Hot damn! Now this, I like.

    This chapter is in memory of my one fan, Nancy, who sent me 20
e-mails asking when it would be released.

hell, if that's all it takes to get you going, I'll send you 20 emails.

    Nancy, the answer is: today.

    Sorry about the delay, folks, but as they say, life has a way of
happening.

yes, I know. About 10 k of writing in three weeks. :(

    Yea, as I walk through the valley of flames, I shall fear no
troll....

Yes, well, I'll try to help get things  back on track here.

(The fic starts just down there, Mr. F. :)

That's Mr. DB. Thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

        "Ah!" Haruka exclaimed, looking between Ranma and the elder
Oe.  "So this is the older brother we hear so much about."

Does Haruka ever really exclaim? She seemed too laid back.

        The man blinked, surprised, and turned to survey the rest of
the cast,

Kintaro: So who do you think Keitaro should have ended up with?

Suu: Me.

Motoko: Me.

Shinobu: (timidly) Me.

Haruka: If only he had been adopted, I could have made a play for him
instead of that loser, Seta.

Mutsumi: I think it should have ended in a group orgy.

Kintaro: (To Mutsumi) You get the right answer.

Shinobu: It was a survey; it doesn't have right answers.

Kintaro: Group Orgy is always the right answer, no matter the nature of the
question.


his eyes widening in appreciation. "You've heard about

me?"

DB: Brian just goes on and on about you... wait, I'm not SI'd in this.
Nevermind.

        A quick round of introductions and handshaking followed.

Hmm. In Japan, handshakes aren't the usual form of greeting, or is this
something Kintaro tends to do?

        "Ooh," Mitsune cooed.  "He's just as handsome as Ranma."

        "Eh?" Ranma and her older brother noised as one.

'noised' doesn't work for me, but I don't know what would.

        "We don't have to discuss things in the cold," Haruka chided
before anyone else could answer.  "Why don't we all go into the inn
to celebrate finishing the play?"

        "Sounds like a plan to me," Keitaro said decisively,
grinning at the smiling people surrounding him.

        "After you finish cleaning up out here, of course," Haruka
added, surveying the makeshift stage.

I think it would be better if you went with

....course," Haruka added, handing out brooms to each of the participants.

        --------------------------------------
        Diamonds in the Rough -- Chapter Eleven -- Wrap Party

Noo! You still need to do more chapters! I don't want it to end yet!

        "It'll go faster if we all work together," Mutsumi offered.

Teamwork at Hinata Inn? What a novel idea. :)

        Keitaro brightened, and with everyone working together, the
materials were stowed quickly, except for the benches, which Ranma
promised to take care of later.

        That done,

'Once they were finished'

sounds better to me, but it's your call.

        With that, they all drank.  Once the toast was over, Mitsune
turned to Kintaro, and offered him a thoughtful smile.  He returned
the smile, sitting at Ranma's side.  "So, now that we meet the
mysterious older brother, tell us about yourself," she prompted him.

drop 'him' unneccesary

        "Not much," Suu said, peering at the man intently.  "Are
Kintaros and Keitaros related somehow?"

No. Kintaros are much cooler.

        Seta chuckled at that,

drop 'at that' since we know that's what he's chuckling about.

        Kintaro shrugged.  "I don't know," he said slowly.  "I'm the
oldest living male in the family, and ... er ... well, except for
Otouto, the only member with the name at all."

Oh, like that's not being evasive.

        Seta frowned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.  "When I was
younger, I was visiting an excavation site with my parents in
Bashtarl.  My older sister was already married with two children.  I
think her husband was named Oe.... Oe Oji.  But while we were gone,
she and her husband had an accident, and her children -- my niece
and nephew, I suppose -- vanished.  Management of the family was
passed to my niece, and she married very young, so we were never
able to find them again."

Niece: Which is the way I wanted it, so that loser uncle of mine didn't bug
me.

        Mitsune nodded, and slapped the young man affectionately
across the back.  "Good job, Keitaro!" she encouraged.

can drop the 'she encouraged.' It feel unneccsary.

        "They say to become an artist, you must endure great
hardships, and terrible suffering," Shirai said, grinning.

        Haitani gulped a quick mouthful of his drink, then piped up,
"With our suffering for this play, we're soon going to be able to be
the best actors in all of Japan!"

        Everyone chuckled at that,

In that, 'You poor, pathetic losers' sort of way.

 chattering in small groups, until

Ukyou revealed a huge platter covered in okonomiyaki.  "Everyone eat
up!" she encouraged.  "You've earned it."

        Ranma -- now male again -- snatched one from the top of the
pile, and wolfed it down eagerly.

as opposed to wolfing it down reluctantly? :)

I don't think you need 'eagerly'

        Kintaro shook his head as though roused from some
distracting thought, and frowned.  "That's a good question," he
mused, rubbing his chin.  "I just wanted to come by and visit you
after I got your letter.  Probably only a day or so before I get
back to traveling."  He looked suddenly evasive.  "Things seem to
happen if I stay put too long without learning something new."

Kintaro: Bad thing. Bodies start showing up with no explanation. It's...
mysterious.

        "That's right!" Ranma said, smacking one fist into the palm
of the other hand.  "He passed all of the exams to get his degree,
but left before actually picking it up."

Kintaro: You know how you always forget something before you go on a trip?
That was what I forgot.

        "I'll drink to that!" Mutsumi chimed in.

Yes, but you drink to anything, so it really doesn't carry any weight.

 "Sake, anyone?"

        "By the way, Aniki ... how do you know Happosai?" Ranma
asked, cocking his head to one side.

Kintaro: I used to date him.

Ranma: I'm sorry I asked.

        >         "Well ... Happosai trained me for a few years," Kintaro

said

uncomfortably.  "But I thought that ... something was wrong with the
way his school worked, so I told him I would make myself find a
better way ... a higher art that could defeat his school.  Then I
started learning all over again from a different master."

Kintaro: Burned or not, Shishio was one heck of a teacher.

  He

        Kintaro offered a blank expression at that, as though
distracted, and Ranma only looked away, down into the water.

Ranma: Wow, the water really does magnify things. It makes me look fourteen
inches long.

        "I don't want to talk about it," Ranma said quietly.  "It's
from a long time ago.  Something that doesn't really matter
anymore."

Until the author brings it back up. Muhahaha!

 He shook his head, meeting Keitaro's eyes, and asked,

"Have you talked to Narusegawa lately?"

Keitaro: No,  just sex.

        "Which one is Narusegawa?" Kintaro asked, glancing between
the two.

        "Hmm?  Oh, the uh ... medium-height violent one with
glasses, and light-brown hair," Ranma offered.

Kintaro: Oh, I'd do her, most definitely.

        Keitaro couldn't help but frown at that.  Violent?  She hit
Ranma less than she hit him.  How was that violent?

Yes, well that would be the 'hitting' part comes in.

        Kintaro laughed, as though it were a joke between them, and
Ranma probably didn't mean it that way.  "You like her, Otouto?"
Kintaro pressed, leaning towards his younger brother and grinning.

        Ranma's eyebrows rose, and he shook his head quickly.
"Aniki," he protested, flushing slightly.  "It's not like that --
I'm interested in someone el--

Hmm. If he wants to date Mutsumi, I, her fanboy in this C+C, most give
permission.

Very well. He may.

 >

        Kintaro smirked, nodding knowingly, while Keitaro blinked in
surprise.  Ranma didn't like Narusegawa? Keitaro couldn't be
certain, but he doubted that Ranma would lie to his older brother.
Was it ... somehow a misunderstanding?  Were Narusegawa and Ranma
_not_ seeing one-another?

you could ask directly.

Nah, too easy and straightforward, Drag things out for 26 episodes instead.
:)

        "Well, I've soaked long enough," Ranma said suddenly, before
Kintaro could ask another question.  Shrugging, Kintaro followed his
younger brother from the baths, leaving Keitaro alone.

        He mulled over what he had learned for a long moment,
wondering what he should do.  Could it be, perhaps, for the best if
he were to just talk with Naru, and finally get everything out in
the open?

Nooo. That would be, like, ending the series before episode 26. Romantic
comedies don't  work that way.

        Nodding to himself, he rose, sloshing across the bath and
climbing out.  Just as he reached the edge of the wooden bathing
platform, one foot on the surface, one still in the bath, the
sliding door to the changing room slid open, and the female
residents of the inn strode in.  He froze, eyes widening in terror.

Doesn't that mean they passed by Ranma and Kintaro?

        Well, some things could still go wrong, he realized shortly.

drop 'shortly'

        ***

        "You know," Keitaro remarked, nursing the slap mark across
his cheek, "you two seem pretty lucky when it comes to dealing with
angry women."

Ranma: (curling fist) I'm sorry, that sounded like 'I want to die' to me? Is
that what you're saying?

        Kintaro and Ranma both winced, and exchanged a pointed
glance.  Shaking his head, Kintaro changed the subject, asking, "Do
the two of you study together to try and get into Todai?"

        Keitaro nodded, turning his attention to the small pile of
study guides on the low table in front of him.  "Mutsumi-chan and
Narusegawa also study with us, though,"

Kintaro slapped Ranma on the back. "Foursomes with two hot chicks. Nice job,
little brother."

        "Right, Aniki," Ranma replied, grinning.  "I haven't
forgotten what you taught me."

Kintaro: Um, I taught you something? I seem to have forgotten what it was.

        Kintaro leapt to his feet, grinning, and posed dramatically.
"Ah!  Well, then, that's simple.  You just need to study like me!"
he cried out.

drop 'he...out' Not needed.

        "How do I do that?" Keitaro asked eagerly.

        Kintaro pointed directly at Keitaro, and the dorm manager
suddenly had the sensation of looking up a great distance to meet
the older man's eyes.  "First," he intoned deeply, "you must acquire
a bicycle."

Insert "Bicycle Race' by Queen

        Time seemed to stretch, dragging on impossibly slowly, and
Kintaro's lips moved with the speed of complacent glaciers.
Keitaro's mind raced to sort the deep rumble of sound into words, as
the answer came again, "Tweeeeeeeelllve yeeeeeeeeeaaars."

Heh. Cute.

        "It's a possibility, I suppose," Kintaro mused, rubbing his
chin thoughtfully.  "But not the bicycle."

~I want to ride my bicycle~
~ I want to ride my bike~
~I want to ride my bicycle~
~I want to ride it where I like~

        Keitaro winced, noting Ranma doing the same.  "I'm not
dumb," Keitaro defended himself.

Well, we can tell by the sentence he's defending himself. "Keitaro insisted'
or something would be better, IMO.

        "And I sometimes forget important things, like ... well, I
forget," Mutsumi sighed.

A sign of true... um, I forget as well. But it's a sign of something, I
think.

        "And Narusegawa got a score of zero on one of her practice
tests, too," Mutsumi said, clasping her hands before her and
offering a sympathetic smile.

In that, "You dumbass bitch" way.

        Before Naru could intercept it, Keitaro snatched the sheet
away, unable to believe it.  "A zero!" he exclaimed.  "That's
amazing -- a perfect zero!"

        "Ack!"  The light-haired girl

Ack! Please change to 'Naru'. That 'light-haired girl' decriptor does not
work here at all for me.

        Keitaro managed not to nod.  Partially, because Naru was
looking away, and would miss the gesture, and partially because if
his world were shifted any more, he was afraid he would fall
completely out of it.  Ranma only offered Narusegawa a sympathetic
glance, suggesting that -- somehow -- Keitaro had managed to imagine
that they were in a relationship on his own, and they were actually
separate.  He couldn't imagine Ranma being interested in Naru, and
ignoring her when she was hurt.  Rather, Ranma would act like
Kintaro was, and take her hand, giving her words of encouragement.

        Keitaro managed a gurgling noise before his vision went
black.

Heh

        When Keitaro returned to his senses, Kintaro had gone, and
the other three would-be students were studiously working, Ranma and
Mutsumi as cheerfully as ever, and Naru with a small smile playing
about her lips.

        "Um ... did I miss anything?" he asked, rubbing his eyes
tiredly.

Mutsumi: Not much. I played horsey on Ranma.

Keitaro: Ack!

Mutsumi: And Ranma played horsey on Naru.

Keitaro: (keels over dead on the spot)



....What do you mean "I only have one thing on my mind tonight?" I'm just
doing some innocent C+Cing.

        "Oe-san just told us that anything is possible with patience
and a positive attitude!" Naru said, glancing at him as her smile
deepened for the merest moment.

Aw, how sweet. He lied to them to make them feel better.

        "Which Oe-san?" Keitaro asked, rubbing at his forehead.

        "Aniki," Ranma clarified.  "You can call me Ranma,
Kanrinin."

Keitaro: Your last name is 'Manager'? Wow.

        "Ah ... you can call me Keitaro then, Ranma-san," Keitaro
replied hesitantly.

        "No problem, Keitaro." He frowned then, and glanced at his
answer sheet.  "Actually, maybe one ... have you looked at the
question set for page twelve of the advanced math booklet?  I'm
actually getting two and a half for the final answer, and I want to
make sure it's really right, this time."

Heh. Nice touch.

        Kintaro laughed aloud, clapping Ranma on the shoulder and
grinning.  "Otouto, it's not a collection of secret techniques," he
said gently.  "It's a way of learning ... and if I get it _right_,
it's going to be the _best_ way."

Hmmm. But that implies that there is one true way. And if that's the case,
that means there's nothing else to learn. I don't think Kintaro would view
anything that way.

        "Says here that Oe's loaded," Mitsune noted,

Naru: Ranma's drinking? I had no idea.

Mitsune: Not that Oe, and not that sort of loaded.

        After Naru had found a cushion, Mitsune showed the magazine
to her.  On the cover, in a very revealing red outfit, a long-haired
blonde-haired woman posed, looking somewhat distracted.  The text
beneath her face read, 'Female Power!  Inside: Exclusive Interview
With T.N. Software Founder.'

Ah, the one episode I saw.

        "It could be a coincidence," Naru countered, crossing her
arms over her chest.  "Really, Kitsune.  How do you know it's the
same Oe?"

        "Really."  Mitsune snorted, crossing her own arms over her
chest after dropping the magazine.  "I don't believe in coincidences
like this anymore.  Ranma and Keitaro collectively seem to destroy
all coincidences."

Heh. Nice line

        "You know, Naru-chan," Mitsune said softly, looking away.
"This isn't just about the fact that Ranma and his brother may be
rich.  Because, even though they may have money, neither of them
looks like the kind of guy who would really want to live a lifestyle
immersed in riches and luxury, like any sane person would."

They just want women. Lots and lots of women.

 >

        Naru's questions on how to approach Keitaro evaporated like
mist at dawn in the face of such a remark.  It was almost alien for
the subject of romance to arise and not center around either herself
or Keitaro.

Yeah, sickening, isn't it?

        "No!"  Mitsune shook her head quickly, slumping.  "I mean
... that's not it, Naru-chan. I ... I'm having regrets about
breaking up with him."

I don't think it's actually 'breaking up' if you only go on one date.

        "Oh!  Well, if that's all, maybe you can--"  She choked on
her own words right then, eyes widening.  But if Mitsune pursued
Ranma, then Mutsumi would probably ignore him, and that meant that
she might pursue Keitaro,

Mistune slapped her. "Excuse me, but do I look that desperate?"

        Aside from which, she decided, if there was to be anything
between her and Keitaro it should be easily decided by her making a
move.  Throwing Mutsumi at Ranma was only an excuse to buy herself
more time, since she was too frightened to make a move.  If she were
to encourage Mitsune to pursue him, and then just ... talk to
Keitaro and at least admit her feelings, then everyone would be
happy!

Everybody named Keitaro and Naru, anyway. :P

        "Yes," she said, nodding.  "You shouldn't have to set your
happiness by the wayside to try and help me out."

Mitsune: Like I already did with Seta, you ungrateful bitch.

Haruka: She did you a favor. He's a loser, but since he's the only male in
the series near my age, I got saddled with him.

Mitsune: Right. Sorry.

        The kendoka's eyes had widened in alarm at the crash, and
each word from Ranma caused her to flinch, shrinking a little more
into herself, until she looked like she was about to try crawling
underneath Mitsune's bed to hide.  "Oe-sensei," she mumbled, her
head bowed.  "I ... I'm sorry, but my affections belong to ...
another."

Oh?

        Ranma blinked, not bowing his head at the rebuke.  "Er ...
well, yeah, I can see why you would think that,

Ranma: Since you're delusional and everything.

        "Ah!  Of course, you wouldn't stop with just one child, no!
You would continue to take advantage of me night after night, until
we had dozens of daughters...."  Motoko trailed off, her eyes
seeming to look less at Ranma, and more through him, to some
distant, nearly invisible thing.  She shook her head suddenly, her
face still flushed, and pursed her lips as though to kiss Ranma for
a moment, then spoke, "But I won't give in that easily!  I can only
surrender myself to someone who can best me in combat!"

        "Well, he already has," Haruka noted, taking a cigarette
from her pocket and placing it at her lips.  "Repeatedly, as I
recall."

Motoko ripped off her clothing. "Take me now, please!" she pleaded.

        Naru took her eyes away from the scene, and shook her head.
"Even when he's not studying he doesn't seem to relax," she
murmured.  "I wonder why that is."

Ranma; I down amphetemines like they were Tic-Tacs.

        "Um ... Oe ... do you remember ... a while ago, when we went
on a date?"

I'd split things and make a new paragraph here.

        "My," Mutsumi murmured softly.  "Poor Ranma-kun."

Mutsumi: I think a blow job would cheer him up. (she bolts down the stairs)

        Suu's eyes narrowed speculatively, and she looked upwards,
as though the answer were written there in the evening sky.  "Maybe
trauma," she finally said.  "It's hard to say.  I could find out....
But a good scientist won't destroy her specimens while trying to
understand them, so I might not know for a long time."  She blinked,
the solemn cast vanishing from her gaze as she did so.  "Until then,
I think I'll sleep in a bed with a Ranma.  It's nice and warm."

Yes, that will certainly improve her understanding of him.

        Keitaro sat at his desk, wondering if he were slowly

if he was (I think)

        "Yeah, right," he muttered, shaking his head and eyeing the
completed work thoughtfully.  The strokes were smooth, though the
ink was still wet.  Not quite with the elegant structure he had
hoped for, but still neat.  "Always follow your heart," he quoted
aloud.  Frowning, he considered adding his name to the writing, but
at the last moment decided instead to write down Seta's.  It was,
after all, the older man's advice to him.

Yes, not like that advice hasn't led to some of history's biggest screw ups.

        Keitaro blinked at the subject change, and answered without
thinking.  "Mutsumi-chan? She's nice, and pretty, and smart,
sometimes, and fun to be around-"

And far too good for you, boy.

        Reaching into reserves of control he didn't know he had,
Keitaro managed to wrench the next words out before she could leave.
"But she's not you."

Thank god.

^_^

        Dazed, confused, and having just been used as her impromptu
landing pad, Keitaro slowly smiled.  "Hey ... Naru."

Nice work. I was surprised by Kintaro's fleet coming and going. You settled
the Mitsune matter, and moved things foreward with Naru and Keitaro. Lots of
other little subplots moved along as well. Everything flowed smoothly.
Nothing more I can say, other than nice work and I look forward to seeing
more.

DB Sommer

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