"Where are we going auntie?" Ranma asked.

Auntie is acting as a proper noun here, so should be capitalised
[dang.  At least I got it the other times. Good catch

            The redhead got her views on femininity from two main 

sources.
Her father, despite being widely discredited to her, was still a very 
large
part of her childhood. The other was her mother, a recent addition to 
her
life, but nonetheless one with considerable sway.

            From Genma she knew that girls were weak, emotional, in 

need
of protecting, lacked martial arts skill, girlish, and supposed to be 
wives
and mothers. From Nodoka's example she knew that women should be 
motivated
and driven yet always obedient to their husbands, talk in a gentle tone 
and
with kind words, be affectionate, be ladylike, and be wives and mothers.

I can see for what you did why you chose only those, but it may not be 
such
a good idea to ignore the influence and the fiancee brigade completly,
esecially Shampoo. She is both a martial artist and rather... 
aggresively
feminine as well.

[yeah, there's also that Kikuko was altering Ranko into the girl that she thought Nodoka wanted. And was also being influenced by Setsuna.

[What will happen to Ranko's personality after her little epiphany at the end of the chapter.
[I think I'll work the others in the next time she showers.

            "Remember use this shampoo every time you shower should 

use
that shampoo," Kikuko said.

Suggest either: "Remember to use this shampoo everytime you shower.

or

"Everytime you shower use this Shampoo"
[d'oh

            From the roof of another building a green haired woman 

watched
two other women leave a salon. Sailor Pluto then sighed in contentment.
  A
highly probable risk had just been negated. It was all a matter of 
placing
the right item in the right person's hand at the right time. She was 
just
amazed that things had gone off so well.

            The former martial artist was not the first risk that she 

had
neutralized nor would it be the last. Now the probability of Crystal 
Tokyo
was much better. As it was not really Ranma's fault Pluto had devised of
 a
humane way to deal with him.  Ranko will happily live out her life, and 
a
horrible cascade in the timeline will be adverted.

Ahh. The Pluto: The Manipulator interpreation.
[it was time. Hell I've already got Ranma in a seifuku, Nodoka trying to get Ranko in touch with her feminine side, and Ranma being brainwashed into thinking she was a real girl. Pluto going after him for being a threat to the future had to be put in. ^_^

[Besides in my other fic she's in the going crazy due to interference from another manipulator.

            Nodoka approved of the earrings, and Ranko went to her 

next
selection.

<sniped>

Suggest toning down the watch description to a paragraph intead of three.
It's well written, but a little much IMHO

[It is long. I'll se how much I'll cut.

            However when he was observing the contents of the redhead's

dreams, he came up with a better idea. Granted this one required him to
alter his form slightly.  There was more than a hint of irony at his 
cover.
Eris was the name of the Greek goddess of strife and chaos. Discordia 
was
the Roman name for the same goddess.

            For a Norse god of chaos to use such a name for his cover

amused him greatly.

A techinacal point. While Loki was a trickster and delighted in 
spreading
disorder and mayhem, he wasn't the God of Chaos, he was the God of Fire.

[D'oh. At least I can fix that.


[Thanks for the comments.



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