Sorry for the delay:

David McMillan wrote:

 > Not a good time in my life at the moment, but I got to move forward,
 > so here
 > goes.

    Sorry to hear that, DB.  Hope things get better.

The worst of it is over for now.

Used most of your grammar suggestions.

 > During the two weeks, every member of the two families visited the
 > hospital,
 > and in the cases of Akane, Kasumi, Nodoka, and Soun nearly every day

with

 > the patients. Or tried to in Kachiko's case since she refused any
 > company.

    Use of "case" twice in close succession.

will change

 > would give a terse, 'It's nothing,' and wouldn't let the matter go any
 > further. Due to his injured state, Akane didn't press the issue, but

his

 > unwillingness to confide frustrated her. He had always been there for

her

 > when she needed help, now why wouldn't he let her do the same for him?

    Nodoka:  "Because that wouldn't be Manly!"
    Akane:  "Grrr.  Let me get some cold water..."

Heh

 > banner that said, "Welcome Home!" in bright red letters. "Yeah, I'll be
 > going home," she intoned mournfully, looking even more depressed than
 > before.

    You know, it's a good thing she doesn't know the Shishi Hokodan.
    Ryoga:  "Kachiko, truly you are the grand master of depression!  Take
me as your student!"

At least she has good reason to. Being shown that your life is doomed (from
your perspective) and that you can do nothing to change it even though you
know how has to be torture.

 >
 > "I said, it's wonderful having you back," Akane repeated louder and in

a

 > more forceful tone.

    Tranlastion:  "Read my mind, you baka!  Can't you see how worried I

was

about you?  Don't you APPRECIATE that?"

Heh. No one likes their concern to be casually discarded.

 > and went out of her way to welcome him with open arms, and how did he
 > react?

    Yeah, HUGE amount of concern.  She was practically ramming it down his
throat.

Akane; You have to. Ranma tends to ignore even obvious things.

 > By casually ignoring her, as though she hadn't existed. Instead he was
 > running around, mooning over Kachiko and her stupid mood swings even
 > after
 > barely seeing Akane for the better part of two weeks. Apparently he
 > didn't
 > have the time to acknowledge his ex-fiancee's existence.

    Akane Perception Filter:  Full On!

well, things haven't been going well for her of late, and this is seemingly
just a continuation of them.

 > out what had happened to her, had been rebuffed. No matter how hard he
 > tried, it was always the same. Even turning on his considerable charm,
 > which
 > had always worked before the horrible events of that night, was

    <choke>

Well, he does have a high opinion of himself.

 > terrifying. He
 > would break the bastard's neck the next time he saw him for what he

did.

 > Whatever it was.

    <snerk>

>From her perspective it is a logical conclusion.

 > bastard's attempt to mess up the date? Of course Tarou would panic

 > knowing
 > Kachiko was dating Ranma, which would ruin his insidious plans to woo

    It seems impossible that someone could be so concerned for someone
else, and yet so self-centered, at the same time.  And yet it really
does happen.
    Of course, in the R.5-verse, it takes on new proportions...

Heh. That's part of what makes it so much fun.

 > him what had happened. When she learned his concern stemmed from her
 > 'heart
 > condition' she revealed to him that she had simply not been hooked up
 > to the
 > monitor, and that she was in no danger of dying from a heart attack.

    Which is true.  She was just temporally displaced.

Yep. Not that she's elaborated that to anyone.

 > Ranma had been trying to get her to open up and allow him to help her
 > recover, it was the least he owed her, but it was like trying to run

    But trying to help her in order to assuage your own guilt is the
*wrong* way to approach the problem.

I don't know. Sometimes it works.

 > nothing she could do to change it. The two attacks she had suffered in
 > the
 > hospital had  been more painful and lasted longer. Instinctively she

    Yep.  Called it.  Not that it wasn't obvious.

I had been telegraphing it for a while. I didn't want it to surprise anyone
when this comes.

 > hesitation in her voice. "Hey, there, nice to have you back." She
 > stopped,
 > leaving an obvious opening for Kachiko to respond so they could start
 > a conversation.

    It's weird seeing Nabs so... lost, but the way it's handled is very
much in-character for her.

This sort of thing is new to her.

 > So I just wanted to let you know I'm glad you're here and everything
 > turned
 > out okay and I apologize for trying to kill you with that cursed
 > hourglass.
 > Heck, I'd even be proud if you were my mom, though don't expect me to
 > start
 > calling you that. I'm not Kasumi."

    I can just hear her saying this.  All in a quick rush before the words
jam in her mouth...

Just not used to talking like that. :)

 > The warmth from Nabiki's approval made Kachiko all the more bitter. She
 > decided to go downstairs and find someone that would make her feel
 > uncomfortable with being here. Something to make the inevitable

departure

 > seem a like blessing in disguise, or at least less painful.

    And I can just SEE how this is going to go...

Heh. Yep. Like Michael Chase said, it's like 'It's a Wonderful Life' but in
reverse.

 > Turning away from a boiling pot, Kasumi looked up and smiled as she
 > noticed
 > Kachiko for the first time. "Good day, Moth... I mean Kachi. Do you
 > mind of
 > I call you Kachiko, though? I don't like being quite that informal."
 >
 > Kachiko's jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

    <snerk>  Go on, Kasumi, kill her with kindness!

Irony. Isn't it ironic?

 > Kasumi moved the pot off the burner and grabbed a ladle. She dipped it

in

 > and pulled it up next to her face, blowing on the contents for a moment
 > before sampling it. Shaking her head, she returned the pot to the

burner.

    Now, I know *nothing* about Japanese cooking, but *every* time I see a
cook in anime taste-test something, it seems like they always make sure
to use a small tasting dish, so that their lips never touch anything
that's touching the cooking.  But take that for what it's worth.

Hmm. Hadn't thought of that. This is true.

 > fun, though I'll be having much less to drink. I'm still not good at
 > knowing
 > which places are fun to dance at, so I'll have to let you choose, but

I'd

 > really look forward to it."

    Kasumi-chan, Polite and Proper Party Animal.  I'd pay to see that...

She was mostly when she went out drinking.

 > Her vision blurred as her eyes started to tear up. She pointed her face
 > downward as she walked, trying to get control of herself before she
 > started
 > bawling and had everyone worrying over her. That was why she was caught
 > off-guard and slammed into something that was soft on the outside, but
 > had a
 > firmness to it like rock underneath. Off-balance, she started to fall

    First I thought that was Ranma...

Nope. Someone else to tell her he's over her and better for it.

 >
 > Kachiko looked up into the face of the man who held her. Good. It was

the

 > creepy old guy. Now that he had her in his embrace, he'd go into his

    ...but it works for Soun, too.  Always easy to forget that he's a
world-class Martial Artist himself.

He just kicked ass two chapters ago. Now how often does that happen?

 > to make

 > her relieved she was going back, save for the fact she was destined to
 > end
 > up in his arms again, even if she still couldn't fathom the how of it.

    "Heck with it.  Take me now, geezer!  Maybe your younger self will

seem

studly by comparison."

Heh

 > "Uh, yeah," she said, wondering why he was so behaving so subdued. Had
 > someone tranquilized him?

    Now *there's* a thought.  I'd suggest something for treating
manic-depressiveness, though.

Getting a life works even better than a drug. :)

 > normal self was even weirder than Nabiki acting touchy-feely and
 > Kasumi not
 > ranting about her being 'Mother' and trying to turn her into a

housewife.

    She hasn't been paying attention very well, has she?

Nope. She is mostly self-centered. Like most teenagers, when you think about
it. :)

 > on a distant gleam. "It is nice dating again after all these years.
 > I'm not
 > as rusty as I used to be." The brief trip down memory lane stopped as

    A trip down mammary-- I mean, MEMORY lane that doesn't trip over

Kachi.

  Oooh, boy, Soun's finally getting over her.
    Uh, Hinako, the "mammary lane" thing was a PUN.  Okay?  Put the coin
down...

Heh.

 > pestering that had been their trademarks for so long. She damned them

for

 > their understanding at a time when she wanted their ire. Now she felt
 > worse
 > than ever.

    How DARE you be good to me?!?

At least now.

 > Radiating an aura of depression that rivaled the terror Soun's demon

head

 > attack could generate, Kachiko trudged toward her room. She was almost

    At this rate she may re-invent the SSH independently...

She'll be taking a different course of action to end her suffering.

 > The matriarch of the Saotome clan stood before the shorter girl,

bringing

 > all of her regal mien to bear. "While I am... not totally displeased
 > at your
 > continued survival,

    Call the newspapers!

It is a backhanded compliment. It's the best attempt at being civil Nodoka
can muster.

 >let me assure you that I will never allow you to
 > endanger my son again, you annoying little trollop."

    I suppose *technically* one could link the blame that way, as a

second-

or third-order effect.

Yep, and she's being a protective mother.

 > A confused Nodoka was left behind, muscles in her face twitching
 > uncontrollably at her threat having the opposite of its intended
 > reaction.
 > She spun on her heel, intent on finding her husband and complaining to
 > him
 > about the little brat's intolerable behavior.

    And Kachi gets a little (inadvertant) payback.

Although in this case she doesn't want any payback since Nodoka did her a
favor by being her normal self.

 > He rolled over for the fifth time in as many minutes. This was
 > useless. Rest
 > proved as elusive as Azusa Shiratori on roller skates. Ranma threw off

    What an image.

She'd be quick.

 > his
 > covers and rose to his feet, regardless of the time, intent on

demanding

 > Kachiko tell him what was bothering her. Only together could they bear
 > the
 > burden that would break them should they try to bear it individually.

    For Ranma, this is downright insightful, for something concerning
emotional burdens.

True.

 > denizens of the house, he found  the doorknob turned easily in his

grip.

 > Rather than opening it slowly, and producing a long, excruciating

squeak

 > from infrequently oiled hinges, he thrust the door open, then slid

    That works, although the displaced air makes problems of its own.
    Who, me?  No, I've never done much sneaking around in houses at night.
  Why do you ask?

I don't. And have no intention of doing so. :)

 > Kachiko Tendou sat cross-legged in the middle of the dojo floor. The

cool

 > feel of wood caressing her bottom

    Akane:  FLOOR NO HENTAI!   <WHAM!>
    C'mon, you have to admit that's an *odd* turn of phrase.

Was trying to be flowery.

 > stood in stark contrast to the heat she
 > felt coming from her body. She absorbed her surroundings. The wooden

    Didn't know she was "Crusher" Creel's daughter.

Heh.

 > rather than the prolonged agony of disembowelment. True, there was a
 > chance
 > the blow might not be fatal, but she had confidence in her strength of
 > arm
 > and steady aim.

    <shudder>

well, it is one solution, sort of.

 > move him a centimeter. Luckily, the battle didn't last long, as though
 > Kachiko had no desire to win in the first place. She quickly gave up

the

 > struggle, going limp in his arms and releasing a mantra of deep

throated

 > sobs.

    Mantra?  Hm...  Maybe torrent?

I think mantra works better since it's the same thing over and over again in
the same tone of voice.

    Otherwise, this works very nicely.  Very high pucker factor.

Thanks. Now for a moment of seriousness.

 > "No! If you kill yourself, you won't have any future at all," Ranma
 > angrily
 > retorted.

    Totally true, and utterly ironic, in context.

Yep.

 > situation, but he had an idea of what she was talking about. He did

 > the only
 > thing he could do. His arms wrapped around her more firmly, and he
 > held her
 > nearly limp form close to his body.

    When in doubt, go with loyalty.

It rarely hurts, it's true.

 > "Don't worry. I'll be at your side the entire time. I won't leave you

for

 > nothing, no matter what."

    And since this a a Ranma fic, someone (Akane) just *had* to hear that
last bit out of context...

Yep. It would be too easy otherwise.

    The worst part is, that's a promise he *can't* keep... and he may

never

know that he broke it.

We'll see.

 > Her luck held true as she arrived just in time to see Ranma embracing
 > Kachiko and swear his oath. It was the sort of thing he would have
 > done for
 > Akane, at least before Kachiko had appeared and stolen him away before
 > Akane
 > knew there was anything wrong.

    There are none so blind...

Seeing what you want (or fear). Most people do it, myself included.

 > not with a bang, but with a whimper in the form of a quiet vow made by
 > Ranma. He always kept his vows, save the one he had made to Akane at
 > Mount
 > Phoenix. He had turned his back on that one fast enough. But then,
 > everyone
 > always said love was a fleeting thing. It was just proof that adage was
 > true.

    Oh, Akane, open your eyes.  Ranma may be terrible at expressing how he
feels, but you're just as bad at *seeing* what he does show.

Yep. Makes for good conflict.

 >  > All of

 > it because of one hastily worded wish that she never wanted to make in
 > the
 > first place.

    Oh, she wanted to wish her mother back (however inadvertant the actual
wish was).  She just wanted her back on *Akane's* terms.

But don't we all want things to be on our terms? It makes things more fun.
Besides, I have to tie the title in there somewhere.

 > that did
 > not last long as the top of it slowed, coalescing. The upper half

become

 > solidified, changing into an almost human form, while the lower half
 > remained a cloud of mist hovering above the floor.

    I'll admit, I never saw this coming.

There really wasn't much of a way to tip off how it would end, other than
Kachi maybe going back. But I knew this was coming once I came up with the
beginning and how to execute the idea.

 >  > "I didn't tell you to come back," Akane insisted, a fear blossoming in

 > her
 > chest. A hope blossoming in her chest.

    Nice dichotomy.  Just as an alternative:
    "An icy fear settling in her stomach, a tremulous hope blossiming in
her chest."

Will use

  > VERY

 > WISH ITSELF BY HE WHO SCRIBED THE WISH. DID YOU NOT WONDER WHY ONE

WOULD

 > CREATE A WISH, YET NOT USE IT? WHY BIND IT TO PARCHMENT ONLY TO BE
 > USED BY
 > ANOTHER?"

    Extreme generosity?

Yeah, right.

    No, I suspect that this wish, while not a Monkey's Paw, was
deliberately designed to give the wisher something other than what they
wanted.  Maybe... something they need?

You hit the nail on the head on what the rest of the title is. Congrats. :)

 > "I hadn't thought of that," Akane admitted. It was Happosai who had it

in

 > his possession, not her. She had just accepted the opportunity
 > presented to
 > her, and screwed it up in the worst way possible.

    I doubt Happi wrote it, though.

She didnt' think that, just that he had the thing.

 > "HE DID IN FACT USE ONE, EVEN AS YOU HAVE USED YOURS, AND THOSE THAT

CAME

 > INTO POSSESSION OF THE OTHER SCROLLS USED THEIRS. HOWEVER, HE LEARNED,
 > MUCH
 > TO HIS ETERNAL SORROW, THAT THE THINGS WE WISH FOR ARE RARELY THE
 > THINGS WE
 > TRULY NEED... OR EVEN WANT."

    I call quibble.  While that may be true in general, Akane really *did*
want her mother back, even if she worded it poorly.  And it's hard to
argue that not having had to grow up without her mother is something she
(and the entire family) *didn't* need.

Heh. You know, just to be different, I did have an outline done up a long
time ago where the Tendou mother never died, and the girls, for the most
part, were worse off for it. Kasumi rebelled big time when she hit her
teenage years and became the opposite of her mother. Nabiki became guy
hungry instead of money hungry, and uses them worse than ever, and Akane
gave up martial arts to please her mother. But it didn't seem to be that
interesting an idea once it was fleshed out, Still, it was a way to go
against the grain.

 > belong. Kasumi would act like her old self. Nabiki wouldn't be siding
 > against Akane. Their father wouldn't be pursuing Hinako and the teacher
 > wouldn't become the girls' stepmother. Ranma would love Akane like he

had

 > before. And Kachiko could go back to...
 >
 > ....Back to being dead.

    Yeah, there's that little sticking point.

Yep. And is it a doozy.

    Like I said, I never saw this coming, but I suppose it was

Dramatically

Inevitable that this would all come back to Akane, the one person who
didn't gain anything from Kachi's presence.

At least, not on the surface. Akane has come to grips with her feelings
towards Ranma and is more open about it. Unfortunately, her timing is off
and he wants to take it easy for a while. Of course, this happens in
relationships where one person wants to move things forward and the other
likes them where they are. Just another form of conflict.

 Nabiki loosened up a bit,

Kasumi's good-housewife prison has cracks in it, and Soun is finally
discovering that there may be Life After Kachi after all.  But all those
changes are *bad* things from Akane's POV, and for her Kachi has done
nothing but make her life *worse* than it was before.  Akane's the only
Tendo who hasn't learned a darn thing through this whole mess.
    But she's got one chance left...

You'll see. In the epilogue. :)

 > events to
 > unfold the way they were meant to. The way they already had. The

natural

 > order would be restored. That wouldn't be wrong, would it? Interfering
 > with
 > destiny was what had been wrong, wasn't it?

    Yeah.  Right.

Rationalization. If it works well for you, you can do anything.

 > "Can't I just get a second wish, or rephrase it?" Akane all but

pleaded.

    "I swear I'll get it right *this* time!"

Heh

 > arts, or even for the weather to be clear. Had any of those happened,

she

 > wouldn't have had to deal with this hell she had been thrown into. She
 > wouldn't have to consider such an unpleasant decision that would haunt
 > her
 > for the rest of her life.

    Yeah, sure.  I'd like a peek into one of *those* alt-unis.

People have done most of them at one time or another, I think. Even this
basic idea was done before. But it was executed so horribly, my mind
considered what I'd do to make it 'better' and this was what I came up with.

 > Again Akane began grasping for another way out of the dilemma. "What
 > happens
 > if she goes back? Will it change the present or something?"
 >
 > "ALL WILL BE AS IT IS NOW."

    Oracular, much?

Simple answers. People can read so much into them. :)

 >
 > "ALL WILL BE AS IT IS NOW."

    That's not an answer.  For one thing, define "NOW."  Now-now, or
now-asit-would-have-been.
    Call me paranoid, but I think Genie-boy's being very deliberately

vague

here.

It is the nature of such things.

 > Again, she was denied having the matter taken out of her hands. In a
 > voice
 > so soft it was barely audible, she asked, "If I make the wish go away,
 > will
 > I... will everyone remember what happened?"

    I know it sucks, Akane, but quit trying to duck the responsibility.

I try to do it all the time. Sometimes I succeed, and it makes me happier.

 > "WHAT HAS HAPPENED WAS REAL. WHETHER OR NOT YOU REMEMBER IS
 > IRRELEVENT. IF
 > YOU UNMAKE THE WISH, YOU UNMAKE IT. THAT IS REAL. IF YOU LEAVE THE
 > WISH AS
 > IT IS, THAT IS REAL, TOO."

    Which *still* says nothing.  I smell a rat.

Or it's just what it says. It doesn't matter if you remember the choices
you've made, since you've still made them.

 > He was correct. She didn't want to admit it, but was unable to deny
 > it. Even
 > if she couldn't remember, she still would have been responsible for her
 > actions and the effect they had. It was what Akane was afraid of. It

was

 > everything she had wished for, but didn't want to face. It would solve
 > all
 > of her problems, but in the worst way possible.

    Yeah.  She's finally up against it.

yep

 >
 > "TIME IS USELESS TO YOU NOW. YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU MUST DO," the
 > being
 > said simply.

    I suppose so. Assuming she's learned what she needed to learn.

Meaning she knows what she has to do now.

 > And Akane felt the truth of his words. Deep in her heart, she knew
 > what she
 > had to do. She had simply wanted to postpone the choice forever, so she
 > wouldn't have to deal with the burden placed upon her by the decision.
 > But
 > there was no time. She had to say it aloud to make it true, and live

with

 > the consequences for now until the end of time.

    Of course, if no-one remembers it, and it never actually happened, are
you still responsible?
    Time-travel ethics give me a headache...

Yep.

 > her own sake and hers alone, since she would bear sole responsibility

for

 > everything that had happened and would happen from that moment onward.

    "I don't believe in the no-win scenario."
    "YOU ARE NOT CAPTAIN KIRK.  NOW CHOOSE."

Heh.

 > Voice heavy with regret, Akane said with a tone of finality, "Very
 > well. I
 > want you to--
 >
 > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    <blink>  AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
    DB, you cliffhanging sonnava--!   GAH!

Yep. I like being evil.

 > [END CHAPTER] Only the epilogue to go.

    <grump>  Okay, fine, I'll wait.  <grump>

Just need to hear from one more person, then it'll pop up.

Thanks for all the help. It's really appreciated. It's been very beneficial.

DB Sommer




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