Hi,

This fic looks to be very interesting. I was worried
that you were just going to have Ranko take over
completely but it's good again now that I know Ranma's
coming back. If you continue this at all you'll
definatly have to have the fiancees and the Tendos
participate more. This has good potential anyway. 

Some things I caught:

Ranko placed her other purchases down and then
wandered around the store like a kid in a

candy-store.  >The first thing the eliminated were
rings. 

the->they

Ranko and Nodoka then picked up their purchases and
left the shopping mall. Both woman felt exhilarated

by >the day's events.

woman->women

"He's a good man, but he's got enough trouble

handling >his own children.  I'm just an extra. 
Someone they >pretend is not there all to much."

to->too. Might consider "that" instead though.

Ranko still had to take a placement test.  One that
she did adequately enough. on. 

There shouldn't be a period in front of "on." also
there is bit of time shift that's a little awkward.
Consider: "Ranko had to take a placement test too, but
she adequately enough on that."

Good looking, tall, and string he was also very witty
and funny.

I think you want "strong" instead of "string" here:-)

He will definitely show her the problems a girl with
aspirations of being a housewife can do.

will->would

"I'm going to have to fight won't I?" Sailor Phoenix
asked sourly.

This is a little awkward. Consider: "I'll have to
fight won't I?" or "I'm going to have to fight huh?"

Other than that I didn't see much wrong with the fic.
I like Loki on general principles. Pretty much
anything that mentions him raises up a notch in my
estimation. You have very excellent discriptions and
the prose flows fairly well. I have to say though,
that aside from feeling a little disturbed by Ranko's
girliness there wasn't anything that really grabbed me
until it got to the very end when Ranma came back.
Until that point there wasn't really a definate
conflict. From your intro to the fic I'm getting the
distinct vibe that you won't be continuing it. So it
kind of stinks that you left it at cliffhanger. 

Anyway, I hope I helped.

May the walruses be generous to you,
-W.B.R.

=====
http://www.geocities.com/zorukonotsu/fanfics.html
http://www.fanfiction.net/~zorknot

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