Nice to see somebody writing a sequel to PoE. Not sure where you're
going with this, though, but I'll be on the lookout for the next part.

Most of my comments below are purely technical.

Jeremy Bennett wrote:

Disclaimer: "This story is written with the permission of Brian Randall

(that pretentious sot), and is in keeping with, but not 
part 	of the PoE continuity.  Fnord."
(He told me to, mammy!)

Real Disclaimer:  PoE and all it's assoiated plot are written by Brian 
Randall.  All other disclaimers apply to Rumiko Takahashi/Viz
 

Spelling/grammar: That "it's" should be an "its". "associated", not 
"assoicated"

Content: You might want to copy Brian's disclaimer as well. You don't HAVE
any Takahashi characters mentioned by name in this portion, but you do have
Tenchi Muyo characters mentioned by name (and you haven't disclaimed them).

Process of Elimination: Recovery

	It had taken nearly thirty long years to reach down through the 
ice, and the cold to reach the core.  It had taken skill, and long 
 

That first comma shouldn't be there. Or if you must have it,
add another after "cold". ("The cold to reach the core" doesn't
mean anything.)

suffering, and technology -- but now, through the ultra-clear ice, they

could see two shapes, both men, one, gravely beautiful in his 
 

Suggest period after "both men", and starting a second sentence with 
"One was".

magnificence and power.  With his eyes closed in slumber, and an aura 
of peace and contentment slowly pulsing around round him, they could 
 

"around round"? redundant

see why some called him a god.  He was in a state of deep hibernation, 
 

I'd end that sentence with "hibernation".

unable to die, he rested until the world thawed, and lived again.  
 

"Unable to die, he rested until the world's thaw, when he would live again."

Technicians would take him to a specialized orbital array, and from 
there he would be transported to the Terra II where his people would 
take custody of his care. 

	The body of the other man, the primary focus of coming to this 
place, was sitting, arms held across his chest, eyes closed, perfected 
 

"perfectly", not "perfected"

preserved from the extreme sudden cold that the body was subjected to. 
 

"the body had been subjected to" (Or, if you want to be really pedantic, 
"..cold to which the
body had been subjected."

His jet-black bodysuit had protected him from the worst of the ice, but

his face had been deeply lined by the   Everyone knew he would not 
 

"lined by the ..."? Lined by what?

awaken, no matter how much the people who loved him wished it.  The ice

had made his death quick and painless, but it was a comfort born with 
the understanding that it had to be this way.  All knew what
he had given for their safety. His Father, his family, his very 
humanity, and in the end, he had to given his very life for this world.
 

"had given", not "had to given"

Content point: the "everyone knew he would not awaken". Then why did 
they bother
spending thirty years drilling down through twenty-five miles of ice? 
More to the point,
how certain can they be of this? It's an S-F convention that death from 
a very fast
freezing process might be reversible, and some, at least, of the 
migrated humans know
something about Washuu, others know something about Juraian tech. I'd 
think that
the determination to do this drilling would be _because_ they had some 
hope of reviving
Ranma.

Perhaps the cruelest of all, outside of the people who were there on 
that dark day, was that no one outside of the court and a few that had 
been there to see the Freeze, of his sacrifice.  
 

"knew of his sacrifice" Otherwise this sentence lacks a main verb.

	Some had argued against removing him from here, stating that 
doing so was to remove something vital from the soul of the sleeping 
planet, and to demean his sacrifice for it.  They were very convincing 
arguments, yes, but the vast majority of the people, the children who 
he had saved, the adults and people who had loved him, giving him the 
burial he deserved was more important.

There's a bit of a contradiction between the paragraph above, "no one... 
knew of
his sacrifice" and the "vast majority" line in the immediate paragraph 
above. I think
I know what you're trying to say, but IMO it's not phrased very clearly, 
and risks
confusing readers.

 In the end, it was three young 
women's impassioned statements that had changed the vote.  So now, here

they were again, on their home planet, twenty-five miles of ice above 
 

There's a plausibility point here (which you can fix easily enough with some
additional technobabble): twenty-five miles of ice is NOT going to behave
like a solid at the bottom; cave-ins, avalances, or simple flow, under that
weight (like a glacier), will strongly tend to close this tunnel. How 
are they
keeping the tunnel open?

their heads, slowly cutting with specialized plasma lasers a chunk of 
ice ten meters tall, five meters wide, and five meters thick to remove 
the body.  A fine patina of crystal could be seen around the body, the 
remains of crystals that had been used to spark off the Freeze 
surrounding the body.  The block, once free from the confines of the 
ice, was teleported to a waiting ship, the first ship that had been 
built on Terra II by human hands, and lowered into a special magnetic 
bottle that kept the body and the ice at the proper temperature to 
prevent any thawing.  The ship then began the trip back to, for now, 
was 
home.  
 

Suggest "..back to that planet that was, for now, home."

*****

	The ship landed with a quiet whoosh on the bare field near the 
Crypt.  From here, four men, all middle aged, slowly brought the small
maglev sled down the ramp.  It was a quiet moment, to see the great icy

block touch the sunlight of a strange world.  The few people who were 
there, some bearing children on their hips, others running hands 
through hair that was starting to show the first traces of gray, wept 
silently.

And here you're back to "few people". Reminder: a "few people" can't 
sustain the funding
that this project required for thirty years. This was a BIG project. And 
only a few
people were interested in its outcome?

 As the procession moved down the short distance to the large

gray building, roses, the first versions that could survive in this 
strange soil, were tossed ahead of the men.

	The men stopped for just a moment in front of three women, 
pausing for a moment, each of them laid a single rose below the block 
of ice. red, blue, and purple, each signified something different.  
 

Suggest ending sentence one with "pausing for a moment." Then start second
sentence with "Each of them..." Third sentence should be "Red 
(capitalized), blue,
and purple: each shade carried a different meaning."

Some saw the passion that burned, the friendship that yearned, and the 
love that was forever.  Filing in behind the procession, the small band

followed the icy tomb into the darkened doors of the Crypt.

*****

	The redhead moved through the darkness at the edge of the 
tomb.  She had not arrived with the ship, nor had she wanted to.  She 
had arrived later, on his ship.

??? I'm confused. Who "his"?

 She had not wanted to see the people 
that were part of his life before her.  They were not a part of what 
she had made him into.  They had not prodded him into the fate that had

befallen him.  Her sin was great.  She could not seek forgivness from 
anyone, not even her sisters.

"her sisters" confuses me here. As I recall, PoE featured "Evil Tokimi", 
opposed to Washuu
and Tsunami and standing for or in favor of widespread death. So why 
would Tokimi
even cross Washuu's mind?

(Given how the third TM! OAV is shaping up, and some of the rumors about 
where it'll
end up [the ones about Noike and Tokimi], I wonder if "Evil Tokimi" will 
soon be
regarded the way "Evil Cologne" is usually regarded these days. Or maybe 
it'll
even be regarded as worse.)

 She was the cause of so much pain, so 
much death, and she was atoning the only way she knew.  Moving from 
place to place, finding the darkness that infected worlds, she stamped 
it out, one at a time�

She was interuptted by a glow near closed door.  The glow 
 

"interrupted" "near the closed door".

manifested itself into a young woman, perhaps twenty, with a long 
blonde ponytail that reached near the end of her knees.  She was 
 

"blonde" ? Since when? Don't you mean "light blue"?

beatiful in her own right, her ruby eyes scanning the room until they 
 

I suspect you mean "beautiful"; if "beatiful" is really a word at all, it
would mean something similar to "sanctified".

rested on the redhead.

"Wash�" she began, pleased to see her sister
 

Missing a period at the end of the sentence.

Also, from the above line you seem to be using a lot of ellipses, which
have been converted to the Microsoft-only three-ellipse single character,
which not all mail reading programs will be able to handle. IN at least some
of these places where you use ellipses, IMO you shouldn't be.

"Stop there, Tsunami�  I don't need your grief.  I have more than 
enough of my own."  Washuu responded shortly.
 

my own," Washuu responded shortly. [Using "responded" means that you 
need the
comma reather than the period at the end of the quote.]

"I did not come to console you, I just sensed your presense, and 
 

Suggest period after "console you" and starting a second sentence with 
"I just".

thought this would be the only reason for you to be here�"

"You thought wrong.  Please, let me be.  I just need some time�"

"As you wish, Washuu.  You know how to find me, if you need me�"

"Goodbye, Sasami�"

As Tsunami/Sasami left the room, Washuu walked up to the ice that 
seperated her and Ranma, and for just a moment touched her forehead to 
 

(SP) "separated" and suggest "separated Ranma from her"

the ice.  A small flash, a memory perhaps, flashed for a moment before 
her eyes.  Without another word, Washuu turned and walked out the door,

without looking back.


 

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