--- Kenji Murasaki <nexuspost@hotmail.com> wrote:

In the area of description,the story is weak. 
Allowing for generic setting 
can
only go so far in an original story.

One has to allow for a certain amount of that.  You
can't set an elaborate stage, thoroughly develop each
one of a wide cast of characters, and weave a grand
plot all in one sentence (of reasonable length,
anyway).  I got the impression that this was more
setting the stage of what magical girls were, and
their war with the hunters; something to set the stage
to set the stage, as it were, drawing the readers in
so they'll read through exposition in later chapters.
Of course, said exposition should come in said later
chapters...but that's an issue for those chapters,
not this.

Rather,
her comrades, teacher, and mother feed that
information to the reader,
instead of situations arrising where she's actually
forced into a decision 
all of her
own.  This becomes much more heavy handed after the
exam scene.

Again, I disagree.  She exists in a world.  That world
feeds in to her decisions.  Moreso in her case than in
most, perhaps, but that's the nature of her
situation.

Amber's first battle makes the forced prose
apparent.  She casually 
disregards
the death of a classmate, seemingly more concerned
with her own wounds,

An realistic touch, actually, for those who have
become used to death.  See soldiers, or the more
violent of gangs.  Neither does this conflict with
the others' reaction to her death: Amber was
supposedly more able to protect herself than normal
people, thus her death - especially in magical girl
form - is less expected and more shocking to her
teammates.

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