Suggested changes: {before : after}
On 05/25/2004 03:12 PM, Steve T. said:
Westbury's West was an upscale shop where only the very elite of San
Francisco's creme de' la creme set foot. You could only shop there
by appointment, and you had to have an appointment to make an
appointment to shop. The stockers wore tuxedos, and to buy a single
pair of socks often required annual payments {eqaul : equal} to the
price of small appliances.
"Hey, Virg," Max said as a hand grabbed him by the back of his shirt
and lifted him to his feet. The hand belonged to a man who could be
described simply as huge. At nearly seven feet tall with shoulders
that could cover entire time zones, and trained in every form of
combat known to man (and a few that weren't) Norman was the Mighty
One's personal {bodygaurd : bodyguard}. A virtually unstoppable
warrior. "Hey, Normie."
"Max, what's going on?" The woman sitting on the ground was tall,
{blonde : blond} haired, and Max's own mother. She wore a tank top
and pants. A {utillity : utility} vest was clutched in her hand.
"I'm a fowl, actually," Virgil replied, adjusting his spectacles.
Norman crossed his arms and stood there, seemingly as {paitent :
patient} as stone.
"Wha?" She said and then seemed to give herself a good shake. "Moving
forward, she grabbed Virgil's hand and held it away from his body.
"You're a Lemurian," she said in an awestruck voice. "But the legends
said the Lemurian race was wiped out centuries ago by one of their
own students who was eventually defeated by Maximus..." she trailed
off and {lookes : looked} at her son, the color draining from her
face as she suddenly put her son's strange behavior over the past
year together. "The Mighty One. Oh, God." She grabbed the sides of
her head, hyperventilating.
"Calm down?" She jabbed a finger at Virgil. "He's a Lemurian. The
last Lemurian. Legend says that the last Lemurian will be {advisor :
adviser} to the Mighty One. That's you." She grabbed her son's arm.
"The Mighty One will have to face Lemuria's destroyer in a fight to
the Death ON THE WINTER SOLSTICE!" She grabbed Max and shook him.
"Death, Max. You could die!"
"If I may," Virgil said. "For reasons that are not entirely clear,
the universe was restarted to the point directly before the cap came
into the Mighty One's hands. {Futhermore : Furthermore}, a new set of
tasks has been given to Mighty One for him to accomplish and
Skullmaster has been silent. It's possible that he was obliterated in
the previous confrontation, but the {procephy : prophesy} still says
that the Mighty One must face Skullmaster. The previous confrontation
was because the Mighty One--"
"I was tired of running, okay?" Max snapped. "I wanted to get it over
with." Max looked around. They stood in a courtyard surrounded by
small buildings, each one obviously for people of {Virgi's :
Virgil's} size. "It was a stupid idea anyway. Where are we?"
"This has nothing to do with that," Virgil said. In fact, this
doesn't even appear in the {Procephy : prophesy}. There is another
Chosen One in Lemuria."
"You are," Virgil said and adjusted his spectacles. "Put simply,
Mighty One. Humans, indeed, Earth itself, faces a wide variety of
threats. Rather then embody one person with the power to {safegaurd :
safeguard} this world, the Powers That Be...diversified, you could
say. You, for example, are more prominent, embodying several
different legends and protecting humans from the threats posed by
Skullmaster and a few others. Other chosen ones, such as the Slayer,
the Senshi, the head of the Ben Laudin Order, and so forth, have
their own tasks to accomplish."
The intruders stood in a {sqaure : square} several miles south,
gathered around a sleek looking {helicoptor : helicopter}. There were
five of them. Leaning against the craft was a rangy man in a suit.
Next to him, a girl sat on the stones, obviously bored. Nearby, an
older man in pants, a white shirt and orange vest berated two others;
the biggest man Max had ever seen next to Norman and much shorter,
slender man in a blue sweater. Max and his friends lay on a rooftop
at the edge of the {sqaure : square}, scouting the situation.
"Doctor Chan!" She called, hurrying across the the {sqaure : square}.
"Doctor Jackie Chan, San Francisco {Acadamy : Academy} of Arts and
Sciences?" The man nodded. She held out her hand. "Annabelle Sears,
Los Angeles Museum of {Palentology : Paleontology}."
"A giant chicken?" The girl was walking around Virgil. Max blinked.
How had the girl gotten over to them from the {coptor : copter} so
quickly without him seeing her?
"Put them back! One more thing!" He hit Chan again. "Lemuria must not
be disturbed! One more thing! Move quickly! One more thing! Put them
back exactly!" Chan scurried off to the {helicoptor : helicopter}.
"Forgive us, Great Teacher," Uncle said, bowing to Virgil. "We didn't
know that this was Lemuria. We did not mean to {tresspass :
trespass}."
Though a little cramped, the {helicoptor : helicopter} ride was
fairly comfortable. And in due time, the distinctive shape of the
Transamerica Building appeared.
The pilot however, swung the {coptor : copter} towards Chinatown and
then went into a hover and landed on the roof of a warehouse. Almost
as soon as they touched down, the {coptor : copter} shuddered and
then began to move downward.
The trophy room was a circular room deep within Section Thirteen. The
walls were lined with various artifacts, each one behind security
glass and {gaurded : guarded} by some of the most sophisticated
hardware Max had ever seen. In the center of the room, under a cage
of security glass and ringed with lasers was a cone set with twelve
hexagon shaped talismans. On the far side of the room was a doorway
secured with a grid of metal bars. Through the bars, Max could see a
circular statue hanging on the wall. It was of a coiled {chinese :
Chinese} dragon and the eyes seemed to be glowing red.
"Shendu?" Virgil asked. "You have Shendu here?" He pushed his way
between Jade and Max. Shendu's reaction was {immedite : immediate}.
"Kevin." Max turned to look at his mother. Her expression was colder
then the {antartic : antarctic} in winter and her eyes were flashing
with barely {controled : controlled} hate and rage, all of it
directed at the one Chan had called Captain Black.
"Virgil, Norman, and Max," she said and then her face took on an
expression of almost sadistic delight. "Does Max look {familar :
familiar} to you? He should. He's your son."
Maybe this should count as a prologue. It doesn't have any real action,
but it appears to set the stage for plenty more.