I Was a Teenage Dummy Plug
Part 8: Ritsuko Blinded Me With Science
A Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic by Logan J. Goodhue
*** Disclaimer***
Neon Genesis Evangelion is � and � GAiNAX, et al.
This story is for nonprofit entertainment only.
First Version, 01AUG2003; Current version 06OCT2003

Ritsuko Blinded Me With Science

	Sunday dawned beautifully, and I was awake to appreciate it. After taking 
care of my morning routine and preparing a vegetarian breakfast for Rei and 
myself, I made my way to the geofront. The walk was pleasant. The sound of 
birds chirping, along with the cicadas, provided a relaxing counterpoint to 
the usual hustle and bustle of a major city. A gentle breeze kept the 
omnipresent summer weather from being too uncomfortable. It was a shame that 
I was going to spend such a lovely day deep underground.

	'Oh, well,' I thought, looking at my pale skin. 'At least I won't get a 
sunburn . . .' With that and a quick swipe of my ID card through the reader, 
I entered the geofront.

	Scant minutes later, I found myself in front of Doctor Akagi's door. I 
knocked, and hearing her response, I entered her office. As I had expected, 
file folders littered the desk next to a MAGI terminal. The good doctor 
herself was turned away from me in her chair and seemed to be talking to 
someone on the phone. Not wanting to interrupt her any further, I turned my 
attention to the framed diplomas on the walls. I was impressed to discover 
that she had multiple doctorates: Medical, Biochemistry, Genetics, and 
Computer Sciences. Looking closer as she chattered on, my respect for her 
grew as I realized that three of her doctorates had the same date on them. 
Eventually, her conversation wound down and she turned to face me.

	"Good morning, Emi-chan!" she said with a sly grin. "Are you ready for 
today's tests?"

	"Well, Ritsy-poo," I said, trying to put on a Kaji-like lady-killer smile, 
"not particularly, but I guess I'll manage somehow."

	"That's good," she said, her left eyebrow twitching dangerously. She stood 
stiffly and grabbed a clipboard. She took a calming breath and continued, 
"Why 'Ritsy-poo?'"

	I gave her a slightly hooded glance. "It's retaliation for 'Emi-chan,'" I 
replied as we began walking towards a medical examination room. Noting her 
quizzical glance, I continued. "You and the commanders are the only people 
who know everything about my . . . 'situation,' right?"

	She nodded. "Right," she said. We reached the examination room, and I 
hopped up on the paper covered exam table. Ritsuko turned to the small sink 
in one corner and quickly washed her hands. "Again, I ask, 'Why?' You've 
been called 'Emi-chan' by quite a few other people, I presume." She pulled 
an otoscope from a rack and screwed a disposable cap over its business end.

	"Yes," I said, "but they aren't emphasizing it as much as you are." I sat 
still as she inserted the device into my ears and wrote down whatever 
observations she had made. "After all, they aren't teasing a man trapped in 
a teenage girl's body. They're simply being polite to a teenage girl." I 
paused as she traded the otoscope for a penlight, and let a grin split my 
face. "Ritsy-poo."

	She frowned slightly before she shone the light in my eyes to examine my 
retinas. "From our previous conversations, I'd come to the conclusion that 
you had a sense of humor. Say 'ahh,' please." I complied. She put her light 
away and jotted on her clipboard once again.

	"My having a sense of humor," I said as she prepared a stethoscope, 
"doesn't mean I like people being condescending to me, Doctor Ritsy-poo."

	"Duly noted," the erstwhile blonde said. "Take off your shirt, please." Her 
frown disappeared and was replaced by a smug smirk when she saw what I was 
wearing underneath. "I wouldn't have figured you would wear pink lace, 
Emi-chan."

	"Rei took my last clean plain one, okay?" I snapped testily, blushing 
crimson. I sat through the rest of the exam fuming silently. Ritsuko was 
quick and professional, but I couldn't help but shiver as she moved her 
hands gently around me. I ruthlessly squashed the nascent doctor fantasy and 
gulped a little.

	"Shinji acted the same way during his first exam, you know," she said, 
amusement evident in her voice.

	"I don't blame him," I muttered as I buttoned up my Tigers jersey and 
followed Ritsuko out the door. "You are an attractive woman, after all." I 
smiled up at her as we walked down the corridors.

	"Thanks for noticing," Ritsuko said, fidgeting slightly. "I appreciate the 
compliment, but it's disconcerting to hear it from . . . "

	"A girl young enough to be your daughter?" I finished for her. I looked 
around a bit, and realized that I wasn't sure where we were. "So, Doc, where 
are we headed now?"

	"Well, we're going to put you in the simulators while I take care of an 
exam for Asuka." She checked her clipboard and smiled at a note on it. "We 
just received the data necessary to sim Unit Three, and Lieutenant Ibuki's 
been setting up a simulator body for you."

	I felt the wind go out of my sails. "So," I said in a small voice, "that 
means that Unit Three's arriving soon, then?"

	"Yes," she said simply. "It arrives on Friday at 1500 hours, aboard the . . 
." She rechecked her clipboard. "USS Rainbow Connection."

	"Why are there so many songs about rainbows, anyway?" I mused to myself in 
English.

	"Excuse me?"

	I paused before the locker room door and looked up into surprisingly 
expressive dark brown eyes. I shook my head gently and replied, "Don't worry 
about it, I was just thinking aloud about the current naming scheme the US 
has for its aircraft carriers."

	"Yes, well," Ritsuko flustered. "Just suit up, and Maya will bring you to 
the simulators when you're done." With that, she turned and left.

	I spent the next few hours soaking in LCL and playing with the induction 
mode, while Maya, and eventually, Ritsuko, played around with various 
technical things that were beyond my experience. Eventually, Asuka joined me 
in the simulators, and we ran some sorties against computer generated 
"Angels." After destroying Gamera and Ultraman Tiga for the fifth time, we 
broke for lunch.

	I sat across from Asuka and watched with some longing as she tore into a 
double cheeseburger. Not being able to eat meat was getting to be annoying. 
I sighed quietly and poked around in my salad. My ruminations, both mental 
and culinary, were interrupted as Asuka spoke.

	"You did pretty well today, Blue," she said smiling. "Not as well as 
myself, of course, but not bad." She rubbed absently at a bandage on her 
upper arm.

	"Give me a couple weeks with Unit Three," I said, "and I'll catch up. So, 
what's with the bandage?"

	"Hm? This?" Asuka frowned. "Doctor Frankenstein pulled a Dracula 
impression. She said she needed a blood sample." She shuddered. "That wasn't 
a needle; that was a tunnel borer."

	"Man, that must have been rough," I murmured in sympathy. "So how was 
today's sim session compared to what we usually do?"

	"It was kind of weird, actually," Asuka said with a thoughtful look on her 
face. "My interface kept cycling through different languages at random. Why 
do we even have interface programs in Latin and Hebrew, anyway?"

	I was about to suggest that maybe another Child might speak them when 
Doctor Akagi walked up to our table. "I hate to interrupt your lunch, Emi," 
she said, placing her hand on my shoulder, "but I need you for some more 
tests." She smiled over at my companion. "We're all done with you today, 
Asuka, I'll call Misato to take you home." The redhead grunted in assent as 
she finished up her meal, and Ritsuko led me towards one of the many 
elevators.

	We traveled in an awkward silence. Ritsuko read a thick stack of printouts, 
and I walked beside her trying to come up with something to say. Finally, I 
just started to hum "Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel" under my breath.

	After I cycled through "Angel Eyes," "Earth Angel," and "You're an Angel," 
we arrived in familiar territory: the bizarre double-helix elevator that led 
to, among other things, the Dummy Plug System. I watched passively as the 
bands of light surrounding the elevator platform flashed by in an almost 
hypnotic pattern. Finally, I decided that I'd had enough.

	"So, Doc," I began, "what are we going to do in the Reiquarium today?"

	Ritsuko turned her head towards me and raised an eyebrow. "Reiquarium?"

	"You know, the big tank full of LCL and my little sisters?"

	"Well, that's an interesting way of putting it." She frowned down at her 
clipboard and looked at me levelly. "We're going to see if we can separate 
you from the main Dummy Plug System and create an . . . 'Emiquarium,' if you 
will."

	I stopped suddenly as Ritsuko continued down the hallway. "What?" I asked 
in disbelief. I took a few breaths and hurried to catch up with her. "Why 
would you need another Dummy Plug system? Isn't the main one enough?"

	"The Commander's orders," she snapped.

	I groaned. "Oh, great, the Bastard King shoehorns me into his scenario 
again. What, killing me once isn't enough for him?" Ritsuko glared at me for 
a moment, and then swiped a security card though a reader and brought me 
down another corridor.

	Soon, we arrived at a smaller version of the Reiquarium. A single, naked 
Rei clone floated limply in a tank that looked like it could hold five or 
six, and a tube that reached from the floor to a large, brain-like mass of 
electronics dominated the center of the room.

	All business, Ritsuko strode to a terminal and opened the tube. She quickly 
made it apparent that I was to strip and enter the tube. I sighed and 
complied, but not before making a parting shot.

	"Doc," I said before the tube closed and filled with LCL. "Please make sure 
Gendo doesn't watch me when we do this sort of thing, okay?" I smiled softly 
as I heard her assent. The LCL covered my head, and I noticed a slight 
medicinal tinge to its aroma before I lost consciousness.

	I regained awareness as a distant floating sensation dissipated into a new 
scene. I was sitting on vinyl, and a slight vibration made its way up my 
spine. My blurred vision began to coalesce as I realized I was wearing my 
glasses. I blinked and discovered that I was on a shuttle-type bus. I also 
had company.

	I smiled at the two children in front of me. A little boy wearing clothes 
reminiscent of the early eighties and a battered Red Sox cap sat holding the 
hand of a blue-haired little girl in an adorable pink dress. The boy's head 
was down and his eyes were hidden beneath the bill of his cap, while the 
girl's crimson gaze was unwavering. I immediately decided to call the boy 
"Mini-Me" and the girl "Chibi-Rei." I looked down at myself, and found that 
I had returned to my original, male state.

	Chibi-Rei spoke first. "I am you," she said, and indicated Mini-Me, "as he 
is also you."

	I nodded and replied, "Of course. He is my inner child, or the 'me' that is 
perceived by me, and you are my Anima, or the feminine parts of my 
personality."

	"Untrue," Mini-Me replied. "She is also the 'you' that is perceived by you. 
Like it or not, our shell of flesh shapes our perceptions."

	A flash of memory, and I found myself standing before Doctor Naoko Akagi 
near Central Dogma. I was about to fulfill the orders the Commander had 
given me.

	"What are you doing here, Rei?" she asked gently.

	"I am lost," I replied in the monotone that the Commander liked.

	"Oh, I see." She punched a few keys on the terminals and the MAGI went into 
standby. "Well," she said, standing up and reaching a hand down to me, "do 
you want to come with me, then?" I wanted to respond to her kindness, but 
the Commander had told me to be cruel.

	"It is all right," I said. "I can manage."

	"But you can't go back by yourself, can you?" By now, she was kneeling in 
front of me and looking me in the eye with concern.

	"It is none of your business," I said with venom dripping from every word. 
"Old hag."

	"What?" she gasped in shock.

	"I can get back by myself," I stated. "Leave me alone. Old hag."

	Naoko's left eyebrow began to twitch. "You shouldn't call people 'Old 
Hag.'"

	"But aren't you an old hag?" I asked with false innocence. The Commander 
had been adamant. I was to keep calling her "Old Hag" until he said 
otherwise.

	"You're making me angry, Rei," she gritted from between her teeth. "I'll 
have to tell Commander Ikari to scold you."

	"But that's what the Commander calls you." I said calmly. "'The old hag is 
useless.'" Naoko gasped in shock and began to get visibly angrier as I 
continued. "'The old hag is stubborn. The old hag is becoming bothersome. 
The old hag is in my way. The old hag has outlived her usefulness.' This is 
what the Commander says about you."

	"Why, you . . . " she seethed, reached out her slender, graceful, and 
surprisingly strong hands around my neck, and squeezed. I heard a crack, and 
everything went black.

	Back on the bus, I raised my head from my hands and looked in shock at my 
traveling companions. "Th-that wasn't one of my memories!"

	"And yet, you remember it, do you not?" Chibi-Rei asked.

	"You are not only shaped by your experiences," Mini-Me stated. "You are 
pulled around by your senses and the biochemical stew in your body. Nature 
versus nurture."

	"In our case," Chibi-Rei continued, "you are not just shaped by the 
experiences you call your own, but also those belonging to Ayanami Rei 
before our awakening in the Reiquarium." She shimmered briefly, and her 
clothes had changed to a feminine equivalent of Mini-Me's.

	A new voice interrupted before Mini-Me could comment. "They do go on, don't 
they?"

	I turned to face the newcomer. He was an older man with a careworn 
appearance. A kindly smile graced a face that was etched with years of 
suffering and joy. However, the main things that drew my attention were the 
halo and wings sticking out of his rumpled, 1940's era suit. I blinked a 
bit, and smiled myself in recognition.

	"Hello, Clarence," I said gently. "Congratulations on the Bailey case."

	"Thank you," he replied and sat down next to me. "I suppose you'd like to 
know why I'm here?"

	"Well, yes," I said, raising an eyebrow. "I doubt you're here to show me 
that it's a wonderful life, since I wasn't actively suicidal or anything."

	"No, I've come to take you somewhere," he said and pointed to my 
companions. "Now why don't you pull yourself together? This sort of 
Freudo-Jungian stuff is more suited to that poor Ikari kid."

	Somehow knowing what to do, I walked across the aisle and took my 
personality fragments into a hug. There was a flash of light, and suddenly I 
was in female guise once more.

	Clarence reached out a hand to me. "Are you ready, Gabriel?" he asked. I 
nodded, and the scene shifted again. I looked around the familiar 
featureless plain and spotted two figures standing nearby. One was a pale 
girl dressed all in black and silver. The other was . . .

	"Dad!" I exclaimed and rushed over to him. I threw my arms around him in a 
hug. "Oh, God! I've missed you so much!" I was so glad to see him that I'd 
forgotten about my change in appearance. The girl looked at me sadly and 
fingered a sliver ankh as my father pushed me back to get a better look.

	"Son?" he asked in confusion. "Is that you?"

	I blushed furiously. "Um, yeah. It's a long story, Dad."

	:: I hate to rush a family scene like this, :: the girl "said," :: but we 
really must be going, Mister G. ::

	"Right," he said sadly. "Son, I want you to remember that I love you, no 
matter what happens. When you find your mother, remember that she loves you, 
too. I - I have to go." Tears filled both of our eyes, and he walked over to 
the girl. "I'm ready."

	:: Okay, one appointment with Saint Peter, coming up! :: She winked at me. 
:: See you soon, Gabriel. ::

	Sudden understanding flooded me. I raised my hand and waved at them. 
"Goodbye, Dad. I love you! Goodbye, Azrael. I hope I don't have to fight 
you." They disappeared up a pearly escalator, and I turned towards Clarence. 
"What now?" I asked.

	"Now," he said, fidgeting slightly, "I bring you back." With that 
everything went black yet again.

	I muzzily opened my eyes and found myself floating in the LCL tube. A 
slight pulling sensation brought my feet into contact with the floor, and 
the LCL drained out. I shakily stepped out and was shocked at what I saw.

	Gendo Ikari stood there, cleaning a pistol over a rapidly cooling body. The 
nude teenager's red eyes had glazed over and her blue hair was matted in the 
pool of blood spreading from the back of her head. The small entrance wound 
in her forehead belied the gore spattered behind her.

	Gendo gave me a cold, reptilian glare and turned to a shaken Ritsuko Akagi. 
"The secondary Dummy Plug system is a provisional success. Good work." With 
that, he turned sharply on his heel and walked out the door.

	The day had been too much for me, so I fainted.

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