Happosai's life of DOOM: Chapter 2 Rest in pieces


Ranma 1/2 characters were created by Rumiko Takahashi. Oh! My Goddess
characters were created by Fujishima Kosuke.

By Bill Heineman, with a tiny inspiration from "The Accidental Goddess" by
Sinom Bre.

I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or have me submit
to the will of the taco-man. I love tacos! I love them good!


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Mara was drowning her sorrows in a bar in Niflheim. She had her head lying
in a pool of spilled sake surrounded by dozens of empty shot glasses and
ceramic bottles. A demon waiter walked by on its spider legs, picked up the
three empty bottles that had fallen onto the floor and shook its lump that
passed for a head in disapproval.

A loud ringing in her ears greeted Mara as she awoke from her alcohol
induced nap. Her first action upon reaching consciousness was to belch
loudly, creating a foul-smelling wind blast that knocked over an adjacent
table. She blinked her eyes open and groaned in sheer disappointment. "Uh...
I'm still alive."

She held up an empty bottle that once contained a liter of high grade sake
and tried to wish it full again. She wasn't successful. "Darn."

The demon girl sat upright, wiping away the sticky sake from her face with
an overused napkin she had plucked from a napkin holder an hour ago. "Why?
Why him?" She asked to no one in particular. "She's gone insane. She'll doom
us all."

Entering the bar, the Norn goddess of the past, Urd, took one whiff of the
foul odor the demon had emitted and followed it to its source. There, in the
ramshackle booth, sat Mara, who was quietly attempting to erase her memories
though fluid consumption. The demon's blond hair was matted with grime and
her leather mini-skirt was dotted with bits of broken glass. The tall dark
skinned goddess ran her hand through her long white hair and gave a small
chuckle at her nemesis' current predicament. "I thought I'd find you here."

"Narf." Came the reply from the demon who was barely coherent and was hoping
to reach non-corporeal drunken bliss. She struggled with a unopened bottle
of sake, trying to coax the stopper off.

Urd wanted to sit down in the booth, but the seat cushion was covered with
glass shards from a bottle that was used for target practice. She muttered a
cleaning spell to wipe away the debris and sat down on the newly spotless
seat. She wanted to place her elbows on the table so she could rest her head
in her hands in an 'I told you so' manner, but decided against it since
touching the strange fluids that were dissolving the surface looked like a
really bad idea. Instead she sat upright and asked the pathetic looking
demon just what was on her mind. "So, why did you call me here? Are you
still trying to break up Keiichi and my sister?"

Mara was gnawing on the cork in another attempt to gain access to the
blessed beverage within. All she could say with a mouthful of bottle was,
"Zort."

"Articulate as always." Urd looked around the bar at the demons, onis and
other damned souls populating the establishment. They each in turn looked
back, then went about their business. She smiled at her table mate. "I see
you've improved upon the quality of company you keep."

Mara lifted her head with a look of despair and hopelessness. The bottle
wouldn't open and she was rapidly becoming sober; a state she desperately
wanted to avoid. "Doom... We're all doomed."

"That's the spirit!" Urd reached over and tapped Mara's shoulder in a
playful gesture, carefully avoiding touching anything that looked like it
would adhere to her hand. "So, how are you going to end the world this time?
Nuclear holocaust? Meteor? Flood, although Kami-sama already did that one
with Noah."

"NOOOO... It's worse!" Mara put the bottle on the table and moaned holding
her hands to her cheeks. She trembled in terror which shook the table,
tipping over the bottle. She snatched it before it fell to the floor.

Raising an eyebrow in surprise, Urd crossed her arms while reclining in her
seat. "Worse than ending the world? So, what's going on then? Has Hild been
taking flower arranging classes?" The goddess of the past giggled at the
thought of her demon mother Hild, doing anything remotely good or wholesome.

The leather clad demon grew cold and her tone went dark and foreboding. It
sent a chill down the spines of all who heard her words. "You've never seen
true horror have you?"

"True horror? Other than the thought of Keiichi hanging around my sister for
eternity and never consummating their love, or J. Edgar Hoover in a dress,
what could be worse? Tele-marketers with speed dials? A new form of email
spam? Or did you find a way to make cell phone plans even more confusing
than ever?"

Mara summoned all of her courage to say the most unholy word in any
language. "Happosai."

Urd gagged, coughed, shuddered and slid into a boneless heap on the filthy
floor in convulsions.

Mara peered under the table to watch Urd make a fool of herself with her
spasms. "I see he has the same effect on you too." All around the pair,
other female demons were in the same sort of pose on the ground, writhing
and twitching at the mere thought of the old pervert.

The half-demon on the floor stopped twitching for a moment, choking out
words with great effort. "Y-y-you didn't say H-h-happosai? Did you?" She
pulled herself off of the floor. She reached across the table to grab Mara
firmly by the shoulders. "DID YOU!?"

Mara just grinned.

Urd eyes went wild and she shook Mara violently. "W-w-what happened? H-he
didn't... You know... Kick the bucket? He wasn't supposed to!"

The demonic marks on Mara's face shrank as her eyes grew. "Y-you didn't make
a deal with Death too?"

Urd looked away in embarrassment. "I... Uh.. Well..."

"You too, eh?" A tall female succubus with silver hair, dark skin and
vampire fangs spoke. She had heard the name that should not be uttered and
came to see why anyone would utter it, so she could kill him.

"You too?" Another demoness came forward, as did another.

Urd released her iron grip on the blond haired demon and sank in her seat at
the booth in fright. She took a deep breath, counted to ten in ancient
Norse, calmed down and crossed her legs. "Well, at least that pervert won't
be leaving Midgard anytime soon. I've pushed his death off until next year.
It cost me a promise, but keeping him away from the lower planes was worth
it."

A collective sigh of relief came from all the female demons and some of the
male ones as well. A voice came from yet another female demon. The short
blue skinned creature exhaled gently as she worries subsided. "That's a
relief."

Mara sank in her chair, nervously looking around at the patrons who were
disbursing. "Urd, could we speak in private?"

Since the subject matter was already disturbing and Mara did call her to
talk about something urgent, Urd took Mara by the hand to help her out of
her seat. Mara stumbled and staggered but Urd was able to guide her out the
door of the bar and into the street. She continued to guide her until they
reached a back alley. There, she sat the half-drunk demon on an empty crate
and used a simple spell to keep sound limited to just between them. The
goddess wiped off the top of another crate, sat down and spoke. "This is
about him, isn't it?"

Mara nodded. "Hild... Oh... We're doomed!"

Urd was deathly afraid. Hild was up to something and that never led to good
news. If this involved Happosai, it was really bad news at the same level of
the coming of the apocalypse. "What's she up too?"

The demon tried hard not to break out in tears. She held it in, but
uncharacteristically wailed like a newborn baby just after being swatted on
the butt after birth. "She found out about him! She wants to make him a
demon! WWWWAAAAAAHHHH!"

Urd gasped in revulsion, then curiosity. "A-a... Wait? You mean that he
isn't already?" She thought about her brush with the foul creature, the
stalking, the touching... Oh... Not the touching... "Y-you sure?"

The blond demon slumped over as she lost her remaining hope and will to
live. "That's the problem. He's a mortal and he has those kind of powers. I
don't even want to imagine what he'd be like if he joined us in Niflheim."

"What about Death? I've got a deal with him." Urd held her hands to her
hips. "That troll is not checking out of Midgard until next year at least."

"I guess you hadn't been told then." Mara sighed. "Death has canceled all
unused execution stays at Hild's direct order. She wants him to expire the
next time the System Force deems it so."

Getting hopeful, Urd happily kneeled next to her sometime adversary. "Maybe
the System Force will decide that it's best that he stay in Midgard, for oh,
say, ten thousand years."

Mara hopelessly whispered. "Tomorrow at 10:15 AM."

Urd blinked in confusion. "Say again?"

Her eyes were empty and lifeless. All hope had been abandoned and despair
had moved in to take its place. Mara was a broken woman. "Death already told
me the time he's scheduled to leave Midgard. Tomorrow at 10:15 in the
morning, Tokyo time."

Urd bowed her head in defeat, then looked up in absolute apathy. "Well,
there goes YOUR neighborhood. I'm going back to the temple now. I don't
think I'll be visiting Nilfheim anytime in the next millennium, or ever. I
hope you understand."

Mara growled.


========================================



Kasumi, the eldest of the Tendo sisters and full time surrogate mother,
stepped out of the kitchen holding a steaming pot of miso soup. She gently
placed it on the supper table and called out to her extended family.
"Dinner's ready!"

Instantly, Ranma and his father, Genma, appeared at their usual places at
the table, chopsticks at the ready. Both combatants stared lighting bolts at
each other waiting for either one to make the first move in martial arts
dining. Genma eyed the rice steamer while Ranma planned his attack on the
soup pot.

Akane rushed down the stairs and sat at her place next to Ranma. She wasn't
thrilled that her father insisted that she had to be close to her future
husband, even though the whole idea of getting married to him was the pair's
parents idea. She watched the two for a moment as they were grabbing every
edible thing on the table and gobbling it down like someone who hadn't eaten
in a year. She spoke in an annoyed tone as she carefully reached for the
rice scooper, hoping they wouldn't sever her hand off for interfering with
their meal. "Will you two try to leave some for us!"

Nabiki entered the dining room and slowly kneeled down at her usual place at
the dinner table. "Yes, it's rude for guests to eat before the host
arrives." She shifted her weight on her pillow at the table until she felt
comfortable. She turned to see her father, Soun Tendo, sit at his place for
dinner. Nonchalantly, she picked up her chopsticks and reached for a pickled
beet. "After all, you're guests here." She gritted her teeth as the other
house guest or pest as she thought of him as, bounced into his seat.

Happosai picked up his bowl of soup and drank from it rapidly. Once
finished, he slammed the empty bowl on the table. He proclaimed proudly the
collected family members. "The host has arrived, namely me."

Ranma raised a fist in defiance, while using his other hand to ward off his
father from taking his pickled beets. "Since when were you the host? You
freeloading pervert!"

Nabiki whispered quietly for her own amusement. "Pot, kettle, black."

The old leach smirked triumphantly and twirled his pipe with confidence.
"Soun owns the place and I'm his master. As my student, he must obey my
every command. It's part of his training."

Soun bowed reverently toward his instructor. "Why, yes, oh, kind and gentle
master."

The pig-tailed boy chomped down on a beet before his father could snatch it
away from him. He deftly stole a lump of rice from Genma's plate and made
motions to keep it from being taken back. "Oh, man, I tell you, when I take
over the dojo, things will be different around here."

Nabiki sighed at the massive doses of cluelessness that filled the room. She
spoke in her no-nonsense tone of voice that she usually reserved for
dealings with Kuno. "You'll only get the dojo after you marry Akane." She
shot a glance at Happosai. "Then you can ask unwanted occupants to leave."

"Well, I..." Ranma grimaced since he knew exactly what was going to happen
next.

Soun stood proud behind Ranma, Genma appeared next to Soun and the two men
happily danced around in a circle. "Yes! Ranma will be the official host
once they wed."

Soun pointed to Nabiki. "Call the minister. they will be wed at once." He
happily had thoughts of Ranma finally ejecting the master from the home once
and for all.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Okay, daddy." She put her hand in her pocket to get
her cell phone, having no intention to actually place the call. Past
experience dictated exactly the night's activities down to the second. She
accelerated the speed she ate her food before tonight's entertainment began.
Like usual, she was going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Akane was shoved closer to Ranma by her father. She pushed back. "No way am
I marrying that jerk!"

Ranma shoved the rice ball he took from his father into his mouth,
swallowing it quickly and then delivered his standard response. "As if?!
Who'd want to marry a sexless uncute tomboy like you?"

"Tomboy! Why I outta..." She pulled out a mallet from somewhere and smashed
Ranma over the head with it, leaving him with his head shoved in a soup bowl
and his hands sticking up with warding gestures.

Soun sobbed as only a grown man could, with gallons of tears gushing out.
Kasumi made a mental note that the little bonsai tree near the dinner table
won't need to be watered for a week. Soun grabbed Ranma's shirt and openly
wept into it. "Ranma! Why do you treat your fiancee like that?"

Genma gave the look of righteousness at his flattened son. A look honed from
a decade of practice in the fine art of intimidation. "Boy! How can you call
yourself a man when you can't even defend yourself from a blow from a girl?"

Ranma recovered from the mallet attack at that insult and stood face to face
with his father. "Call myself a man? Why don't you marry her instead and
leave me out of this?"

Happosai finished his second cup of soup while the shouting match was going
on. He watched the argument with great interest. Hearing the discussion, he
found an opening that had to be exploited. "Akane! I've got a better
solution. Marry me instead! I'll join the houses and take over the dojo!"

He jumped to glomp Akane but the young Tendo girl was ready for him. She
swung her weapon down and the business end of her mallet connected with the
old man, smashing him into the center of the table and the impact sent food
flying in every direction.

Akane screamed at the center of the maelstrom. "Get away from me, you
pervert!"

Nabiki had already finished her soup. She sat quietly as table fragments,
salt shakers, napkins and foodstuffs whizzed by her in rapid succession. She
waited until there was no more debris flying by, got up and ignored the
growing chaos. "I've had enough fun for the evening. I'll be upstairs, doing
my homework." She left without a further word and contemplated just how much
money it was going to cost this time to fix the dining room.

Kasumi pulled out a hand towel from under her apron. She wiped up some of
the soup from the walls. She hummed a happy tune. "They're so full of
energy."

With food going in every direction, years of starvation training kicked in.
Ranma reached into the air, grabbed a flying rice ball and stuffed it into
his mouth. He punched at his father's stomach but missed when Genma dodged.
Genma grabbed a bowl of soup before it hit the floor and slurped it down in
one gulp. "You're getting slow, boy!"

Ranma ducked to avoid a kick and delivered a kick in return to his dad's
ribs. The fat man flew out the back door and into the yard. Ranma paused to
grab the last two flying rice balls from the air and followed Genma to
finish the argument.

Akane pulled her mallet from the ruined table to find that the crater in the
center of the room was empty. She looked from side to side trying to find
the squashed old man. "Where did he go?"

Happosai popped out of the hollowed out mallet from a secret hatch just like
a cartoon character. "Hiya cutie! Let's say we go up to your room and
consummate our love?"

Akane reflexively hurled the mallet through the window, sending it and the
unholy occupant outside. The mallet stopped when it shattered on the stone
compound wall. Happosai appeared on the windowsill to taunt his bride-to-be.
"C'mon Akane, is that how you treat your betrothed?"

Akane turned red with fury. She clenched her fists and spat out her words
hatefully. "B-b-et... You sick, disgusting creature! I'll never have
anything to do with you even if you're the last man on Earth!"

Happosai thought about it for a moment. "So, you're saying the wedding's
off?"

"It was never on to begin with!!!" The short haired tomboy was shaking her
fist in rage. She looked around the room for a suitable weapon to impale the
old man with.

Soun groveled. "Master, Akane is to wed Ranma. Maybe you should consider
another suitable candidate: The woman you took care of when you were an
octopus pot perhaps?"

Akane threw a chair at Happosai, who vanished before it could connect with
his skull. "I'm not marrying anybody!"

A loud splash was heard outside, shortly followed by a second one. A female
voice yelled in anger. "Serves you right Pops!"

A panda's voice answered. "Growlf!"

More blows could be heard as the two continued their fighting among the koi.
Happosai rubbed his hands together in glee from his perch in a small tree.
Now that Ranma was in the form Happosai preferred, he had lost all interest
in Akane. "Ranma-chan! How I've missed you!" He waited patiently for an
opportunity to present itself to let him to cop a feel on red-head.

Inside, Kasumi placed a hand on Akane's shoulder, instantly calming the
young girl down. The elder girl knew exactly how to diffuse a situation and
this time was no different. "Sister, could you help me fix the table?"

Akane sighed and nodded. She effortlessly lifted the table halves while
Kasumi placed small blocks of wood under it to hold it up. It was a
temporary solution; the table was on its last legs, literally. Kasumi
checked her handiwork for stability and sadly told her sister the news.
"This will have to do until I can get a replacement, tomorrow." She looked
at her younger sister with motherly disapproval. "You have to learn to
control yourself."

The young Tendo melted at her elder sister's words. "I'm sorry. He just
makes me so mad." She took a few steps toward the backyard doorway and
watched the fighting outside with melancholy. Nothing ever changed around
her home and she wondered if it ever will.

Outside, the fracas continued. Ranko upped the ante by lobbing boulders at
her panda father. The bear returned the favor by swinging bamboo poles like
a bo staff, batting the giant rocks as if they were playing a lethal form of
baseball. Happosai stood in the shadows, saw an opening and hopped onto
Ranko to savor the texture of her soft supple perfect feminine breasts. She
flinched at the touch and grabbed him by the neck and threw the tiny leach
at Genma who batted him into the sky. Happosai gave a goofy grin as he
receded into the night. "It was worth it! Woo hoo!"

Akane gaze followed the little man as he went flying into the air and she
saw something that caught her eye. She squinted to get a better look at what
she thought she saw. There, standing on the roof of the dojo, was a
silhouette of a man. The unknown figure worn a black cloak that billowed in
an unseen wind and held a scythe over his shoulder. He placed a pale white
finger under his neck to signal that someone's throat was to be cut. She
blinked her eyes to try to get a better look, but the figure was gone.

The Tendo girl wondered if what she saw was real. "Weird." She looked down
from the roof to see a panda and a girl wresting on the ground, hands on
each other's throats. She had seen enough and turned away from the door.
"Hmm... Maybe, not so weird."


========================================



In an ornate palace, a pair of demon guards stood at attention. The two men
had the appearance of soldiers who lived and loved life in the special
forces. One was a burly man with biceps that looked like they could win a
body-building contest with them alone. The other man had a look of someone
who had witnessed far too many wars but was ready to fight in another one.

Both men held giant axes and stood guard at the entrance of their mistress'
bedroom. Despite their years of training and battle, they sweated and
trembled from the laughter that they had the unwanted privilege to listen
too. The strongman grumbled. "What's she up to now?"

The grizzled one answered. "Do you really want to know?"

Another cackle came from the room sending chills down their spines. The
musclebound warrior looked at the dark wood doors for a moment and then
looked ahead at the corridor in front of him, trying to focus his mind on
anything else but what was going on behind the door. "No, not really."

The older demon was proud that his junior partner has wisdom. "Good, the
last guy who peeked in there ran screaming. I never did find out what
happened to him."

The younger man cocked an eyebrow in reply. Curiosity started to gnaw at
him, but another laugh quelled his interest to look inside the Pandora's box
that the bedroom represented.

Inside the huge lavishly decorated sleeping chamber, the white-haired,
dark-skinned, tall, beautiful leader of the underworld was getting excited
at the prospect of a new demon at her beck and call. She lay down on her
silk covered bed reading the complete file on Happosai's life.

She was careful not to tear the ancient parchments. Page after page of
horrible acts of thievery, perversion, lechery and other evils deeds were
read and re-read with great delight.

"Where have you been all my life?" She turned another yellowed page. "Such
delightful evil." She turned another page. "So decadent." She turned to the
last page that included the evening's attempted fondling of Akane and Ranko.
She read the appendix and found an interesting footnote. "And he's still a
virgin." 

She was going to have a good time with this twisted soul. She gave a demonic
laugh filled with malice and darkness.

It sounded just like Kodachi Kuno.


========================================



Miss Hinako Ninomiya, the pint-size chi-vampire thanks to yet another one of
Happosai's schemes to collect female undergarments, wrote three sentences on
the blackboard for the current lesson. "Now, as you can see, phonetics mean
very little in English. Take the word knife for example..."

Outside the window of the classroom came the shouts of angry women followed
by a gleeful laugh from a familiar old man. She took a peek at the clock on
the wall to note the time. "It's too early for this. Doesn't he usually wait
until after lunch?" She pulled out her fifty yen coin in preparation for
punishing old decrepit perverted delinquents. She ran out of the classroom
toward the stairway in an attempt to intercept her instructor in the Happo
Fifty-Yen Satsu.

Ranma took the more direct approach. The instant his teacher ran out the
door, he jumped, feet first, out of the third story window to the ground
below. He paused for a moment to track his quarry. The old man had changed
tactics today. Instead of hanging around school grounds, he had already
bounded over the wall into the cityscape. The pig-tailed boy picked out a
direction to cut him off and darted skyward, roof hopping first onto the
school wall then onto a building next door.

Happosai bounced from roof to roof with yet another laundry bag filled with
his priceless collectables. "Heh, now I've recovered what's rightfully mine.
Too bad those suckers thought that they could keep my silky darlings away
from me."

Ranma was in hot pursuit. He jumped onto the roof just behind the running
pervert. "Hey! Where ya going ya old leach? Bring those back!"

Happosai loved a challenge and once Ranma appeared in his life, it was full
of challenges. Stealing underwear was far more fun when Ranma joined in the
chase. He taunted his adversary. "Can't an old man have a little fun in his
golden years?"

Ranma glanced behind at the entry gate of Furinkan High. There, a small
group of girls swung open the barrier and ran into the street to pursue the
old man. "I don't think they'd agree with you."

"They've got so much to share. They wouldn't deny a dying man his last
request. Woo hoo!" He jumped across a wide street to the roof on the other
side.

He was impressed with Happosai's jumping ability. Not bad for a man who
constantly complained that he was at death's door knocking loudly. "Yeah,
you're dying alright." Ranma sprinted fast and furious to close the gap
between him and the old goat. In moments, he had caught up to him and he
lunged forward to grab the gnome by the shoulders. Instead, he found a pipe
shoved into his hand and the pig-tailed martial artist was propelled into
the air against his will.

Happosai stood his ground and shook his head in disappointment. "So reckless
are the young. They have much to learn before they can attain true
enlightenment." Happosai felt a cold chill in his spine. A chill he knew
quite well. He cocked his head around and leered at the figure standing
behind him. He sneered at his old acquaintance. "Hey, long time no see. It's
been what? Ten hours since the last time you came for me?"

Death stood on the roof next to Happosai, robes flowing in the wind. "Sorry
to say, this time it's for real."

Happosai took a defensive stance. "You can try. You've never beaten me
before and this time isn't any different."

"It's not your call." The figure disappeared.

"Hey!" Happosai looked around for where Death had vanished off to. He
focused his senses to see if he could find him by other means. He was aware
of everything around himself and felt nothing. Finally, he detected motion
and found that his efforts were not in vain as the old man barely dodged a
well-placed foot that would have knocked him off the roof.

Ranma did a forward flip with his momentum and tried again to land on the
little gnome. Happosai dodged again. Ranma did a spin kick that didn't
connect either. "Hold still ya ol' freak."

"Make me!" The shriveled pervert raised a battle aura making a giant image
of himself. "Behold the mighty power of the 'Anything Goes School of Martial
Arts'!"

Ignoring the image, Ranma jumped forward and pushed the little man off the
roof and onto the street below. Without warning, a firecracker exploded in
Ranma's face blinding him for a moment. As he fell, the little man enjoyed
his moment of triumph. "Ha ha! Got you!"

The wind from the fall had an unexpected side effect. Happosai's bag burst
open and the contents spilled out in a cloud of silk, satin, lycra and
cotton. "My darlings!" He snatched a few panties from the air and shoved
them back into the bag, only to inadvertently spill even more of the
precious cargo. He landed on the pavement, made a needle and thread appear,
and quickly mended the bag to keep any more of his stolen goods from
escaping.

A horn blared as a truck barreled down on the road at high speed. Happosai
had the bad luck of landing on the only highway containing high speed
traffic within a kilometer of the high school. He judged the truck's height
to be enough to just duck under, so he didn't see the inherent danger of
staying on the road with ten tons of steel fast approaching. He saw three
bras fluttering in the wind generated from the other cars and moved to
gather them to place them back into the safety of his black laundry bag.

The driver turned the steering wheel to swerve around the man who had fallen
onto the highway to avoid hitting him. A bald tire on the front axle reached
the end of its usefulness and burst into rubber strips, dropping the front
bumper of the truck to ground level. Happosai only had milliseconds to
realize the error of his ways.

The front of the vehicle smashed full force onto Happosai's body giving a
terrible screech as the undercarriage met the pavement flinging sparks
everywhere. The rear tires of the tractor rolled over the old fossil with a
weight that would have crushed a normal man. As the trailer passed overhead,
Death clung onto a spare tire and was enjoying the exciting ride. He hadn't
had this much fun on the job in years and was having the time of his
afterlife. With practiced ease from an eternity of collecting souls, his icy
cold hand touched Happosai's battered forehead. "Gotcha at last! No one
escapes Death!" Death laughed as the trailer passed overhead, other set of
wheels ran over the old man's body and then the skeletal man faded away.

Ranma recovered from being stunned from the firecracker and arrived at the
edge of the roof, rubbing the smoke from his eyes to see what was the source
of the loud screech below. On the road, a truck was skidding to a halt and
cars were swerving to avoid hitting it. Ranma sullenly moaned about this new
twist to the chase. "I hope that ol' freak didn't somehow blame this on me."

The smoke from the burning tires cleared for a moment and Ranma saw
Happosai's body roll out from under the rear trailer. The little man was
covered with soot and tire marks, but otherwise looked unharmed. "Now I'll
get you, you ol' freak. We can finish this."

As Ranma prepared to deliver a good pounding on the unnatural thing. He got
into position to jump down when a Toyota Camry came out of nowhere and ran
over Happosai's body and slammed into the back of the truck. The impact had
enough force that the driver was in serious trouble. Ranma gasped. "Oh no!"

Without any thought for his own safety, the boy jumped down to the smoking
wreck. The screams of a hysterical woman, having a panic attack in her car,
brought Ranma into rescue mode. She was wildly waving her arms around,
totally incoherent from the trauma of the accident and having her air bag
blast into her face. He leapt over the hood of the car and yanked the door
off. He gently cautioned the woman as he did a quick check of her injuries.
"Let me get you out of here."

His martial arts senses screamed to him that he didn't have much time. He
touched a pressure point to get her to stop struggling and unbuckled her
seat belt. He lifted the medium height Japanese woman out of her car and ran
off.

The car exploded from the gasoline that had spilled from the ruptured gas
tank, sending a ball of flame across several lanes. Ranma shielded the woman
with his own body to keep her from being burned.

All around the pair, cars were stopped and some people were assisting the
driver of the truck. They too, ran for cover as the Toyota went into a
flaming fireball. Ranma jumped away from the busy street, over the fence
that separated the road from the pedestrian walkway and gently laid the
woman down.

Ranma turned around to see the fire die down. He remembered that Happosai
had been dealt worst blows than this. He wasn't worried in the slightest.
"He got away." He noticed a few things floating in the air that gave him
hope.

Rising from the pyre, like a phoenix, was a blackened old man. Happosai,
emerged from the flames with only singed hair and smoking clothes as
evidence of injury. He was openly weeping. In his hands, he held the crispy
remains of a bra. "You did this to me!"

Ranma smirked and called back to the evil creature. "You deserved it old
man!"

"My darlings! My collection... Uhhh...." He clutched his chest in agony.
"My... My..." He reached into the air to grab a flaming bra that fluttered
to the ground. He held it as if it was the source to life itself. He petted
it lovingly for a few seconds before shuddering again. "My precious." He
fell face forward onto the asphalt.

A passerby watched the old man fall and then turned to Ranma. "Aren't you
going to save him?"

Ranma shrugged. "Why? He's had worse."

A clock at a nearby bank read, 10:15.


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Author's Notes: Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and
maybe, just maybe, I'll kill off Happosai for good.


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