-------------
Free XP

- Cute. Apparently the "D&D player doesn't know what a gazebo really is"
plot has been done a lot before, but I've never heard it before, so it's new
on me. 

----------------

The Observed

	Yomi looked about her at the trees whose leaves were the deep green 
color associated with spring.  The day was a nice one, certainly.  The 
sun shown brightly down through the few white

- The sun shone, not shown.

fluffy clouds in the sky, the breeze was a nice and cool one;

- Hmm...it's up to you, of course, but I'd have written it "The breeze was
nice and cool" or "The breeze was pleasantly cool". The word one trips me
up, for some reason. But the way you did it is in no way incorrect.

	"It bothers me."  Yomi said.  She sighed and opened her bento...for 
some reason she wasn't feeling too hungry anymore.
Taking a bite, Yomi noticed Sakaki had shifted her focus to her, and 
was staring intently.  "I guess..." she continued, "I mean...all 
kidding and Tomo-isms aside, we're pretty damn hot.
Probably the hottest girls in school.  I'd even go so far as to say 
you're even better looking than me."

- As someone has already mentioned, Yomi has gone a little out of character.
She doesn't think that she is hot; she thinks that she is overweight. And I
don't think that she likes others to know that she's concerned with her
appearance, so I don't think she'd call herself and her circle of friends
hot.

	"Well, I suppose if all else fails, we could go lesbian." 
Yomi deadpanned.  

- This sounds more like a line that Tomo would say, with a skewed impression
of what lesbian means. 

---------

The Observer

	Then the lapin, after getting so close as to nearly take

- Interesting use of the french language. 

Afterwards:  Oh...I think he's dead, Jim. ^_^ And to think, I still 
have two more of these short stories to write.  It was a really odd 
dream (maybe I shouldn't watch the "Knights of the Dinner Table" flash 
toons before I go to bed ^_^). I would like to thank Justin Carr and 
LarryF for their excellent proofreading, and Benjamin Oliver for 
convincing me to expand a bit on the first story.  If you have 
comments, concerns, or even a burning flame, don't be shy, just send it 
on over to kthardin@tenchifanart.com

- Your writing is good, but I'm not sure what else I can say about these
stories. I liked the first one the best, anyway, and you used an interesting
technique for the latter two (having them overlap, and giving different
information on each side). 




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