Aishuu Shadowweaver wrote:

Spoilers: I've read 0-16. 
 

I haven't.  In fact, I don't believe I've ever heard of "Death Note".

father died six months later. They had spilt him and his siblings up,
 

(sp) "split"  (I doubt you mean that 'they' spilled them AND meant to 
use an archaic spelling.)

the old Shinto belief of contact with
the dead bringing impurity still resonating on some level in the
Japanese soul.

Strikes me as awkward.  How about "..belief that contact with
the dead brought impurity..."?

His gift at identify the hows and whys of death had vaulted him into
 

"identifying"

a national position at twenty-six. He was able to almost see what had
happened in those last few moments, and often times his insights
 

Second time you've used "often times".  Suggest "frequently" or "on 
occasion",
depending on the frequency you want to suggest.

Yellow eyes, barely remembered, stared at him from his memory, and he knew
that someone had sentenced this man to death. Someone... had managed
to find a way to kill from afar.
 

I suppose the conclusion would mean something to me if I'd read "0-16."
As it is, I'm not sure if our protagonist suspects his brother of having 
done
it or not.  If not, then I don't know who the yellow eyes belong to.

Anyway, this struck me as a nice sketch, very evocative.  Thanks for 
sharing!





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