Yes, just who WERE those aussie supers who were checking out his little 'practice ground'?

-- 
"This is the price of freedom: Your last pint of blood, ounce of pain, drop of courage. Paid in advance."

----- Original Message -----
From: LT MCHORNEY <KMCHORNEY@ffg39.navy.mil>
Date: Thursday, May 27, 2004 11:58 am
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Ranma/SM] Relatively Absent: Chapter 9

-----Original Message-----
From: Larry F [lwf58@socal.rr.com] 
Sent: Wednesday, May 26, 2004 7:45 PM
To: 'Mark Shurtleff'; 'Fan Fiction ML'
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Ranma/SM] Relatively Absent: Chapter 9



	Have to agree with the concerns that others have brought up. The
scene between the police and the Tendos, and the scene with Ukyo 
and the
Imperials seems to be "Poor Ranma. He's so helpless and pitiful 
that the
Powers That Be come down from on high to get his vengeance and 
clean up
his messes for him."

	Dunno why you wrote it that way, but it's not very effective
storytelling. That sort of deus-ex-machina device is, at least on the
surface, a sign of laziness on the part of the writer.

	I say "on the surface", because up until now, you've been doing
a much better job than that. I'll stay hopeful that in the future,
you'll be presenting scenes that will justify it. Still, it does 
leave a
poor impression for now.

	On the whole, I've been enjoying the story immensely. I rather
like the fact that Nodoka is still filtering her ideas about Ranma
through her own preconceptions, even after coming to terms with the
curse. She's made a complete 180-degree about-face from her desire to
make him a "man's man", and now thinks that he has to be treated as
completely feminine. That is at odds with his own hope that if he can
learn enough about his new power, he can control the curse and 
only be
female when "on duty". I saw that as a setup for even more mistaken
"Let's play dress-up with Ranko" scenes in the future, as Nodoka tries
to bond with him the way she would if he'd been a daughter, just 
when he
thinks that his relationship with her is only going to get better.

	Keep up the good work.



    Ja mata,
    Larry F

    The Lost Library of Florestica
    http://rakhal.com/florestica/

    La Biblioteca Perdida de Phantasia
    (The Lost Library of Phantasia)
    http://phantasiaca.tripod.com/ 

    Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
    http://nettg.simud.org/



Funny, I look at this and see a lot of build up for future problems.
The, as you put it, "Let's play dress-up with Ranko" scene can get the
Yamada's in the mindset that he'll always follow along with what 
he is
told, something that I doubt once Ranma starts getting a hold on
himself.  Look at what has happened to him recently, he's been 
locked as
a girl and only just recently found out that it's not going to be
permanent.  He has been almost killed, in fact he would have died 
if he
hadn't been contacted by an external entity.  He has had the existence
of ancient civilizations, magical girls, alien races all 
simultaneouslyproven to him.  He has found out that he has an 
extended, and wealthy
powerful skilled, family.  He has found out that his mother has 
divorcedhis father, invalidated all of his relationships, and 
declared war on
the family of the girl that he did have feelings for, weather he would
admit it or not.  Now he finds out that his mother knows who he really
is and he's brought before the head of his country.  I'm not 
Ranma, but
I'd be lucky to be able to walk on my own, let alone still be able to
respond.  I think that Mark is doing a great job in showing an 
unstableRanma right now, but eventually he will be able to "get 
his feet under
him" so to speak, and that should be interesting to see.

While I did find what happened to the Tendo's excessive, think of what
Ranma would do if he found out about it.  He's not a vengeful 
person to
begin with, and if he found out of this it may create a permanent rift
between him and the government, and possibly the Yamada's due to their
governmental connections.  Other people here see deus ex machina.  
I see
future conflicts.

One other thing.  Does any one else see Ranma/ Guardian Chronos 
joiningsome Australian version of the Justice League or was it 
just me?


V/R LT Kevin McHorney, USNR 

"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you drove with a cell phone
attached to your ear, but I repeat myself."

                                          -LT Kevin McHorney, with
apologies to Mark Twain


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