It was an honor for this humble member of the Tendo Clan to serve Japan
and our Emperor!" Kasumi stood up wobbly. "It was really nothing!"

stood up wobbily.
(or)
stood up, wobbly.

My spell checker says "wobbily" is not a real word. Not that I believe it.

It's not a real word. And "wobbly" isn't really meant to be used in that
grammatical context. Try "woozily" perhaps?

"But he won't stop crying, Nabiki!" Akane said, frustration growing.

Don't they have bigger things to worry about at this point? Aren't they
likewise concerned about Kasumi?

Yes, but their father needs to be slightly functional for them *and*
Kasumi.

Since when? The girls very rarely actually NEED Soun for ANYTHING.

Seriously, Soun comes across here as much more of a pointless buffoon
than he does in the manga. If he's going to be comic relief, at least
try to make him interesting comic relief.

Soun is a bit of a putz and he's been under a lot of stress. He's actually
backsiding here.

Akane: *WHAM* "STOP MOONING ME, DADDY!"

This was purely an intro story for the Lois & Clark: Superman Unleashed
"shared" Universe to introduce Kasumi Tendo and how she became a
super-powered (75% of Superman actually) hero for Japan.

And people used to think making Kasumi the Lord God Almighty was weird...

I'm not totally sure what you mean here. This isn't Elvis "Las Vegas"
druggie/bum/singer. This is an Elvis who managed to get elected to the
Presidency, after all.

And this automatically makes him lose every single nuance of personality he
ever had?

Good ol' boys don't sober up THAT much for anything short of a funeral.
Hell, look at Bill Clinton when HE was in office.

(Hell, look at Dubya...)

Again, these are just my suggestions. Use whatever you decide you agree
with, and best of luck with this and any other fanfics.

I appreciate the comments and grammer.

I should think you'd also appreciate the need to proofread even the most
insignificant drafts, so you don't make mistakes like "grammer" at the most
inopportune of moments. ^_-

--------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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