First comment, since it'll be fairly quick to do: do a search-and-replace
for "gaurd" - it should be "guard". Make sure to uncheck any "whole word"
setting, as there's about 20 occurrences...

Winter had come to Seyrun. With icy fingers, it had taken the city and
seemed to be torn between choking the city and giving it a break.
Tonight, the sky was clear and the stars shone brightly, diamonds set
in blue-black velvet.

Sighing, Princess Amelia Wil Tesla Seyrun, Ruler of Seyrun, Champion of
Justice, Captain of the Western Islands, Governor of the Brodaboon
Territories, and Boon Companion to Lina Inverse, the Dragon Slayer
slapped her hand against the leaded glass. "They don't respect me," she
said softly. "I don't know how father did it." Amelia was tall and
sender, with short ebony black hair and icy-blue eyes, her body having
finally made good on the promises of her youth. Under her robe, the
slender body was hard muscle, steel sinews forged from a decade of
walking back and forth across the continent. Even here in her rooms, a
sword was belted at her waist and a knife was in her boot. Only a fool
relied totally one one weapon and Amelia had stopped being a fool a few
years ago. She had another reason for the weapons as well. She was a
month pregnant and her magic would be unreliable for the length of the
pregnancy.

I'm not sure how well this fits with what we learn about Lina, later.

Amelia turned away from the window and snatched the crown from the
table. "He didn't have half the problems I do!" Amelia shouted.
"Gunpowder, there's that whole d--dem--" She paused, groping for the
word and failed. "Goverment by the people thing and on top of that,
there's those...Cephid cultists cropping up by the handful. I could

I'm not sure I want to harp on names if I can't get it right myself, but I
*think* a more correct spelling for the Dragongod is "Ceipheed". 

Dawn poured through the windows of the council chamber and onto the
Round Table, a huge stump from a tree that had been treated with a
preservation spell and placed there when the room had been built.
Carved into the table was a map of Seyrun and around the table were
twelve chairs. One for Amelia, seven for her advisers, and five for
visitors or guests. None of the chairs were higher then the others
signifying that at this table, the lowliest peasant was eqaul to the
highest noble. Indeed the only sign of rank was that Amelia's chair was
slightly larger and more comfortable then the others. A subtle reminder
that while all were eqaul, it was at Amelia's pleasure that they
served. Zelgadis sat at her left, while Sir Edmund, the head of the
Royal Bodygaurd, sat at her right. The rest of the council sat where
they could. Opposite Amelia, an elderly man in sorcerer's robes sat, an
aged hand gripping the wooden staff he held.

Another case of repetated transposition: eqaul/equal. Also, isn't this
lifted from one of the Arthur stories? Not that it matters...

 

"The scrying pools tell us nothing, Princess," the elderly sorcerer
said. "We only know that something in Thromkir Valley is sending out
some type of energy we cannot penetrate."

"A man heading home from a tavern on Rose Street said he saw something
streak out of the sky and towards the west," the commander of the city
gaurd offered.

"Thromkir Valley is a league or so west of Seyrun," Zelgadis noted.

"Unfortnutly," the elderly sorcerer continued, "The blizzard from two

Unfortunately.

days ago snowed in the pass that leads to Thromkir. Until it's melted,
or at the very least, the weather has cleared enough to permit raywing,
there's no way to get there."

Amelia frowned. Thromkir was a large, verdant valley in the middle of
the mountains that escaped the worst of the winter snows. Travelers
used it to wait out the winter if they were caught in the pass. It was
hilly country, mostly open grassland. "I don't like something that can
block a scrying pool that close to Seyrun," she said out loud. "We have
to get into Thromkir."

"That's impossible, your highness," said Sir Edmund, who was aslo the

aslo/also

chief of Seyrun's military. "No man could get through the snows at this
time of year."

"I can," Zelgadis said softly.

"Madness!" Exclaimed another counciler. "You'd freeze to death before

Councilor.

He then turned his thoughts outward. Zelgadis practiced Shamanistic
magic, calling on the world around him, the four elements, and animal
totems and spirits. As a warrior, he had also developed a certain
empathy for his immedite surroundings. You could feel it when you were

Immediate.

in danger.

The gate gaurd, wrapped in a food-stained green cloak, staggered out
from the gaurdhouse, a rusty pike in hand. "I'll need your name," he
said in a rusty voice thick with drink.

If I were the commander, I'd have this man hung.

 

The shorter of the travelers regarded the gaurd for a moment and then a
small hand covered by a gray glove emerged from the cloak. A strange
ornament adorned the wrist and on the finger was a heavy signet ring
that identified the bearer as one of Seyrun's nobles.

"Your Grace," the gaurd said. eyes widening. "I didn't know. Is there

Switch the first period for another comma.

anything I can do for you?" The figure said nothing, but the gaurd had
a feeling that he was being stared at the way someone looks at a bug.
Hurriedly, he opened the gate and the two travelers entered and the
gate shut behind them.

****

In a flash, Amelia was a across the room and opening the door. Standing
there was a short woman who's red hair was streaked with gray and her
eyes held that slightly dead look of someone who had seen more of the
dark side of existance then anyone should. She wore a red tunic, pants
and gray boots. Her wrists, collar, and belt were adorned with red
jewels and a rapier was at her hip. Her cloak was black. Her companion
was a tall man with long blond hair and a slightly vacant expression. A
heavy sword was at his waist and he wore a blue jumpsuit with shoulder
and thigh armor over it. He too wore a black cloak.

Ok, if Lina's hair has enough gray in it to be called "streaked", and Amelia
is pregnant, then either Amelia is very old for a first time mother, or the
black magic has been messing with Lina's aging, considering that they're at
most a year apart in age according to the TV series. Me, I'm guessing it's a
little of both, considering the previous comments...
 

"Lina, Gourry," Amelia said with a smile. "Come in, have you eaten yet?"

"No," Gourry said automatically.

"I'm fine," Lina said.

Yup, something's up with Lina... Normally, Lina would never have turned down
food...

 

"Please bring drinks for myself and Lady Inverse," Amelia said to the
servant. "A five course meal for Sir Gabriev." She paused. "Extra large
portions."

At least, this hasn't changed.

 

"Yes, Highness," the servant said with a bow.

"Thank you," Amelia said. "Could you have Sendar come here, please?"

"Certainly."

"Sendar?" Lina asked.

"My chief of staff," Amelia said.

And the soul of practicality, I'll bet...

 

A few moments later, the door opened and a tall man with closely
cropped steel gray hair entered. "Sire?"

"Call an emergency meeting of my council," Amelia said. "and invite the
guild heads. Seyrun may be going to war."

If Sendar was surprised, he gave no sign. "Very good, Sire. But may I
suggest that you wait until tomorrow morning? It is already late and it
will take time to dispatch messengers and more time for their
recipiecents to come to the palace. They, and you, should be fresh."

Recipients. And I was right...

 

Amelia frowned. Sendar was right, damnit. "Very well. Send the
messengers to all council members and nobles currently in the city,
along with the Guild heads and Heads of the Orders. We meet at dawn."

****

"Zelgadisgreywords, welcome." The voice was nothing like Zelgadis had

I'm guessing that this is intentional - a mixup in communications.

ever heard. It was deep, authoritive, with a strange timbere to it, as
though it came from a machine. "My name is Khadgar."

I read this part too quickly first time through, and thought I was on to
something when the name came up... Lina would've liked to meet the original
Khadgar.

The cone of light vanished and then room lit up. Zelgadis' sword and
dagger lay on a metal desk not ten feet away. Seated behind that desk
was Khadgar.

A very interesting proposition, considering that his knees bend the other
way....

 

Zelgadis raised an eybrow.

"I see what you mean," he said as calmly as he could.

Has Zelgadis ever been rattled?
 

*************
"They are only that way because Wes got drunk and surrendered to my
grandmother's personal gaurd, the commander of which was too stupid to
refuse," Amelia said. "Then there was the small matter of Wes having
dismissed his council a week previous, and then falling down the stairs
and breaking his neck. That was, of course, after he drunkenly stripped
every noble in Brodaboon of their noble status because he thought they
were invaders from 'beyond the stars'."

Interesting coincidence, this - all of it...

 

"There is still nothing to worry about," Jerwell said dimissivly.

Dismissively.

Amelia opened her mouth to reply when the doors slammed open and a
guard rushed in, his face an expression of terror and shock.

Oooh, it got spelled right for the first time in this fic...

 

"Highness!" he gasped out. "I--"

"That will be all," Zelgadis said as he strode through the doors
followed by three very tall figures dressed in full robes with deep
cowls. Something about the way the figures moved set off warning bells
in Amelia's brain and she found her hand moving towards her sword. The
figures weren't human.

"Zel?" Lina asked. "Who're your friends?"

One of the figures stepped forward and a hand emerged from it's sleeve.
It was gray in color, four fingers and definitely unlike anything

Maybe there should be a "had" between color and four.

Amelia had ever seen. The hand pulled the cowl down, revealing an alien
face. It was long and narrow, with glowing eyes of blue white. There
was no visible nose or mouth.

"Matriarch," it said to Amelia. "I have come to ask for your help. Beg
for it if need be. I am Executor Khadgar of the Protoss Templar. My
people are dying and I will do any task, pay any price to save them."

Yup, I got the wrong game the first time around. I still would have liked to
see a discussion between the Wizard Khadgar from Beyond the Dark Portal and
Lina, though....


I'm looking forward to seeing more of this!

SP


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