At 05:44 PM 5/26/2004, Larry F wrote:

        Have to agree with the concerns that others have brought up. The
scene between the police and the Tendos, and the scene with Ukyo and the
Imperials seems to be "Poor Ranma. He's so helpless and pitiful that the
Powers That Be come down from on high to get his vengeance and clean up
his messes for him."

Things are not always what they appear to be on the surface, either.

        Dunno why you wrote it that way, but it's not very effective
storytelling. That sort of deus-ex-machina device is, at least on the
surface, a sign of laziness on the part of the writer.

I disagree with the "not very effective storytelling" part completely - 
having been told by other readers with a significant amount of "real world 
experience" that I was actually too *damn* effective.

"Deus-ex-machine"??  *snort*

This sort of comment is, at least on the surface, a sign of extreme 
laziness and ignorance on the part of the reader.

Anyone who does not understand *why* there is a 95% conviction rate for 
arrests in Japan hasn't bothered to do any research on the criminal justice 
system in Japan.

        I say "on the surface", because up until now, you've been doing
a much better job than that. I'll stay hopeful that in the future,
you'll be presenting scenes that will justify it. Still, it does leave a
poor impression for now.

Sorry. I do tend to assume my readers do basic research on real-life facts. 
A failing of mine, I'll admit, but one I am very comfortable with.

        On the whole, I've been enjoying the story immensely. I rather
like the fact that Nodoka is still filtering her ideas about Ranma
through her own preconceptions, even after coming to terms with the
curse. She's made a complete 180-degree about-face from her desire to
make him a "man's man", and now thinks that he has to be treated as
completely feminine. That is at odds with his own hope that if he can
learn enough about his new power, he can control the curse and only be
female when "on duty". I saw that as a setup for even more mistaken
"Let's play dress-up with Ranko" scenes in the future, as Nodoka tries
to bond with him the way she would if he'd been a daughter, just when he
thinks that his relationship with her is only going to get better.

Yup - I've set Nodoka up rather nicely.

        Keep up the good work.
     Ja mata,
     Larry F

Thanks - and please note that most of my comments are intended for the 
"audience at large" - just like yours were. :)

============================================================
Mark Shurtleff
   email: gaijin@sfcmd.com
   irc alias: Gaijin -or- togashi_gaijin
   fanfiction homepage: http://www.sfcmd.com/fanfic
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