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White Clouds in the Blue Sky
By Troy Thomas - troythomas1@yahoo.ca

Ranma 1/2 and its characters are the creation and property of 
Rumiko Takahashi.

This story contains graphic descriptions and course language. 
Discretion is advised.

Previous chapters:
http://ca.geocities.com/troythomas1/

***

Remembering what had passed was nearly impossible, at least 
not without the most extreme of efforts, an act for which 
Ranma no longer had the energy. "I remember going to school, 
and that girl - was it Rei? And the dead guy showing up 
again." He stared at the ceiling, as it was blank, and 
somehow comforting in its personality-less form. "But... what 
order was it all in?"

Things just blended in together now, and the past was a mess, 
and he was too.

Who was that dead guy anyway? He traced his scar, feeling 
there was a connection between it and the bloody stranger.

"He was there. Back then. When... it... all happened...." A 
flash of memory passed through Ranma's mind - a creature of 
scorching flame, burning flesh and hatred. The ground - he 
remembered looking at the ground for some reason - he was 
tracking it... wasn't he? Anyhow, the ground was blistered - 
even pavement and steel - wherever 'it' had been.

But it wasn't just in that manner Ranma was following that 
beast. He also just had to follow the screams, stench, and 
the awful, terrible, and sickening feeling that was projected 
from the monster, like light and heat from the sun, but 
instead of receiving health, he felt revolted like he'd get 
sick from just its presence.

"Stop it," he quietly said to himself. "Don't remember that." 
He covered his eyes, as though that would block out the 
memory of looking at all the corpses littering the street 
like a glass beer bottle tossed from a speeding car onto 
pavement. "Don't." He couldn't help th... remembering - the 
images were so alive that they seemed to be just before him, 
where he could reach out and touch them.

Something was bothering his eyes, so he quickly muffled his 
face with his pillow - when he was finished with it, he put 
it back, and turned it over so Missus Urameshi wouldn't see 
what a mess it was.

"This is shit," he said, after some time had passed. He 
didn't want to be here anymore - maybe he could go somewhere 
else. He could slip out the window.... Where was there to go 
though?

"Anywhere's better though," said Ranma. "I don' wanna be 
here...." He looked at his bedroom door, and listened for any 
sounds that would give up the Urameshi's if they were waiting 
at the door. They had been doing that lately - they obviously 
worried about him.

"Don't deserve it," said Ranma. "I'm just... nothing." He 
climbed out of bed, and soon climbed out through his window 
down and the one story to the ground.

When he was out of earshot of the house, he said, "Don't 
deserve nothin'. And no one deserves nothin' like me."

***

Chapter Two - Drowning

***

As far as nights went, tonight wasn't bad, felt Ranma.

He was standing on a bridge, looking down into mirror-like 
water that was slowly flowing towards some place he would 
rather be than here. Well, he really didn't want to be 
anywhere, to be honest.

It really was nice, the way the darkness made the river into 
an abyss that reflected back the light. It was a comforting 
feeling that if he jumped that he might perhaps not ever land 
in anything, and instead just keep falling until it all 
stopped.

"This is where you come?" asked the dead boy, suddenly 
standing beside Ranma.

Ranma didn't answer. He hung his head, staring into the water 
as though alone.

"Why to a river?" asked the dead boy, although only to 
himself.

Ranma could feel the dead boy knowingly smirking.

"It's not because some spiritualists speak of some connection 
between the living world and... the other one, at water, 
right?" The dead boy waited as though Ranma might answer. "I 
guess you wouldn't know that.... Stupid question. I'm sorry." 
He walked over to Ranma's other side. "Maybe you just come 
cause you feel less hurt here. Which might give some credence 
to my earlier...."

"Shut up," said Ranma.

The dead boy didn't say a word, but it was everything he 
wasn't saying that Ranma was getting annoyed of.

You're stuck in the past, right, even though you're totally 
here in the now? Don't know which way to go, cause you really 
don't want to leave?

Ranma kept focused on the river, hoping it would drown out 
the last unasked question, the one that he didn't want to 
hear.

Can I help you?

"F... fuck off!" he growled, covering his face but mostly his 
eyes with a hand. "I don't... don't need anybody bothering 
me, so just... just... get the hell away from me!"

It had felt a while when he removed his hand. He turned to 
see if the dead boy was still there, but he was gone.

He did see Doctor Tofu coming along though, eventually.

"Hi, Ranma," said the doctor, upon reaching him. He leaned on 
the railing. It was some time before he said anything, "I was 
woken up by a frantic call from Missus Urameshi. Seems she 
thought I'd be the best bet for finding you." He chuckled. 
"Seems she was right, as, well, here you are!"

A question suddenly came to life in Ranma's mind. He looked 
to the doctor to ask it, "Doc.... It was.... You were the one 
who... I mean... it was you...." Pathetically, he couldn't 
get the question out. It was too confused, spinning and 
rolling, stamping and hollering inside his head. "I mean...." 
He felt the first beast stir from sleep, so he decided to 
retreat. "It's okay.... Forget it." The first beast went back 
to sleep, but the question died a screaming death.

The doctor looked at him, with an expression as though it was 
okay to avoid a stupid question that you didn't want to admit 
being scared of.

"You know.... I loved her," said Doctor Tofu, after some time 
had passed. "Kasumi. With everything I had."

It was totally unexpected, but perhaps appropriate, felt 
Ranma. 'Yeah, you loved her,' he remembered. 'And maybe she 
was the same way towards you, what with all her reasons for 
visiting your office....'

"It... hurts. Wish I told her. Might've all been different." 
Doctor Tofu's voice seemed sad yet self-mocking.

'Yeah. Maybe,' thought Ranma. He stared into the abyss, the 
creek. 'Kasumi. I remember her. Long hair. Caring face. Good 
cook. Nice person.' He gripped the railing that he was 
leaning on. 'Eldest sister of the Tendo kids. Older than me. 
She liked guys that were mature, like the doc.' He had to 
give out a quiet laugh, as it was just so.... Otherwise, if 
he didn't laugh, he would cry out in despair.

So he laughed, and laughed, silently so the doc wouldn't 
notice, until he gave one short, loud sob. He covered his 
eyes with his hand.

"Ranma?" asked Doctor Tofu.

"Sorry, Doc...." said Ranma. "Sorry, Doc.... Sorry.... I'm 
sorry...."

"Ranma," Doctor Tofu's voice was filled with guilt. "I'm the 
one who's sorry. I was talking about foolish things. I 
forgot.... It was you who fought for her. Them all."

'Yeah, Kasumi Tendo.' Ranma remembered her. Good person, and 
still, despite her near-angelic nature, it was her first of 
all that was....

Lifeless eyes. Cooling body. Burning smell. Frozen 
expression.

He had only stared at her face for maybe at the most six 
seconds until he had again moved, but it was forever in his 
memory.

It was filled with agony and fear, shock and denial. And her 
eyes.... They called out for the rest of time for someone to 
help her, but....

"Oh, Doc.... Oh, god.... I'm so sorry...." But Ranma wouldn't 
let go, not even of the railing he was holding onto. He 
wouldn't let the coward out, and he wouldn't start bawling. 
He wouldn't.... "Oh god...."

"Ranma," said Tofu, as though from far away. "It wasn't your 
fault," he whispered. "I'm not blaming you. I don't blame 
you. I never will."

"I'm sorry...."

He felt the doctor reassuringly squeeze his shoulder. "I'm 
sorry, Ranma," he said, but those words were so far away that 
Ranma barely heard.

Stuff the coward back in! Get back inside! He wouldn't let 
himself cry! Not in front of someone! Not in front of the 
doc!

Ranma gripped hard with the hand covering his face, and he 
could feel his fingers digging into his skull. His teeth were 
feeling as though they were about to break, as he was 
clenching them so he could... stop... it - to get _him_ back 
in!

And slowly, he felt the momentum slow, and eventually stop. 
But it felt right then like he couldn't move, not ever again, 
cause... _he_ would break free.

There was something else deep inside too - a strange ooze, 
bubbling up in his guts. And the scar.... So cold, it burned.

No.... It wasn't a burning feeling, but a kind of tingling. 
More like pins and needles.

He heard from far away someone saying his name, "Ranma?"

What was wrong? He couldn't really see anything anymore, like 
something was _in_ his eyes. Or maybe... like he was 
somewhere else, in another place.

He tried to swing his head left to right, but felt a wave of 
confusion sweep through his mind and body. Was he moving? Or 
did he just think it? He might've turned his head, but did he 
really?

He heard from close by someone shouting his name, "Ranma! 
Ranma!" It was right by him, so he tried to turn but that 
same strange double signal of moving but staying completely 
still again overcame his senses.

Someone grasped his shoulder.

He then saw the river again. There was almost no energy left 
in his legs, so he fell forward onto his knees and hands.

"You went there, didn't you?" asked... someone. Ranma was 
exhausted, and couldn't tell who was speaking to him. Was it 
Doctor Tofu? "Don't go there! You can't go back there, or 
else...."

"Ranma?" said somebody else. "Are you okay?" Was that voice 
Doctor Tofu's?

There was no energy in his arms to hold himself up anymore, 
so he fell face forward, his face banging into the metal 
railing bars that kept people from accidentally falling into 
the river below.

The water below....

"Stay away from there!" - "Ranma?"

It was really loud, come to think of it.

"That place.... It's alive." - "Oh gods! Ranma!"

He felt like he was drowning, it was all so noisy.

***

He opened his eyes, and saw the blue sky that was so full 
of... vastness. It stretched from the beginning, and 
continued until the end, but perhaps those points met at the 
same place.... It didn't matter, anyway. It was the blue sky 
he always wished to be lost in, lying on the ground and 
wishing to be up there in its embrace.

Where had he been for so long? Some time had passed that he 
could remember, but that was so wrong, and didn't fit right. 
Wasn't this where he belonged?

He sat up, resting on his elbows, and saw the field, covered 
in flowers, many of which he didn't even know the names of 
but had seen so many times way back then when he was living 
with the Tendos....

Before then, when he was living....

He ran his hand over his chest, and felt nothing but perhaps 
relief. The scar was totally gone, but of course it wouldn't 
be there, right? Why would it need to be there, when he 
was... dead?

No, that couldn't be it. Of course not. He was alive, and 
here, wasn't he?

It had all just been some dream.... A terrible dream, but it 
couldn't hurt him anymore, since he was here where the sky 
was so blue. You don't get scars from things that aren't 
real!

"Don't die," said somebody. The voice had come from 
everywhere and nowhere.

"I won't," said Ranma. "Don't worry.... Man, Akane! I ain't 
planning to do that."

It was Akane that said those words? And how'd he know that? 
Actually, how the hell did he forget that in first place 
anyway? He'd never forget that! That was the worst part of 
that whole dream....

There was a long silence.

"Ranma, don't leave me. Not again...."

"Where in the hell would I...."

***

In a panic, he opened his eyes, yet he still couldn't even 
tell what was what. It all had some kind of upside-down feel 
to it all, and spinning round and around.

"Thank the gods," said somebody.

Wasn't that Doc Tofu's voice?

It took a moment to figure it all out - he'd been here 
before, after all.

Doctor Tofu's clinic.... And he was in bed, with a cold cloth 
over his forehead.

He felt sweat all over, and a horrible lethargy in his 
joints.

And the scar was violently throbbing like something wanted to 
rip out of his chest.

Pain began to settle in his head and throat.

"Thank the heavens," said Doctor Tofu. "Ranma, can you 
understand me?"

"Yeah...." Ranma closed his eyes - the light was pretty damn 
painful.

"You've been out for quite some time. Fourteen hours," said 
Tofu.

Fourteen hours? That was a long time, wasn't it? Not more 
than a day though, but still a great deal of time to be 
asleep....

"You worried us all. We were afraid...." Doctor Tofu paused. 
"You might not make it." The doc's voice sounded stretched, 
as though what he had said had to be wrestled out without 
delay. He reached over, and squeezed Ranma's shoulder. 
"You're strong, Ranma. And you never give up." There was 
pride in the doc's voice.

Might not make it. That was just another way of saying almost 
died.

Death....

That dream....

"Rest for now," said Doctor Tofu. "And drink lots, since 
you've lost a lot of fluids. That's best for now." He stood. 
"Missus Urameshi said she'd be coming by tomorrow morning to 
see if you're all right to go home." Doctor Tofu then left 
Ranma alone.

Urameshi? Who the hell was... that?

She's... the one who took you in... remember? She's the wife 
of the man who took you away from the hospital, after the... 
the death... of everyo.... After the death of Nerima.

"I forgot.... Oh my god, I forgot," said Ranma, whispering, 
slowly. He lay still, his mind wondering how he could do such 
a thing. "What... what the hell is happening?" he asked. "How 
could I forget?"

You went somewhere else, that's why.

Those were unsaid words of a feeling inside him.

Somewhere where remembering pain didn't have to cause you 
pain.

Where the hell did he go, then?

You went somewhere else, and you know where it was. Because 
there....

"I'm not dead," said Ranma, suddenly, defiantly.

There, you didn't have to be afraid.

"I'm not...."

There....

"I'm...."

You could be fr....

"I'm not dead!" he shouted, barking out his denial.

Then why are you... here?

Ranma couldn't answer.

"I'm not dead," he whispered.

"I'm not...."

"Not...."

"Dead."

***



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