finally getting to this:

 hkmiller@theeddy.com wrote:

It should be noted I only saw up to ep 9 or so, and only a couple
intermittent episodes after that. It didn't grab me all that great, and
there are other things I've been more in the mood to watch.

- - - - - - - - - -
The old man slumped against the dank stone wall, the chains on his
wrists holding him upright.  A thin man, medium height, with a
full, bushy beard, his face was marred by the bruises surrounding
his left eye.  His naked chest was a mass of bruises and cuts.

Hmm. As an opening hook, this should catch my attention, but really doesn't
for some odd reason. The first setence especially feels limp.

The pain fooled you, Boris Sarkhovsky thought.  The throbbing ache
he now felt constantly seemed as bad as it could get, only to be
proven wrong by the white-hot, searing agony each time the barbed
whip struck.  His eyes cleared momentarily, and he saw a thin, red
stream of blood on the floor, flowing out through an ancient
stone drain.

This, I think is better. It grabs my attention.

"You WILL tell me, old man, now or later!"

Old Man: Later, then. How about around 9:30?

Torturer: No, that's when I take my daughter out to the water park. How
about 9:00?

Old Man: Sure, I'll be hanging around. Old prison humor there, by the way.

Boris could no longer see his tormentor clearly, in the dim light
filtering into this dungeon from somewhere above, but he could
still hear the oily hate

'oily' might not be the best adjective to go with 'hate' and you're probably
better of with 'hatred'

 in that voice.  The owner of that voice

was furious that anyone else had the gall to go on living without
his leave.  "How long will you hold out when we begin smashing
your granddaughters' faces with a sledge hammer?  The last thing
their eyes see in this world will be your obstinate refusal to
save them."

Old Man: Good. I never liked the buggers anyway. Just a couple of little
pests my worthless son foisted off on me. Kill them and you'll only make me
laugh.

- - - - - - - - - -
Kirika Yuumura woke to the sound of gunshots.

And yawned. It seemed as though she'd get a chance to kill someone today. It
was always a good day, killing someone, and she did it more often than not.

so they'd been forced to camp when Mireille proved too exhausted
to drive farther.  Kirika saw no sign that any human had visited
this small clearing in many years.  Mireille had her gun, Kirika
noted with relief,

Why? I'm sure Kirika could kill a few mesely gunmen with some tree bark or a
blade of grass is she had to. :P

Kirika's eyes widened.  It was a small clearing, with a deep,
wooded ravine on her right, more forest on the far side and to her
left.  A Toyota Land Cruiser sat on a dirt track, just inside the
woods to her left.  Five men in dark suits stood in the clearing,
two keeping watch while the others the

others did the

 >

Unfortunately, Kirika's gun clicked on an empty chamber for the
fifth and last man.  But the gun had good balance by its feel;
Kirika flipped it around, without looking, so that she held it by
the barrel, and threw.

The sad thing is, she could do this.

The two girls were of an age, and dressed similarly, but
obviously not related.  One was oriental and dark-skinned,
probably from South-East Asia, and a few inches the shorter of
the two.

awkward. 'and the shorter of the two by a few inches' parses better.

The Indian-looking girl suppressed a giggle as she threw a glance
at Kirika, earning her an elbow to the ribs from her frowning
companion.  Ignoring this, the Indian girl asked, "Do you two
always rescue damsels in distress while dressed like that?
Doesn't it get cold?"

Yes, a very odd duo.

Kirika looked down at herself blankly, then up at Mireille.  Both
were still dressed in exactly what they'd worn to sleep the night
before:  Kirika in nothing but shiny gold briefs (part of the
ceremonial outfit she'd donned yesterday), plus the bandage over
her stomach.  Mireille wore only a black bra and panties, plus
bandages wrapped around her right thigh and right upper arm.

Must have been quite the show.

"There's more men at the hideout!  At least another ten or
twelve!"

"And he's got Grandfather!  You've got to rescue him before they
get the secret information out of him!"

Uh, huh. Definitely a pair.

No sign of the lookouts; Kirika circled around, crossing the dirt

track and starting back on the other side.  After going just a
short way, she noticed that she could glimpse Mireille's Range
Rover through the trees, still exactly where they'd parked it last
night after leaving the Manor, too exhausted to go on.  The
lookouts would definitely have noticed that,

Only if they had stumbled on it.

  >

As soon as she heard her landing point's neck snap, she went
limp again, falling atop the man so his body would cushion her
fall and she wouldn't break or sprain an ankle.

Yep, that's Kirika

Mireille's eyes and mouth rounded in astonishment for a moment,
then she rolled her eyes heavenward.  "You think it's now our JOB
to risk our lives protecting the peace of ten-year-old girls,

And thus we have a title. :)

  "Idiot!  Don't you EVER do that to me again!  Kirika...
  I was so miserable with you gone.  I hated living.  Please,
  don't ever leave me again!  I need you!"

Ah ha, time for a lesbian lovefest.

  "Kirika and Chloe, should you survive, you may want to know
  that those are your real given names.

That's a touch silly. Why wipe out a person's past while maintianing a link
to it? It defeats the purpose.

"We both have many enemies, survivors of those we have killed.  We
have to stay in practice, face real danger, in case they come
after us.  Why not this?"

No intelligence on the opposition. No knowledge of their goals. No idea of
what's really going on.

"How do champions of justice like you guys get to be so good
with guns and knives and things?  Can you teach us?  That would
be so cool!"  Aditi mimed shooting an imaginary gun.  "Blam,
blam!"

"Can we help you beat up the bad guys?  We've had judo lessons."

Mireille and Kirika froze, horrified.  "NO!" they expostulated
in unison.

Kirika shouted? She doesn't shout when she gets shot. you should leave it as
just Mirelle shouting.

"Alone against the underworld, you travel the world, beating up

bad guys, protecting the innocent, stealing from the rich and
giving to the poor, forsaking romance, relying only on each other
and your faithful apprentices, Tati and Aditi!" Tati pronounced
proudly, darting behind a tree to fire imaginary bullets at
Aditi, who fired back from beneath a bush.

Kirika needs to put a round into the tree next to Tati's head anf give her a
few splinters. That might hammer things home.

"You've got to be kidding," Mireille said loudly and peremptorily.
"Do we look like lesbians?"

Tati: Yeah, you're the butch one. The Asian girl looks like she's your
bitch.

To the depths of hell's fire, their black souls lure the lost

children," Kirika murmured, watching them.

Mireille closed her eyes momentarily, in the midst of cleaning
her gun.  "Another part of the oath?" she asked wearily.

"Ummn.  Altena said we would be a lure to lost children.  I
wonder if this is what she meant."

Or she just knew these guys were operating in the area and fed her 'Noir'
this intel to make them jump at her command, even if she was dead. ^_^

"Damn it!  How did they get loose?  We can't afford to go back
and tie them up more securely; we're too close!"

Kirika: Shooting them in the kneecap will keep them in their place.

Neither girl moved.  Instead, both grinned, ready for action.
Kirika sighed, but couldn't think of anything else to try.

I'm surprised they're willing to allow unknowns to have guns at their backs.

In the time it took Kirika to return to the door of room, the
girls had actually managed to wound one assailant, but the other
four had closed the distance substantially.  None were firing back
at the girls, Kirika noted, but as soon as their attackers caught
site

sight

Laxalt stopped abruptly.  "Does she now?  I think you're lying,
but it's simple enough to check.  We'll take the three of you
down to see him."

And it's a good things he's a stupid psychotic, as most would at least break
Kirika's fingers to make sure she stays out of mischief. He knows he's not
going to be keeping her around.

Kirika peered around her shoulder.  "Umm... isn't that the church
three blocks from our apartment, in Paris?"

Hmm. What a coincidence. :)

"what

What

Nice fic. For some odd reason, I had too copies in the same thing, though.

DB Sommer



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