorough.  Fanfiction.net is good for warm fuzzies and pats
on the back.

Azumanga Daioh is cited as the prose versus script argument is brought up:
which format is more appropriate to give the feel of a 4-yomi comic strip?
NidoKing fends the question off by saying it's a question of the author's
preference.  Certainly, it (and any other series) can be done either way.

Someone asks about making up a new language for a fic; apparantly, the
writer is creating a new species of sentient, communicative animal.  Jeanne
asks for clarification: what kind of problems is the questioner having?
CatWho chimes in with an RPG experience that used an English language
randomizer algorithm to create a nonsense language.  Whether this is
helpful, I can't tell.

Someone asks about the FFML archive, and I must confess, I miss the
searchable Mini-Archive myself.  There is ffml.anifics.com, but that merely
offers zipped digests by month through 2002, while 2003 and 2004 can't seem
to be accessed.  I don't mention it there, but I do include on the handouts,
Sanjiyan's FFML forum at http://www.sanjiyan.co.uk/forums/ which goes back
to May of 2003 and lists individual postings to the ML.

NidoKing harks back to clarify a comment he'd made that could be construed
as disparaging to script format; he has no problems with the format
personally (although he does not generally use it), but there are some with
a much more derisive attitude toward it that he was trying to reflect (I
believe the quote was that would be considered to be for lazy people.
Having beta-read 'Le perce-niege de fevrier,' a KareKano fic in script
format, I would dispute that; it depends, I suppose, on how true to the
anime feel you want to get.  But again, this is not NidoKing's personal
attitude).  Jeanne recalls the days when script format was THE WAY anime
fanfiction was written, while A.Amishi mentions that his teenaged son reads
plenty of fanfiction, but shies away from script format out of general
principle.

The question of creating a new language brings up a debate that's more
germane to the field of anime fanfiction, and one that's certainly been
discussed before: how much Japanese should one use?  Gary insists that,
unless the concept cannot be translated adequately, use English.  Jeanne
puts in an addendum that, should a certain character's point of view lack
understanding, then it would be appropriate to use the foreign language more
liberally.

A.Amishi fields the next question, about the difficulty of staying in
character when it's someone else's character.  Part of what makes it
possible is that he chooses characters that capture his attention, one he
can love and care about... one that causes him to want to watch more of the
series to understand the character better.  With this empathetic connection
he has to this character, he can more easily bring that out to the reader;
how the character would act and react in a given situation.

With certain characters, especially in more serious anime, there's a danger
of parody: Shinji Ikari's spinelessness is held up as an example.  Then
again, with him, there's the other difficulty of choosing the anime or the
manga version of his personality, as they do diverge.  How to make it clear
which version you're using?  A.Amishi, in the Eva fics he's done,
incorporates details from either the manga or the anime to indicate which
version he's using.  Jeanne suggests author's notes as a simple, if annoying
way to let the readers know, while Gary doesn't necessarily have a problem
with either source: "Just keep the characters interesting."  He mentions
frustration with Akane Tendo characterizations that have become so cliched
as to render her two-dimensianal, and holds up "Ill Met By Starlight" as a
Ranma who is *very* out of character, and yet it's a) still Ranma, and b) a
very good and interesting read.  NidoKing adds that characters will change
throughout the course of a story, in any case - so eventually they will
diverge from the canonical character, regardless.

The mention of Ranma brings up a question about whether there isn't a glut
of Ranma fanfiction.  Gary responds with the fact that even the FFML has not
had much Ranma fanfiction recently, to the point where he recently reviewed
a Ranma crossover that he would never have touched in times past.  CatWho
points out that any series that is popular for a prolonged period of time
will inevitably suffer a glut of fanfiction.  She adds that people don't
want to always read the same storyline, and mentions the increase in
crossovers as a way of staving off a glut.  NidoKing finds it curious that
Ranma is held up as overdone: on fanfiction.net, the number of Ranma fics
are far outweighed by fics for Gundam Wing, Inu-Yasha, and even Digimon.
Finally, Gary gives the definative answer: there will *never* be a glut of
GOOD fics.

Copyright issues are brought up, with Mercedes Lackey held up as an example
(she forbids anyone making fanfiction of her works and characters because,
apparantly, a book she had written tracked too close to a fanfic that
someone else had done about her world, and there was something of a dust-up
about it all).  NidoKing thinks that if Rumiko Takahashi, or some other
manga-ka, were to do a story of his (even if purely by accident), he'd feel
honored.  On the other side of the coin, Gary notes that some people have
attempted to rewrite Hearts of Ice, and he considers this stupid and
disrespectful.

I think it's Pearson Mui who asks about 'the dark side of Mary Sues.'  Are
cameo appearances acceptable?  Gary offers the assertion that, anytime a
character has a name similar to that of the author, it's an ANC and should
be thrown out.  Jeanne disagrees, mentioning Bert Van Vleit's SkyKnight
epic, while CatWho insists that self-insertion do not have to be Mary Sues.
The latter, she proposes, warp the other, canonical characters (which is
part of what makes them so objectionable in the first place).  NidoKing
brings up the concept of Excel Saga's Nabeshin - if ever a self-insert could
be considered a Mary Sue, this was it.  But is he annoying, or is he
essential?

CatWho is asked about cliches in Inu-Yasha fanfiction.  Some of her answers
could apply to a lot of anime series, such as an alternate universe where
the characters are all in high school (she insists that this is never done
well; there are some murmurs about Azumanga being a perfect springboard for
someone putting characters into high school, since they're already there -
but in that case, I suppose, fic writers would eventually write AUs to get
them *out* of school), finding an *end* to Inu-Yasha, which is *still*
ongoing over there (Cat has actually tried this, so it can be done well.
The danger lies in the fact that as the canon expands, it will run *over*
these proposed endings, and force them into AU territory), and writers who
*insist* on pairing up character X and character Y and marrying them off.
Inu-Yasha, like many Takahashi series, is a loosely woven story that just
*begs* fanfic writers to fill in the gaps throughout it; there's no need to
settle for cliches.  To be fair, she believes that *every* fanfic has *some*
gold in them - but the question remains as to whether it's worth digging for
it.

The last cliche - marrying off a pair of characters - leads rather naturally
into the next question: how does one make a relationship (wink, wink, nudge,
nudge) believable?  Especially one involving two chatacters of the same sex
(Okay, so the bit about marrying off characters *doesn't* apply, for now)?
Gary believes that if you know the characters well enough, you will know
what makes sense, and what doesn't.  The crowd is revolted at his proposal
of a Ranma-Happosai lemon, to which Jeanne warns everybody that "Gary's got
a hundred of 'em," referring to stomach-churning combinations.  He *does*
point out that someone made a believable Ranma-Bess pairing - you know, the
Yamada's dog?  dipped in Akaneniichuan.  A.Amishi concurs that, as a
character changes throughout the course of a story, any relationship,
properly handled, can be made plausible, while NidoKing stresses asking
oneself whether one is writing a relationship, or rather, a story that
happens to include a relationship; there's a difference.

One audience member takes the opportunity to plug a parody fic he's done.
Apparantly Saiyajin marries Trunks, only to be blown up by Saddam Hussien.
Surprisingly, the idea garners laughs and applause.  "Post it," says Gary,
"you've got your audience."

The question is asked: when does a fanfic cease to be a fanfic?  Apparantly
another member of the audience is creating a fanfic with a massive amount of
backstory cut from whole cloth.  The consensus is, however, that if you use
the canon, it's still a fanfic, regardless of size.  CatWho poses a
corollary to this: if it's not recognizable as canon, it may be original.
As an example, she refers to an alleged Utena fanfic that takes place
generations before the Shoujo Kakumei Utena we all know and love.  There is
no Utena, and no Anthy... the author could strike the Himemiya name, and
call it an original story.  Jeanne mentions the novel "Wide Sargasso Sea"
(to which Konatsu responds enthusiastically, having read it), which is
essentially a "Jane Eyre" fanfic, when you come down to it.

The panellists are asked if they have ever put together a fic that someone
else came up mor or less at the same time.  NidoKing related having created
cyborg Pok�mon *before* the Gold and Silver series came out - he was forced
to ignore that portion of canon.  A.Amishi crossed over the Dual and
Evangelion worlds, having Kosuke mistaken for Shinji, only to find someone
else working on a similar concept.  Upon examining his 'competition,' he
concluded that the other person's approach was so dissimilar that sharing a
concept was not a problem.  Gary relates similar experiences wih his story
involving Ranma and a pregnancy; others come out with spamfics on the
concept, but they're not at the same detail level as his work, so there's no
problem, either.  CatWho concludes that the exact same concept in two
different authors' hands will result in two vastly different stories.

***

As Roehl Sybing stands to offer his dramatic reading, someone in the back
leaves for whatever reason.  He warns the person that "like priests and
comedians, readers never forget a walkout."  (And now that I've written this
down, it'll be even harder for him to forget)  "In The Distance" (which I
gather has been posted to the FFML, among other places, relatively recently)
features Kim, the American girl in Ai Yori Aoishi, merely observing a young
man arguing with an older woman, while a girl with them is torn between the
two combatants.  We get Kim's perspective as an observer, and one who has no
idea what is going on (language issues, discussed earlier, but Roehl doesn't
bother with actual Japanese).  It reminds me a bit of the movie "Lost in
Translation," which isn't far off from the actual inspiration - an HBO film
entitled "Subway Scenes."

The reading holds everyone in the room still for at least ten or fifteen
minutes, and after the applause, the panel sets to work on it.  Gary leads
off by touching on a pet peeve of his, a reference to the girl's (Aoi?) blue
hair.  It's no more logical than to point out a character as having big
eyes, he contends.  I offer that big eyes don't set characters apart the way
hair color does, since every anime character's eyes are big.  "Not Kuno's."
Well... you've got me there.

(In retrospect, it occurs to me that since an anime is merely a story, maybe
one could accept that in the world of thus-and-such anime, hair color is
just *like* that, and no one in that world considers it noteworthy.  Since
we viewers - and by extension, external narrators - have a more limited
series of available hair colors in our world, we find it noteworthy, and use
it as an identifying mark.  Does that seem like a reasonable compromise?
Although, really... with a name like 'Blue,' what hair color would one
*expect* Aoi to have?)

Not all of us are familiar with Ai Yori Aoishi (which I understand was part
of Roehl's intent, to pique interest in the series), and CatWho inquires
about who Kim is.  NidoKing, being more familiar with AYA, points out that
Kim's Japanese is actually supposed to be pretty good, to which Roehl offers
the idea that this takes place before the activity of AYA, and her Japanese
isn't all that *yet*.

Certain phrases are picked over: "A word that sounded like 'wait'" is argued
against, as neither 'chotto' nor 'matte' sound like the English word.  I
suspect it's in tone that the words have their auditory similarity.  The
reference to a "scratching residue of [unwiped] tears" moves several, while
Gary recommends varying synonyms for speaking throughout the piece.

Other comments include Doc's request for more detail about Kim.  As her
perspective is colored by having just come from a very bad date, he wants a
little more detail to flesh out her point of view.  Paul opines that, as a
reading, this might well be well suited for script format, while Jeanne
inquires as to Roehl's inspriation - it's as much from simply
people-watching as it is from "Subway Scenes," actually.

As he returns to his seat, he mentions his website, infinitedeferral.com,
and explains its name.  What is he deferring all this time?
"Reponsibility."

***

A request goes out for other forums aside from the relatively moribund FFML
and the critique-free fanfiction.net.  Gary plugs the FFIRC at
#fanfic@irc.nabiki.com, pointing out our host, Todd Hill in the audience:
"It's a social channel, but we do reviews there as well from time to time."
Another frequent denizen of the FFIRC, NidoKing mentions that people will
occasionally drop a URL into the chat rooms, to point others in the room
toward a good, bad, or their own fic.  While Jeanne mentions individal web
pages, A.Amishi speaks of a site called fan-fics-r-us.com, an invite-only
repository of fanfiction.

Another 'how much is too much' question, this time regarding emotions: when
does it cross the line into self-indulgent angst?  "How much can your
audience take?" NidoKing responds.  Gary suggests that it varies; a certain
amount is okay, but agonizing over the fact that it's Thursday might be
taking things a bit far.  Konatsu murmurs that it *would* be appropriate for
a Garfield cartoon, if you changed it to Monday.

In a similar vein as the question regarding Shinji Ikari, someone asks about
trying to fit with canon continuity when there is no continuity.  The
questioner is trying to write about Battle Royal, which exists in novel,
manga, and anime format, each of which are different - but this can apply to
other series, such as Tenchi Muyo, as NidoKing points out.  Jeanne doesn't
see this as a problem as an opportunity: "Write what you want, use elements
you want."  Just make sure the elements fit together, Gary adds.

Last year, someone in the audience at the panel mentioned working on a
demolition derby fanfic - apparantly, he's finished it.  My notes don't
include a title, but the same guy also mentions a fic in which Jadeite
applies for a job in Star Wars' Imperial army (and of the ff.net review that
reads like a rejection letter), so if you're interested, look for Jadeite's
Resume.

In reports past, Konatsu has mentioned that some of the questions in the
fanfic panels have tended to repeat themselves.  This particular question is
a rerun right down to the questioner, as Paul asks the panel for any
extra-anime inspiration.  Like Roehl, Jeanne gets inspiration from
people-watching, as well as a large variety of reading material.  A.Amishi's
muse is more musical, coming from the likes of Linkin Park and other groups.
Both NidoKing and CatWho cite Terry Pratchett, but while the rest of Nido's
list include sci-fi and horror, Cat confesses to reading romance novels:
"Not Harlequins, though," she makes it clear.  And Gary?  "Stuff just grinds
together."

A curious question is posed about how to get an audience to hate a
character.  Gary considers such deliberacy to be a cheap shot; he prefers
his villians to otherwise be decent folk, making them harder to truly root
against.  NidoKing goes a step further, citing the movie "Sling Blade" as an
example of a story in which the viewer finds herself rooting for the
psychopath.

Finally, someone asks about future projects.  "I was just getting to that,"
Jeanne laughs.  Most of the panel is continuing with ongoing projects, and
lots of them:  CatWho with WarGames and a magical girl version of Hikaru no
Go, Gary with Hearts and Minds and the Seven Samurai of Anime, NidoKing with
"way too many" (General Time Paradox, Deadly Choice, Quack Experimental
Excel Saga 2, and his new series Magical Girl Theatre), and A.Amishi with
All You Need is Love (Isn't It?), All in the Name of Love, and many others.
He also plugs a SaiYuki fic written by his beta reader, entitled 'A Simple
Kiss.'

As the panel closes, Roehl invites people to attend his Japanese language
panel tomorrow morning.  This will be his swansong at ACen, he announces, as
he will be heading to Japan to teach English (which is essentially the flip
side of the panel).  So this is what he had lined up in case he didn't get
elected, ne?

***

We do what we can to invite folks to our room for dinner.  We have our
traditions, after all, and no reason not to share them with others.
Besides, the more people with us to order Gino's East, the more variety we
can offer.  Our sempais will be there, and we let Roehl, NidoKing and
whoever else is interested in on our plans.  Drop by at 4:30, and we'll get
something together.

That gives us plenty of time to go swimming and the like.  We try to call
Kim and Mike, as she tells us they are expert 'chicken fighters' (you know,
where the girl sits on the guy's shoulders and two girls try to knock each
other off their respective guy), but she's not answering her cell phone at
the moment.  So we go swimming on our own.

Have I mentioned in previous con reports how small a pool the Hyatt has,
especially considering the size of the hotel?  It's a little round thing,
that one can cross underwater on a single breath.  It's a nice view, in a
sunroom right above the Artists' Alley and all, but that's not what we're
here for.  And the water's a bit chilly, too, depite the sunlight - another
reason Konatsu misses a hot tub.  We really don't stay long.

As we dry off back in the room, we watch some Futari Ecchi - but not too
much, as we don't wanna get caught by anyone arriving *too* early.  For
those of you who have a taste for hentai, I highly recommend the title
(unless you're into the rough stuff, this I suppose this will be kinda
dull).  You've got a newly married couple that truly love each other and
wanna do right by the other, despite the fact that neither of them knows
what they're doing.  It's been a while since those days, but we still
remember, and it's nice to see a couple that we can relate to.  It's sexy,
it's funny, it's sweet... what's not to love?  If you're interested, The
Triad has fansubbed all four episodes: check 'em out.

We're winding up episode one as Roehl knocks (and thank you for that,
Roehl!)  We switch the player off and straighten up the place quickly before
throwing open the door (and wedging it open for anyone else dropping by).
As Paul, NidoKing and the sempais find their way here, the question arises:
Shall we watch something?  I rattle off a list of fansubs I've brought, and
somehow, we settle on Jungle wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu Deluxe.

It's my sempais, Dave in particular, who got me started on Guu a couple of
years ago.  With Deluxe, I get to return the favor, as they haven't seen it
yet.  Of course, it still doesn't explain Guu or her motivations, which kind
of prevents me from writing about the series; however, Paul theorizes that
she is Rei Ayanami gone bad, and that's not a bad concept.  Hell, it'd even
explain her occasional appearances in adult form as a manifestation of Yui
Ikari, I suppose.

The conversations underneath the show and the snacking are many and varied,
and I'm having enough trouble getting drinks together.  For the first time
in several years, we haven't bothered to bring anything in the way of
liquor - or any sort of beverages whatsoever.  So several of us slip over to
the con suite, grab several cups each, fill 'em up, and head back.  It works
better than you'd think, but it ain't perfect by any stretch.

When the pizza arrives, I worry about our cash balance - until Konatsu
mentions that they accept plastic over the phone.  Oh, you took care of it,
sugar?  Thanks so much.  However, it's enough that our guests offer to ante
up $5 each for a quarter-pie apiece.  Konatsu takes the collection while I
fetch the goods, and the party goes on for another couple of episodes.
Really, this is better than having a room party afterwards - no risk of
falling asleep during it or any such, and the food's better, too.

***

By about six, Konatsu's getting worried about the line for the cosplay.
While I'm not too concerned - the ballroom is sufficient to fit as many as
wanted in last year and then some, one seat's as good (or bad) as another
unless you're waaaay up front, we won't have a problem, so why waste the
time? - everybody *has* eaten their fill, so it's as good a time as any to
break up.  The sempais actually are heading back to their room at the
Sofitel across the street, while Roehl plans to spend some time in the
hotel's sports bar watching the Fire.  You like the *Chicago* soccer team?
No, they're playing New York.  Ah.

So that leaves us on our own, trying to find the line for the cosplay.  It's
not in the lobby, and it's not out front of the hotel.  What gives?  Turns
out, they've placed the line in *back* of the hotel, and it stretches the
length of the building, until finally, when we find the end of the line,
we're right outside our window.  If we'd only known that, we wouldn't have
bothered to walk; we could have just rapelled out of our room for one floor
and join in like that.

While the sun is out today (I wouldn't be standing outside on a day like
yesterday for all the anime at the con), it is getting low in the sky.
Combined with the wind, it's really rather chilly out here, and me in my
short sleeves.  Wish I'd brought my jacket to the hotel.  Oh, well.

There are others wearing less than us.  Right in front of us is a fellow in
blue Chinese silks (they look for all the world like pyjamas); he's none too
thrilled about the chill.  Come to think about it, he's none too thrilled
about much at the con; between having to pack in the rain yesterday, getting
lost trying to find the place (damn MapQuest), trying to locate a parking
space in the hotel lot, dealing with the long lines at registration, and all
the money he's spent in the dealers' room, he really doesn't seem to be
having a particularly good time.  When he hears we were at AnimeReactor, he
assures us that he's had worse: "Oh, you were at the *good* new con."  He,
on the other hand, had attended KazeCon, and describes it as "two hundred
people at a fleabag hotel."  Apparantly, at least half the dealers packed up
and left at the end of the first day.  Here's hoping they learn from their
mistakes and do better in Milwaukee.

***

Paul spots us in line, and this time, slips ahead a bit to join us.  This
time, no one seems to object, least of all the security guards (we had
considered dropping back to join him when we spotted each other, but if he's
willing to take the chance and it pays off, cool.  Actually, though,
slipping back would have meant listening to fewer complaints, but oh well).

Soon (okay, it's about thirty or forty minutes) the line starts moving, and
*fast*.  As it does, we see a few more people heading for the end of the
line.  Two of them are dressed as Naru Narusegawa.  From the Spring Special.
In bikinis made out of palm leaves.  Ye gods.  I'm not going to complain
about the cold anymore, after seeing those two.

***

Our seats are right by the sound board, as it so happens, and I figure it's
a pretty good spot, all things considered.  A bit far back, to be sure, but
they position the sound guys where the acoustics are best, so we should hear
everything just fine.

The judges are introduced, starting with a fan judge apparantly well known
as an RPGer in his own right.  Even more of a role is the next judge... Dr.
Evil?!  It can't be Mike Myers - he's too busy plugging Shrek 2 - but from
this distance, it might as well be.  And the guy *never* steps out of
character.  Finally (yeah, only three judges for this big event!) Scott
McNeill steps out - and out-Evils Dr. Evil!  Our regular host, Isaac,
introduces his co-host, Dave, and without any more fanfare, we are
underway - only fifteen minutes behind schedule.  This is one for the record
books.

As the walk-on cosplayers take their turns across the stage, Konatsu wonders
why I bother taking notes at this point, as I'm bound to miss something.
And I suspect my kunoichi's right: even though I manage to write down a
little blurb about everyone, I've probably gotten some names wrong
(especially the Final Fantasy characters), and frankly, not everything is
interesting as I review it for my transcription.

Still, the walk-on sequence has its moments, including the hosts' comments
on how the whole Final Fantasy series is a cosplayer's dream after a
particularly stunning entourage crosses the stage.  Certainly, there are a
great deal of FF cosplayers, and with my unfamiliarity with any video games
(when do I have the time for that?  Anime I can leave on and cook at the
same time, games require a complete committment I can't give 'em, not
anymore) I won't be able to do them justice.

I also can't do justice to the CatBus from Totoro.  Yes, that's right, the
CatBus: six people carrying this thing (and waving from the windows, no
less)  It has to be seen to believed - apparantly even the eyes light up
(though you can't tell from this distance, or with the stage so well-lit as
it is).  Needless to say, it gets a HUGE ovation.

Once the CatBus leaves, we're pretty convinced that nothing can top that,
but the next entry comes very close.  It's Kei from the original Dir- uh,
Lovely Angels, upswept hairdo and all, followed at the heels by a - what the
*hell* is that *thing*?  Good gosh, how often do you see someone cosplaying
as *Mughi*?

A number of other notable walkons pass through, including an Utena and Anthy
in manga colors (pink for Utena, and... turquiose(?) for the Rose Bride
Anthy), Maggie from the Read or Die TV series, looking rather like Trigun's
Meryl Stryfe, a cast of characters from Yu-Gi-Oh, several Witch Hunters
Robin, a Sailor Moon in mid-transformation sequence (wearing a flesh colored
bodystocking, and large bows covering up the important bits), a Leo from
Angel Sanctuary, who strips to the waist to a chorus of screams, and a
Belldandy who does a little booty-shaking as she crosses, much to the shock
of the hosts.  "Where were all these costumes all weekend?" Paul murmurs.

That's not an entirely fair comment, if you ask me.  True, many of these
walk-ons *haven't* been about - there's only so long you can go about in
some of those costumes, after all.  Some, however, I've seen before - Sailor
Cosmos comes to mind - and then, there have been others roaming the halls
every bit as good and imaginative as those on stage tonight (although I
can't say any of them could even *dream* of coming close to the CatBus).  I
recall seeing someone dressed as a DDR dance pad, another fellow literally
head to toe in silver - don't know who he was supposed to be - a pair of
horses, one red, the other black, from Hellsing, and quite a few girls in
fetish gear that wouldn't raise an eyebrow at Hedonism II (although a guy
leading two girls chained - however loosely - by the neck makes *me*
wonder - how the hell does someone talk someone into something like that?)

Another reason not to dwell on the walk-on cosplay is the fact that it's
over so quickly.  I look at my watch as they begin to announce the skits,
and it's 8:40.  Fifty or so entries in under thirty minutes or less?  My
gosh.  Guess that pizza isn't gonna be free tonight.

We start the sketches off with a warning from the hosts toward the judges
(particularly Dr. Evil and Scott McNeill - evidently they're *still* trying
to see who's the Evil-est of them all) to pay attention.  That said, Pimp
Ash and the Pika-Hos make their appearance.  This time, they're joined, so
to speak, by the preacher from Hellsing, who gives Ash what for about his
treatment of the girls.  His response?  "You want a piece of Ash?"  And
believe it or not, the preacher takes Ash down.  But he's no saint himself,
as he beckons the liberated Pika-Hos to "come, fallen angels, and bask in
the love of the Lord," and they walk off together - and I do mean together.
Worst of all, they make off with the microphones, and the hosts have to
follow 'em offstage to retrieve 'em for the next skit.

The Not Ready for Bandai Players do a take on "Bishounen Eye for the Tough
Guy," as Gatchman can't seem to get a date.  Nuriko, Red Mantle and a couple
others give him advice before dressing him up in sparkles and epaulettes 'to
impress the honeys.'  I'm starting to wonder if we *are* in the audio sweet
spot after all, as I can't make out half of what's going on.

I can make out the next sketch, a series of letters to and from (and read
by) who I presume to be the lead female character from Argento Soma,
including her acceptance to military school, her promotion to lieutenant,
and letters from the field to her mother and husband.  Frankly, it goes on
way too long, and it's obviously meant to be dramatic.  The trouble is,
cosplay skits are more or less a format better suited for improv comedy.  We
then go from overkill to understatement, as a Witch Hunter Robin quietly
lights a single candle, to a surprising amount of applause.

The next sketch challenges my belief in the 'sweet spot' theory regarding
our position near the sound board.  I don't catch the series, and while they
appear to be lip-synching the theme to their show, I can't make out a thing
(the applause doesn't help on that score, but it's certainly a good thing
for those onstage).

The hosts introduce the next sketch as entitled, "What Was Anno
Thinking?!" - a question too many fans have puzzled over for far too long.
Several SEELE monoliths are escorted gingerly onstage - evidently no one
thought about eyeholes for the costumes (which, given SEELE, actually seems
appropriate).  Once positioned, however, the black sheets labelled 'SEELE -
SOUND ONLY' are ripped away by the techie escorts to reveal... Pocky!  Yes,
folks, you can deprive the con-goers of the physical presence of Pocky, but
you can't remove the spirit of Pocky from us.  The crowd roars in approval,
and even more so when the box of Fran (a competing brand, and one my
kunoichi favors for its lower price) hops onstage, and is pummelled into
submission by the other boxes.

Incidentally, there hasn't been nearly the fuss over the lack of Pocky that
there was last year.  Maybe most of the attendees were aware of it from last
time around and didn't have their hopes up.  There have been the odd 'will
trade hugs for Pocky' signs, to be sure, but they aren't nearly as
prevalent.  And it's not as if we aren't looking for them; with the supply
we laid in at Mitsuwa, we'd had every intention of giving a lot of it away.
But even the littler con-goers refuse whatever Konatsu-chan offers them  -
well, to be fair, sometimes it's their parents, but still and all... Konatsu
doesn't look like Kimura-sensei or anything, and I can vouch for my
kunoichi's harmlessness, but there aren't the takers we expected.  Even as
the crowd chants the now-familiar "Po-cky!  Po-cky!" refrain, my kunoichi is
offering a box to the three girls sitting in front of us.  Only the third
girl accepts - and gets chatty with Konatsu, as today is her birthday (so
she looks upon the box as a present), so they have this in common.

"Keeping it Real from the South Side" is either the name of the next group
or the next sketch - either way, it's unwieldy.  And also... "It's Gendo."
Yes, Commander Ikari swaggers onstage to that theme song from ReDeath (I'm
starting to agree with 'Bob Dole' aka Lorenz Kihl: "Man, I'm gettin' sick of
his theme song!")  He is challenged to a competition against the commander
from the RaXephon series ("Both of you, dance like you want to win!" intones
the referee), who turns out to be none other than Lupin III.  Which explains
how RaXephon stole much of Eva's plot.  Gendo is not all he appears to be,
either, as he strips off his costume to become... Sailor Moon?  He (she?)
defeats Lupin, but exults a bit too long and gets knocked out as well.  Host
David is dumbfounded: "I'm from the South Side, and I've never seen anything
like *that*."

Link from the Zelda game series is instructed to go on yet another pointless
quest.  "Don't you wish you could be evil and refuse?"  It's an ad for
OxyEvil, which allows Link to do just that.  I know at least one judge that
should be pleased by this.

After Evangelion, PenPen has to do something with his time.  Why he's
spending it dancing with Shampoo, I've no idea.  Even less why she keeps
turning off the music he's dancing to.  Finally, he gets it right (or maybe
supremely wrong), and she pursues him offstage.

Another 'Queer Eye' takeoff has four mages and (improbably) a Puchuu working
their magic on an otherwise hopeless otaku an turn him into a stud: Riding
Bean.

A crack team including the likes of Lupin III and Vash are recruited to try
to outdance... Michael Jackson?!  This might have promise (hell, I could see
a great bit of satire in it, given certain otaku tendancies toward
'lolicon'), but the music suddenly gets cut off.

They seem to be having problems with the sound, or maybe it's just the
microphones: one crashes to the floor as the NERV logo is hauled onstage to
the Joan of Arcadia theme (now THAT would be a hell - pardon the
expression - of a crossover).  But there is to be no crossover - just a
re-enactment of a scene from Evangelion: ReDeath.  The one twist is, instead
of Prince's Greatest Hits, Kaji delivers to Gendo... Ash's pimp hat.
"Ohhhhh, baby."

Speaking of madmen out to take over the world, Professor Tomoe plans to
create the ultimate stereotypical villian.  Con security manage to haul him
off before he does any serious harm.

Two characters from Kingdom Fighters try to do their performance *without*
the unreliable mikes, but to no avail.  Finally one accepts a microphone
from the hosts, but it's like showing up in the middle of a conversation.

The So Desu Ne cosplayers put on the ultimate showdown for the Violinist of
Hamelin.  The lead female (I assume) receives an invitation to the Queen's
ball, but can't decide which of the two male leads to take.  Hamel, for
whatever reason, does not make much of an effort to win the honor,
especially not compared to his rival, Raiel.  However, Raiel is effectively
disqualified when a pair of demon-like girlfriends attach themselves to him.

The next sketch has to do with "Behind the Music;" either it's behind the
scenes of a PlayStation game, or BtM *is* a PS2 game.  I don't follow it,
but the audience likes it.

The Slayers cast delivers some music of their own: a doo-wop version of
"It's Magic," complete with a kick line (and given that *most* of the cast
is male, that makes it all the sillier).

In another case of 'we've seen this before, haven't we?', Riku and Sora of
Kingdom Hearts come on.  One of them complains how he never wanted to be a
fighting game character.  Oh, no... don't say it... "I wanted to be... a
lumberjack!"  He said it.

Ed and Ein bound across the stage in a spirited game of leapfrog, before Ed
pauses (VERY briefly) to sing, darting around the stage several times before
dashing off entirely.

We are now informed that we are to be treated to a cosplay first: a live
Vash the Stampede transformation sequence - "Hold it!  You can't do that!"
Meryl interrupts.  Apparantly, in accordance with the 'live steel' rules,
Vash's coat sticks out 6 inches away from his body, and therefore cannot be
used.  He doffs it, and in fact, gets stripped down to his shorts.  Standing
in front of Meryl, he looks down and informs her that "I think I'm still
breaking the 6-inch rule."  Once the laughter dies down, he asks if there
are any other rules he needs to be aware of.  "Yeah... skits are to be less
than two minutes long," and she hauls him offstage.

It's too soon, as it turns out - our hosts *still* haven't recovered from
the '6-inch' wisecrack; one of them offers that it will go down in con
legend, like "Chair! Chair!" and the like: "You heard it here first," he
eventually intones.

There are four other sketches between this and the final one (CardCaptor
Will, proclaiming "I'm not gayer than Sailor Bubba:" yeah, but you almost
look *good* in that dress, sugar, and I oughta know), but my notes are
nearly illegible, and anything after that '6-inch' business has a hard act
to follow.  Yes, pun intended.

***

Our hosts request a huge round of applause as they present Ryan Gavigan to
the crowd from the control booth.  Dressed in a suit and tie, he ascends the
stage to the requested ovation, and the hosts offer their thanks.  If they
are to be believed, Ryan's planning to try out for the next "Survivor"
series (you mean to say they're still doing that nonsense?), and plans to
use this as part of his audition tape.  What, he isn't gonna use anything
from Magnum Opus?  No matter; I laugh and aplaud with the rest and he
performs a dance with the hosts and a couple boxes of Pocky (the costumed
guys, not actual boxes of Pocky; I wouldn't be able to see those from where
we're seated).

Paul and the other fellow duck out as the judging goes on; in fact, a lot of
people do.  On the other hand, I feel somewhat responsible to get down the
results.  The CatBus actually gets two awards, one for performance and a
judges' choice award.  Kei and Mughi got left out entirely: it's possible, I
suppose, that it looked better from a distance, but it smells like robbery
to me.  Vampire D and Bulma take best of show group and individual costume
awards, respectively, while the top sketch awards go to 'Radical Ed' and the
stripping Vash: "was that a gun in your shorts?" asks a judge.

Konatsu nudges me when the dancing Pockys win an award: "Can't you picture
the deprived otaku seeing those like a mirage in the desert?  'Dude, didja
see the size of those Pocky?'  'Ehh, I've eaten bigger.'"  Hmm, Pocky as
Freudian image.  Something to think about.

But not now.  Mouuu...

***

Upon leaving our room for the soccer matches, Roehl had invited everyone
back to his place after the cosplay to watch anime and what-have-you.  We
decide to take him up on it, but first, there's the question of *how*.  As
always with the cosplay, we're carried along on the tide of folks headed
either back to their rooms or to someone else's room party.  In either case,
this means thosands of people trying to use the elevators at once.  This is
not gonna work.  But we don't really have much option, as his room
(actually, his suite - he got upgraded, the lucky dog) is on the tenth
floor.

We try searching for a stairwell in the corners of the atrium, and as luck
would have it, we run across a con staffer using a freight elevator.  We're
all by ourselves, and lugging a computer and several snacks, so we're
burdened down, so he has pity on us.  One of the freight cars arrives, and
he quickly shoves us in, looking around to make sure no one else saw him, I
guess.  I'd thank him, but just by reporting this, I may have gotten him
into trouble.  But whoever you are, we are grateful.

Roehl's suite is in fact a real nice place, all spread out.  The sempais are
already there on the couch, chatting with Roehl.  We offer to hook up the
laptop, and show... what?  The consensus is for Kogepan, of all things - the
burnt bread trying to find his place in the bakery.  For a children's
anime - and it's clearly meant for little kids, unlike a lot of other anime
titles I could mention - it's remarkably philosophical.

Once the Kogepan episodes play out (and there's *got* to be more than ten
episodes; why on earth did mugen-anime stop work on this project?), we put
on a brand-new series: Midori no Hibi.  It's about a guy who's something of
a deliquent, but with a code of honor regarding protecting his friends.  To
an extent, he reminds me a bit of Ran-chan, and a bit of Kyou from Fruits
Basket - because his pugnacious exterior scares off the girls.  Bemoaning
the fact that he can't get a date, and that he'll grow old with "no lover
but his right hand," (cute phrase, that), he wakes up one morning to find it
literally true: his hand has turned into a girl that idolizes him.
Apparantly, she exists apart from him as a real (but now comatose) girl, but
as they're suddenly attached like this, it causes some problems.

I don't manage to get the others' reactions to it; having watched the first
two or three episodes already, I nod off as the first one plays.  So does
Konatsu, for that matter, which is no surprise, really.  And since Roehl has
a panel to lead in the morning(!), when the episode ends and we're wakened,
we pack up and take off, thanking him for his hospitality.

***

What with the Prisoner of Azkaban being released shortly, Konatsu muses that
we could certainly have used Hermione's hourglass this weekend.  There are
so many things we never did!  Some were things we've just out-and-out
missed, like the Totally Lame Anime or the Evangelion and Religion panels.
There are others for which we may yet have a chance, like the anime music
videos (which have basically been running all weekend) and, with luck,
getting Nabeshin's autograph - I can't recall anyone whom I've really
*wanted* to collect a signature from before.

Of course, that's not to say we haven't gotten anything done this weekend.
Hell, if you've read this far, you know it's been over a hundred Kb you've
slogged through; next thing you know, you'll be ready to take on a chapter
or two of 'Sic Semper Morituri.'

In any case, we still need to wake up and, in keeping with the old ACen
slogan 'got soap?', *wash* up.  For all the amenities of this room, though,
you can tell it was designed with the solo businessman in mind.  The
bathroom hasn't a pull-out mirror so you can do touchups on the back of your
head, and there isn't a tub, just a 5 foot square shower stall.  Not a whole
lot of room, frankly, but we try our best not to bang our elbows against the
walls or the chrome.

***

Still more costumes - or are they?  At breakfast this morning, Konatsu spots
a girl decked out sharply as Haruko Haruharu eating with a man that is
evidently her father: tall, suit-clad, and... wearing big square eyebrows?
My kunoichi is in stitches imagining the conversation: "Say, Dad, could you
take me to this anime convention?  Oh, and while you're there, could you
just stick these over your eyebrows?  You'll blend in much better this way."
He does carry it off pretty well, if it weren't for that moustache of his.
Of course, the fake stuff fits in, but the real stuff doesn't.

***

At least there's no line for the checkout, since it can be done in the room.
Now, as we haul our stuff out to the van, we have at least one other
regret - that of not seeing Kim since running into her at Anime Press Your
Luck.

"Ucchan!"

And there she is, running after us in the tunnels.  She and Mike are packing
up, too, but while we're just stowing our luggage for the rest of the day,
they're heading out shortly.  Well, they do have to drive back to Ohio,
after all.  How'dja find us, sugar?  "Oh, by your caps."

We stare at the Daddy-cat we've been lugging on our shoulders.

But with hugs all around, we bid Kim and Mike safe journey, and promise to
get back in touch.  Who would have expected we'd hook up after all these
years?

***

Well, he may not get us recognized, but he's still cute and cozy, so we
continue to carry Daddy-cat as we head for the dealers' room for the second
and final time.  We even find ourselves whistling "Rasperry Heaven" as we
wander over.

A couple of guys catch us up.  "Hey, was that [song] from Kill Bill?"

Now think about this.  We're at an anime convention, one with at least one
guest of honor having to do with the production of Azumanga Daioh, we're
hauling around a creature from the series, and we're whistling the ending
credit theme from the show... and the first thing that pops into otaku's
minds is *Quentin Tarantino*?  Well, evidently the song was used in Kill
Bill; one of the guys insists that Tarantino borrows from anime because he's
an otaku like us, the other argues that he does so because he's a hack.
"Well... that, too," the first one concedes, and laughs.  (Of course,
they're cutting him down now, but *they* went and saw the movie, apparantly)
Meanwhile, Konatsu and I are trying to reconcile the violence of Tarantino's
movies with the gentle sweetness of Azumanga.

Then again, there is Tomo, and the volleyball game... shades of Monty Python
and 'Salad Days:'  "Pretty strong meat from *sniff* Kiyohiko Azuma..."

***

It's probably silly to be bargain-hunting at a convention, but that's
essentially what I'm up to.  There's enough dealers here, and enough stuff
remaining that they probably don't want to cart back to wherever they're
from that it should be easy pickings by today.  But no, not really.  An
Abenobashi DVD goes for $24 regardless of what table you go to - even the
ADV table, who you'd think would have the advantage of no middleman.  No
luck there, either.  Did notice that they've come out with Puni Puni Poemi -
dear gosh, they actually got someone to play the part of Kobayashi-chan? -
and KaleidoStar, which is reeeally kinda tempting, if it weren't for the
fact that 52 episodes is a heck of a committment.  I pass.

Overheard by one dealer's table, where their stereo is blaring out one or
another of J.A.Seazar's duel themes from Utena: "Ah, Utena.  Music to draw
your sword by."  "You do that, and they'll kick you out of the con..."

I mentioned there weren't that many folks panhandling for Pocky.  For all I
know, that may also have been due to the authorities (either Rosemont or the
con itself, I'm not sure).  Yesterday, a girl dressed up as Morrigan had set
herself up as an ambulatory kissing booth, at $1 per.  Out of costume today
(but identifiable by her hair), I asked her about it.  Apparantly, she was
essentially asked to desist from 'prostituting [her]self,' as she puts it.
Guess she really *was* in it for the money.

But here in the dealers' room, there's not necessarily that amount of
control, and we encounter a familiar yet nameless face in a teenage boy
looking for three dollars in order to have enough for a Naruto headband.
What the hey... we give him a dollar.  As we wander off, we hear him asking
someone else for those same last three dollars.  Oh, well...

Despite the lack of deals, we don't quite leave the place empty-handed, as
Konatsu adds another plushie to our collection.  This time, it's Cowboy
Bebop's Ein, which leaves us once again wondering if and when we'll ever get
around to watching that series.

***

Back from the dealers' room, Konatsu persuades me (not with much effort, to
be sure) to check out the music videos.  And we're in luck, arriving during
what is apparantly the comedy segment.  In the style of Big Big Truck's
'Failed Experiments in Video Editing,' a cartoonish fellow tries to come up
with a video to the tune of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow,' before settling on
Final Fantasy with a speed metal version of the song behind it.
Hibiki-sensei from Strawberry Eggs is the 'Dude' who 'Looks Like a Lady.'
Great Teacher Onizuka - with help from a lot of other anime - exhorts us to
check out the 'YMCA' (and all the various organizations the acronym
represents) to uproarious laughter, and the dad from FLCL talks about a
significant other who tells him, "I Wish I Was a Lesbian."

That last one, by the way, gets our attention.  And just because it's
hysterically funny (which it is), and not just because of Konatsu and I (you
figure it out, sugar).  But the artist credited on the song, Loudon
Wainwright III - let's just say, it's not a name you forget easily.  Even if
it's been nearly thirty years.  No, we weren't around to watch the first
episodes of M*A*S*H the nights they premiered, but we remember a Sergeant
Spaulding, with a guitar and what seemed at the time a lousy sense of tune
and meter, but hey, it's not easy to pad these shows out to thirty minutes,
y'know.  And here he is, still at it after all these years.  The tune's
still slapdash, but it's so damn funny that many musical sins can be
forgiven.

Fruits Basket plays the 'Friends' theme song, and Card Captor Sakura gets
her freak on (boy, *that*s a weird juxtaposition) and I have to step outside
for a moment.  En route to a washroom, I encounter a fellow dressed up as
Nabeshin - not an uncommon sight at conventions, after all, as it's a
relatively simple costume to assemble.  But this guy is talking to his
companions in Japanese - and it's that voice!  It is *Nabeshin*!  I am *so*
ticked that I haven't anything for him to sign, or sign with.

Konatsu is actually getting tired of the videos being shown when I get back.
Evidently we really arrived at a good time; even as we watch Evangelion done
in the style of the Cowboy Bebop opening credits, someone pokes their head
in to announce that the video we're watching earned Best of Show.  But once
you've seen the best, everything else kinda pales in comparison.  Besides,
the voice actors' panel is about to start, and in any case, I need to take
one more jog over to the Artists' Alley to find Erika.  I leave my notebook
with my kunoichi, and set out.

It's an odd coincidence that, as I'm going after our long lost PeroPero, I
should run once more into the patron saint of KareKano fanfiction, Paul
Corrigan.  He relates a few tales out of school of his own that I have since
forgotten (which is probably safer for all concerned) but I believe involved
one of his several roommates here at the con and a girl he had picked up
somewhere along the line.  Between this fellow and the yaoi-loving friend of
yours, you have *some* friends, Paul.  Or maybe this is just typical of a
college anime club; I was never part of one, so I wouldn't know.

He accompanies me as we trek across the lobby to the Artists' Alley.  The
convention may be about to wind down, but you wouldn't know it from the
clusters of people throughout the area.  Some are gathered around as a
couple guitarists and a keyboardist perform impromptu concerts.  Others
continue to wander around in costume, including several folks with light-up
arrows on their chests - perhaps they accompanied the one dressed like a
dance pad.

Erika is, in fact, there, with only drawings on her table - and no plushies.
When I reintroduce myself, she is profoundly apologetic for having made us
wait so long (although to be fair, this wasn't entirely her fault; she had
sent us one way back last summer, but it apparantly got lost in the mail),
and digs in a box under her table, and pulls out... PeroPero!  "Oh, wait a
minute..." and she rummages briefly under the table, and thrusts a wad of
bills into my hand.  "I feel really bad about making you wait so long for
this."  I try to refuse - hey, I'm just happy to have *gotten* the little
doggy - but she's having none of my reluctance.  I thank her profusely, and
Paul and I head back to the voice actors' panel.

En route, several people ask about the cute little dog I'm carting around.
And I tell 'em where I got it.  I don't know if Erika got any orders from my
walking around with PeroPero, but it wasn't from lack of interest.

***

Back at the panel, Konatsu's notes may not be as thorough as mine, but
they're at least legible (which is a good thing as the transcription
continues into its third week, and my eyes get tired of staring at my
scribbles).  The panel is queried as to the most difficult aspect about
being a seiyuu.  Vic Mignogna claims that syncing with the onscreen
character is difficult, while Monica Rial sets her own bar high by trying to
come up with a different voice for every character she does.  Shinichi
Watanabe offers the flip side of Vic's problem: in Japan, the actors do
their lines before the animation is done, so they have to *imagine* what's
going on, which is really difficult.  Ah, well... the grass is always
greener, ain't it?

On the subject of syncing with the character's 'lip flaps,' Monica talks
about how the English dubs will at words to fit the flaps, and in some
cases, the audio will be stretched or compressed in order to fit the time in
which the character 'speaks.'  They don't use such technological gimmickry
in Japan, according to Nabeshin: "We treasure the voice" of the seiyuu, he
says.

The voice-acting process is very different between Japan and America, if you
haven't already figured it out by now - of course, this is mostly due to
when the voice is recorded, whether before or after the animation process,
rather than a cultural phenomenon.  The ensemble recording session so common
in Japan simply doesn't make sense for the dubbing process, as certain
actors may hit their mark more easily than others - and any mistake would
waste everybody's time at how much an hour?  Nabeshin adds that the ensemble
process, in the best of circumstances, builds tight relationships between
the cast members, although he laments that, as a director, he can't really
*be* friends with the actors or (especially) the actresses.

Which isn't to say that North American voice actors don't become good
friends.  Vic and Monica tell tales about putting together a commentary on
one of their joint DVD projects - and laughing their way through most of the
episode.  By way of illustration, Nabeshin starts swaying back and forth,
and the entire panel joins in before breaking up into more laughter.

Since he's representing the Japanese side of the industry all by himself,
Nabeshin gets a lot more questions directed at him specifically.  One asks
about English-speaking characters in the original Japanese animation.
Surely, even in a country as homogeneous as Japan, there are the occasional
gaijin: why not use a native speaker when the script calls for it, instead
of an obviously ESL Japanese?  He shrugs and apologizes for his country: "we
can't recognize standard English when it's spoken."  I imagine the closest
analogue we have in English might be in expecting French people to sound
like Maurice Chevalier or Inspector Clouseau: "Whah do yew theenk Ah hahf
thees outrhayjus ahksent, yew silly Eenglish kaaaahniggits?!"

The next question goes to the Americans (mostly); why the big flap over lip
flaps, anyway?  The Japanese don't seem to be too concerned about fitting
their own dialog in many cases.  Greg Ayres points out that the American
anime distributors don't have a set TV schedule deadline, so they have the
luxury of time to make sure everything is accurate.  "I love you guys,"
Monica chimes in, "but you are SOOOO picky!"  If the English dub isn't just
so, they know they're gonna hear about it from the otaku - considering this
is the fanbase that produced "Bad American Dubbing," it's no surprise to
hear we're not a very forgiving bunch.  For the Japanese part, Nabeshin
concerns himself with a different kind of quality: if the actors overanalyze
the lip flaps, the performance runs the risk of becoming stilted.  It's all
a give-and-take, trading one type of quality for another.

Is technology likely to make the seiyuu's job easier?  Well, it is more
precise, Greg allows, but it can only go so far.  Monica thinks it's more
difficult to dub live action, because of the unforgiving nature of lip flaps
that can't be adjusted like anime.  Nabeshin concurs; in Japan, there are
only three basic mouth shapes: closed, half-open, and wide open.  English is
a difficult language to make look right.  Oddly enough, curse words look
perfectly natural coming from a dubbed Japanese actor; Monica guesses its
the plosive pronunciation that is common in English vulgarity matches with
that of all Japanese pronunciation.  Considering how limited Japanese
vulgarity seems to be, this is really quite curious.

How we jump from vulgarity to Puni Puni Poemi, I'm not sure (although maybe,
if you've seen the show, it's not *that* much of a topic leap after all).
Someone asks Nabeshin if, since Kobayashi is obviously not doing the English
voice, should the name of the English seiyuu's name be used instead for the
dub (someone hasn't been to the dealers' room this week, evidently)?  Sure,
he replies:  Kobayashi's short and ugly, and doesn't listen to his
direction.  Heck, you can change everyone's name in that anime - except
mine.

The panel is asked about the sort of specials that go into a DVD release:
Monica revisits the commentaries, along with certain 'Easter Eggs' placed on
the discs with the original animation company's permission, while Nabeshin
mentions interviews with the cast and the blooper section that are very
popular on the Japanese releases.  Konatsu murmurs nostalgically about the
animated 'outtakes' from Maris the Chojo.

Can a voice actor get typecast?  To an extent, says Vic: a guy with a bass
voice is not gonna be able to play a teenager, for example.  Both he and
Greg have tenor voices, which allow them to even play little kids if need
be.  Greg mentions how he had been paired against Hillary Haag in the role
of little boy and little girl: according to Greg, Hillary has a distinctive
voice that just naturally gravitates to scrappy tomboy types.  Vic mentions
how he enjoys the occasional really way-out-there voice role, including
parts as a 75 foot cat, a demon, and a large egg-creature.  Nabeshin states
that in Japan, the effort is to get a role that suits an actor or actress'
natural voice, rather than having them alter their voice to suit the
character - although what kind of actor would be suited to play a large
egg-creature?

Accents are addressed, with some discussion on ADV choice of a Texan accent
to approximate the Osakan dialect.  I've read the background of their
decision on the Abenobashi and Azumanga DVD inserts - but I still say it was
darned convenient, given how they're based outta Houston and all.  Nabeshin
talks about Pedro Domingo's accent: as with characters that speak English,
his is not an accurate representation of how a Latin American might
pronounce (or rather mispronounce) Japanese, but rather a cartoonish
caricature.  Well, Excel Saga is supposed to be rather broad humor...

Actually, Nabeshin wishes he could do an American version of Excel Saga.
Wonder how *that* would work.

In conclusion, the panel offers encouragement to aspiring voice actors.  Vic
warns of the discipline behind it: the job, like any other occupation, can
get dull and tedious at times.  Greg insists that a prospective seiyuu not
limit themselves to voice acting; in fact, it is imperative that one get out
there and just *act* "Don't limit yourself to anime."  Besides, it builds up
your resume if your have a varied experience.  And while it's not as hard a
life as Kobayashi makes it seem, it is not easy: "Look at me," Nabeshin
says, "I had to *cheat* to become one."

Have we time for one last question?  Okay.  Guy stands up, and lets on fly
from out of left field: "If you had the choice to wrestle anyone in a steel
cage match, who would it be?"  Greg asks for the Olsen twins ("I love that
question"), Monica mentions Chris Patton, and Nabeshin points at the
questioner: "I want to wrestle you, for asking such a ridiculous question."
But he's smiling, so obviously the guy needn't fear any serious bodily harm.

As the panel disbands to make room for the next event, I make my way up
front and get in one last question of Nabeshin, if it's not too much
trouble: Which is harder, directing or acting?  "I don't know," he grins, "I
do them both pretty well."  So much for the insight of dual experience.  Or
maybe it *is* that hard to tell.

***

It turns out, the man is headed to the autograph table to spend some
unscheduled time with his fans.  I hardly need to tell you, we line up.
There's some confusion regarding whether we're in a line with a raffle
ticket or not (evidently certain panels offered tickets for attending, and
one of the perks - along with an entry in this raffle - was express-lane
access to the guests of honor during autograph sessions), but the lines are
all relatively short, so once we get to the head (and we're the only ones
left in the ticket line), the staffer waves us on through regardless of our
offer to drop back.

There are three of the minds behind Read or Die at the tables as well:
Iwasaki, Zinguzi and Uon.  In the interests of politeness (and to be fair,
we fully intend to get around to RoD - it's just one of those things like
Cowboy Bebop, I suppose) we request signatures from them first, which they
all respond cordially to.

It says something that Nabeshin has his own table that he's seated at,
separate from the Read or Die guys.  I present my progam booklet to him, and
inform his translator that out of the fifteen conventions I've attended, he
is the first guest whose autograph I have actually sought (Even as I finish
saying it, I realize I'm not telling the whole truth: way back at, I guess
it was AnimeIowa99, I sought out Hiroshi Aro to sign a copy of a Futaba-kun
Change omake strip from the Ironcat comic magazine.  But that was sort of a
'he was there, I'd just gotten it, so why not?' kind of situation).  Again,
that grin and the twinkle in his eye.  He replies to his translator, who
smiles. "In that case, I should charge for this autograph."

Well, hell.  I figure he's kidding, but I'd play along if it's a nominal
amount: "How much?"

Again, the back-and-forth with his translator.  "20,000 dollars."

Even that amount of *yen* would be, shall we say, a little steep.  Besides,
he's already well into his signature.  "Uh, I ain't got that kind of money."

Still grinning, he pushes the book back.  Most of the page is covered by a
full-body chibi-Nabeshin, along with his signature.  "All right, then.  In
that case, today, we have a special price: free."

How can I help but like this guy?

***

In the main programming room, they're playing more anime music videos as
they set up for the closing ceremonies.  'Manga Maniac' is a cute one, as is
one entitled 'Ataru's Excuse.'  Obviously, I'm going to have to pay a few
visits to animemusicvideos.org in the near future.

Paul catches up with us (he'd gone back to Artists' Alley while we waited
for Nabeshin) as they prepare to show the AMV contest winners.  He shows us
the commissions he'd requested, including two versions of Chiyo-chan as
Chibi-Usa and (heaven help us) Osaka as Sailor Saturn.  He's really gotten
into Azumanga these days (I'd like to take partial credit for that, but I
dunno...): he's also got a beautiful picture of Sakaki as Nausicaa (and Maya
standing in for that little fox-like creature of Nausicaa's whose name
escapes my memory), and finally, a colorful card of Chiyo-chan as a Michigan
State University cheerleader, complete with the green-and-white Spartan
character logo as a walpaper background.  He's a bit wistful about the last:
he's never been much into school spirit, but now that he's this short of
graduating, it's starting to sink in that his college days are coming to an
end, and he's gonna miss it.  Even the fact that he's got a job lined up -
and right across the river from his beloved Quebec, no less! - isn't enough
to make up for the past he's leaving behind.

But enough nostalgia for the moment.  The winners are trotted out, including
Evangelion as Cowboy Bebop, an Expedia.com commercial set to Noir and
especially geared toward Animecentral (the girls' next contract is here in
Chicago, but can't they stay elsewhere other than the Rosemont Hyatt?),
"'Cause I'm a Blonde" set to Super Gals (personally, I prefer the old Julian
Fong grand melange, but that's just me), Naruto done to the "Mortal Kombat"
theme, the speed-rock "Over the Rainbow" video, a technical materpiece
interweaving the entire Ghibli ouevre to "All Around the World," and for
best original concept, Hellsing done to "Thriller" (although Konatsu
expresses disappointment that the Vincent Price introduction is not
included), with the villain converted to an articulated dancing puppet.
It's a very cool effect, although it doesn't do anything to reduce the
character's menacing appearance.

I believe closing ceremonies were scheduled for four o'clock.  It's rather
past that, although with the AMVs running, we neither notice nor care.  But
now that they're done, it feels that much more like they're stalling.
Chairman Frank is cheered onto the stage with the traditional "Dance!
Dance!" (which for once I don't mind so much.  It's one thing to interrupt
the cosplay and heckle the masqueraders, it's something different to hoot at
a guy who actually *encouraged* such hollering in his program guide
greeting)  The girl hosting the AMVs goes this one better:  "Strip! Strip!"
A Pedro yell goes up from the crowd: "NOOOOOOO!!"

***

Finally, the guests are assembled, and Carl Horn gently but firmly takes the
mike from the AMV host.  He tells about having tooled about Chicago over the
weekend (Gosh, when would he have had time for that?), visiting a cousin he
hadn't seen for a number of years.  Sadly, she's not an anime fan...

Each of the guests takes a turn at the mike.  Jan Scott Frazier enjoyed a
rather 'mellow' con; not sure what that means, but as long as he enjoyed it,
cool.  Bruce Lewis offers thanks to Brett Weaver for... nothing, apparantly.
Bruce likens ACen to "staying with your friends and family of about ten
thousand people," before inexplicably lasping into the Gayle Sayers' role
from "Brian's Song."

Carl would like to introduce Kelli Cousins, but she's not here this time,
either.  Was she even *at* the con?  Someone yells out about Chicago vodka
as Brett Weaver mounts the stage.  "Last time sucked," he proclaims, "but
this year was great fun."  He confesses to being jealous of Scott McNeill,
who's practically a regular here at ACen, for constantly being asked back to
ACen year after year.  Did last year suck 'cause Brett wasn't here?  Well,
sugar, as we say here in Chicago 'just wait til next year.'  Speaking of
sucking, Chris Patton claims that it sucks that he has to leave.  On the
other hand, he wasn't exactly *here* the whole time, either: he evidently
has a great time at the Great America theme park yesterday.

Fred Gallagher admits that he *still* doesn't know what he's doing up on
stage, even at this, his third year as a guest of honor.  Back then, in
2001, he tells us that, "you guys scared me... aand you still do."  Well, at
least we don't scare him enough that he doesn't come back.  Vic Mignogna
bounds onstage and excitedly begins addressing the wall before Carl turns
him around to face us: "I'd heard so much about this convention... and it's
all true!"  I think we can take that as a good thing.  Hoosier Bob DeJesus
is pleased that some prophets *do* have honor in their home country, while
self-described "con whore" Monica Rial makes mention of the fact that there
is a Buffy convention going on around here this same weekend: "You guys made
the better choice."

Scott McNeill charges onstage, muttering "Must... not... sleep... the con...
will... eat me...."  Seriously (though it's hard to tell with him), he tells
us that the last time he was here, he was amazed to find to we were just
about as strange as he was.  Things have changed: now, "you people are
*stranger* than I am!  I must be in a different galaxy or something!"  As
with Vic, I think it's meant as a compliment.  Finally, Greg Ayres recalls
the days when he attended ACen as a *fan*, barely two years ago: "This side
of the table rules, too."

The Japanese guests are a bit more reserved than the Americans, but that's
not saying much, necessarily.  Tomonori Ochikoshi kicks it off by admitting
that he'd always assumed that anime belonged only to Japan.  With this, his
first time meeting American fans, he is convinced that anime belongs to the
world.  He gets a big hand for that, prompting him to wish for a return
visit: "Maybe I'll grow an afro for next time."

Despite only being able to see 100 feet in front of him (due to the bright
spotlights), Taku Iwasaki, is pleased to realize that people are listening
to his music all over the world.  Noriyuki Zinguzi regrets having to return
home, but he does miss a good homecooked miso soup; but then he wails "What
am I gonna do when I start missing these wonderful huge *steaks*?"  Needless
to say, he promises to do well enough to be invited back.

American fans are so energetic, Taraku Uon can't find the words to express
it (though I hear the word 'genki' several times in his speech).  There are
so many people interested in anime, he can't believe it.  And the questions
he got at the fan panels!  "You guys are *thinking* about this stuff!"

Like several of the American guests, Masashi Ishihama complains that the
weekend hasn't been long enough.  Like many of the Japanese guests, he
promises to do well enough that he might be called back next year.  Hideyuki
Kurata also wants to come back; he's been enjoying himself immensely,
dancing, drinking and all that.  Maybe by next year, he'll even have some
English under his belt.  Koji Masunari proceeds to verify that Kurata-san
wasn't kidding about staying up and drinking - he [Koji] had trouble keeping
up.  He, too, has plans to surpass Read or Die's success, so he can return.

And that just about wraps things up... except... Carl's wondering if he's
forgotten something, while a paid of red sport-jacketed arms wave from the
front of the crowd, trying to get his attention.  Oh, that's right!  We have
one last guest!  Nabeshin barrels onto the stage, more like John Belushi
than James Bond.  He's learned some English while he's been here, and
intends to share it with us right now.

Konatsu and I exchange worried looks; after all, this is a family con,
right?

We needn't have worried.

"MEI-RI KU-RI-SU-MASU!" he bellows, "AI LA-BU YUU!  AI LA-BU SHI-KA-GO!  AI
BI BA-KU!!"  Needless to say, he gets a *big* ovation.

***

Chairman Frank winds things up by thanking everyone involved:  the guests,
the staff, and the over 7,500 attendees who made this whole thing a success.
Konatsu wonders what kind of a success it is, since the increase in
attendance is the smallest percentage ever, but still, it's a big crowd by
any measure.  It's still only outweighed by the venerable Otakon and
AnimeExpo.  He's learned something at this convention, too, thanks to us
all; namely, how easy it is to get cheap laughs and applause simply for
acting like a dork.  For this, he gets... more cheap laughs and applause.

And that's it.  The convention is over on this relatively anticlimactic
note.  And like so many of the Japanese guests, we have every intention of
returning - hell, it's our home con, after all.  Thing is, we've not been
able to find out where they've been handling registration for next year, if
at all.  Why, they didn't even mention it during the closing ceremonies.
Weird, huh?

But no matter.  It leaves us cash enough to go out for dinner one last time
(we try to get a hold of L-chan, but she and Dan-chan are apparantly out
doing their own fun stuff yet.  We really own L-chan big time for this), and
head home.  Not much more to be said, other than perhaps a thank you to
y'all for amanging to get this far in the report.  I'm sure you can see by
now why it took three weeks to put together, when each day produces notes
amounting to some 50K worth of text.  Hope it was worth it.

Until next time - at AnimeIowa in (oy vey) Des Moines - take care!

Itsu mo,
Ucchan  ^_^

P.S.  A footnote to my complain from Friday about .ogg files: I have found a
solution, so there's no need to bombard me with ideas that you may have.  In
fact, for those experiencing the same problem, here's where to go: VideoLAN
at http://www.videolan.org/  Their program cleared everything right up.
Now, if I could just get it to thumbnail without crashing...

UK  ^_~


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