hkmiller wrote:

Course

Heh.  Well, I laughed.

That's what I was hoping for.

DB Sommer wrote:

Osaka continued looking meaningfully at Chiyo. "But she's miniature, so

that

would give her an unfair advantage."

Heh.  I like Osaka's logic here; seems very IC to me, as well as funny.

Thanks. Her mind does work in... unorthadox ways, as Chiyo pointed out once.

Osaka suddenly appeared. She was wearing plaid pants, a fuchsia and pink
sweater, a yellow cap with a purple tassel on top, and a bore a small cup

in

her hand.

Heh again.

As I mentioned to Lurk, I've seen golfwear close to this.

Osaka said, "It was too close. I have to hit the ball in on the fourth
stroke. It says so on the scorecard."

And Heh a third time.

It's all in the way you look at it.

Sakaki looked at the cat, then blushed even more. "Ah, I'd rather stay

and

keep trying. You guys can play in front of me. I don't mind going last.

I'll

catch up to you later."

While I can certainly see Sakaki doing this, I didn't think this bit was
a funny
as it would have been with a different outcome.  (I was expecting the
mechanical
cat to actually bit Sakaki somehow, possibly by means of mechanical
malfunction.)
At any rate, should you be inclined to revise, I might start with this
section, as I
thought it the weakest.

If something comes to me, I'll look it over again, but right now I'm drawing
a blank.

"You can do it, Chiyo!" Yomi, Kagura, and Osaka urged. Sakaki had

remained

behind, continuing to hit the ball at the previous hole,

Every miniature golf course I'VE ever been on, Sakaki couldn't (perhaps
one reason I
had a bit of trouble swallowing that outcome), as other parties would be
coming up
behind the girls to play that hole.

Assume it's a slow day or Sakaki let them play through as well.

Kagura was about to suggest they get some juice from one of the nearby
vending machines when Tomo shouted out, "Yes! I won!"

The predictable golf joke about the novice...

Didn't know it was, but then I don't know golf humor.

"But Osaka made par each time."

"Osaka came in last."

Heh.  I like it that Osaka's that good at the game.

Thanks. I thought it would be a neat twist. She's not exactly physically
inclined.

Yukari hesitated a second. "Actually, there is no good news. I just

wanted

to give you the illusion of hope for one brief, shining moment."

Heh.  Good bit of dialog for Yukari.

That was probably the best line in the whole thing. Yukari is fun to write.

[End notes] And here endth the fic. Like I said, not one of my stronger
efforts, but there's so little Azumanga fanfiction out there, I didn't

think

a weaker one would hurt it.

Not at all, and not all parts were weak at all.  I think if you took the
first half
or so, and expanded on Osaka (who seemed funniest to me in this fic), you
might have your funniest Azufanfic yet.

Thanks for reading.

And to you for writing.

And to you for C+Cing.

DB Sommer

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