It's been over two months since I last published a chapter, and it
doesn't look like I'm going to have a new one anytime soon, so while I
continue to work on my stories, here's something I dredged up from a one
hour challenge quite a while ago and touched up for immediate
publication.


The Fall of Happosai
By Nidoking

    Ranma glared across the Tendo backyard at his opponent. "I hope
you're ready, old man. You've beaten me for the last time."
    "You're going to eat those words, Ranma," warned Happosai. "And I've
got a whole room full of brassieres for you to try on once I demolish
you."
    "Fat chance," retorted Ranma.
    From the safety of the house, the three Tendo girls cheered on the
brave fighters. "Go, Ranma!" shouted Akane. "You can beat him!"
    "I've got a lot of money riding on this fight, Happosai!" shouted
Nabiki. "You'd better win!"
    "Do your best, both of you!" called Kasumi.
    Akane glanced suspiciously at Nabiki. "You took bets on this fight?"
    Nabiki shrugged. "You'd be surprised at what some people will gamble
on."
    Ranma raised his arm to wipe the spit from his lips. "Want to
start?"
    "I think I'll let you have the first move," the master offered.
"It's only fitting, since you issued the challenge."
    "Fine by me," said Ranma, clenching a fist and pounding it into the
opposite palm. "Let's go!" He charged headlong at Happosai, uttering a
powerful battle cry.
    Happosai yawned. "Wake me when you regain consciousness." He
produced his favorite pipe from a fold of his gi and waved it at the
approaching martial artist. Ranma twisted around the blow, but the bowl
of the pipe still caught his ankle, sending him flying face first toward
the house, where he barreled straight into Nabiki, knocking the girl
down and taking the dining room's sliding door with him.
    Genma and Soun instantly straightened up behind the now open
doorway. "We weren't listening to the fight, Master!" Genma protested.
    "We certainly don't condone this sort of student-master
insubordination!" added Soun.
    Happosai glared angrily at his pupils. "I'll deal with you two la-"
His sentence broke off abruptly as Nabiki sat up, minus the shirt she
had been wearing, and rubbed her aching head. Happosai's eyes locked
firmly on her expensive lace bra mere seconds before his hands did.
    Nabiki's fist pressed Happosai's head firmly into the ground. "Knock
it off, pervert! Fight or no fight, NOBODY manhandles me and gets away
with it!"
    Ranma got to his feet and tossed the shirt aside. "Not giving up
yet, are you, Gramps? The fight ain't even started yet!"
    Happosai turned his evil glare on Ranma. "Oh, it's started, all
right. And now I'm going to finish it!" He leapt up to the clothesline,
grabbed a towel, and tossed it at Nabiki, who gratefully wrapped it
around herself. "No more distractions, Ranma!" he shouted as the rope
stretched to its elastic limit. When it sprang back, he let go,
propelling himself toward Ranma at blinding speed. It was all Ranma
could do to leap aside, leaving only his legs in the man's path. But
that was more than enough, as Happosai's pipe sent Ranma flying back out
the door. This time, he shot right between Kasumi's legs, taking the
bottom half of her dress with him.
    With a joyous cry of "Panties!" Happosai launched himself at
Kasumi's exposed legs, rubbing his face in her most sensitive area.
Kasumi shrieked involuntarily and smacked him to the ground, whereupon
she proceeded to stomp his head repeatedly with a firm heel.
    "No! That's simply not proper!" she admonished him as her foot beat
the lesson into his head. "We aren't even married!" With her brief
temper sated, she took a few deep breaths and ran her fingers across the
new waist-high hem of her dress. "Oh, dear. This dress is ruined! I
shall have to change before dinner." She quickly dashed through the
dining room and up the stairs to her room to regain her dignity.
    Ranma peeled the torn skirt off his face and smiled cruelly at
Happosai. "Had enough yet, old pervert?" he asked.
    "Enough of what?" Happosai retorted. "You haven't touched me yet!"
    "Haven't I?" Ranma tapped the top of his head with a finger.
    "The girls did that!" Happosai shouted furiously, tenderly rubbing
his bruised scalp. "You just got lucky a few times, that's all!"
    Ranma shrugged. "Believe what you want." He crouched into an evasive
stance as Happosai approached, spinning his pipe in preparation for a
powerful attack. This time, he leapt backward as Happosai swung, but the
pipe still clipped the buttons off his shirt before pounding him on the
chin and sending him head over heels into the koi pond.
    Ranma sat up and spat out a mouthful of water as her shirt collar
fell open, baring her naked breasts. "Getting a good view?" she asked,
raising her arms over her heads to display her mammaries to full
advantage.
    "Sweet!" cried Happosai as he pounced eagerly at the twin mountains.
Ranma's elbow caught the back of his head in mid-leap and forced him
underwater.
    "All too easy," bragged Ranma. She stood up, holding Happosai by the
scruff of his neck. "Now do you see why you can't beat me?"
    "Tricks! It's all tricks!" protested Happosai. "This isn't a real
fight!"
    Ranma shrugged. "Guess you're right." She turned around and idly
tossed Happosai over her shoulder, catching Akane completely by surprise
as the soaking wet old man bounced off her chest and landed in her lap.
The two large water spots in Akane's clothes quickly permeated the
fabric, giving it a translucent appearance that revealed the outline of
the undergarments beneath.
    Happosai whined as his hands slowly stretched up toward Akane's
chest. "Can't... resist.... Too... round... and... firm...."
    Akane's temper quickly rose to fevered intensity, a growl
culminating in the depths of her throat. "Ranma... you did this on
purpose, didn't you?!" She grabbed Happosai in a shaking hand, her
fingers gouging dents in his skull, and hurled him at Ranma with all her
might. The two heads collided, and Ranma landed on her back at the edge
of the pond, with Happosai lying across her chest.
    Dazed from the blow, Happosai felt a familiar crevice under his head
and snuggled against his erstwhile pillow. "Mmmm... so soft...." he
murmured happily.
    Ranma sat up, dumping him onto the ground. "Think again, you old
lech!" she shouted, kicking him back toward the house. Nabiki leapt to
her feet as he flew past her, but failed to keep a tight enough grip on
the towel. Her cover joined the old man on the floor of the dining room
for the brief moment it took him to regain his senses, which immediately
compelled him to leap at Nabiki's chest once again.
    Akane was on her feet in an instant to defend her sister. "You leave
Nabiki ALONE!" she shouted, slamming Happosai into the ground. He wasted
no time in squirming out from under her fist and attaching himself to
her not-entirely-opaque shirt. Akane let loose the primal growl of rage
that she'd been saving all this time and pried him off, dealing him a
swift kick that sent him into the heavens.
    Ranma shielded her eyes with her hand as she stared after him.
"Well, I guess that takes care of that. Of course, chances are good
he'll land at the Cat Caf� and take some of Shampoo's clothes with him
while he's at it."
    Nabiki crossed her arms to cover her chest until she could cross the
dining room to retrieve her shirt. "That had to be the single most
unusual fight I've ever seen," she announced.
    "What the heck happened?" asked Akane. "He seemed to be beating you,
but every time he hit you, he got distracted by one of us!"
    Ranma smiled, wringing the water from her pigtail. "It's a new
technique I just learned. It turns innocent female bystanders into
innocent, scandalously exposed female bystanders, leaving the opponent
in sexually compromising situations with every attack. And we all know
that's the old man's only weakness."
    "So you invited us to watch just so you could use this technique on
us?" Nabiki asked menacingly.
    Ranma quickly backed away. "I wanted to get Shampoo and Ukyo
instead, but having those two too close to Akane could be dangerous!"
    "So you want to see THOSE TWO naked?" Akane asked, a fiery glow
enveloping her.
    "That's not the point!" Ranma protested. "The old man's gone, and if
he comes back, all I need to do is find a crowd of girls and he'll never
be able to beat me again! Isn't that worth a little bare skin?"
    Soun and Genma intrepidly picked themselves up off the floor and
stood in the backyard, shaking their fists at the sky. "Yeah! Take that,
you has-been!" shouted Soun. "We're through cowering from you!"
    Akane left the matter at one solid punch to Ranma's jaw. "That's for
staring at my chest!"
    "So, Ranma, what do you call this new technique?" Genma asked,
interested.
    Ranma rubbed her aching jaw and produced a slightly damp book from
her back pocket. "It's not really a new technique. This book will tell
you all about it." She tossed it to Akane, who caught it and stared
critically at the cover.
    "Love Hina, volume 1?" she asked.
    "Yep," confirmed Ranma. "Just like it says, the official training
manual for the Akamatsu-Ken."

-------------------------------------------------

Love Hina is the popular manga series written by Ken Akamatsu, whose
name in Japanese order honestly sounded so much like a martial arts
technique that I just had to write this piece of drivel.



Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.

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