On 8 Mar 2004, at 10:47, Gallagher Peter wrote:
Dialect: When in Nerima
"Text" is in Japanese
<Text> is in a foreign language
[Text] is written words (Including panda signs)
When in the world of the Wheel of Time
"Text" is in Common
<Text> is most likely in Japanese
[Text] is written words.
This is depreciated. While notation like this may have been necessary
in the era of script fics, when you're using prose, it's just a sign of
laziness. If it's really important for us to know what language is
being used, work it into the narrative.
Timeline: for Ranma: a little bit after the failed
wedding (See scene changes)
For Wheel of Time: Book 1
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Wheel of Time
belongs to Robert Jordan, and
any other series mentioned belong to their respective
authors. This is my second fic.
Enjoy.
Never read WoT, since I'm not willing to make the time investment, so
we'll see.
**************************
1/2 an Age
By Ellfangor8 (Ellf)
**************************
Chapter 1
"The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass,
leaving memories that become
legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long
forgotten when the Age that gave it
birth comes again" -quote from the Wheel of Time
novels.
Nekohanten. One month after the failed wedding, Six
weeks after Jusendo
Cologne looked wearily around her restaurant. Sighing
loudly she began to think about
what her great-granddaughter had done. Her thoughts
were interrupted when said great-
granddaughter walked through the front door after
making a delivery.
"Nihau, Great-grandmother, Is any more deliveries
yet?" Shampoo cheerfully said.
Minor note here: why wouldn't Shampoo speak her native language
(whatever it is; likely NOT Manderin) when she's alone with Cologne?
You'd think she'd want to at least *sound* intelligent.
"No Shampoo, I'm sorry." Cologne said gloomily.
"Can Shampoo have rest of day off? Want go see Airen,
yes."
"No, go help Mousse with the cleaning!" Cologne
snapped.
"But Mousse not here."
"I said go!" as Cologne gave Shampoo a rap on the head
with her staff.
"Ite, Okay Shampoo is going."
As Shampoo headed into the back, a young man in white
robes wearing thick glasses
above his head walked over to the counter and
addressed the chair.
"Here's the mail Honored Elder." Mousse said.
"Put your glasses on boy." Cologne said to Mousse as
well as tapping him on the
shoulder.
"Oh, there you are, for a second I had thought you had
gotten taller. Ouch what was
that for you old mummy. Ouch!"
"That was for the crack about my height, and then the
crack about my appearance. I'll
take that now." Cologne said smugly. "Now go help
Shampoo in back with the cleaning!"
"Of course." Mousse said as he headed back to help.
"Oh my darling Shampoo I've come
to help with the cleaning"
A banging sound came from the back followed by a
quack.
"Stupid duck-boy now look what you make Shampoo do. I
heat up water and then you
clean up mess."
Cologne seemed to have cheered up a bit, somehow
releasing her tensions on Mousse had
done that, and then followed by Mousse's predicament
with Shampoo she was, well, not
positively giddy, but somewhat close. At least until
she found the letter.
The letter itself was nothing really to describe, just
really a letter written on the front in
kanji for the addressing, but when it was opened, a
whole different language was
displayed. This language was not Mandarin like some
would suspect, nor was it
Cantonese or Japanese or even English. This language
was written rather flowery and
had a different ring to it. The language in question
is of course, the common tongue of
the Age of Legends. Seeing that, Cologne's face
paled.
The letter said:
[Dear Elder Ku Lon of the Joketsuzoku,
We hope that this letter finds you in good stead, and
good tidings. We wish to
announce to you that the Kiss of Death and Kiss of
Marriage placed upon the
outsider known as Ranma Saotome have been nullified.
We of course have a
good reason for this. That reason is that Su Ga has
had a Foretelling. Her exact
words were as follows:
The Wild Horse and the Red Cloud will come to the
Dragon's aid.
Without their help the Dark Lord will not be slayed.
With their help the Dragon will survive
To get their help the Amazons must strive
The Scarlet Cloud and her wild steed,
Will save the world when it's in need.
The horse who is both female and male
Shall make the Forsaken turn pale
The Pattern shall take them in a year and a day
So train them you must do not delay.
This I foretell.
Both of the outsiders Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo
have been made into
honorary Amazons. Train them well Elder, however, do
not tell either of them
why they are doing the training. Make sure that they
do not know that the kisses
are nullified, this includes not telling Xian Pu or
Mu Tsu either.
Sincerely,
The Council of the Elders.]
Cologne crumples the letter in her hand. *A year they
say, I have a year to train them. *
"I see you got a letter too Cologne-chan."
"That I did Happy, that I did."
"So Sugar did have a foretelling then."
"I suppose if this is enough to get them to cancel the
kisses."
"You were going to do that yourself any ways."
"True Happy, but this is official because of the
Council's decision."
"So, we must train our students."
"Yes, we need to prepare them for the worst."
"Ranma has the Spark you know."
"Oh he does Happy? So does Akane. Oddly enough Ranma
has the Spark of Saidar as
well."
"What?!? That's impossible!"
"No, Happy, unless you forgot what his cursed form
is."
"So that's why I can absorb ki from her when he is a
she."
"I suppose so."
"You know Ranma's going to be able to rival Lews
Therin for power in Saidin."
"In Saidar they both will be able to rival Mierin for
power before she was turned."
"It truly is sad that Mierin was turned to support the
Dark One."
"Yes, it is Happy."
This is the classic "As you know, Bob" style of exposition, and this
particular classic should stay in the dustbin.
"Well I need to go break the news to my new students
after one last go round! See you
Catherine!"
"Farewell Jehreheim!"
Cologne went back into the kitchen and began preparing
for the dinner rush.
***********************************************************************
*
This scene is (or appears to be) copied from Robert "Kenko" Haynie's
excellent fic "Girl Days", chapter 5. I will proceed to paste in the
relevent portions of his fic.
Meanwhile at the Tendo Dojo.
"Come on Ranma, hit me!"
"Uh-uh, only if you can hit me first tomboy, and
mallets don't count."
"When you get a punch in, I will. And mallets don't count,"
retorted the cavorting Ranma. "Besides, if I do, you'll just get mad
about that!"
As Ranma continued to dodge he began to contemplate
all that had happened in the past
month and a half. He came to a decision.
"Are you sure" dodge, "you want me" block, "to hit you
Akane?"
"Yes" swing, "I'm sure" cross, "How else" kick, "will
I improve?"
"You promise you won't get mad?" He said as he dodged.
"Yes I promise!" She exclaimed.
"Alright." He said defeated, and Ranma punched Akane
in the stomach, careful to pull it
and made it just hard enough to hurt, but not hard
enough to bruise. Akane fell back, a
The punch was pulled, carefully gauged to leave no lasting injury
but to cause severe discomfort and loss of breath. Akane sat down--
hard-- and stared in shock. Ranma had HIT her.
look of pain on her face, which instantly turned to a
smile. Akane was winded by that a
little bit, but she got up and hugged Ranma right
away.
"Thank -gasp- you, -gasp- Ranma, for -urp- taking me
seriously. I need to go to the
bathroom now."
And Ranma was silenced by a pair of arms thrown around her neck
while she was drawn into a fierce hug. "You took me seriously! You
really did! Thank you! Urp."
"Akane?"
"I'm... I'm going to the bathroom for a moment. I'll be back."
As Akane left, Ranma muttered "I ain't never gonna
understand girls."
Ranma shook her head in confusion. Girls. Go fig.
When Akane was heading towards the bathroom she passed
her father.
"Ah, Akane is everything alright?" He asked, mistaking
her smile for a pained grimace.
"What's wrong, daughter?" asked Soun, mistaking Akane's smile
for a grimace. Well, actually, it was both.
"Yes Daddy, -urp-, everything's fine, Ranma just hit
me is all, isn't it great?"
Tendo-san stopped listening after the hitting comment
he ran to the dojo and went into
full-blown Demon Head mode.
"RANMA! HOW DARE YOU HIT MY LITTLE GIRL?"
"RANMA!!!" he screamed "HOW DARE YOU STRIKE MY BABY GIRL!"
Lest anyone think otherwise, there was a full blown Demon-head
accompanying that pronouncement.
Quivering, Ranma replied "Sh..sh..she asked me to
Tendo-san."
Tendo-san deflated immediately. "She did?"
"She asked me to!" protested Ranma.
"THAT'S NO EXCU-- huh?" The Demon head deflated, leaving a
rather confused Soun.
The rest of this scene diverges from Kenko's fic, as Kenko never had
anything about the WoT in there. While I admit it is possible that you
could have written this scene almost exactly like Kenko did without
ever seeing his fic, I feel it is far more likely that you copied him
without bothering to ask or even credit him for it. This is known as
plagiarism.
After this, I didn't bother to read any more of your fic. I don't know
or enjoy WoT, and I don't feel like giving my support to an author who
copies from my friend's works. The technical matters of your writing
need work, and you really need to develop a sense of style, as your
phrases are often arranged in such a way that they detract from each
other's effect. Perhaps if you focused on developing your own
originality, your own style would follow from that. I know it helped
for me.
HTH. HAND.
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