"For Those Costume Malfunctions"

             A Modest Suggestion by the Tendou Sisters
                  (along with crass commercialism)

                              as told to
                          Steven P. Cornett

     As usual, comments, complaints, grunts and loud noises to:
                         cornetts@wcoil.com

*********************************************************************

 Through the magic of spamfics, I, your humble author, take
you now to the Tendou home, where the lovely siblings of Soun Tendou,
Master of Anythings Goes Martial Arts...

 "That...that...THAT PERVERT!!!" Akane Tendou raged to the TV.

...react to the 'costume malfunction'[1] that marred the halftime 
ceremonies of Superbowl XXXVIII[2].

 "Oh my," Kasumi gasped, her delicate hand to her lips in 
shock.  "Is that something Americans are supposed to have on their
networks?"

 "Even Ranma wouldn't do such a thing!  I'd mallet him to 
orbit!!" Akane raged on.  

 "That's the spirit, Akane," Nabiki stood up and announced.

 "Huh?"

 "That's because I have just the thing to use with those 
'accidental' costume malfunctions..." she continued as, somehow, a 
big plasma screen slid into the living room behind her.  Actually, it
wasn't so much slid as pushed in by Ranma, who was paying off yet 
another Nabiki bill.

 "Allow me to introduce Nabiki Enterprises' newest product, 
the PervMaster 1000," she announced as the picture on the screen
became that of a standard subspace hammer.

 "That's *MY* subspace hammer, sister," Akane gasped.

 "Not really.  It's just the production model."

 "That's right.  Used to great effect for years in Tomobiki,
the subspace mallet is finally available to the general public, not
to mention all the fine ladies musical superstars on both sides of 
the Pacific," Nabiki promoted, using the image of the bare right
breast as her backdrop.  "And, at a great discount for our pop-
idol friends!"

 "Don't believe the effectiveness of the PervMaster 1000?
Let's give a small demonstration," Nabiki added as the image of 
Ranma on the porch appeared on the screen.  "Akane-chan, give 
the audience a demonstration."

 "Hey, what gives?  I didn't?!" Ranma sputtered before 
Akane sent him flying on a wide arc with the production subspace
mallet. 

 "Hey!  This works better than my regular one!" Akane 
exclaimed.

 "And she's not the only testimonial," Nabiki pitched.
On the screen was the image of a young high school student in the
blue and red-lined dress of Tomobiki High School.  She put a 
hand through her shoulder-length black hair before starting.

 "Before I found the PervMaster 1000, I had to beat off Ataru 
Moroboshi with the handiest desk.  Now, he flies farther, and Onsen 
Mark is pleased because the classroom doesn't need rearranging so 
often." Shinobu Miyaki spoke.  With a smile, she concluded, 
"PervMaster 1000 works for me!"

 "But you don't need to be in Nerima to take advantage of 
this offer!  Just listen to our next satisfied customer, Koari 
Makamura of Shibuya"

 "The last thing I thought I need was another hammer, but
I'm really impressed by the grip of this thing."

 "Yes," Nabiki concluded, "can you imagine the cheers from
the crowd the moment the next oversexed young boy-band singer from
a major label pairs with a nubile pop-singer and tries to disrobe
her in public, only to get knocked clear out of the ballpark?"

 With that scene played out, a picture of a video and audio
cassette appear on the screen.  "But wait," Nabiki perks up, "there's
more!"

 "With your order of the PervMaster 1000 you get the Nipple
Ring go-yen Satsu training video by none other than the master of the
technique, Hinako Nenomiya!  Imagine how surprised Justin would be to
tell someone he'll get her naked by the end of a song, only to become
too pooped to pop."

 "Yes, folks, you get all this; the Pervmaster 1000 subspace
hammer and the Nipple Ring go-yen Satsu chi-draining training video
for only 150 monthly payments of 2000 yen or $22US.  A small price
to pay for shedding that pop-idol sex-kitten image and really taking
control!"

 As the address and number display behind her, Nabiki finished
with a flourish, "Remember, order the PervMaster 1000 today.  It can
handle Ataru Moroboshi and Ryo Saeba.  It's more than a match for 
Justin Timberlake!"

 "Get yours...TODAY!"

                            FIN (SHARK)

[1] Yeah, right!
[2] Superbowl is a trademark, copyright or some such property of the 
    NFL, and thus, really, mere mortals must pay tons of tribute to 
    the league just for saying it out of turn.
Ranma belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and Viz too of course.

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