Hiya,

Did this come through?  I posted it a little less than a week ago, but never 
saw it come back to me... I figured the ether swallowed it up or 
something...

Great introduction, and the Akuji Ranma fight was
masterfully described, but I didn't appreciate the
DBZ-esque ending. And really there are only so many
times I can read about Ranma letting go and going all
out for real with everything he has and then getting
trounced only to get up and *really* let go this time.
It's sort of a "boy who cried wolf" thing.

<grin>  I wish I could rant and rave and disagree, but I can understand how 
it would (how it _does_) come off that way.  I'm going to tweak it a bit so 
it doesn't have quite so much of a 'powering up' feel to it...

The entire chapter after the intro was about Ranma's
battle, and while as I said, it was very well
described and I could really see what was going on and
things, there was too much of it. You break it up a
little by going back to Ranma laying in bedroom with
the mirrors, but that gets old pretty quick too. Maybe
if you cut to the other Tendos wondering what is
happening or maybe another character from one of the
organizations, that would be cool.

Yeah... actually, I'm planning on doing that, though I wanted to get this 
fight scene (the last one for some time, I assure you) out of the way before 
switching to other people.  There won't be much seen from the POV of the 
other organizations for a bit... I want to keep the reader in the dark for 
as long as Ranma and Co are in the dark; as they start to figure out what's 
going on, the reader will also get insight into what's going on in the 
background.

Just as a note, though, this isn't the entire chapter (it's roughly 1/4, I'm 
guessing) and the ending, which I fully admit is very DBZ-ish, isn't the 
ending... I just kind of arbitrarily stopped it there, to keep the post-size 
a little more reasonable.  Sorry!

I'm being more negative than this deserves probably,
its just that you set it up so well in the beginning
and I was hoping for a resounding conclusion, but then
all I got was a "to be continued"

No, negative criticism is totally welcome, and I'm glad it came off well in 
the beginning, at least.  Like I mentioned in the author's notes, I'm 
_still_ hesitant in writing action.  I think all the angst and character 
gets dumped into 'Choices', leaving the gratuitous violence for LtCF.

I'll see what I can do to tweak what's already there to make it less 'I'm 
mad... now I'm _really_ mad!... oh boy, I'm so mad now it hurts!', and bring 
the scene, at least, to a real conclusion before posting more of it.

So.. thanks for the feedback.
-Mike

e-mail: noakes_m@hotmail.com
homepage: http://www.geocities.com/noakes_m
blog!: http://noakes.blogspot.com

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