As always, thanks for taking the time to comment!
Most of your replacement suggestions i've taken.

Michael A Chase wrote:

On 04/21/2004 05:07 AM, hkmiller said:

Contains spoilers for the entire series, mild shoujo-ai, lime 
content, and VERY dark content.

What? No more depraved violence?

Heh.  Well, I thought that line was less descriptive.  Another of my 
pre-readers
thought the whole story was just plain dark, too much so, so I changed the
warning accordingly.

"BOR-ING!" Aditi declared.  "We need a real case."  The Indian girl, 
sitting next to Tati, promptly moved on to the next story. "What does
'un tueur en serie possible' mean?"

The first news article is a nice addition.

Thanks!

Outside, Aditi grinned and began to stride down the street, turning 
her head from side to side.  If she were a terrorist group, where 
would she hide in Bordeaux?  What other kinds of cases would Kirika 
and Mireille let them help with?  Bank robbers? Spies?  That serial 
killer?  Where should she look?

Behind her?

She had just passed the mouth of an alleyway when she heard a faint 
scraping sound close behind her.

Talk about instant validation.

Heh.  One pre-reader commented that I didn't have enough humor in that
version, so I added this bit.

Gafori smiled in delight.  "Ah!  Now there you touch upon one of my 
core principles, as it were:  eliminate possible threats early, even 
unlikely ones.  She might have been here in Bordeaux to finish the 
job on me, for all I knew.  Much the same reason I picked the 
delightful Ms. Merril up," Gafori continued, gesturing at Charlotte 
with a thumb.  "A tattly little article in one of the trashier 
tabloids claimed that she helped the police find my immediate 
predecessor in the business of widespread feminine disappearances, by
means mysterious and supra-mundane.  My {curiousity : curiosity} 
aroused, I investigated, and found her just comely enough to warrant 
extending an invitation to enjoy my hospitality."

So she is a, possibly psychic, police consultant.  Or someone with the
same name is.

She is, but not reliably so. She doesn't like broadcasting the fact
for that reason, as well as the "oh.  one of THEM" treatment she'd get from
most people, and the attention she'd get from the crazies.

Charlotte lifted her head abruptly.  "WHAT!?  Was it 'les mains 
noires protegent la paix des nouveaux-nes'?"

Keeping the phrase in Medieval French is a good idea.  I think I saw at
least part of it written in the anime.

Yep.  On the manuscript copy, not to mention on the cover of all
the DVD cases.

"Incredible.  A group still engaging in religious practices based on 
the Langonel manuscript.  What an incredible find!" Charlotte's eyes 
gleamed, but she bided her time rather than{

:}asking questions of the two women right away.  Villagers practicing
archaic religious forms, in her experience, did not respond well to 
questions from complete strangers.

Most would kill and eat you.  This pair would only kill you.  I wonder
what Charlotte would have made of the shrine at the edge of the Soldat's
village and the village church if she's come upon them before the
village was destroyed.

We might find out some day, but not for the next several stories, i think.

"Ummn."  Kirika sniffed, recovering.  "Well, you have to hold the 
letter opener horizontally.  The best way is to slide it into the 
heart from the back, between the ribs, with one quick push.  The hard
part is missing the ribs.  If he's sitting with his back on a solid 
chair, or wearing a bulky jacket so that you can't see his ribs, that
won't work.  In that case you have to either cut his spinal cord in 
the back of his neck, or cut the carotid artery in his throat."

Romance tips from Kirika: the shortest way to a man's heart is between
the ribs.

Heh.

Mireille rolled her eyes.  Great; an obsessed scholar.  "We have to 
get out of here first.  Then... we'll talk about it."

I'm sure Charlotte won't forget to ask.  The girls should learn more
about it too since they are now thoroughly enmeshed in it.

The girls will; probably more than M & K will feel comfortable
volunteering to Charlotte.

She flipped herself over so that she was sitting on Mireille's chest,
then reached forward and untied the knots around her{

:}ankles.  She briefly examined the cuffs around Mireille's wrists, 
but it was clear that, without the key or a lockpick, nothing was 
going to be done about them.

The need to get back to the Land Cruiser to clean it out and retrieve
the stuff Altena left them.  Then they will want to dispose of it.  They
probably also left fingerprints all over the dungeon, so they'll want 
to burn down the house.

Steps I'll probably gloss over, between stories.

Again, thanks for the comments!





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